Growing Up
by Noticed Kohai
Summary: When Kana's best friend was Konoha's greatest traitor, can she find it within herself to reach out and make new connections with those around her? This story focuses on the adults' side of the extensive Naruto timeline through an OC's eyes. Action, romance, drama. I wish I could tag more characters, so I'll update it as I go.
1. Growing Up

**Note:** Hi there! I just want to put in a quick forward before we start things off. This is a fic that is going to be focusing pretty heavily on just the sort of behind-the-scenes look on what was going on in the Naruto timeline, as opposed to what everyone saw on the forefront. Team Guy will be recurring characters, considering they are some of Kana's closest friends, but for the most part you're going to be seeing a lot of the adult characters and higher ranking shinobi.

This story's beginning starts just before the Chunin Exams and will continue on into the Shippuden days, staying as close to canon as I can get it. Because of this, there are going to be major spoilers (Even if they're only mentioned in passing). There's also going to be gore, depressing scenes, romance, lemon, violence and just general mature content. This is going to be a _very_ long series, hopefully, but this is the only time I'm going to include a disclaimer.

 **Update 11/15:** I've decided that I'll be cutting this story off with the end of the first Naruto timeline and create a separate story for the Shippuden timeline. This is to just keep things nice and evenly distributed, otherwise this will end up being a 400K word story. The sequel, Red Clouds and Starry Eyes, can be found on my profile.

 **Info on Kana:** She's 17 years old when the series starts, marking her 4 years older than Neji's crew. She's 5'1", 5'2" if you ask her, has pale skin covered in scars and has the Anbu tattoo on her left shoulder. She's not particularly curvy, something that Genma enjoys teasing her for, and what subtle curves she has are lessened by the extremely lean and muscular physique she acquired from regular training sessions with Guy.

I have various sketches of her, which I may or may not digitally color and link here. It depends on how well this story is received.

She's a part of the Shimi clan (Yes, it's a made up clan), which uses a kekkei genkai that is very similar to the Hyuga's called a Kurogan. It allows her to see across distances, with a 360 range, in a sort of "Chakra vision" that's like a hybrid between the Rinnegan's Limbo vision and the Byakugan. This changes the appearance of her eyes from their normal color to a solid black, including the sclera.

The second kekkei genkai, or kekkei tota, in her clan is the ability to wield a special chakra as if it's a nature/shape transformation jutsu. It requires an expansive chakra reserve, as they're literally expelling chakra from their system. This is extremely rare, only appearing in a clan member every few dozen years or so, and those who have the gift are born with white hair that darkens as their moods worsen. All of the Shimi's abilities are based off of Otsutsuki Clan techniques, and the legend within the clan that people born with the kekkei tota are like reincarnations of Otsutsukis, which is why they carry so many similarities.

 **Update 11/15:** If you're confused about how her chakra works, as some people were, it was heavily based off of Kinshiki's abilities. She just uses it in a much more versatile way, like Celty's shadows from Durarara!.

 _ **Now on with the story!**_

* * *

 _Harder. Faster._

Kana felt her legs burn as she pushed herself to run accelerate even faster, her lungs screaming for air. Her puffs of breath pushed back against her face from her mask covering her mouth and she felt her face warm.

The shinobi saw the gates to the Leaf Village in the distance.

 _'Almost there,'_ she thought to herself.

Her ears were full of the sound of her racing heart and rush of wind, but she could still hear footsteps all around her. Out of the corner of her eye Kana saw two flashes of green appear and race ahead of her; she swore and channeled chakra to her feet to propel herself forward. While she was able to keep the pace of the two in front of her, it was obvious she wouldn't reach the gate in time and Kana grit her teeth in frustration.

The two green figures stopped at the gates and one began jumping and shouting something as Kana crossed through the gate into the village.

"… Place isn't good enough, Lee," a deep voice boomed next to her.

Kana fell to all fours and desperately fought to catch her breath as she heard the other begin to approach the gates; if there was any moment she wished she could just rip her mask off in public, it was now. Why did she agree to race against Guy and Lee, again?

"You're going to have to train even harder than before. After lunch we're going to sprint 500 laps around the village!"

Oh yeah, if she won Guy was going to buy her lunch. Still, the stitch in her side was making the idea of eating entirely unappealing anyways. She felt a hand on the small of her back and lifted her head to meet Tenten's concerned gaze.

"Are you okay?" she asked, "I don't think I've seen you run that hard in my life. I don't even know why you agreed to _race_ those two… You must have been really excited for barbecue."

Kana gave a halfhearted chuckle as one of her teammates reached out his hand to help her up. On their way back from an assassination mission in the village hidden in the rain her team had met Guy and his team in tea shop a few kilometers out, where Guy proposed a race back to the village where the loser had to buy lunch for the winner. While Kana was the only one that accepted the challenge, the rest of the teams sort of had to keep up. As she stood up she looked at the rest of the group, who were all breathing heavily or doubled over.

"Yeah, I probably… Should have thought that one through," Kana panted, putting her hands behind her head to help her breathing, "Next time I'll make sure to give Lee some extra weights."

Tenten smiled and closed her eyes. Neji shook his head next to her. " _'Next time'_ ," he noted, "You really _are_ crazy."

Ignoring the jab Kana looked up at her captain, who had regained his breath and was waiting expectantly for her to remember that their mission still wasn't technically finished until they reported to the Hokage.

"I'm sorry, sir," she said, embarrassed, "I-"

Tenpo raised a hand and shook his head, "It's fine, Tsuki. We all apparently needed the exercise, maybe we should start training with Guy and his team."

Lee's eyes shone, unphased at the use of Kana's code name, "That is an excellent idea! Team Guy and the Anbu –"

Neji cut his teammate off, "He's joking."

Lee's face fell, like a puppy who had just had his bone taken away, "Oh."

"I'll drop by the restaurant in about an hour for lunch if you're willing to wait," Kana said, addressing the team but locking eyes with Neji. The corners of his mouth twitched ever so slightly upwards as he held that eye contact, even as Guy's voice bellowed something about making Lee now run laps around the village before lunch in the name of youth.

"That settles it," Guy boomed, "We'll meet at the barbecue joint in exactly one hour. See ya later, kiddo."

Kana nodded and dashed off with her teammates in the direction of the village Academy, where the Hokage's office was located. As they leaped onto the rooftops in order to avoid the noontime crowd in the street, one of her teammates looked over to her.

"So I know you're close and all but how exactly did you meet Lee and his crew?"

"Well you know how my clan's kekkei genkai is similar to the Hyugas'?" she asked, now struggling to keep with her captain's pace. She could practically see Koh squint at her from behind his mask as he nodded in response. "Back in the day my ancestors were actually a part of the Otsutsuki Clan, which is the clan that a lot of clans branched from. Including the Uchiha, Hyuga and Shimi clans," she explained, "For some reason the Hyuga and Shimi clans have always been particularly close, so I pretty much grew up with Neji."

Koh was able to figure out the rest for himself and nodded, "Huh. I guess that would explain why your kekkei genkai are so similar," he said, "So you and Neji are like cousins?"

Kana heard the teammate in the back of formation sigh through his mouse-shaped mask, "Just because they share an ancestor doesn't mean they're cousins," Tirahashi scolded. Koh grumbled something about lineages being confusing and let the conversation die; Kana was thankful, as she really didn't want to get into an conversation about how ancestors and relations went. It didn't really matter, though, as they had finally approached the academy and it was time to report the results of their mission.

* * *

"Kana! Kana over here!"

"Lee…"

Kana grinned as she watched Tenten reprimanded Lee for shouting and waving his arms, walking over to the table they sat at in the corner of the room. Guy and Neji scooted over to make room for her as she sat down. The aroma of meat already cooking on the grill wafted up into her nose and made her stomach growl like an angry lion.

"So, Kana, how did your mission go?" Lee asked expectantly before placing a strip of grilled pork into his mouth, "Wash it exshiting-"

"Lee!" Tenten scolded, "Get a hold of yourself, you know they can't talk about their missions. Jeeze!"

Her own eyes looked down at her scarred hands as a sense of regret creeped into her mind; in order to become a member of Anbu you need to have a nature that can handle dark situations, but that didn't make killing a child and his mother suck any less.

Unfortunately she wasn't able to lie and make it seem like she wasn't bothered by the reminder, as her hair darkened from silver to dark grey. Guy clapped her on the shoulder and laughed.

"Sorry, Kana, Lee ran an extra 50 laps and is _still_ feeling the rush of youthful adrenaline. Anyways, I ordered extra side dishes for the table so eat up. I'm sure you're glad to be home and whatever happened on your mission is now behind you so I don't want to see a frown on your face."

Kana looked up at Guy and smiled thankfully at him; he returned her smile and pushed a bowl of rice in front of her. Guy was like a father to her, and one of the few people that she was truly happy to be around.

She picked up a pair of chopsticks and took a few pieces of pork off of the grill, placing them on her rice before scooping a small mound of the food into her mouth. The meat's flavor coated her tongue, warming her mouth and she felt the muscles in her shoulders relax a little.

"I could eat this for the rest of my life, I swear," she sighed, placing her chopsticks down in an excellent display of willpower so she could take a sip of her water. "So are you guys excited for the Chunin Exams? You have been training pretty hard lately."

Tenten laughed, "It's all Guy-sensei and Lee have been talking about," she exclaimed, "They've been running us ragged with constant training." Despite seeming to be complaining, Kana could see an excited glint in her eyes as she started to prattle on about she had just mastered a new move named Twin Rising Dragons. Kana was so proud of all of them, they had worked so hard to get to where they are; glancing up at Guy, she was able to see his own pride as clear as day on his face.

Kana chewed on another mouthful of food and felt someone slide into the booth behind them, "Well I got a day off tomorrow if y'all wanna get in one lasht training shesh before they shtart."

"Talking with your mouth full is hardly becoming of a lady," Neji chided in an amused tone. It was the first thing he had said since Kana had sat down and hearing his voice loosened the knot in her stomach a little. She definitely planned on stealing him away for the night.

"Oh, Neji, it doesn't matter if she's a _girl_ or not," Tenten shot back at him before looking back at Kana, "I think it'd be great if we could meet up tomorrow. I really want to see how my jutsu works against someone at your skill level."

Lee swallowed a mouthful of water and smiled excitedly, "I agree! I cannot think of a better way to test our strength as a team than to fight a jonin such as yourself!"

Kana relished the crunch of the slightly charred edges of a slice of pork as she chewed away at another bite of food. A waitress brought a tray full of more sides, so the group helped move bowls around to free up some table space. When she left with some of the empty side dish bowls, Guy clapped his large hands together.

"Then it's decided," he said, "Tomorrow we will put you to the test as a team: You three versus Kana and myself. We'll each carry a bell and it will be up to you three to –"

"So now you're using my training techniques, Guy?"

Guy's eyes went wide and he grit his teeth in a comical look of shock before slowly looking over his shoulder. His face turned into a guilty smile when his eyes landed on Kakashi, who was seated with Asuma and Kurenai in the booth behind them. This must have been who she felt sitting down earlier. Neji rolled his eyes while Kana and Tenten giggled as they watched Guy struggle to get himself out of this pickle.

"Well you see, Kakashi, I, uh… It isn't necessarily _your_ technique-"

"So you got it from someone else, hm?"

Guy spontaneously started laughing in an attempt to cover his embarrassment. Kurenai closed her eyes and tapped her fingers in an annoyed manner on the tabletop. "Kakashi, let them enjoy their meal," she sighed, "Who cares if he's using the bell test or not?"

Asuma took his cigarette out of his mouth and smirked, "Yeah, it isn't like you came up with it, Copy Cat."

The jab caused Kakashi to wince and shrug, "Whatever," he said lazily, "It's good to see you back, Kana."

The teenager stopped in the middle of filling her half-empty bowl of rice with pork and sides to glance back at her friend, "Yeah, it's nice being home. You going to Anko's later?" With Anko being one of the few jonin that owned her own house as opposed to renting an apartment, the village jonin met up at her house every week for a small party that usually only consisted of chatting over sake and beer. It would be the last meetup for a while, since the chunin exams started tomorrow and everyone would be too busy with training their students or increasing security.

Kakashi shrugged again and turned back to the table where food had just been placed, "Maybe. I have a few errands to run but I think I'll drop by."

Kana wondered if her friend intentionally kept things as vague as possible, something she had wondered for years. The conversation died abruptly and awkwardly, so the group went back to eating their meal; Lee didn't seem to pick up on the uncomfortable vibes and began to rant about how excited he was for tomorrow's training session.

* * *

There were few moments in Kana's life where she felt truly loved, but time spent with Neji reminded her that those moments that they did, in fact, exist. His body felt warm against hers on the bench even against the balmy summer air that caused her hair to stick to the nape of her neck. She was glad she wore her casual black crop top and high waisted shorts, because anything else would be pretty uncomfortable in this weather.

She looked over a Neji, who was wearing shorts and a plain t-shirt instead of his normal getup. His long brown hair was pulled back into a high bun, a few strands hanging loose around his pale skin.

"You were gone a long while," he said. Despite his voice being soft it sounded ear-shatteringly loud against the quiet serenity of the Hyuga garden. "Are you okay?"

He turned to meet her gaze with his pupil-less white eyes narrowed into an expression of gentle concern; he knew that some of the missions she went on she couldn't talk about, no matter how desperately she needed to. Not being able to talk could take its toll on someone who had to perform missions as dark as hers, and he knew that. Kana looked down at their laps before taking one of his calloused hands in her own; when they were little she remembered being jealous of his long and slender fingers, perfect for a user of gentle fist combat. They had since become rough and calloused from extensive training and, as she used her fingertips to trace the lines in his palm, she noted that his hands weren't much unlike Neji himself.

"This wasn't… One of the bad ones," she half-lied, "It's already out of my mind. It was nice to see you guys today… How long has it been?"

Neji's hand twitched in her lap as one of her caresses was a little too light, tickling him. She smiled at first but when Neji pulled away she immediately regretted her lack of pressure. It seemed his moments of tenderness were always fleeting until he laced their fingers together in his own lap, placing his other hand over them in a firm but gentle hold.

"Two months, I believe. You were always on missions, or I was too busy with training, so we never got to see each other. And now with the Chunin Exams tomorrow…" He trailed off and the hold on her hand tightened as his lips pressed together in a tight line.

Kana rested her head on his thin shoulder and sighed. "You three are going to be fine," she said quietly, her eyes watching a leaf that had just touched down on the pond in front of them, "I've watched you grow into an excellent shinobi and I'm so proud of you." The girl squeezed his hand. "All of you."

Neji chuckled under his breath and she felt him look up at the glittering sky above them, "You're only four years older than me but sometimes, with the way you talk, I feel like such a child."

A pang of guilt shot through her chest. It wasn't her intention to make him feel like that…

"But I don't know if I envy you."

The pair looked at each other, one confused while the other just looked sad.

"When you became a jonin, I was so angry at myself for not being able to catch up," he explained, "But as time went on, and you joined Anbu… I watched as the light in your eyes began to die. I don't know if I want that yet."

 _'Oh, Neji…'_ Kana felt her eyes burn, _'Why can't we just be children again?'_


	2. The Bell Test

**Note:** I don't really have much of an upload schedule planned for this story, though I have about 25,000 words already written and ready to go so I'll probably release a new chapter once or twice a week so I can pace myself. I feel like the next couple of chapters will clear up some confusion about Kana's relationship with Neji, since a few people have already inboxed me about it. They are not even remotely romantically involved, their relationship is more like that of close siblings. I felt it would have been too easy to allow her to have a romance like that, and I'm not a big fan of the childhood lovers trope, so don't read too much into their closeness.

* * *

A gale rolled through the fifth training ground. Kana leaned her head back and felt the wind brush against her skin and through her hair; around her, leaves bumped against each other and branches bowed in the direction of the breeze. She leaned her head back and looked up at the clear sky through the squirming trees through the holes of her mask. While it wasn't necessary for her to wear her Anbu uniform in a situation like this, she wanted the genin to be aware that today she was facing them as a member of Konoha's Anbu Black Ops. Not a childhood friend.

"They're approaching the clearing," Guy said through the earpiece attached to her neck, "Ready?" Kana pushed the button on the collar and gave a thumbs up to her partner, who was sitting only a few dozen meters away in a tree. "All set on my end. You nervous to fight Lee?"

The genin were too close for him to give a verbal response, so Guy merely shook his head. She knew he was lying, the man hated actually harming Lee and with the exams starting in just a few hours she knew he was anxious to see how he would hold his own against strong opponents.

With them already being aware of their location, the two jonin had an advantage over Guy's pupils; judging by how they constantly looked over their shoulders, they had no idea where they were so far. That wasn't going to last long, not with Neji's Byakugan. Kana stood up on the branch she had been lounging on and jumped back a few trees as the team suddenly split up and ran into different directions. What were they doing? They had grown exponentially since graduating the academy but did they really think they were capable of taking down the pair in one-on-one combat?

 _'No, wait…'_

She saw that Neji and Tenten had curved paths, with Lee only _appearing_ to be taking Guy on his own. Kana knew that Neji had already pointed out her location, so why completely ignore her…?

To trick her into rushing in to take them off guard; with Neji's Byakugan he would be able to tell when she was approaching so they could turn on her, like a reverse surprise attack. Smart. Kana smiled as she saw Tenten throw a kunai with a paper bomb in various trees as she ran. Traps. Kana heard the poof of her shadow clone being formed next to her. Neji wouldn't be able to tell her shadow clone from herself, but she didn't want to bother with trying to trick them; she dashed off of the tree branch and sprinted towards the group as they engaged their sensei. Her clone began to follow Tenten, stopping only long enough to use her chakra to disable the traps.

The shinobi threw a set of shuriken at her biggest threat, Neji, who grabbed a kunai as he spun around to deflect them. Just as Kana expected him to. Knowing he wouldn't need it any longer, Neji threw the kunai at his new opponent and charged at her. Kana activated her Kurogan and watched the world around her transform into a white, grey and blue world where the humans morphed into phantom-looking figures made of chakra. Her own black chakra flowed through her hands and out of the tenketsu in her hands as she dashed backwards, sliding to a stop on the forest floor. Neji seemed to be unaware of the fact she was separating him from the group, throwing out a palm in his first attack. Kana side stepped the attack and grabbed his arm, kicking out her leg to strike his side.

He used his free hand to grab her own leg, and Kana used the momentum to swing her body up and deliver a kick to the back of his head. The kick connected with his skull before he had a moment to think, sending him reeling. He hadn't even hit the ground before Kana flipped her wrist and sent a burst of chakra at his right kidney.

She saw the boy's chakra move to his upper arm and exit his tenketsu, twisting his body and swiping his arm up to block the attack. Huh, she wasn't aware he knew how to project that much chakra yet. Kana made sure to make a note of that new piece of information as she rushed towards her opponent, who used his other hand to perform a handspring up from the ground in a smooth save.

Not smooth enough.

Kana threw out a more controlled stream of chakra that looped around Neji's ankle and dragged him down; he clumsily hit the ground, one leg in the air, as Kana threw her other hand out in an attack directed at his chest. She jumped up just in time to avoid a jab directed at her leg. Kana had to let go of Neji's leg as she twirled over him and redirected her attack to his left it didn't have the same force she intended to deliver, her attack landed right on point and Kana felt the pressure of her weight combined with the force of her chakra dislocate his shoulder.

Neji cried out in pain, and Kana's heart went out to him. He pushed himself back and into a crouching position even as his arm hung limp – pain was written all over his face and Kana did what she could to ignore her concern as she closed the distance between them for another attack. The problem with their attack types is that blocking Neji's attack would result in him hitting a chakra point, and if Neji blocked hers then the force of the chakra could break whatever it hit. The end result was a fight that was very akin to a dance, with the two of them side stepping and spinning around each other to avoid being touched at all costs.

Kana dropped back under Neji's swipe and twisted to attack his hip. The boy jumped to the side and Kana's fingertips tore through his shorts – as the chakra licked Neji's skin she heard him grunt in pain and knew that he'd most likely need to be treated for burns later. As she spun back into place Neji was back on his feet, breathing harder than before. The pain of his shoulder and the burn on his leg was started to take their toll. Somewhere in the distance she heard the _poof_ of her shadow clone finally being taken out as well as a grunt from what sounded like Lee. Good. They were still fighting.

Kana jumped back a few meters and made the appropriate hand signs for her next attack. Just as she had expected him to, Neji sprinted towards her in an attempt to hit her before she landed. "Dancing Flower Jutsu!" She threw her hands to the side and, in doing so, shot out seven balls of black chakra that curved around and flew at Neji from both sides and the front. Kana landed as he began to dodge her attack, which gave her just enough time to launch herself forward. She grabbed Neji by the throat and squeezed before he could react. Her other hand grabbed his good arm as they fell to the ground together, his look of shock turning to horror as her grip tightened around his throat and he felt Kana begin to drain his chakra.

"Lee!"

In the distance she Tenten's cry as she assumed Lee received a heavy blow from Guy. She didn't take her eyes off of Neji, but used her Kurogan to watch Guy take Tenten one-on-one now that Lee was down for the count. Neji was too weak to fight by this point so she dismounted him and removed her hands.

"Are you going to be okay?" she asked worriedly, "Does it hurt too much?"

While he struggled to get his breathing under control, Neji was able to reach out and squeeze her thigh reassuringly. "I'm okay," he assured her, "Go help-"

Guy's booming laugh echoed through the forest, startling Kana and Neji both. Too exhausted to use his Byakugan, Neji propped himself up and struggled to see what happened. Apparently, Lee wasn't actually knocked out like she had assumed. He… he actually _played dead_ long enough for Guy to stop paying attention to him; Guy removed the row of kunai that had him pinned to a tree. She assumed Tenten pinned him there while Lee snuck up from behind to grab the bell. She smiled at their success and turned back to her injured friend; slipping her hand into her pouch, Kana felt around for her bandages and healing ointment. She didn't normally bring these things with her but felt it would be appropriate for the situation. "You're sure you're okay?"

Neji gave her a gentle smile but looked disappointed, "Be honest," he said softly, "Did you go easy on me?"

The kunoichi bit her lip and was glad he couldn't see past her mask as she applied ointment to the burned area on his thigh. "How could you tell?" she asked.

He clenched his teeth as the antibiotic ointment came in contact with the burn, though she knew his grimace was from her confirming his suspicions. "I have watched you spar with other jonin with ferocity… I didn't see that today."

As Kana taped a bandage over the burn she sighed. "I'm sorry, Neji. I-"

"Just go help Guy."

* * *

"Wow, Neji, you've seen better days."

Guy, Lee, Tenten and Kana made their way back to Neji, who had propped himself up on a tree trunk by the end of the test. Lee and Tenten weren't able to fight both Guy and Kana to get her bell within the two hour time limit, so they failed the test. The pain that had flashed across Neji's face was replaced with his trademark aloof expression. Lee punched his fist into the air and gave Kana a look of approval, "I would expect nothing less of a skilled kunoichi such as Kana! Good job!" He noticed the dark shade of Kana's hair and his look turned to one of concern. "Is Neji alright?"

"Yeah, just a small burn and a dislocated shoulder," Kana responded solemnly – they knew how close she and Neji were and there was no point in pretending she wasn't upset. Why did she suggest this? "Guy, if you could, I need help fixing his shoulder."

Guy made some sort of joke but Kana didn't pay attention. She only focused on starting the Mystical Palm Technique, the extent of her medical ninjutsu knowledge; her hands trembled slightly as Guy knelt down next to the teenager and picked up his injured arm. Her breath hitched as Neji's shoulder made a crunching sound as it was pushed back into place, his groan of pain resonating in her ears. Her hands glowed green and she placed them over the joint, eyes focused on his face as it slowly relaxed as the pain ebbed away.

* * *

"Are you going to explain why you dropped by like this, or are you just going to eat the leftovers from last night?"

Kana looked up from the bowl of rum balls she had been eating absentmindedly. Kakashi kneeled before her with a kind look in his eye, "I also don't think you can actually get drunk off of those. Kurenai likes them strong, but only about two cups of rum go into the recipe." He took the bowl out of her lap and placed it onto his coffee table, replacing it with a reassuring hand. "You wanna talk about what's wrong?"

"I hurt Neji today," she started, "I held back, but I still... Ripped his arm from its _socket_. The entire bell test was over in a few minutes at _best_." Her green eyes rose to meet his gaze, "What if he doesn't make it through the Chunin Exams?"

Kakashi sighed and reached up with his other hand to play with the end of her now black braid, "Neji will do fine, sweetheart," he said gently, "He's one of the most skilled shinobi I've seen in years. He's smart, too." He moved from his kneeling position to sit next to Kana on the sofa, facing her so that one leg was propped up against the back of the sofa and one leg was hanging off the edge, "You were promoted to jonin at age 9. You've been in Anbu for 7 years and wield a very unique variant of your kekkei genkai. Even _I_ have trouble fighting you, even though I'm ten years your senior and have the Sharingan."

She could still hear the sound of Neji's shoulder popping.

"Neji is going to be facing other genin with his teammates. I have no doubt in my mind that they'll make it."

In her heart she knew that Kakashi was right. Neji was an extremely skilled shinobi, she was just _better_. She couldn't shake the feeling of dread in her stomach as the second stage of the exams drew closer, though. Her eyes watched Kakashi's fingers remove her hair tie and loosen her lightening braid. Her hair fell over her face as his fingers moved up the braid and wiggled to shake the braid out.

"I always liked your hair," Kakashi said softly, "It's so exotic, though I imagine it sucks to be unable to hide your emotions from others."

"Kakashi, why do you always tell people you've never passed a student?" Kana raised her eyes to meet his and it was clear that she had caught her old friend off guard. For a moment he just stared at her and the sight was like this bizarre phenomenon that she would miss if she blinked; his thin lips were slightly parted, mimicking his widened eyes. He regained his composure quickly, though, and his brow furrowed as he organized his thoughts. "Well, honestly, it's because I never officially passed you myself," he responded, "I was still in Anbu. I mean, sure, I acted as a stand-in jonin-sensei for a majority of your training as a genin, but the Hokage was the one that put you into the Chunin Exam, you know that. Why are you asking this?"

The kunoichi looked at the nearly-empty bowl of rum balls. "Would you... Would you have passed me, though, if you had been given a say?"

A long sigh escaped his lips and Kakashi scratched the back of his head with the hand that wasn't still entangled in her hair, "No."

Kana looked down at the hands she held in her lap. "Oh."

Her disappointment must have read in her face, and her hair, because Kakashi sighed again before running a large hand through his hair. She felt her friend's arm slip around her shoulders and pull her into an unfamiliar hug. Kakashi spelled like cinnamon and musk, with a hint of rum from the single rum ball he ate earlier before the girl had commandeered the lot of them. His cheek pressed against the side of her head as she repositioned her body so that she sat between his legs. Kana didn't wrap her arms around him like he did with her, but she could hear the sound of his steady heartbeat through his t-shirt. For such a stoic man to suddenly show affection like this… It certainly caught her off guard – she was used to this kind of thing from Kotetsu and Guy, because those two were big balls of warm emotions, but the sudden intimacy from Kakashi almost felt unnatural.

One of his hands worked itself into the network of Kana's hair, and she tried to remind herself that the entire reason he became a jonin-sensei was so that he could experience this kind of humanity again. She allowed some of the stiffness in her shoulders to melt away in the hold. This new team of his was changing him. "You were so young," he muttered, "I didn't want to see you scarred by the shinobi life so early on… Like myself." The arm around her waist tightened, "You were never given a chance at having a real childhood. If you had been older, though, I would have passed you without a doubt." Kakashi pulled back and tilted Kana's face up so she locked eye contact with him, "You are a fantastic shinobi, and I'm proud to have been your teacher even if it was only for a little while."

Kana couldn't think of a response. She just blinked up at him, suddenly feeling exhausted. "I think those rum balls got me drunk, Kashi," she breathed.

The man laughed and shook his head before he stood up from the couch, "Yeah I probably should have stopped you earlier, sorry about that. Let's get you to bed."

Everything after that sentence was a blur. Kana vaguely remembered being picked up by the man and carried to the only bedroom in the apartment. She asked something about him staying with her, but remembered falling asleep alone.

* * *

"Are you nervous?"

Neji glanced up at his friend from wrapping his arm and Kana could see the dark circles under his eyes from a rough night. She could tell he didn't sleep well, if at all. "I will be fine, Kana."

She pushed herself off of the door she was leaning on and walked across the room to sit on the edge of the bed next to Neji. "Look, about the bell exercise… I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you, or intentionally hold myself back, I-"

"I understand," Neji cut her off. Having finished wrapping his arm, he reached up and put his hand on her shoulder, "I wouldn't want to hurt you, either, Kana. And if you hadn't held back I probably would have been seriously injured, meaning I wouldn't have been ready for the Chunin Exams."

She closed her eyes, relieved.

"Just promise me that when I start my training for the third stage you won't hold back."

Kana smiled and nodded, "I promise. I'll put in a leave request to the Hokage to personally oversee your training." She clapped his shoulder for emphasis, "Sound good?"

Neji gave a halfhearted chuckle but she could see that the idea made him happy; Guy was a phenomenal teacher, but she knew that he would be busy with Lee and Tenten. Kana was very familiar with the Hyuga ways and, while never having been a jonin-sensei, knew she would teach her friend well.

They glanced over at the clock next to Neji's bed and the lighthearted mood instantaneously dissipated; Kana could see anxiety brewing behind his stoic demeanor so she removed her hand from his shoulder and stood up. The second stage started in just two hours and he needed to meet with the rest of his squad before they made their way to the forest. She turned towards the bed as Neji stood up and gave him the best smile she could muster, though Neji only rolled his eyes. "I don't need your hair to tell me that you don't really mean that smile," he said, "You might as well not even bother."

Kana sighed and just pulled her friend into a tight hug. She could feel his heartbeat racing even through her Anbu getup and his jacket. "Never let your guard down," she whispered, voice shaking, "Stay with Lee and Tenten. Don't trust _anyone_ in there that isn't them. People in there will try to kill you, and they're _just_ as dangerous as the forest itself. Remember to drink water, and-"

"I know, Kana," he mumbled, "You don't need to remind me of such trivial things."

She buried her face into her friend's shoulder before they broke their embrace. Neji looked calm, almost serene – she wondered how someone as emotional as she was made it into the Anbu while Neji, a genin only a year out of the academy, managed to keep cool and composed while entering the hardest test of his life so far.

"Be safe," she breathed.

Neji didn't say anything as Kana pulled her mask over her face and forced herself to walk around Neji to his open bedroom window. As she climbed through she looked back at Neji, but he was already walking through his door. She took a deep breath and shut the window behind her.

Kotetsu was leaning against the wall as she exited, arms folded across his chest as he stared at her with an amused expression, "You know, you're pretty soft for someone that's supposed to be cold and ruthless." Unsure of what she was supposed to say, Kana remained silent as the jumped the wall that separated the Hyuga compound from the rest of the district. The man seemed to mistake her silence for offense, though, and he reached out to pat her back reassuringly. "Hey, I'm joking. Look, I heard bit about this kid and he's supposed to be some genius, right? You don't need to worry about a genius that was taught taijutsu from _Guy_."

"You heard most of that from me, moron," she snapped, instantly regretting it. Kana sighed and stopped in the street to rub her neck as her friend looked over at her. "I'm sorry, I…"

She heard him sigh and turn on his heel to walk back to her. She lifted her head to find reassuring eyes looking down at her in kindness. "It's fine, you're worried about him and I get that. But I really did hear some good things about the kid so I'm sure this test will be a breeze for him." Kotetsu put both of his hands on her upper arms. "Do you have time to get some breakfast? I'm going to hit up that pancake house with Izumo before heading to the training ground."

The sign of affection caused some people around them to stare and rubberneck as they walked by – what he said earlier wasn't too far from the truth from how a majority of the villagers perceived her. The Anbu were revered as cold, calculating, heartless killers that did what the other shinobi couldn't. While some of that was true, she wondered if they realized that members of Konoha's elite were still human. Either way, Kana broke eye contact to look down at his hold on her. "You know that the entire point of our masks is to protect our identity so people can't harm our loved ones, right? This kinda defeats the purpose, don't you think?"

"Loved ones, you say?" A mischievous glint appeared in his eye and Kana truly appreciated her friend's ability to diffuse tension with his natural charm. She chuckled and gently pushed the grinning man back so they could keep walking. "Sorry," she said, "I don't have a lot of time before I have to meet up with my squad. We're being stationed in the tower for the duration of stage two, and I want to stop at a convenience store to pick up food. Besides," she smirked, "You and I both know you're just going to drink a gallon of syrup."

Kotetsu scoffed, well aware of how his friends failed to approve of his intense appreciation of syrup. The pair said their goodbyes and parted at the fork in the road.


	3. The Forest of Death is Full of Snakes

Eating around a mask is the most awkward part about being in Anbu, even after being in the service for years. Kana glanced over at her team leader and wondered how he was able to eat noodles so easily while she still barely managed a prepackaged burger. Tenpo had it down to an art form and she respected the hell out of him for it.

Her squad had been stationed in the tower of the 44th training ground to ensure teams weren't going to be attacking each other once they arrived. Her eyes were glued to the security monitor, despite it only being the first day of the five day stage. Tenpo set down his cup of noodles and wiped his mouth with the back of his glove. "You know, I'm pretty sure if you stare any harder at that screen, your Kurogan will evolve and make the television explode."

She knew that he meant to lighten the mood, but Kana only kicked her feet up on the table in front of her and slumped down in her seat in response. "Are you pouting?" Koh laughed, taking another bite of his tempura, "Come on, lighten up, kid. We have an easy job today!"

Tirahashi kicked his teammate's chair and sucked his teeth, "Are you even capable of having a shred of empathy? Neji's in there."

"It's fine," Kana mumbled as she ripped open her second burger, "Guy did an amazing job at training his squad, including Neji. They're going to make it. And when the second stage is over I'm going to be training him myself." She meant that, even if she worried. The more she thought about the situation the more she realized how unfair it was to her friend to doubt his skills as shinobi.

"Man, I remember my exams," Tenpo said as he stretched in his chair, "The first two days were a breeze, we ended up stealing some group's scroll while they slept on the first day and just ran to the tower. We got lost, though, and somehow wound up at one of the gates on day three."

Koh laughed again, "I can totally see that, captain. You were probably one of those dorky types that couldn't read a map for your life."

Tenpo chuckled, "No, we weren't given any maps and had passed through a genjutsu that was created to get teams turned around."He looked over at Kana, "What was your exam like?"

Bloody.

Kana swallowed before speaking, "My team was almost immediately attacked by Cloud ninja team. I took some shuriken to the leg, which had gotten infected by the second day. I think it took us three fights before we actually took out a team with a Heaven scroll for our Earth-"

"Wait, you didn't ask what type of scroll they had before attacking?" Koh interrupted, incredulously, "Seems like it would have saved a lot of trouble if you just asked…"

She glanced over in his direction, then went back to staring at the monitor. "We didn't care."

Koh stopped chewing his tempura for a second and Tenpo looked up at her. She knew they both were expecting an answer, even though it was obvious what she meant. "We knew we would have to fight in the third stage, so we wanted to weed out the competition as much as possible. So… We killed as many people as we could and burned the scrolls we didn't need."

"That's… That's pretty messed up-"

"It was smart," Tirahashi cut in before Koh could make that sentence any worse, "People die in these exams, either in the forest or in the third stage. It makes sense to knock out as much of the competition as possible." As much as it tore Shisui apart to do so...

"Y-yeah but they didn't need to kill-"

"Be quiet, Nisa," Tenpo ordered.

Kana stared at the empty wrapper in her hand, searching for some sort of response in the greasy remains of her unhealthy lunch. Something on the screen moved in front of her, though, and she crumpled up the two wrappers together. "Hey, didn't the second stage just start?" she asked, picking her feet off up off of the table and leaning forward. Tenpo leaned over in his seat to get a look at the television screen, "Yeah… Who is that? Are they genin?"

"There's no _way_ ," Koh muttered under his breath, "Even if they somehow started the stage with both scrolls, how did they manage to get through the forest…"

Their captain nodded, "Exactly what I'm thinking. The forest is full of dangerous animals, traps, poisonous plants _and_ other shinobi. How did they bypass all of that and get here without a scratch?"

Kana dropped her wrappers into a waste bin and felt a chill run down her spine as the short redheaded boy looked over his shoulder directly into the camera, "It's… That's _not_ possible, captain, that's just it. They fought a team and got through the forest in an hour and a half." She heard Koh say something about this team being intense but she dismissed it. Something about that boy was twisted. His face was completely devoid of any emotion, while his teammates looked pleased at their record-shattering time. He wasn't normal.

Scooting her chair back, Kana stood up and stretched. "On that note I think I'm going to take the first patrol," she stated as she turned on her heel towards the door. Her captain only nodded with his eyes locked on the screen.

* * *

The sound of footsteps echoed against the walls of the 44th training ground's tower as Kana made her way down a set of stairs in yet another hallway. She wondered how the genin were expected to actually find the room they needed to be in once they finished and were granted access to stage 3 by their sensei. Then again, she wasn't really sure if there was a specific room needed… Her team jut randomly stumbled across the main hall and was led out by Kakashi. The more she thought about it, the more she figured it didn't really matter where you opened the scrolls as long as you were inside the tower. Her thoughts were interrupted by the sounds of voices, one male and one female, resonating through the hallway.

"…Supposed to do while we wait?"

"How am I supposed to know? It isn't like I've done this before."

Kana turned a corner and saw the three genin she saw earlier on the security footage: A tall blonde woman with a large fan, a man with a painted face and the redhead with a gourd strapped to his back that was almost as big as he was. "You guys sure are early," Kana called out, causing the two older-looking shinobi to whip their heads around in surprise.

The painted man was the one to speak first, "Yeah thankfully there really wasn't any traffic along the way. Once we got our scroll from some lame Rain ninja we were set."

"But now we have no idea what we're supposed to do," the blonde one said, "Is there any place we can sleep or something?"

Kana nodded, thankful that these two at least didn't come off as hostile – though that could be because of her Anbu uniform. "Yeah we have a clinic on the north side of the first floor that should have some beds available for use. I really doubt they'd mind if you guys took advantage of them, you deserve it for getting here first, anyways. I'm pretty sure you guys actually broke the record – what a way to represent the Sand."

The blonde woman grinned and shifted her weight to her left foot, "Thanks. I'm Temari, and these are my brothers Kankuro and Gaara. This our first exam, so we're glad things have been running so smoothly so far."

"Temari, _shut up_."

The gruff voice startled Kana, and seemed to surprise the two taller genin as well. Gaara looked over at his sister in disgust. "Quit wasting my time with this."

 _'His voice is just as intimidating as his outward demeanor,'_ Kana thought to herself. They couldn't see it through her mask but Kana smiled and tilted her head to the side, "C'mon you have five days left of sitting around and waiting for the others to arrive, what's a little conversation going to hurt?" She kept a friendly demeanor going but she watched as Gaara reached for that gourd on his back – she noticed that his siblings had suddenly gone from genial to anxious in a matter of moments.

"I don't talk to garbage. Now go away," he growled, his hand pulling the cork out of his gourd.

Temari put her hands up in defense at her brother, "Please, Gaara, don't do this. Not now."

"Yeah, Gaara, come on she's just being friendly," his brother responded, mimicking his sister's defensive stance, "And it isn't like there's much else going on right-" His words stopped as sand began to flow out of the gourd, and the look of anxiety the siblings had on their faces switched to that of genuine fear. Kana stepped forward and prepared her body for a fight, increasing the chakra flow to her hands. "Look, I don't know what your problem is but remember that you're not home. You're in the Leaf because you're _allowed_ to, and if you try picking a fight not only will you lose but you will cause serious political strain between our villages which is something I don't find very _appealing_. So whatever you're thinking about doing, stop. _Now_."

Gaara fully turned to face her with a scowl etched into what were previously somewhat cute and boyish features. Despite his obvious anger, the sand stopped moving. It didn't recede back into the gourd, but it didn't continue to flow out. "I don't appreciate being spoken to like that," he snarled, "People in my village don't dare even look at me." The way he put a slow emphasis on every word he spoke gave his speech a strangely intimidating feel. His siblings had taken a few steps back, eyes darting back and forth between the two, and were clearly too afraid to say anything. Who the hell is this guy? The flow of chakra increased and Kana allowed it to exit her body, enveloping her hair in what looked like a black flame; Gaara looked unphased, though his siblings seemed to look even more nervous than before.

"I don't know what you've been through, or what kind of life you've led," Kana snapped, "But taking it out on people who were never involved is a childish thing to do, and isn't something a shinobi looking to advance to the next rank should be doing." For the first time since the conversation started Gaara actually looked minutely affected by her words. His eyebrows furrowed and his thin lips pressed together into a tight line as the sand funneled itself back into the gourd and he replaced the cork. "Whatever," he grumbled before walking across the large hall. His siblings almost seemed to collapse out of relief, Temari looked over with an apologetic expression mixed with shock. Something told Kana that this guy didn't usually just walk away from a fight, and that she was getting out of a really messy situation.

Kana threw a hand up in a limp wave to the woman and kept walking down the bending hallway. _'Don't worry, lady,'_ she thought, _'I get it.'_

"Tsuki!"

She heard the sound of her teammate's footsteps before his stern shout, and she whipped around just in time to see Koh fly down the stairs. He stopped abruptly, seeing Temari and Kankuro still standing in the hall awkwardly, then turned to look directly at Kana. "We need to go." Koh's tone was stiff and told her that she wasn't in trouble for getting off on the wrong foot with the red haired freak. No, this was something else. Something was really, really wrong. She wordlessly chased after him up the stairs until Tenpo and Tirahashi appeared in the hall, joining them and falling into formation without breaking pace.

"Three genin from the Village Hidden in the Grass were found dead by Team Piru," Tenpo said hurriedly as they reached the balcony that took them to the outside staircase. Kana's brow furrowed, "It's normal for teams to get killed in the exams, though."

"They were killed before the exams even _started_ ," Tenpo said gruffly, "And, according to Anko, they were killed by Orochimaru."

Her foot almost missed the final step as they reached the ground. Orochimaru… One of the Leaf's sannin, and greatest traitor… Was here? Now?"

As if he could hear her thoughts, Tenpo continued, "We don't know why, and we don't know what he's after. Anko has ordered two other teams, Team Sai and Team Mosinu, to begin scouring the forest for any sign of him, and they've already started tightening security around the village tenfold."

"Wait a minute, isn't Kakashi's team participating in the exams?" Tirahashi inquired from behind, "Could it be that he's after the Nine Tails?"

 _'Oh, yeah, that Naruto kid…'_ The thought hadn't even crossed Kana's mind as the team raced across the field towards the tree line. "That is a possibility," their captain agreed, "But we don't know anything for sure. For now our job is to just make sure he isn't in the forest and to report any findings to the Hokage directly."

A chill raced down Kana's spine as they approached the forest. She had never met Orochimaru but had heard stories and read a couple of files featuring him – experimentation, forbidden techniques, betraying the village, joining the Akatsuki… He wasn't someone she wanted to meet at any point in her lifetime.

He was _evil_ , and he was in the Forest of Death with Sasuke and Neji. She grit her teeth angrily, subconsciously reaching to the pouch she had attached to her hip; a surge of protectiveness nearly overcame her as her fingertips grazed her good luck charm, and it took an extreme amount of willpower to not break away from her team to find the boys. There weren't many people Orochimaru could want to track down in the forest, and if he had wanted any of the flora or fauna he would have collected it when the forest was uninhabited; with that in mind, she knew that he most likely was after either Naruto or a kekkei genkai user.

Kana was aware of Shikamaru Nara and Ino Yamanaka making it to stage two with Sasuke and the Hyugas, but she didn't think he would be so bold as to risk time by attacking all four teams. _'If I was a madman that was interested in living forever, what would interest me the most?'_ She bit her lip. "Captain, I think that the fox would pique his curiosity but I don't think that would be his main goal," she said as they jumped into the trees, "From what I understand he has an obsession with living forever, which is why he performs his experimentation. At first I was wondering he could be after a bloodline trait like the Byakugan or Sharingan but, the more I thought about it, he could be interested in the Yamanaka's Mind Transfer Jutsu."

"Why go after a rookie, though? Wouldn't it make more sense to kidnap someone that has the jutsu mastered?"

That was one thing she had considered, yes, but that's why she made sure to only propose this as a theory. "He may not want to attack someone that has skill. When I reviewed her file with Genma I saw that her combat skills are extremely lacking - she's a sensor type. Someone that's better at recon than anything else. She wouldn't stand a chance against him, and he could force her to work as some sort of spy for him. Or he could learn the jutsu and use it to flit from body to body, keeping his own on life support."

Her teammates kept silent, but her captain nodded in agreement. "That makes sense. We'll keep an eye out for the Yamanaka girl but as it stands our orders are to search for him explicitly."

"I understand." She just hoped that she was correct.

* * *

She saw Koh stand up to her left from his resting position, crumbling up a ration packet and jamming it into his pouch. Sometimes she wondered if he actually carried about ninja tools or if the pouch was just his portable trash bin. The woman groaned as she picked herself up off of the forest floor, grabbing a fistful of dirt to put out the small fire they had built. She hated sleeping on the ground.

"It's been four days," their captain stated, "We're going to start heading back to the academy to await further orders. Are you all ready?" Kana activated her Kurogan and watched the world morph into a 360 sphere of black, grey, white and blue. When she was younger she used to marvel at the change, but years of being a ninja only caused it to remind her that her team was in danger. "Spread out, but stay in formation. Rain, Tsuki, swap positions so we can use the Kurogan to keep a better eye on our six."

Without a word they did was they were ordered. Kana jumped back and crossed paths with Tirahashi and they changed positions. It wasn't long before the team formed a large diamond in the trees as they started running, about 100 feet across. Despite being an accomplished shinobi, something about being in the back made Kana uneasy; she was so used to knowing Tirahashi had her back that the change made her feel exposed. Naked. She wondered if this is what he felt all of the time.

She accidentally sent too much chakra to her feet and she heard the crunch of the branch breaking beneath her sandal before she felt her body teeter forward. Kana swore under her breath as she awkwardly launched herself forward to the next branch; she sent enough chakra to her hands just in time for her to grab hold of the branch and use her momentum to swing herself under it, propelling herself forward to the next. "Quit checking me out and pay attention to what you're doing, Tsuki," Koh called out from ahead, "Unless you're going to scare away the critters with your clumsy gymnastics." He was joking but he was right. Kana needed to stop paying attention to how her ass was exposed and pay attention to being the eyes of the team. She couldn't afford to lose her footing in a situation like this.

Something up ahead caught her eye – there were two figures, but one had just disappeared. She zeroed in on the location and saw that there was one feminine figure standing over the body of a male. "Captain, there's someone up ahead. A female over a dead male, about 20 degrees north."

"Alone?"

"Yessir."

Tenpo gave the hand signal for changing course, and the formation turned ever so slightly in the direction she gave. Her heart raced as the group picked up the pace and they quickly began to close the distance between them and whoever this person was. She saw the figure kneel down to the ground and reach out to the body. Picking up a scroll? No. The figure was making hand signs and chakra flared around her hands.

"She's using some kind of jutsu," she called out, "On the dead body, she's _doing_ something to it."

"How far away are we?" her captain asked, his words laces with stressed.

"Coming up on 200 meters!"

Whatever this figure was doing, it was using a decent amount of chakra. Kana watched as blue flames enveloped the corpse's head in what looked like a cool inferno. It only lasted a few moments, though. The figure pulled back from the body, put something into her pouch and leaped up to the trees. "150 meters! She's moving!"

Up ahead, she heard Tenpo swear as he pulled out a kunai from his leg pouch. "Alright, listen up. Tsuki, you're the fastest so I want you to run as fast as you can. Do _not_ let her get away, do you understand?"

"Sir!"  
"Rain, back her up. Nisa, come with me to check out the body."

"Sir!"  
"Got it."

Kana raced past her captain in a matter of moments. She was suddenly grateful for all of those morning runs she spent with Guy as she jumped from branch to branch, her sandals barely coming in contact with the wood before she was propelling herself even further forward. "75 meters!" she called back to her teammate. Tirahashi was fast but he still lagged far behind – Kana could only barely hear his confirmation in the distance.

She barely registered the massive snake that slithered on the tree next to her, or the carnivorous plant she flew by. Kana was so intent on catching the shinobi she didn't notice the kunai that flew at her face until Tirahashi screamed at her to look out; the ninja drew her kunai to eye level just in time to deflect it away from her face. The kunoichi stopped on the next branch to quickly scan the area and realized that the woman she had been chasing after had completely vanished when her attention was focused on the knife. She didn't run off, or fall to the forest floor, she was just gone. The sudden silence of the forest was nearly deafening and Kana fought to ignore it as she used the Kurogan to pay attention to every minute detail she could lay her eyes on. There was no doubt in her mind that there was something weird going on with that woman and –

Where was Tirahashi?

"Rain, status!" Her call sounded like an explosion against the wall of silence, and her ears rang at her in protest.

Nothing. That was when Kana realized that the forest was too quiet – there was always some sort of background noise in a place like this, something to remind people that they weren't the only signs of life in the vicinity. Where was the sound of rustling leaves? Where were the chirping crickets? It occurred to Kana that she may had been caught in a genjutsu, so she pressed her hands together in the hand sign to release it.

 _'Release!'_

Everything stayed the same and a deep sense of dread began to form a knot in her stomach. There weren't a lot of ninja that could create a genjutsu strong enough to fool her kekkei genkai, and there were even fewer that could fight a release. Without another thought, Kana put the kunai to her wrist and slashed through her thick glove with enough force to cut into the pale flesh beneath it. Pain was a last resort to getting out of a genjutsu, and a lot of shinobi took to stabbing themselves in the thigh or hand to get out of it; she never understood this. Stabbing her hand could severely hinder her in battle, and the thigh carried a major artery and important muscles. By slicing her wrist horizontally she could cause the intense pain required to break free without endangering her life.

She did it just as the female transformed into a male and in a last ditch attempt at stopping her. Kana launched herself forward and channeled enough chakra to her kunai to where it looked like it was on fire in her hand. It was something that Asuma had perfected, but she only had a basic grasp on; she threw it in the direction of the mysterious ninja, knowing full well that she wouldn't be able to hit a person that was being chased. However, Kana wasn't trying to pierce the shinobi. As she closed the distance she felt a sense of satisfaction as the kunai hit the trunk of a tree just as the person in front of her landed on its branch. If she had been as skilled as Asuma, she would have been able to have it rocket through the tree and maybe a couple of boulders. She wasn't, though, and she was counting on that. Because she could only create a cloud of chakra around the kunai, the impact with the tree caused a small explosion that knocked the culprit to the side.

15 meters.

Kana deactivated her Kurogan for a brief moment as the shinobi struggled to regain his footing, a patch of blood seeping through the bindings on his left ankle. Her heart skipped a beat when he spun around. His hands were forming hand signs for a jutsu she didn't recognize, but his hands didn't interest her. It was his gaunt, white face. The purple markings around his yellow eyes. It looked as if this person was wearing two faces: One she didn't recognize that was layered over one she did.

"Earth Style, Mudshot!" Tirahashi shouted from behind. Chakra-infused mud flew past Kana as Orochimaru flung out his arms. She reactivated her Kurogan and kicked herself up into the air, as opposed to forward, and began to move her hands in a blur to form hand signs. The half dozen snakes that had appeared from his sleeves curved up and to the side in Kana's direction just as she was able to spit a jet of chakra at him.

Orochimaru was able to solidly land on the branch, but visibly cringed when he felt Tirahashi's mud slithered over his shoe to trap him in place. His grimace flashed into an expression of satisfaction, though, as his snakes finally caught up to Kana and wrapped around her ankles. Her jutsu was cut off as she was dragged down and Kana quickly began channeling her chakra to her legs and out of her tenketsu in pulsing waves. The snakes began to disintegrate, but not before they were able to violently slam her down on the tree branch. She felt the wood crunch beneath her body before the sound reached her ears. Pain rocketed through her back and chest. The breath rushed out of her body. Kana saw stars, and it only barely registered that she could hear her captain in the distance.

 _'No time to… I'm okay, I need to get up!'_ she screamed internally. Kana used all of her willpower to extract herself from the crater her body had made in the tree, focusing on getting the wind back in her lungs. She saw with her Kurogan that Tenpo and Koh had finally caught up to them, but she wasn't sure if they'd be able to take on one of the sannin like this even as a team.

Kana jumped into the air again as she reached back into her pouch for the spool of wire, her other hand grabbing a kunai from her leg. She tied the wire to the handle and allowed herself to fall, creating a shadow clone that kicked off of her chest to get back into the fray. The kunoichi felt adrenaline rush through her veins as she fell, watching three branches go by before she finally threw her kunai upwards. There was a grunt of pain that came from above. It sounded like Koh, but she wasn't sure of it as she swung herself around the tree she had been standing on. Her Bokugan showed her that Tenpo had advanced towards the legendary ninja with a chidori, and two shadow clones, while Koh fell back to sign. Tirahashi threw shuriken that she knew had small paper bombs attached.

Kana yanked the kunai from its original spot and used the small time she had in the air to pull it back to her hands so she could throw it to the branch behind Orochimaru's. She heard the shuriken detonate and watched Orochimaru jump to the side, directly into Tenpo's path. Kana used the last of her momentum and strength to swing herself upwards. Orochimaru kicked off of his branch to jump backwards, out of Tenpo's range and directly where Kana wanted him.

Koh stopped making hand signs and threw his arms forward, "Running Water Spear!" he shouted as seven water blades appeared on either side of his body. They flew forward towards Orochimaru as Tenpo's clones launched him in the same direction with his chidori. The legendary ninja barely escaped the attack; Tenpo had clipped his right hip with the lightning as he dodged to the left into the path of Koh's water blades. One blade went through Orochimaru's left forearm, one through the same leg Kana had injured earlier and a third cleanly sliced through the top of his left shoulder. As he stumbled backwards Kana had finally reached her destination. She channeled her chakra to the palms of her hands, grabbed the sannin by the back of his tunic and used the momentum to pull herself down on top of him. Her other hand pressed to his chest so that he was sandwiched. Before she even landed, Kana had already begun pulsating her chakra through his body just like she did with the snakes. Except, this time, it was intended to completely liquefy his insides.

She barely registered the smirk form on his strange double-face. She saw him form a hand sign a split second before Orochimaru's eyes widened in what looked like an expression of pure excitement.

"What-"

" _Tsuki, move_!"

Kana was still stuck in mid air with Orochimaru - she couldn't get away as they fell off of the branch. His neck seemed to lose all of its bones as it extended up and around, his mouth opening to reveal inhumanly sharp canines. Fangs.

Time almost seemed to stop as his lips came down on her sternum, teeth piercing through her vest and flesh. " _Magnificent_ ," he hissed.

Kana screamed as something that felt like fire exploded through her body. She caught a glimpse of her teammates jumping down after them before her Kurogan deactivated. She could feel her jutsu being cut short as her chakra faded away. Orochimaru pulled away with a wicked smile that stretched his bizarre features."Oh, yes… This forest is full of exciting things today, isn't it?" he purred. Without saying a word he created a wall of mud that broke their fall; it curved out and around until the pair were encased in a sphere of solid rock. Kana barely paid noticed. She clawed at the rock beneath her and writhed in agony. The kunoichi couldn't think. She could hardly breathe, only capable of making guttural cries at nothing.

"Well aren't you the dramatic one," she heard Orochimaru say before he turned her body over so that she was lying on her back, "I don't think anyone has made this much noise over the mark." Kana felt his hand brush over her head and for a moment she was too disoriented to understand what was happening. It wasn't until the _click_ of a snap being released rang in her ears that she realized he was removing her Anbu mask.

' _No, no, no,'_ she whimpered in her head as the other two snaps came undone. Air rushed to meet her sweaty forehead and she could only watch in horror as the man pulled her black turtleneck mask down to her neck. Her body felt paralyzed, only capable of trembling.

Kana always felt anxious, on edge. As she stared Orochimaru in the face, with the warm air on her exposed skin, she felt the cold jolt of fear flash through her body.

He knelt down and touched Kana's damp cheek with the palm of his hand. She expected it to be cold, like ice, but it was actually just as warm as her own. Somehow that made the sensation even more sickening as he stared at her like with an analytical expression. It occurred to Kana that he had planted a curse mark on her flesh, but before he even knew who she was. Why? She felt her skin twitch beneath her skin, and suddenly Kana's Kurogan activated. "That chakra of yours truly is unqiue, isn't it?" he cooed, "Judging by your eyes I assume you're a part of the Shimi clan… I thought as much. You're one of the few gifted with the ability to wield that black chakra like any other nature transformation jutsu."

Kana could only stare blankly back into those snake-like eyes. Through the rock she heard her teammates attack the sphere but she knew it was useless. They weren't getting through to them until Orochimaru allowed them to. She choked out a groan as the pain intensified.

"Don't worry, child, I have faith in you. I am granting you some of my power, like I did with the Uchiha boy. I can't wait to see how things play out, little girl."

 _'Sas..uke…? I... Was wrong...'_

Her Kurogan deactivated just before she lost consciousness.


	4. Nightmare

Kana's _whole body ached. She had just finished training with her team and it had just so happened that Guy decided halfway through that he would join in so they didn't get off the field until long after the sun set. Her stomach rumbled, starved, and she shifted the weight of her backpack to her other shoulder as she began to approach the outskirts of the Uchiha territory. It didn't violate any rules for clan members to cross through each others' areas, but it was still weird to walk through without her friends. If it wasn't so late she probably would have just ran around, but she wanted to get home as soon as possible so she had decided to take the main road to cut about twenty minutes off of her travel time._

 _It was strange to see the buildings so dark – it was only about nine or ten at night so, while it was still late, it wasn't so late that it made sense for the whole clan to be asleep. She heard rustling nearby and Kana spun around just in time for a figure to flash in front of her in an inhumanly fast blur. By the time she had grabbed a kunai from her leg, a strong hand wrapped around her thin wrist in a firm grip; the person used his free hand to remove the knife from her grip and gave her a grim smile._

 _"This is why I never wanted to play tag with you," Itachi said in a painfully fake amused tone as he pushed her mask to the side of her head, "You don't respond well to someone sneaking up behind you." He slipped the cloth mask down so that her face was fully exposed._

 _Kana rolled her eyes and snatched her kunai back to put it back into her leg holster. "The whole point of tag is to blatantly chase people, 'Tachi, not to sneak up and scare the living daylights out of them." She looked up at his face finally and froze as her eyes locked with the shockingly intense Sharingan that stared at her grimly. She noticed the faint redness and swelling in the skin around his eyes, too. The dark silence of this part of the village creeped back to her attention and the kunoichi fought to hide the level of concern that billowed up inside of her chest._

 _"Itachi, what's wrong?" she whispered, feeling his grip on her arm lessen; she allowed it to fall back to her side, but the teenager grabbed her hand in his own in a much softer hold than before._

 _His next words caused her heart to stop for what felt like forever._

 _"Shisui's dead. I'm leaving the village, and I can't come back."_

 _Kana's lungs forgot how to function, and her mind went blank. The only thing she could do was stare into those piercing red eyes in horror and hold onto his hand as if her life depended on it._

 _"Wha," she choked out, "Itachi_ what did you do?"

 _Pain flickered in Itachi's eyes and she saw that whatever happened, it was tearing him apart at the seams. Itachi reached up with his free hand and grabbed onto her fingers in a gesture that they both used when they were in a desperate need for comfort. Kana's breathing soon came back to her in short bursts, her years of training forgotten. "Please understand," he said solemnly, "I only did what was best for the village, and that meant branding myself as a monster. I was the only one that could be trusted to do this."_

 _"Then let me come with you." Tears stung at her eyes."I don't care what it was, just_ please _let me come with you." Itachi was the only person she knew that was like her – an overachiever to the extreme. Someone that people both respected and feared. Someone that was never allowed childhood, and mentally grew into an adult even as their bodies lagged behind. Neji was like a dear brother to her, but Itachi was like the second half to her existence - how many nights had they slept under the same blanket together, huddled together in a tree or foxhole while on missions? She couldn't count the number of times they had been there for each other, both in battle and back home. How many times they had worked through existential crises together? It wasn't as if she depended on him like a parasite, they needed_ each other _on a level that no one was capable of understanding._

 _Itachi took a deep breath and hung his head, finally closing his eyes. "You know that if that was an option I would have your bag already packed, Kana," he whispered, agony written all over his face, "But the next part of my mission has to be done on my own. You have to stay here. Protect the village – protect Neji and Sasuke." At the name of his younger brother's name, Itachi almost looked like he was about to physically fall apart. It occurred to her that the redness around his eyes was most likely due to him crying. "He will hate me, but please promise me you'll keep him safe for me until he becomes strong."_

 _Pain gripped Kana's heart in a cold and violent hold as the finality of their conversation set in with her. She struggled to control her breathing and nodded her head clumsily, a tear finally racing down her cheek, "I promise. I promise, 'Tachi. I'll watch over him," she sobbed._

 _He seemed to find some sense of relief in her vow, even if only barely. Itachi raised his head, his Sharingan deactivated, and used the hand on her forearm to pull her body against his. She instinctively threw her arms around him to return the crushing hug that threatened to force her breath out of her body. "Itachi I love you," she sobbed desperately into his shoulder, "Please be safe. Please, please Itachi be safe."_

 _The tremble in Itachi's shoulders was subtle, but there. Kana wasn't sure if she envied his self control, or pitied him for being unable to break his stoic demeanor._

 _"I promise," she heard him whisper with a shudder. He then broke the hug and placed a gentle, feather light kiss on her lips. The tenderness in the way he touched her was a complete 180 from the almost violent hug he just gave - Kana felt his calloused fingertips graze her skin as if she were made of a thin crystal that was about to shatter. She cupped his cheek with one quivering hand and snaked the other into his impossibly soft black hair, bringing him in closer; Itachi gasped at the change and she heard him choke back his own tears._

 _Kana was the one to pull back only a few moments later, knowing full well that if this kept on she would only beg for him to stay._

 _His hands slid down to the tops of her arms in a gesture that she knew was his final expression of care. "I have to go bargain for Sasuke's life. I left him in his bedroom. His bag is packed." Itachi said, having regained the most of his composure. His Sharingan activated and the sudden change made his eyes appear to nearly glow in the moonlight, like two glittering gems set into porcelain. They stood there, gazes locked, for only a couple moments longer._

 _Kana nodded, understanding what he meant. "Run," she breathed._

 _Without another word the pair spun on their heels and sprinted impossibly fast in opposite directions. The kunoichi flipped into the air and onto a roof, fearing what she might encounter if she ran in the streets. She activated her Kurogan and did everything she could to not stare at the faint outlines of bodies that littered the ground , the glow of chakra extinguished in every single one - Kana's gut twisted and she willed herself to run faster, leaping from rooftop to rooftop. Her heart ached. Her body hurt. A throbbing pain was building in her forehead as the stress and exhaustion began to finally take its toll on her._

 _'_ Itachi, why did they make you _do_ this? _' she thought to herself as she crossed over to the other side of the residential street, fully aware of the Umino's triplets lying in a lifeless pile below._

 _As she approached the Uchiha house, Kana slowed her pace. She dreaded what she would find inside, knowing full well that both Fugaku and Mikoto were dead inside; she couldn't have possibly cared less for the boys' crude father, but Mikoto was nothing short of a beautiful and caring mother that Kana had grown very fond of over her years spent as Itachi's friend. She was a woman that truly only deserved the best, and knowing that she was inside…_

 _Kana grit her teeth and pushed the image out of her mind. She needed to get to Sasuke and take him from this place, not worry about something she was unable to control. As she pushed the boy's paper window to the side and began to climb in, Kana saw that there was a team of shinobi making their way into the clan's district. She suddenly wished Itachi had told her what was happening - was he in danger? Kana was fully aware of the tensions that had been building between the clan and the rest of the Leaf, so was this all to avoid an uprising? It made sense in her mind, but would they kill Sasuke just out of spite to the Uchiha? Why did Itachi need to blackmail the leader of their village just to keep him alive?_

 _The teenager dropped to the tatami floor without making a sound and swiftly made her way over to the child's bed; Sasuke's cheeks were stained with tears and his hair was a mess, but other than disheveled clothing and dirt on his hands he appeared to be alright. She wondered if he had seen the slaughter, as he clearly had only been asleep for a short while. Knowing Itachi, he probably used the Mangekyo to induce sleep so she tried to not think too much of it as she used some ninja wire to tie his backpack to her own. Kana lifted a framed photo of the family and stared, nearly dumbfounded at how happy they looked. It was almost like this was some family from a parallel universe, one that wasn't just violently torn apart. The shinobi wrapped the photo in one of Sasuke's black shirts and dropped it into his bag, well aware of the team's presence in the Uchiha district._

 _Slinging the bags over her shoulders, Kana turned to the sleeping child and scooped his small body into her arms; her heart felt as if it was tearing in two as Sasuke unconsciously wrapped himself around her torso, a sob escaping his lips. For added security, Kana extended the belt that normally strapped around her waist and clipped it behind Sasuke's back, tightening it so that it pressed his body closer to hers._

 _'_ Don't worry, Sasuke, I'll protect you _,' she thought sadly as she briskly strode through his home. She wouldn't be able to get out of the window like this so she took them to the back of the house, desperately fighting the urge to look down the corridor to her right. She knew the doors to Fugaku's and Mikoto's room was open. She knew it was their bodies she saw slumped together in a pool of their own drying blood._

 _The air felt too cold for summer time in Konoha, Kana noted subconsciously as she stepped out onto the wooden deck. She pulled her mask back over her face before leaping up to the top of the house; her black eyes scanned the area for the ninja squad she spotted earlier, heart pounding. Adrenaline turned to fear, though, as she saw that only three of the four shinobi were Anbu. The fourth was Hiruzen Sarutobi, the Third Hokage. And they were quickly making their way over to them._

 _The kunoichi tightened her arms around Sasuke's sleeping form and took off to the forest. If she could get to the trees then she could use the shadows to hide, but where would she go? Where was she supposed to take Sasuke? '_ Dammit, Itachi, what do you want?! _' she screamed desperately in her head as she tried to force the building hysteria away. Kana focused a spare amount of chakra to her legs and feet to propel herself forward faster than she thought she could move, the momentum allowing her to jump farther than normal – she had never been so thankful to have Might Guy as her sensei._

 _Her sandals sounded agonizingly loud against the heavy silence of the dead district, like firecrackers going off one after the other, even as her hands flashed the signs for a silencing jutsu. Her heavy breathing bounced back at her against her mask in hot puffs and Kana was mildly aware of Sasuke's spiky hair brushing against her exposed ear with every step she took. Kana saw the four shinobi stop in their tracks, and the three Anbu members looked in the Hokage's direction; her old friend and mentor, Kakashi, pushed her headband up as he and Tenzo turned in her direction. Kana bit her cheek and gripped Sasuke's clothes tightly – she knew for a fact she wouldn't be able to take on Sarutobi, but she might be okay with those two, even if just outrunning them._

 _Kana couldn't run any faster, though, no matter how hard she willed it. Training with Guy today took too much out of her body, and the panic slowly creeped back up her throat as she realized that if those two caught up to her then there was a good chance they would kill her and Sasuke._

 _Behind her, she saw that the pair had begun their pursuit: Tenzo sprinted towards her on the rooftops, jumping from building to building, while Kakashi took to the ground. They were still a good distance back, with Kana almost being out of the Uchiha's territory, but they knew exactly where she was heading and it occurred to her that Kakashi's tracking skills wouldn't do her any good once they got to the treeline._

 _Her mind raced for alternative options. She couldn't try to escape through the mountains, not with the Anbu headquarters being right next to the Hokage Monument. She was fast approaching the Hyuga Clan district, and beyond that was the wall with a thick forested area lining it. She couldn't take Sasuke outside of the village, where would they go? It wasn't as if they could just move to a new village like this, she had no doubt in her mind that carrier birds would be sent out informing the other villages in the Land of Fire that she was a criminal._

Was _she a criminal? Kana realized she had no idea what was going on. She only knew that for some reason, the Hokage wanted the Uchiha clan dead and that meant Sasuke. Did that make her a traitor?_

'Now isn't the time to be thinking about that!' _she scolded herself. On a snap decision, Kana twisted her body and launched herself to the right. It would allow the two jonin behind her to gain some ground on them, but if Kana could just get out of the district she could make a beeline straight for the Konoha Memorial area. There were enough trees for her to hide long enough to use a transformation jutsu and-_

 _Her thoughts were cut off by the whir of shuriken flying past her ears, and the thump of one hitting her backpack. Kana was suddenly grateful that she had decided to keep Sasuke on her front. The sound of her labored breathing was joined with the sound of Tenzo's sandals clacking against the tiled roof; he was only a dozen or so meters behind her, Kakashi just as close. Kana didn't realize how much ground she was giving the men when she changed her course, but it had been her only option at the time._

 _She moved her arms so that her forearms kept Sasuke in place as she began making hand seals. The chakra in her left hand flared and Kana flung her arm back, "Chakra Senbon!"_

 _The kunoichi was fully aware that she was going to miss, but Tenzo had to slow down in order to sidestep her attack which was exactly what she had intended. She shoved her hand into the pack that was clipped to her hip and unrolled two paper bombs as she pulled them out. Kana placed them between her lips so she could grab a kunai out of her leg pouch. Having Sasuke in her arms made her movements clumsy, but she was able to pull one bomb from her mouth and stick it to the kunai before throwing it into the wall of a building Kakashi was fast approaching. The explosion hardly registered in with her as she pulled the second paper bomb from her mouth. She dropped down from the last building, swinging from a streetlight so that the paper bomb stuck._

 _The added momentum threw her through the air and Kana used the opportunity to reach into her pouch again for wire. She knew she would be cutting it close as she grabbed another kunai and tied the wire to the handle. She was only about 30 feet from the ground when Kana threw the knife up and to the right, hearing the second paper bomb go off._

 _"Fire style, Fire Dragon Bullet!"_

 _'_ Dammit _!'_

 _At the very last second Kana was able to pull on the wire and use the inertia to backflip to the ground, just before her wire was engulfed in flames._

 _"Phoenix Flower Jutsu!"_

 _The kunoichi had barely regained her footing before she found herself diving to the left to dodge the five fire balls that curved towards her. Kana twisted so that she landed on her back, shielding Sasuke's head with her hand as she slid against the dirt road._

 _"Four Pillar Prison!"_

 _'_ NO _!'_

 _Kana could only watch in horror as wood shot out of the ground from all directions to encase her in a small wood cell. She laid on her back and struggled to calm herself; steadying her breathing, she groaned at the ache in her left shoulder. The kunoichi wasn't given much time to land gracefully, so she landed hard. Kana took a long, deep breath and held it for a moment before releasing it slowly – she was still exhausted but she was at least able to breathe well enough to think properly._

 _It was only a matter of time before Sarutobi and Yugao caught up, so Kana wasted no time to feel around in her hip pouch for one of the five little wax paper balls she kept there. "Please forgive me, Sasuke," she whispered as she unwrapped the paper and popped the food pill into her mouth. The effects were slow but began immediately, and that was all Kana needed for what she was about to do next. The teenager pressed a hand to the center of Sasuke's back and her chakra immediately flared; he squirmed against the discomfort in her arms as Kana slowly sapped his chakra - she didn't need much, but she was running on fumes by this point and she wasn't even halfway to their destination._

 _Sasuke's breathing became labored in just a few moments. She removed her hand and kissed the side of his head. "Thank you."_

 _Kana stood up and channeled her chakra to her fingertips; she wasn't able see past the prison walls, as the chakra-infused wood was nothing but a bright blue box to her, and it was going to be difficult to break through for essentially the same reason. With that in mind she made two clones, who instantaneously followed her example. Chakra began to wrap around their wrists in a matter of seconds as Kana's mind continued to work. There was no point in trying to have the other clones run in different directions, not with Kakashi's Sharingan at work. Itachi had told her that some wielders of the kekkei genkai could tell what was a clone and what wasn't; she assumed Kakashi' would be weaker, especially now that he had been using it alongside other jutsus, but she wasn't going to take that chance. At the very best she would only be able to use them as a way to buy herself time._

 _The black chakra had formed into a dense ball and Kana charged towards the farthest wall. Her fist connected solidly with the chakra-infused wood with a satisfying crunch. She jumped to the side as the first clone slammed her own fist in the same spot, the wood visibly splintering beneath the inhuman strength. Less than a split second later and the second clone had smashed her way through the wall, jumping forward and flashing hand signs while the first clone rushed out after her._

 _Kana sprinted out of the opening and into the small forest as the clones fired off jutsus; she heard the sound of Kakashi's chidori, but it wasn't coming from near the prison. "What?" Kana gasped as she side-stepped just in time to see the ball of lighting punch through the now empty air. She didn't see him with the Kurogan, how-_

 _Tenzo launched himself down towards her, foot extended. Kana stopped her dodge halfway through and kicked herself backwards. "You can't have him!" she exclaimed as she landed. Her hands quickly formed the necessary signs for her protection jutsu and a small barrier of chakra covered the still sleeping child._

 _"Kana, what are you-"_

 _"SHUT UP!" she screamed, effectively ending Kakashi's question, "I_ know _what they made him do! I know what you're trying to do. I won't let you hurt Sas-_ STAY BACK _!" Kana could hear the hysteria building in her voice as she pulled out her last kunai and held it in front of her. The men slowed their advance but didn't halt their movements entirely. "I will kill you where you stand," she shouted, "Do you understand me?! I will fucking tear your throat out with my teeth if I have to, Kakashi!" She began to focus her chakra to her left arm for effect, knowing full well that they could see the black flame-like energy encase the limb._

 _"Sweetheart I promise you we have no idea what you're talking about!" Kakashi pleaded. The use of his pet name for her only fueled her building rage. "I will explain why we were there if you just_ calm down _and talk to me! What happened to the Uchihas?!"_

 _Her chakra had morphed into a long blade that extended from her elbow to about ten inches past her fingertips. It was called the Demon Dark Arm Jutsu and Kana knew she only had a little while before this and the barrier would sap her chakra stores completely dry. Panicked tears sprung forth and immediately poured down her cheeks – she held Sasuke's fragile body as tight as she could and nearly doubled over. "I promised I'd keep him safe!" she screamed, "Don't you understand?!_ He's all I have of him now _!"_

 _With that, she charged at them head-on, "_ And I won't let you take him _!"_

 _Her legs were charged with some of the last of her chakra reserves, allowing her to move too fast for even Kakashi's Sharingan to keep up. Her friend only had a split second to turn his body as Kana's chakra blade plunged into his body; she missed his abdominal aorta by a centimeter, but she felt the edge of it slice through his kidney. Kana looked up into his mask and watched his eyes widen in agony behind the slits as her Demon Dark Arm changed shape from a smooth blade to a row of spikes._

 _As she began to pull out, tearing his insides, Kana felt an unnatural stiffness in her body._

 _"That's enough."_

 _The sound of the Hokage's voice caused fear to return to Kana's exhausted body. Tears still streaming down her face, she let go of the jutsu; the barrier remained, though she knew that this fight was over. Tenzo pulled Kakashi off of her still-extended arm. Tirahashi, her teammate, was already by his side performing medical ninjutsu to stop the blood that spouted from the wound._

 _Her possessed body turned around to face the Hokage, who stood next to Shikaku Nara. She figured as much. Her eyes followed Tirahashi and Tenzo as they sprinted off with Kakashi's limp body on a portable stretcher._

 _"Kashi…" she choked, realizing what she had done._

 _The Hokage gave her an intense look that shook her to the core – all this man had to do was snap a finger and the two of them would be dead within moments. She realized this as the barrier over Sasuke finally faded with the last of her available chakra. The boy was still nuzzled into her shoulder, fast asleep, and if the situation had been any different she would have marveled at Itachi's genjutsu skills._

 _Itachi…_

 _"You can let her go now, Shikaku, she's too weak to fight any longer," the Leaf's leader ordered._

 _Kana's weak legs finally gave out beneath her, forcing to collapse to her knees and clutch Sasuke to her body as despair hit her in the gut like a train._

 _She had failed._


	5. Hospital Talks

**Note:** I'm at the point where I need to start figuring out who the hell Kana's getting shipped with and I'm kind of losing my mind over it lol. Also, I'm kind of obliterating some canon for the sake of story, sorry! Guy and Kakashi aren't _technically_ old enough to have been sensei then, as I think they would have only been about 17 or 18 at the time. I also don't think they met Itachi until after he joined Anbu but... Fuck it. Artistic freedom and shit lol. It's an OC. I'm trying XD

Anyways, please review! Reviews make me happier than follows and faves

* * *

"… Maru… Seal…"

Kana heard voices. She pushed through the fog in her mind, willing her eyes to open and her voice to make noise. Her limbs felt like lead against whatever she was laying on; it was soft and warm, so she wasn't in the forest anymore. She forced her brain to remember what had happened. Kana remembered being with her team in the Forest of Death for the Chunin Exams, after meeting that team from the Sand, patrolling the area for Orochimaru.

 _'Oh. Yeah,'_ she thought to herself.

"We need… No time… Take… And get back to…"

She mentally evaluated her body's condition. She didn't feel much pain other than a dull ache in her forearm from where she cut herself, a stronger ache in her back and a small pain at the bite location. Anxiety welled in her stomach at what Orochimaru told her – he was giving her some of his power? What did that mean? What about Sasuke?

People shifted and Kana listened to their footsteps as they exited the room, shutting the door behind them. After a few minutes of struggling, Kana's eyes fluttered open; there were white tiles over her, a large window to the right and a small group of people standing in a half circle with their backs turned to her. Okay, so she was in the hospital. That made sense. Kana tried to call out, but her voice only managed a pathetic sounding whimper. Still, it caught the attention of the handful of jonin and they turned towards her - her eyes were immediately drawn to Genma, who was giving her a chipper smile. Kakashi stood to his left and Raido was on his right. The sight of Guy just behind them was her biggest cause for concern, because the haunted look in his normally jovial eyes told her that something terrible had happened while she was out.

"Exams," she croaked as she propped herself up on one elbow, "Guy, did they-"

Guy's face darkened even further and Kana felt her stomach plummet. Raido closed his eyes and gave a half-hearted chuckle. "You face off against one of the sannin in the forest, which lands you in the hospital for three days while we panic over how your body's covered in strange markings and some weird chakra - well, chakra weirder than normal - and your first concern is how _their exam went_?"

Kana barely heard the scarred jonin as an impatient rage began to swell in her chest as her sense of dread continued to build, "Guy, are they okay?"

"There was a preliminary round for the third stage once all of the teams got to the tower," Guy started solemnly, "Lee… Lee lost to one of the Sand ninja, a kid named Gaara." Her mind flashed back to the brief encounter she had with the team. She remembered the hatred that burning behind his bluish green eyes, the anger that dripped from his words as he threatened to attack her. "He's still in the hospital recovering. You would have been so proud to see his determination, Kana. He fought _so_ _hard_. Even if it meant…" She could see he was fighting back tears, and they didn't look anything like the tears of pride he held for Lee. "He's badly injured. He lost."

 _'Oh, no…'_ Kana felt as if there was a lump in her throat and tried to swallow it back down in vain. "And the others? Sasuke? Tenten and Neji?"

Guy just stared at the ground and Kana almost cried out of pure frustration. She wasn't there for her friends, and now getting information was like squeezing water from a rock. Genma seemed to realize that Guy was too emotional to continue speaking, so he pushed his hands into his pockets before speaking up. "Tenten is doing just fine but she, too, lost in the preliminary rounds against a Sand nin named Temari. Sasuke won in his fight. Neji and Hinata fought each other in the tower, but Hayate and the other jonin interfered before Neji killed her."

Killed? Questions raced through Kana's mind as confusion replaced her irritation. Kana knew full well that Neji hated Hinata for things she simply was unable to control, but she never thought he would go so far as to use the exams as an excuse to killer her in cold blood…

"There are more important things to worry about, though, Kana," Kakashi stated, "You weren't the only one Orochimaru cursed in the forest."

 _'Cursed..?'_

Kakashi pulled a chair up from the wall to sit next to Kana's bed. "When Orochimaru attacked you, he used a special type of senjutsu to place a curse mark on your body. He did the same thing to Sasuke Uchiha just couple of days before you, though it appears they're two different marks. Sasuke's is on his shoulder and looks like three rounded hooks, whereas yours is on your chest and looks like three curved lines." She pulled the collar of her hospital t-shirt out and looked down; sure enough, there were three lines pointing to the center of her chest in a strange circle. Kana just stared in disbelief at the markings as the realization of what had happened finally set in: She attempted to take on one of the three legendary sannin and lost. But she didn't _just_ lose to him, she was still alive. No, Orochimaru had _claimed_ her in some way.

What was worse, he did the same exact thing to Itachi's little brother. The thought angered and saddened her at the same time, so Kana bit her lip and squeezed her eyes shut to force back a wave of emotions that threatened to crash over her. She dropped her shirt as her head snapped up to meet Kakashi's gaze. "Tenpo and the others-"

"Are alright," he assured her, "They said that once the barrier jutsu stopped, Orochimaru had vanished."

She sighed in relief, though the feeling of anxiety and dread didn't fade. "So what do I do, about… What's going to happen-"

 _"Just like I did with the Uchiha boy."_

Self-hatred and anger joined her anxiousness as she struggled to keep her composure. "Is Sasuke okay?"

Raido sat down on the edge of her bed and reached out to pat her shin through the blankets. "For right now you don't need to do anything," he said, "You have a cracked rib and a few bruised bones so the nurse said you can leave the hospital as soon as you woke up. However…"

"I'm going to have to seal that curse mark," Kakashi finished.

"And Sasuke?" she snapped.

Concern flickered in both Kakashi's and Genma's faces. "He's _fine_ , we start training in a couple of days," Kakashi said, a stern edge to his voice that almost made his words sound like a warning.

Kana nodded and stared at her hands in her lap before speaking again. "Guy, I told Neji about how I would be taking over his training for the third stage," she said, "Can you have him meet me tomorrow at the usual training ground?"

Guy hadn't moved from where he was standing, but his head had at least risen up to watch the conversation. He nodded grimly and exited the room. She didn't mean right this second, but okay. Kana threw the blankets off of her body and swung her legs over the edge of the bed so that her back was turned to the others. "Do we know how the mark works?" she asked, her fingertips grazing the cloth just over the center of her chest.

"As long as you don't intentionally use it, you should be fine," Kakashi responded, "The mark relies heavily on its bearer's willpower. Unless you _want_ to activate it, it will lie dormant in your body until it finally disappears."

"Is there any way to remove it right now and just get it over with?"

"Not without seriously damaging your body, no."

Kana sighed and stood up from the bed. "So why are you all here?" she asked, "And where are my clothes?" Her ribs ached, but she was able to move freely without too much discomfort. That was good, it meant she'd be able to participate fully in Neji's training in a couple of weeks.

Genma picked up her backpack that had been placed on the floor at the end of the bed and placed it on top of the sheets; she pulled the zipper open and tipped it over onto its side, picking up the bottom corner and lifting the bag up to dump the contents onto the bed. Kana's neatly folded clothing fell out into a messy pile. Whoever packed this almost seemed to intentionally leave out any sort of clothing that may have marked her as a shinobi. And her underwear. She gave Genma a questioning look, who shrugged apologetically and clicked the senbon between his teeth. "Sorry, I'm not too comfortable with digging through a girl's things."

Kana only rolled her eyes and yanked her hospital-issued sweat pants down her thighs, wiggling a little so that they dropped down to her ankles; the cool hospital air felt refreshing as it rushed up to meet her legs, and she was glad that she was brought shorts so she could continue to enjoy it. Raido's eyes shifted so that they stared pointedly out the window, a slight pink tingeing his tan skin; it appeared that even though the group had seen each other naked in the past due to varying circumstances, he still was uncomfortable with her stripping to the plain white panties that clothed her butt.

"I knew you trained with Guy but _damn_ , Kana."

With her shorts in hand and one foot out of the sweatpants that pooled around her on the floor, the kunoichi gave Genma an incredulous look that screamed _"Are you fucking kidding me?"_ The man bit his senbon and blushed in embarrassment, throwing his eyes to the floor. "I'm just… Appreciative, is all. I mean you're _cut_."

Her eyes slanted. Raido laughed and shoved him with the palm of his hand, "That's why you never get any dates, Gen, you need to learn how to properly compliment a woman."

"That, and he spends all of his spare time with Izumo," Kana muttered as she slid her shorts up to where her waist dipped in, "Maybe it's not the ladies he's interested in complimenting."

Genma coughed in surprise and Raido's laughter rang loud enough to be heard three villages away. "Man, I could have sworn that he and Kotetsu were dating. Genma, you sneaky dog!"

Kana snorted. Kakashi lazily rolled his head to the side, "Are they really?"

"Of course they aren't, Kakashi, damn!" The suddenness and intensity of Genma's rejection of the idea only caused Raido's laughter to rise to a roar. Kana started laughing, too, and even Kakashi's shoulders bounced as he chortled.

She pulled her t-shirt off and suddenly really hated Genma for being too immature to grab a bra for her. It wasn't as if she desperately needed one, though, considering her muscular figure didn't provide much for a feminine body… Still, the extra support would have been appreciated as she slid the top over her chest. It was a tight black turtleneck crop top that stopped just beneath her breasts, with an open back that had black horizontal straps. The sleeves stopped at her elbows, meaning her stitched up wound glared angrily at anyone who looked at her forearm. It occurred to her that it probably looked like she tried to commit suicide.

Kana dropped her arm and looked up at the three men before her. "Seriously, why are you all here?"

Kakashi shrugged and leaned back in his chair, "Believe it or not, it was mostly a coincidence. I came here with Guy, who looked like he was going to jump out of his skin if he didn't get here for the tenth time today, and we ran into these two goons in the hall. Before you woke up we were just talking about the curse mark, what happened and how security is going to be tight until we figure out what Orochimaru's up to."

"I know it's hard for you to believe, kid, but there were quite a few people that grew concerned when they saw Tirahashi running through the village with your limp body," Raido added, "No everyone has the ability to just _see_ if someone is alive or not."

She could imagine how that must have looked. "Oh… I, uh…" her brain struggled to find words to express her gratitude, but it came up blank. Genma placed a hand on her shoulder. "Don't worry about it. We're just glad you're okay. You gave us quite a scare, lady."

Kana looked up at the older man, who was giving her a gentle smile. He squeezed her shoulder and his eyes drifted downward. "You're so _small_."

"Genma…" Kakashi groaned. Raido covered his scarred face with his palm and shook his head with a sigh.

The way his eyes widened slightly make Kana wonder if he had actually meant to say that out loud or not; he pulled his hand away to play with the senbon that was twisting between his lips in circles. "I didn't mean that as a bad thing, I just… Sometimes forget how much muscle you can pack into someone that-"

"Yes, Genma, that's what happens when a 17 year old trains every day. You could learn something from her." Kana rolled her eyes at the level of sass Kakashi presented to him as he cut him off and leaned against the windowsill; Genma was an extremely accomplished tokubetsu jonin that would give all three of them a run for their money in a fight, so she doubted there was much she could actually teach him. He wiggled his senbon and cleared his throat in response. "Whatever, I'm hungry. Anyone wanna get some lunch?"

Kakashi's stomach rumbled in response. Raido shrugged and stood up from the bed, "I could go for some dumplings and sake, yeah."

"Already thinking of booze at two in the afternoon, Raido?"

"Stuff it, Kakashi, it's my day off. Dick."

The girl reached up and scratched her scalp, realizing she hadn't eaten anything other than rations in about a week. And the last ration she had was three days ago, apparently. "I like the sound of dumplings," she agreed, "Shikaku's boy told me that steamed sesame pork buns have been added to the menu at the place next to the flower shop so I want to get some of those, too."

Raido scoffed, " _'Shikaku's boy.'_ You need to stop hanging around us geezers, Kana, you're starting to sound like us." He laughed and walked towards the door. "Anyways, I need to run a quick errand for the Third so I'll meet you guys there."

Genma followed suit, eyes still plastered to his feet, "Yeah I gotta do something, too. You two go on ahead."

When the door shut behind the two, Kana sighed and scanned the room for any sign of her belongings. It looked like someone had taken all of her gear back to her apartment, including her hair tie - she really wished someone like Tenten had packed the paper bag with her things, someone that knew what she needed. Kana pushed her hair back out of her face and tried to tightly braid it so that it wouldn't come undone too easily.

"Why don't you leave it down for once?" Kakashi asked as he stood up from his seated position. The tall man walked around the bed and reached out to weave his fingertips in her neat braid. Just like the last time they saw each other, he wiggled his fingers up the braid so that it came loose. Kana just stared at the small amount of face that was exposed to her as his grey eye looked her hair over.

Kana started wearing her hair in a braid when she was little, after Neji said he liked it. It felt almost unnatural to allow it to hang loosely around her shoulders like this but it wasn't as if she had much of a choice in the matter - she didn't have any hair ties so it would just fall out anyways. She started to walk towards the door , hoping Kakashi knew where to go as she stepped into the hallway.

"Oh, and about what Genma said earlier… Don't listen to him. You look fine," he said calmly as the door shut behind him with a soft click. Kana's lips twitched into an unenthusiastic grin and shrugged at his comment. She chose the life of a shinobi, knowing that it wasn't going to be a glamorous one. Her body wasn't soft, but that muscle density kept her alive. "I think he was just trying to forget about how worried he was while you were out," he continued, "I don't know if you realize this, but you have quite the fanbase." Kakashi's voice was lighthearted, and the joke made her smile. "He, Kotetsu and Izumo came by a couple times a day to check in on you, almost as if they were some sort of sentry. Though Neji didn't appreciate how his alone time kept being interrupted so he just sat outside of your window for a few hours at a time."

At first, the thought of Neji pouting like a child caused Kana to roll her eyes and giggle. Her thoughts went somber, though, as she recalled what had been mentioned earlier. "When Genma said Neji tried to kill Hinata… What did he mean exactly?"

Kakashi sighed, "Yeah I _figured_ you were going to bring that up. You know about Neji's fixation on fate so I can skip the preamble, but in his fight with Hinata he began to try and convince her to give up by explaining how her fate was to always be inferior. After Naruto started screaming at her like a cheerleader she refused to back down, despite hardly being able to stand, and even went so far as to tell him that his outlook on life was a sort of _flaw_. He then tried to kill her in a fit of rage."

It was Kana's turn to sigh as her shock melted into disappointment; just a week ago she was talking to him about how proud of him she was, and then he goes and reminds her that he's still just an angry child beneath his cool demeanor. Her mood didn't lighten any when Kakashi finally stopped at a door on the first level. "I'm going to stand out here, if you don't mind," he said. Kana shook her head wordlessly and slid the door open enough for her body to slip through.

Just as she expected, Guy was sitting in a metal chair that was seated next to his pupil's bed. His large body was hunched over, shoulders slumped and head hanging low. Kana could only place a hand on his sagging form as her eyes took in Lee's pitiful form. He was bandaged nearly head to toe and bruises littered his boyish face.

"They didn't want to pump him full of painkillers," Guy whispered, his normally jovial voice hollow and broken, "So they put him into a medically-induced coma until the worst of it subsides."

The teenager pulled up her own chair so that she could at least let her old sensei know that she was here. When she sat down, Kana extended her right arm to gently push back Lee's bangs. His hair was so soft against her skin. It fell back into place as Kana brought her hand down to rest on top of Guy's, which was holding Lee's in a gentle, almost cradling way. "I'm so sorry I wasn't there for them."

"Was I… Wrong to teach him to use the Gates?" he asked after a long pause.

Kana shook her head. "I don't think the problem lies within _what_ he knows, Guy, but how he uses it. He's still too naïve to understand that there are times where giving up, backing out of a fight, is necessary."

"He's just _so determined_ … To prove how capable he is as a shinobi." Guy's voice shook as he spoke. Kana lifted her hand to place it back on the wide expanse of his shoulders so he didn't see them tremble as she avoided looking her injured friend.

"A capable shinobi understands his limits. You need to show him that. He looks to you for validation, and doesn't care what anyone else has to say as long as he has _your_ approval. You and I both know that once he is able to grasp that concept, he'll be able to truly show the world what an excellent ninja he is."

Guy half-chuckled, half-sobbed in response. "You know, you would make a fine bride for my Lee here."

"Bride, or mother?"

This time, Kana was granted a genuine chuckle. "Good point."


	6. Pork Buns

"Well look who it is, it's my favorite jonin in the whole wide world!" Kotetsu was already tipsy by the time Kana and Kakashi arrived to the dumpling shop - he reached out to Kana clumsily as she tried to scoot her way onto the wooden bench, nodding a hello to Raido, who had a bottle of sake in front of him on the table. He raised his tiny cup and downed its contents before greeting the pair.

"'Bout time you two got here," he said, "Kotetsu's about four beers in and we already ordered for you. Hope you had your heart set on those pork buns."

"Where's Genma?" Kakashi asked, looking over his shoulder as his eyes scanned the room, "Wasn't this _his_ idea? Don't tell me he's pouting from earlier?" The corners of Kana's lips twitched upwards at the reminder, and her eyes flitted to the pair that sat next to her. Izumo's right arm was draped over the wooden back of the bench-booth hybrid they sat on, and the other held a beer bottle to his lips. His eyes narrowed in curiosity but he didn't seem to have much of an interest in pursuing any sort of clarification.

Kotetsu, who sat between she and Izumo, appeared to be completely unaware that Kakashi had even said anything as his hands floundered around Kana's body in an attempt to get a comfortable hold on her. She continued to squirm out of his attempts at hugs so he settled with resting his head on her shoulder. "I was so _worried_ about you," he whined, "You were asleep for so _long_ and – why is your hair down?" His head lolled back and allowed her grey hair to drape over his face and neck for effect. "It smells weird."

Raido ignored his drunken fixation on Kana and took another drink. "He was here earlier but was only able to stay long enough to get some soup dumplings to go. Apparently they're getting started on preparations for the Chunin Exams' third stage early, and he's been picked as a proctor so he's got his hands full. Must be a real drag."

"My hair smells weird because I've been sweating in the forest and lying in a hospital bed for the last week, jackass," Kana muttered. She really didn't think he cared that much about her hair being down so she didn't bother explaining that Genma sucked at packing for others. Kotetsu only giggled as his head slid back down so his forehead rested on her neck; the cold metal of his forehead protector on her skin felt sharp and uncomfortable so she attempted to shrug him off but all it accomplished was getting him to practically lay on top of her. _'For god's sake.'_

At least the food had finally arrived. She watched in anticipation as the server brought a large tray with different types of steaming dishes, realizing that her hunger had evolved into a feeling of ravenousness. Kana was glad she asked for the pork buns, something she could eat with her hands - with the way her left arm was pinned down by the intoxicated chunin next to her, she would have had to make an attempt to use chopsticks with her inferior right hand. That would have been a mess and a half, though most of it probably would have ended up getting dropped on Kotetsu who was currently being jostled by his best friend.

"Come on, man, you need to get some food into you," Izumo said as he tried to peel the man off like a leech. Kotetsu grunted in protest but forfeited when a bowl of dumpling and noodle soup was pushed in front of him. Her arm felt oddly light at the sudden loss of pressure but was glad to finally be free of his weight; Kana appreciated the friendship she had with the chunin but he got way too cuddly when he was drunk. She scooted to the side a bit for good measure and dragged her plate of buns with her.

The two jonin that sat across from them had already started eating their own meals in silence. It was strange to watch Kakashi eat in public, mostly because it sort of hit home just how secretive he truly was. She watched him hook his thumb under the top layer of his mask and pull it out enough for a dumpling to slip through, the mask snapping back around his chin the second he let go. For a brief moment Kana wondered if any of the others had ever seen his face; it was easy to conclude that the two that sat to her left hadn't, they were more her friends than Kakashi's. Raido seemed to be better friends with her friend, but Kana wondered if she was making the connection simply based off of their age.

She shrugged it off and bit into the first pork bun, relishing how warm and soft it was against her lips. The strong nutty aroma of the sesame oil filled her nose as the taste of pork and bread spread over her tongue. If there was anything Kana loved about the Leaf it was the availability of amazing food. Before she knew it, she had swallowed her first bite and was already going back for her second, feeling as if she hadn't eaten in years.

 _"You really have never tried these before?"_

 _Kana wiped the thin layer of sesame oil off of her finger tips with a napkin as she swallowed her third bite. "No, oh my god Tachi these are fantastic!"_

 _Her friend looked genuinely pleased at her enthusiasm. His body was angled towards her, with an elbow propped up on the bar they sat at, while he calmly took a sip of water to wash down the saltiness of the pork bun he just finished off. "As strong as your love for good food is, I have to say I'm surprised. But I'm glad you're enjoying them." His voice had a lightness to it that was rare to hear from him in public, Kana noted._

 _"If you want," she said while chewing, "I can try to find a good recipe for these and make them for lunch sometime next week."  
_

 _Itachi's eyes widened slightly for a split second and she wondered if he had actually been caught off guard - it wasn't exactly uncommon for her to make food for the other two, but every time she mentioned it or handed him a bento he always looked so surprised._

 _His face quickly melted into a gentle smile and Itachi reached out to push a stray lock of white hair out of her face, setting it behind her ear. "I would love that."_

 _Kana jabbed her elbow into Shisui's ribs when he tried to sneakily grab her third and final bun, "Senpai, you will not live to see tomorrow."_

 _"Now, is that any way to treat your elder?" he whined while flashing the same lopsided grin that won him the hearts of nearly every kunoichi in their class._

 _She made a face and twisted away from her friend in a display of possessiveness, "I called you senpai, didn't I?" Disregarding the fact that the three of them had known each other since dirt was new, and they graduated the academy together..._

 _Itachi's fond smile widened as he watched the two ease themselves into the banter they regularly found each other in. When Kana noticed, she grinned and snatched one of his buns off of his plate to all but lob it at Shisui's face._

"Kana?"

Kakashi's concerned voice snapped her out of her thoughts. She looked up and saw that the four men were gazing at her with varying levels of concern – even Kotetsu appeared to have lost his drunken giddiness, only the flush of his cheeks giving away to how much he had been drinking. It occurred to her that she had just been staring at her plate, which had the one pork bun left next to a bowl of ginger salad, while the others had finished off their meals. She was also acutely aware of how strongly her now-black hair contrasted her pale skin. "I…" she started, mind whirling as it tried to conjure up an excuse, "I just…"

"Don't worry about Lee," Kakashi said lazily, "He just needs some time to recuperate and he'll be back in action in no time."

She didn't know if she was grateful for him stepping in to get the attention off of her, or hurt that he so blatantly lied about the extent of Lee's injuries. "Yeah… Yeah you're right."

Her second bun didn't taste as nice.

* * *

The sun had gone down by the time the group had left the dumpling shop, but the weekend nightlife had only just begun in the Village Hidden in the Leaves. Kana could faintly hear the sounds of music and chatter from her apartment building as she walked through the outdoor hallway. Kakashi had managed to salvage the mood at the restaurant soon after she broke out of her trance, but it seemed he knew she was still in poor spirits even has her hair lightened with the atmosphere. He insisted on walking her home, though neither of them said a word.

"Kakashi, can I ask you something?"

Out of the corner of her eye she saw her old mentor's exposed eyebrow arch upwards. It was an understandable response; it wasn't as if she ever really asked his permission for anything. "Well I don't see why not." His voice carried his trademark disinterested tone, but she could hear the layer of concern just underneath it.

Kana dropped her eyes to the concrete pathway and focused on the one loose thread that poked out from the top of her shorts. She lifted up a hand and twirled the stray around a calloused fingertip. "The night… The one with the Uchihas… I never…" The kunoichi furrowed her eyebrows as if it would help her organize her thoughts into a proper sentence. "I never told you that I was sorry."

Kakashi's footsteps stopped, and she turned to face him. Even through the mask Kana could see that his expression had visibly darkened. She wondered if he was angry or not as his eye squinted. "Why are you bringing this up now?" he asked, the sharpness of his tone making her flinch. It sounded less like a question, and more like an accusation.

Her mouth hung open as she struggled to think of a way to explain herself. "While I was asleep, I… I dreamt of it and… I just... I hurt you… _So_ _bad_ , Kashi."

"Yes, I am well aware of what you did to me." The bite in his voice caused shame to bloom in Kana's chest. Her cheeks warmed and she hung her head to hide her face. She could still remember the hot wetness of his insides; the feeling of abnormally soft tissue against her skin had haunted her for months. Though it wasn't as bad as the look that Kakashi gave her as she stared into his eyes that night - Kana recalled the look of horror, and agony his eyes held for her as she attempted to end his life. The disappointment he held for her then caused her head to spin. It wasn't until his large hand plopped down onto her shoulder that the kunoichi realized he had approached her. She was too ashamed to do anything other than stare at their exposed toes.

"Look at me, Kana."

"I can't," she whispered.

" _Look at me_."

Kana bit her lip and forced her head to tilt upwards, realizing immediately that he had pulled his mask down to his neck and his forehead protector up right in the middle of the hall - this wasn't just _rare_ for him, it was a _phenomenon_ within itself. Even then, Kana could only focus on the intense expression that was etched into his mature features. She felt herself shrivel beneath his moonlit gaze and, for the first time in her life, Kana felt small.

With the exception of Itachi she had never seen someone exude such a sense of compassion in her life, not even from Guy. Everything about Kakashi in that moment was tender and kind as he gazed down at her. He raised his other hand and placed it at the nape of Kana's neck. "I am not going to pretend as if I know what _truly_ happened that night," he spoke softly, "But I know what it's like to grow up too fast, Kana. So did Itachi and Shisui, and I watched you three grow to love each other in the years you spent together - we all did. What danger you saw in us I will probably never understand, but I _do_ understand you had been entrusted with protecting Itachi's brother. You did everything within your power to keep Sasuke safe and that isn't something you should apologize for."

Their gazes still locked, Kakashi took her hand in his own and pushed it under his shirt. She felt the raised flesh beneath her fingertips and cringed inwardly – the scar was about four and a half inches long, an inch wide and was strangely soft. Kana could only imagine how much pain she caused him that night as she cut him open in desperation. She felt tears burn at her eyes and her vision blurred.

"I miss them so much," she choked out, doing everything she could to not break down right then and there.

Kakashi covered his left eye and pulled up his mask, but not before a look of guilt flashed across his features. The man pulled her in for a tight embrace and Kana finally swung her arms around him, burying her face into his flak jacket and held onto her former mentor's body as if she was going die if she let go. "Kashi, I… Not having him here… It hurts," she sobbed as she struggled to keep her tears at bay. She only managed to make pathetic noises as she tried to choke out an explanation. Kana didn't know if it was because of the lump in her throat, or because she wasn't sure how a member of the Anbu Black Ops could explain how she still wishes she left the village with the man marked as a traitor.

"I know," was his only response. Kana realized that she didn't need to validate her feelings, not to him. Kakashi understood loss just as well as any other veteran shinobi. She stopped bothering with attempts to speak and allowed him to pull away to unlock her front door. Her body felt strangely light and weak, but still too heavy for her legs to carry; she swayed to the side, her black hair swinging with her head as it dropped. Kana watched the concrete darken with her tears as they fell from her eyes.

 _"I envy you, Kana," Itachi confessed._

 _Tearful eyes looked up at his from the coffin before them. The bright midday sun was blocked by clouds, making it abnormally cool for the normally tropical climate. The fingertips that gingerly grazed her palm were warm against her skin despite this, and Kana curled her fingers to lightly hold them._

 _"You can let yourself cry, and become visibly angry," he explained, "Your emotions are a large part of who you are and, even if you don't form many, the bonds you share with the people in your life are strong." Itachi looked back to their teammate's coffin as it was lowered into the ground. "I have such a tight control on myself that I don't think I could cry even if I wanted to."_

 _He slid his fingers along her hand until their fingers were fully laced together in a private show of affection. "Will you cry for me?"_

Kana stumbled against her old friend as he guided her to the bedroom, unsure of when exactly they got inside, and allowed him to gently nudge her onto the bed. The bed shifted behind her as Kakashi sat behind her but she only barely noticed.

 _"Will you cry for me?"_

The photo next to her bed of the Uchiha brothers and herself blurred into a mess of colored splotches as the lump in her throat threatened to suffocate her. She turned her head into the pillow and released an anguished scream; the intense feelings of grief, loneliness and pain she had been burying suddenly rose up to be released, and Kana felt physically ill. Her body spasmed against the sheets as her wail ended in a choked sob, and Kana felt Kakashi wrap a tentative arm around her, holding her in silent solicitude. She pushed her body back against the bed so that she was fully pressed against his, gripping the forearm he held around her in a desperate attempt to get closer to him - it felt as if her body was going to fall apart if Kakashi let go for even a second, and she felt herself tremble uncontrollably as her sobs turned into bawling. For the first time in five years since he left, Kana mourned the loss of her friend.


	7. Teaching a Lesson

**Note** : I wasn't sure if I wanted to include the bit with Genma at the end, but I ended up just throwing it in since this chapter was kind of short without it (In comparison). I feel like I've spent a tad too long on building up Kana and her relationships with others, though. Whoops! But I just finished writing the Konoha crush bit and I think y'all are going to like it. Hopefully.

I think I gave myself too much shit to juggle XD

* * *

Maybe it was just the stress of everything that had been going on, but watching Neji walk onto the training grounds only seemed to mentally exhaust her as her mind flashed back to what Kakashi had told her the day before. She knew full well that Neji hated the main branch, and Hinata by extension, but the idea of him intentionally using the exams as an excuse to murder his own cousin…

Kana kicked off of the branch she was perched on and focused chakra to her fingertips; he barely had time to notice that she was attacking him, never mind to make an attempt at properly dodging. Neji didn't want her to hold back, right? She extended her arm at the same time the boy realized what was happening, her fingertips encased in pointed cones of chakra that tore through his shirt. He was able to twist his body so that Kana wasn't able to stab the kidney she was aiming for, but her fingertips still ripped through his skin.

Her bloodied fingertips marked the ground in strange loops when she caught herself. Using the remaining inertia from her initial attack to spin herself around; Kana curled her body in and threw out her leg in a kick. Neji was still stumbling from the stab and didn't have time to register what was happening so the foot solidly connected with his rib cage; bursts of chakra spiked out of her tenketsu and Neji cried out as droplets of blood splattered over her ankle and calf.

"What's wrong, Neji?" she shouted as she sprung off of her hands, "Isn't this what you wanted?!" Before she even landed she was signing for her chakra senbon. Even as she told him she wasn't holding back, she made sure to only use her light attacks so she wouldn't seriously injure her friend. Kana threw her hands out to launch ten black spikes from her fingers as she landed. At the same time, Neji flung a kunai that embedded itself into the underside of her forearm. She tore it out and launched it directly into his thigh.

This was too easy. She was aware of how outmatched the genin was – she didn't need to watch him scramble to regain his footing to understand that. Still, Kana wasted no time in continuing the assault. "I'm sorry, are you realizing that it may not be your _destiny_ to win?" she spat as she charged towards him, "Is _fate_ so unkind to you?!" She punched him in the center of his stomach and raised her knee to his nose when he doubled over. "Maybe you understand that you don't have _control_ over this so you should _forfeit_!" Chakra coned around her fingertips again and she grabbed Neji by the throat. "Or should I just kill you since you're too _weak_ to fend me off!" More blood splattered across her hand when she jabbed her fingertips at a vertical angle into his soft belly, thought it was still nothing more than a superficial wound.

Kana threw him to the ground. She was only wearing her normal jonin outfit so when she stared down at Neji she knew he was able to clearly see the disappointment in her glowering face. "How does it feel," she hissed, "To know that I could kill you right here, right now? Do you feel powerless?" She kicked the spot she first stabbed, doing her best to ignore his agonized cry, "Like garbage?" The jonin stepped over his squirming form and knelt down.

"I have never been so ashamed to know someone, Neji," she growled, "There I was a couple of weeks ago talking about how _proud_ I was of you. How you had 'Grown up' into a 'Fine shinobi' and my colleagues said you were going to excel in the exams and make your clan _proud_ to have someone like you in the branch family." Kana punched him directly in the face and she wondered if he knew how lucky he was that she had such self control over her body as he stared up at her in horror.

"But then you go and attempt to murder your own cousin in a childish fit of rage," She grabbed his forehead protector and pulled, her brute force tearing the fabric, "Because she only confirmed what everyone else is entirely aware of?!"

The seal on Neji's forehead was fully exposed and she pressed a finger directly into the center, leaning down so that her mouth was next to his ear. "I never let your hatred for the main branch bother me because I knew it was a driving force for your progression as a shinobi but let's make something perfectly clear, punk. You spout on about fate as a safety blanket for your own insecurities, because you don't want to have to face the fact that you feel you were born into the wrong branch. Because you can't control that part of your life."

Kana pulled back to glare into his wide eyes, "And you know what the worst part is? You attempted to murder Hinata in cold blood for that _same_ _reason_. Because _she_ couldn't control what branch _she_ was born into."

A sharp and sudden pain sparked in her chest as soon as she finished her sentence; it wasn't her ribs, though they did ache from moving too much. Kana clutched her chest through her green flak jacket and gasped. Unless it had some sort of gestation period that had just timed out, she assumed the mark triggered when her emotions became too intense. She was upset at the situation, yes, but she didn't feel the emotion was so great to cause this.

The pain spread across her skin. She looked down to see strange glowing markings travel down her arms, where the stitches in her arm had torn open. As the gash began to weep the kunoichi rolled off of her friend, thankful that she didn't harm Neji too severely in those few minutes of battle.

"Kana!" Neji pulled himself off of the ground but she was too fixated on those orange marks stretching down her elbow. Using her good arm to dig through her pouch, Kana pulled out a roll of gauze. She lifted it to her mouth and used her teeth to tear the plastic wrap that kept it sterile. Another jolt of pain ripped through her body, seemingly following the patterns that trailed down her skin as they faded to black, and she moaned. "Don't worry, I'm alright," she assured him.

Kana closed her eyes and took a long, deep breath to regain her composure. Her hands worked methodically to wrap the gauze around her forearm tight enough to staunch the bleeding; red quickly stained the fabric at first, but as she added more layers it appeared to slow. _'Good, that isn't going to be something to worry about,'_ she thought. She needed to get to Kakashi, though, so he could use the sealing jutsu he mentioned the day before; Kana exhaled the breath she had been holding and activated her Kurogan.

Neji's bloodied face looked panicked as his childhood friend screamed and collapsed to the ground. It had felt as if someone had jammed a sword through her head and lit her body on fire at the same time; she doubled over and put her weight on her forearms to focus on her breathing. She wasn't going to be able to use her kekkei genkai until this was over.

"Neji, are you… Well enough to… _Hnng_ … Use your Byakugan?"

He nodded, "Because you used your lighter attacks, my wounds aren't extreme." The veins in his temples bulged. "Who am I looking for?"

"Kakashi Hatake." The pain was great, and she could feel whatever this was manifest itself into her body, but she fought to keep her equanimity as she taped the bandage in place. It took him over a minute, but Neji soon took her uninjured arm and wrapped it around his shoulder to help her stand. Kana felt him wince under her weight and she swore under her breath at the awful timing. He wasn't going to be able to carry her so she pulled her arm back and forced herself to stay upright, even as the combined pain of the curse mark and her injured ribs made her feel as if she was going to collapse. "He's not too far away," Neji said in what she assumed was supposed to be a reassuring tone, "He's almost 2 kilometers north of us at the Academy."

His location was somewhat convenient; Anbu HQ was located near the Hokage Monument in those same mountains, and they could access one of the chambers there for the sealing jutsu. She turned to the younger ninja, "Get yourself to the hospital, Neji. You were... Right in saying I used light attacks but you're going to need a medical-nin to... Crap..." Kana focused her breathing through her nose, "To check your wounds for chakra burns and to make sure you don't need any stitches."Neji looked conflicted, which she expected, but the commanding tone in her voice made it clear that arguing was going to get him nowhere. He held her gaze for only a moment longer before taking off, and Kana realized that his bleeding was worse than she had initially thought.

Kana used the opportunity to sink back to her knees as the burning underneath her flesh intensified. _'What is happening!?'_ she screamed internally as she ran the pad of her thumb over the blood that had dribbled down her forearm. She squeezed her eyes shut against the growing pain as she channeled her chakra and formed hand signs, watching the marks glow orange again and slither down her thighs. So using her chakra was what triggered the curse, she realized as she slammed her hand to the ground.

"Summoning jutsu!"

Script spread across the ground just before a cloud of smoke appeared and burned her eyes. A small orange cat wearing a red scarf appeared before her, startled by her appearance. "Momoko, Kakashi is… HNG!" she had to lean forward and spread her weight to her hands and knees, "The Academy. Hurry."

Momoko took off without a word and Kana was glad that she had been able to summon one of the faster ninneko as she bolted across the field and into the woods within a matter of seconds. She fought to steady her breathing as the intensity of the pain lessened. Yeah the mark was definitely triggered by chakra, but was it just some sort of sick torture method? Or was there something else happening, like a chakra siphoning jutsu? Kakashi had said that he needed to intentionally activate it but she wouldn't even know how to do something like that – she wished he had gone into more detail about Orochimaru's jutsu instead of just breezing over the bare basics of the details.

Looking down at her wound, Kana realized it had started to bleed profusely in the last couple of minutes as she had been lost in her thoughts. She couldn't understand why, though, as she knew for an absolute fact that she half only cut under half of an inch into her arm. Not only that but she cut at a horizontal angle because of how arteries close up if they're cut like that, _and_ the wound was already few days old. So why was she bleeding so much?

She used what little knowledge she had on medical ninjutsu to examine the gash, gritting her teeth as the pain intensified. Thankfully it didn't take her more than fifteen or twenty seconds to realize that her body hadn't even begun to heal itself, and when Neji's kunai stabbed her he had punctured the artery. She rolled her eyes at the irony: Even though she was beating the hell out of him, she was too afraid to go all out on him. As a result, he still managed to deal damage. Her power play backfired.

Kana used her other hand to apply pressure to the blood-soaked bandage. _'Where are you, Kakashi?'_ She had no doubt in her mind that Momoko would be able to find him, considering he was the one of the leading nineko. Still, worry began to creep into her mind as she struggled to stand up; the combined stressors of heat and blood loss were starting to affect Kana and, while she couldn't do anything about the bleeding in her current state, she could at least attempt to get out of the sun. She willed her legs to stop shaking enough so that they could carry her forward.

Out of the corner of her eye she could see a figure standing in the distance, just along the forest line; she stopped moving and turned in that direction, though she couldn't make much out other than it was a man with broad shoulders and silver hair. While she didn't expect everyone in the village to be a good Samaritan, why was he just standing there? It seemed strange that someone would just watch her struggle to move. Was he from another village, and was too nervous to get involved in case she died and the blame was put on him?

The theory made sense to her – what with all of the genin staying in the village until the third stage, it was common for the training grounds to have a sort of unofficial waiting list this time of year. Why was he alone, then? Wouldn't he be training with his team?

 _'Or he's a spy.'_

Kana had to mentally prepare herself before activating her Kurogan, knowing full well that she was going to be taking a huge risk.

The pain was just as horrible as before, her skull feeling as if it was going to split apart at any moment. The teenager forced herself to ignore as much of it as she could so she could focus on the man that stared at her.

She vaguely recognized him – she had looked at his paperwork as she assisted Genma with the registrations. His name was Kabuto, a genin from the Hidden Leaf that had failed five years in a row for either dropping out or willingly throwing matches. It looked like there was someone standing behind him, though she couldn't make him out.

A guttural scream erupted from Kana's throat and she dropped to her knees as she felt the curse mark cross over to her back and down to her feet. The pain was so intense that the kunoichi's vision failed and her legs collapsed beneath her; she hardly even noticed the throbbing from her ribs as she gracelessly fell to the ground. Though her vision was black, Kana could hear running in the distance and she suddenly felt infuriated at the situation. She wasn't a damsel in distress type. She didn't just lie on the ground and wait for someone else to save her, but she couldn't help but feel pathetic as she realized that for, the third time in a week, she was in need of being saved.

As her vision slowly returned she felt two hands on her bleeding arm, and heard the whoosh of medical ninjutsu. She felt herself being rolled onto her back and she saw three faces looking at her with strong concern.

"Sas…"

The young boy's eyes widened as she attempted to address him. "You're…"

The fact that Sasuke remembered who she was gave her a sense of validation as she struggled to speak. "I'm so sorry… I promised I'd…"

"Now isn't the time for this," Kakashi interrupted before looking up to Tirahashi, who was healing her arm, "How does it look?"

Her teammate looked concerned, for good reason, but judging by his expression she was fine. "Her body wasn't healing as quickly as it normally does, which is enough to make me nervous, but the worst of it seems to be the puncture wound that caused a vertical laceration to her artery. That opened up a lot of room in the original cut, which appears to have become deeper than before." Tirahashi's eyes locked with her own. Anbu weren't supposed to become attached to their teammates, not like normal teams. The mission always came first, so a lot of team members only associated with each other in training and on missions. But she would be lying to herself if she said she didn't see worry behind his dark eyes, and as she weakly stared back at her teammate Kana remembered that it was Tirahashi that had carried her from the Forest of Death.

"I don't understand… Why is this mark manifesting itself a _second_ time?" Kakashi muttered to himself.

Tirahashi continued to explain that the blood loss and curse mark were the two major stressors. Kana's eyes drifted back up to Sasuke, who stood directly over her and looked as if he was staring at a ghost. "What, you aren't happy to see me?" she half-laughed, "When you were little you were always the first one to greet me at the door."

She saw his face contort into a look of shock, anger and sadness. It reminded her of just how young he really was – he was twelve now, right?

"Yeah well things _change_."

The harshness of his words felt like a slap to the face. Kana was well aware that he associated her with Itachi, but did she deserve that animosity? She could only stare up at him, unable to come up with any sort of response. He looked so much like his mother…

He averted his gaze from her, choosing to look at Kakashi instead. "I'm going back to train a bit more," he said abruptly. Kakashi nodded and he walked off. Kana's head lolled to the side and she glared at Kakashi menacingly. "Why did you bring him here? Are you that cruel?"

"He insisted on coming," Tirahashi jumped in as he moved his hands from her arm to her ribs, "It isn't Kakashi's fault."

Kana bit her lip and looked back to the sky. Her frustration at the situation was getting to her, and she didn't respond to the feeling of having her flak jacket unzipped and pulled back to expose her torso. "When can we perform the sealing?" she muttered, ignoring the tingling sensation of her teammate's medical ninjutsu addressing her ribs.

"Well, I was hoping to wait until you were healed up but if the Earth mark is this aggressive then it might be a good idea to do it once we're done here. Speaking of which," Kakashi looked around, "Who did this to you?"

"I was training with Neji," she mumbled, "He's getting his injuries looked at right now."

Kakashi's eye widened, "From training?"

"Well…" her head rolled to the side, "He didn't want me to go _easy_ on him this time. I figured if I beat his ass enough-"

"You mean if you _punished_ him for attacking Hinata, he'd learn his _lesson_."

Kana didn't respond.

* * *

"Hey, were you aware that if you put your first and last names together, you get 'Sadness'?" Genma casually asked, signing one of the many forms that littered his desk, "It's kinda fitting."

Kana lifted her eyes from his working hands to leer at him, face lazily pressed against the cool wood surface. "You don't say anything for nearly two hours straight and _that's_ what you come up with?"

To be fair, a lot of the time they spent always seemed to be in silence – she enjoyed being in his presence enough where they didn't need to have long talks or emotional conversation, and he seemed entirely content with that for the most part. Kana had dropped by his office to see if he and Raido were interested in getting some lunch, since Neji needed a day off, but Raido had been sent out on a mission just a few hours earlier so it was just the two of them. Mostly, Kana just wanted to be around someone that she knew would get her mind off of the events from the day before.

His hand continued to write, the tapping sounds of the pen almost in perfect sync with the sounds of his senbon clicking against his teeth, "Well, I mean, if you don't look stoic, you look pretty damn depressed. It isn't as if you're all that open, too, so half of the time I have to go off of use that handy hair of yours. Which, by the way, does it _ever_ turn white?"

She crossed her arms on the edge of the desk so she could cradle her head, the hard surface of the desk was finally starting to dig into her cheekbone painfully and this angle gave her a better view of his calm face, anyways. Genma's eyes flitted up to hers for a brief moment expectantly as his hands continued to work on their own – this was clearly something he had done more times than he could count, if he was able to know exactly what to write and where. He made an impatient sound at her.

"It turns white when I'm happy," she said bluntly, eyes drifting back down.

"Huh, I've never seen it get lighter than Kakashi's."

"It hasn't in a long time."

Genma's hand stopped writing and a small pool of ink formed where the pen had frozen on the paper; he didn't seem to notice, or just didn't care. His next words came out slow and cautious, "Kana, look at me… Are you depressed?"

She understood why his hand halted, and why he sounded so concerned. Shinobi that began to show signs of deteriorating mental health were considered to be unfit for duty in the elite forces, as they were considered a liability. Kana furrowed her brow. _Was_ she depressed? She knew she wasn't necessarily _happy_ by normal standards but, still, she felt somewhat content. "Well… I have a stable job that pays well, I have a handful of friends and a unique bloodline trait… What, you gonna push my psych eval up?"

His eyes narrowed, but they were the eyes of a disquieted friend, not those of an elite bodyguard of the Hokage. The understanding eased the tension that was starting to creep up, but she sighed and remained silent with her eyes locked on Genma's.

"Can I touch you?"

The question – abrupt and out of the blue – confused her, but the way Genma stared at her with a steady gaze, warm eyes full of concern, somehow made the request feel completely reasonable. Kana realized he was waiting on her response, so she nodded wordlessly. Her eyes darted back and forth between his face and the hand he moved towards her head; she had thought that he was just going to reach out to her hand, so seeing it close in on her face threw her off. It must have read on her expression because Genma's palm froze and hovered a few inches away from it. "Are you sure?"

Kana's eyes slanted, "I am not a wild animal, just _do it_ already!" she snapped, leaning her body to the side and pressing her cheek into his palm, glaring at him from across the desk. Despite feeling irritation towards how he treated her like some sort of spooked horse, she took note of how warm and large his hand was against her skin, how she could feel Genma's heartbeat through the thin vein in the pad below his thumb. Her eyes fluttered shut for a brief moment as his thumb tentatively stroked Kana's temple in a steady up and down rhythm.

When her eyes opened again she saw that he was staring at her with an expression that almost came off as alarmed, as if Genma were realizing something that left him perplexed. Her lips twisted into a wry smile and Kana was acutely aware of how close the base of his palm was to her mouth when she did so.

"What's wrong, surprised that I'm actually human?" she questioned, voice taunting.

Her question seemed to snap Genma out of whatever thought he had been lost in, because the unfamiliar expression was quickly replaced with his normally confident one – his eyes revealed that whatever had been going on in his head was still there, but it seemed like he had bounced back for the most part. "You're just softer than I imagined."

Imagined? What the actual fuck was happening right now?

"Anyways, I think it's time I take a break so how about that lunch offer?" Genma stacked the papers into a neat stack and set them into what Kana assumed was the out box before scooting his chair out to stand up.

"I, uh… Genma?"

He rounded the desk and paused, raising an eyebrow.

"I'm okay. Really."

Genma smiled down at her and touched the end of her braid.


	8. Not Exactly Sensei Material

"You're sure you're okay to train?"

Neji rolled his eyes for the third time in the fifteen minutes they had been standing in the training ground. Tenten had been nothing but horrified to see his bruised and battered face, but wasn't surprised when she found out who delivered the beating. She stood next to Neji with a concerned look as she twirled a kunai around her finger. "Do you require a _doctor's note_? I said I'm fine so let's just get on with the training."

Kana sat atop one of the three wooden posts so she could watch what was happening as the two backed away from each other. "Okay, Neji, the best way I can explain this is to think of how you concentrate your chakra to your fingertips," she started, "You're essentially going to be doing the same thing, but instead of focusing it just out of the tenketsu on your fingertips I need you to try pushing it out of all of the chakra points in your right arm – I swear to _god_ if I see you roll your eyes one more time I'm going to tear them out."

"But I already know how to do this," he protested, "You saw me use it during the bell test."

She leaned forward and rested her elbows on her knees; she was beginning to regret the decision to wear her normal jonin attire, as the flak jacket felt like a tiny greenhouse underneath the glaring heat of the summer sun. Her eyes slanted and flickered over to Tenten, who nodded in understanding. A shuriken was thrown directly at Neji as he raised his arm in defense; a ripple in the air appeared along the top of his forearm just as the metal star reached him, though it sliced through the chakra and stabbed into his flesh.

Tenten appeared to be surprise that her half-assed attack went through, but Kana had predicted the outcome before even arriving to the training grounds. "You have the basic idea for the Body Blow Technique down, but when I lobbed that ball of chakra at you it didn't have the same density as something like a weapon," she explained, "So our chakras sort of cancelled each other out, which is a start, so I need to you try again."

Her Kurogan activated as she began to observe Neji intently, focusing primarily on how his chakra moved as he channeled it. "Make sure you're evenly distributing it among your chakra points," she reminded him, "You don't want any weak points. When you think you're ready, Tenten will throw another weapon at you." Kana was aware that the boy wouldn't be able to stop the attack entirely, but that wasn't necessarily her goal for today. She needed him to be able to evenly distribute enough chakra to slow down a physical attack before working him up into the more advanced stages of the Body Blow Technique and Palm Rotation.

 _"Guy, I want to take over Neji's training for the final stage of the Chunin Exams," Kana stated rather abruptly._

 _The large man looked up at her from the textbook he had been studying to raise a thick eyebrow, "Is that so?" He didn't put the book down but it clearly no longer held any of his attention. The teenager was well aware of the negative connotations associated with someone insisting that they train another jonin's student, especially if that person wasn't a jonin-sensei themselves, so Kana was riding on the hopes of their friendship being able to act as a buffer. Even Genma, who was participating in a drunken game of strip poker a few feet away, momentarily raised his head in response to her request._

 _"You know that the Hyuga and Shimi clans have a bond that runs deep and, because of this and how similar our kekkei genkai are, we have a mutual understanding of how our jutsu work. In most cases it's only in a general sense, but I've been doing a lot of research in the last couple of months…" She paused long enough for Anko and Ibiki to shuffle between them. Those two surely made a strange couple, that was for sure. "What I'm trying to say," she continued, "Is that I think I'm the best person to train him right now. I know I'm not jonin-sensei and, in all honesty, I don't have any interest in attempting to train anyone else, but I figured out how a particular Hyuga-specific jutsu works and I believe it is something that Neji should learn before the next stage."_

 _Guy reached out and clasped her knee in his outrageously large palm with a confident look in his eyes. "I understand what you're trying to say and, if you think you can do it, I absolutely trust in your abilities one hundred percent. When they're finished with their trials in the Forest of Death, you can stand in as Neji's sensei."_

"Sensei" wasn't exactly the word she would have used to describe herself, but Kana was just glad that she had Guy's immediate approval. A sense of pride emerged as she understood just how much trust and confidence her father figure and former sensei held for her. Though the more she thought about it, the more it felt like she had been requesting permission to ask for Neji's hand in marriage. Weird.

She was pulled out of her thoughts by the sudden movement of Tenten throwing another shuriken at her teammate; her eyes tightened in anticipation with Neji's as he visibly braced himself. The force of the weapon caused it to fly a little too close for comfort, but it didn't completely pass through his chakra as Kana had been expecting it to. It instead appeared to be caught in a sort of stasis in Neji's chakra until he allowed it to fizzle.

"Wow, Neji, that's amazing!" Tenten cheered, "You completely stopped my attack!" She looked up at Kana expectantly, who was grinning from her position on the post, "Is that it? Is that what you were trying to teach him?"

Sweat had begun to bead on his cheeks and upper lip, Kana noted, a testament to the strain of maintaining that level of chakra control. Kana shrugged and sat up. "In a sense, yeah. This is the first step that Neji needed to take to learn the jutsu I'm going to teach him. But you need to be able to blast the chakra out of the entirety of your body, and maintain it."

Neji's eyes darted up to meet hers with a fierce determination that actually rivaled Lee's for a moment. She saw this as a confirmation that he was ready to continue so she crossed one leg over her knee and decided to up the ante. "I want you to do the same thing again but, this time, shield the entire right half of your body." She looked over to Tenten, "And I want you to throw three shuriken this time instead of just one."

"Got it."

"I understand."

His stern eyes slid shut into an expression of absolute concentration and Kana was thankful that he had a natural talent for chakra control; she wasn't entirely sure if she would be able to explain this to anyone that didn't already have a grasp on how to use the chakra network. Then again, she wasn't all that great at explaining things in general - she was a fighter, not a teacher, for a reason. It seemed she did well enough in Neji's case, as she could see his chakra puffing out of his chakra points as he tested himself; this definitely wasn't as successful as when he was just focusing on his arm, as his chakra wildly exited his body.

Only a few minutes passed before she could see Neji's breathing turn into shallow pants, and the sweat that had formed on his face began to trickle down his chin. "Neji, stop trying to push your chakra out as soon as you build it," she instructed, "You're only stressing yourself out and wasting chakra. Focus more on evenly distributing it across your body, _then_ worry about expelling it." He didn't look at her but nodded in understanding, this time folding his hands together in the hitsuji seal. Kana wished her kekkei genkei was more like the Byakugan so she could directly see how much chakra was being built up behind each tenketsu, instead of only being able to see vague blurs. Knowing that her eyes were so inferior to the other dojutsu of the village was frustrating at times; they really only helped her scout the area and tell people apart from their chakra signature, and she seldom envied wielders of dojutsu that benefited in battle.

 _Lee swam around Kana's side so that their faces were parallel. "Say, Kana, what is it like to have dojutsu? What does it feel like, I mean?" His large eyes were wide with curiosity, his long eyelashes holding tiny water droplets that flicked onto his round cheeks with each blink._

 _She had been floating on her back in the river, lost in thought, so his question took her quite by surprise. You could practically hear the gears turning in her head as her mind struggled to find the words to explain something that felt so natural to her. Kana activated her Kurogan, focusing on the sensation as the world around her transformed. "It's… Well, there's sort of a pulse at first. Imagine the headaches you get when you're dehydrated, but without the pain. I guess it's more like a throb?" She knew she was doing a terrible job at explaining this - she didn't need Lee's perplexed expression to figure that out. "But it only lasts for a second, and then the world kind of looks as if you're entering another dimension. It's… It's dark – the world turns to this dark grey color, no matter what time of day it is, where there are no shadows or shines. Everything is outlined in white. Sweat, hair, leaves… It's like looking at a drawing that's flat, but three dimensional at the same time. And the only color is within people, because I can see their chakra. It's like seeing a blue fire that burns through every part of their bodies, and everyone's is different in their own way… And you can see_ so much _at once. It's almost overwhelming – you can suddenly see_ everything _, and you can see_ so far _."_

 _Kana deactivated her Kurogan, appreciating the sudden burst of color, and sighed. "I'm sorry, that probably just sounded like nonsense."_

 _The expression on Lee's face was so intense that she had to fight the urge to burst into a hysterical fit of laughter. "No, I think I do understand," he exclaimed, his moving lips causing water to splash around. It took every ounce of willpower to not allow the first giggle that was trying to force its way up her throat. With his expression and the way his head moved when he spoke in such an excited tone, he sort of resembled a fish out of water. "You feel the sensation of throbbing just before the world becomes dark and full of blue fire. It truly sounds like a remarkable thing to experience, Kana!" Lee tilted his body so he could plant his feet along the rocky bottom of the stream and stand up, "Please tell me, what does_ my _chakra look like to you?"_

 _"Lee will you just let her enjoy her day off?" Tenten scolded from the riverbank, "Really, we all came here to relax and you're pestering her with questions about-"_

 _Kana lazily raised her arm up from the water and waved, "It's nothing." She didn't need to activate her kekkei genkai again to conjure up an image of Lee's chakra – it wasn't the most unique thing she had ever seen but it truly did leave an impression. "It moves wildly within you, and shines brighter than others."_

 _She heard Guy cheer on about the power of youth, but Kana didn't pay much attention as she rolled herself onto her front and stood up in the clear water. She moved in close to Lee so that her lips barely grazed the edges of his black bowl cut, which was still plastered to his forehead and cheeks. "And you know what?" she whispered, "It shines_ much _brighter than Neji's."_

"Alright, I think I've got it." Neji's sudden voice snapped her back to the present. Tenten looked up to Kana, who waved for her to go ahead. Why was she looking for her permission?

 _'Oh, yeah, I guess I am technically a sensei today,'_ she thought, _'That's weird.'_

Three shuriken flew in Neji's direction. Kana held her breath and watched them violently cut through the air towards him; if they hit the boy then she'd probably have to postpone his training until he healed up. He already had multiple small puncture wounds and a broken nose on top of the cut he received today so they were already pushing his body farther than it needed to be pushed in an exercise that was already exhausting in nature.

The glow of chakra burst out of Neji's side as he released it in a quick burst. Her eyes narrowed when she saw the shurken slow, and she released the air in her lungs when they awkwardly flopped to the ground. "Good job, Neji!"

She could see that he was pleased with himself, even if his face remained stoic. Still, the boy collapsed to his knees and unzipped his sweater-shirt to allow for airflow. Tenten ran over to kneel by his side with concern written all over her lightly tanned face. Kana hopped down from her post and deactivated her Kurogan as it was obvious there wasn't going to be any more training for today – Neji had little chakra left and there was no point in pushing him any further on the first day. "You've done enough," she said, her voice calm but proud, "Let's go back to the village for now."  
Tenten looped his arm around her narrow shoulders and helped him off of his fours, wrapping an arm around his waist to steady him. Kana stayed back to pick up the discarded shuriken as to not leave the training field a mess for whoever came by to use it later.

 _'I remember when he could barely focus his chakra enough to run up a tree,'_ she thought to herself, stroking the heavy metal stars she held in her palm. On a whim she reached into the pouch she had strapped to her right leg, feeling around with her calloused fingertips until she felt the familiar bracelet. Kana pulled it out and looked down at the colorful jewelry, rolling the little plastic beads as she rotated it around her fingers; the bracelet wasn't anything fancy, just a black braided cord with white, red, black and grey beads strung on it in no particular order. There were two small coins hanging as charms, as well as a charm of a white and red fan and a dark grey spiraled cloud: the Uchiha and Shimi clan emblems. _'I guess you've grown up, too, haven't you?'_

"Kana, you okay?"

Neji's call from across the field took her attention off of her little good luck charm; she lifted her head and gave them a smile. "Just picking up the shuriken!" she shouted back before breaking into a jog to catch up with them, placing the bracelet back into her pouch with the throwing stars.


	9. Races and Little Talks

**Note:** Thank you to everyone who has been PM-ing me with words of encouragement and story ideas! I appreciate the support I've been receiving, but please understand that I'm already something like 80,000 words into the story so a lot of your suggestions and requests aren't really feasible , And I know a lot of you have been asking about who she gets shipped with but that's kind of a loaded question and I kind of want it to be a surprise. I mean we're supposed to be covering like... A ton of the story line and we haven't even gotten to the Konoha Crush yet XD

Though after the Konoha Crush there's going to be a couple of time skips, since I know a lot of you mentioned how the story is day-by-day. That's not going to last forever lol.

And as to whether or not her dojutsu has an advanced stage... Well that's a secret _wink_

* * *

The village was a finite area, but when Kana began to approach her three hundredth lap she felt as if it was a never-ending time loop. Guy was just ahead of her, a thick column of bouncing green and orange that was as pushy as ever to get her to run with him at the butt crack of dawn; her calves and thighs screamed at the rest of her body as her legs burned with each labored breath. Why did he insist on running so quickly? As far as she was aware this wasn't any sort of race, so why he practically was sprinting was beyond her. Still, every time she began to lag behind Kana made sure to push her legs harder to keep up with him. She was acutely aware of the fact that the doctor had informed her that she was to perform light exercise only until arm healed, but she wanted to get her mind off of the fact that her team was on a mission without her.

Despite having been the one to suggest Neji and, therefore, request pretty much all of her yearly time off, the Third had sent Team Tenpo out on a recon mission to the Village Hidden in the Mist with Yamato in her place and the thought bothered her. The last couple of weeks she had been doing nothing but relying on others; she needed to rely on her team to get her to the hospital, she had to rely on Kakashi to seal her curse mark, she had practically been using Kakashi as an emotional crutch lately… Staying back at home instead of being out in the field made her feel useless.

She grit her teeth and pumped her legs harder. Kana was a pathetic excuse for a Leaf jonin.

"Whoa, Kana, late for a _date_?" Guy joked as she sprinted past him. At first she didn't say anything, only focusing on the burn in her chest and the wind that rushed through her ears. She was tired of being the loser, watching the rest of her colleagues and friends advance while she only seemed to fall behind. It was bad enough that she had the kekkei genkai variant, but she was also following in the footsteps of Kakashi Hatake as some freakishly young Anbu member. And the entire village was waiting for her to snap like they thought Itachi did. _'No pressure, right?'_ she thought to herself facetiously.

She forced herself to push the negative thoughts aside before she made herself angry over something as ridiculous as this. Looking over her shoulder, Kana flashed her father figure a smile, "I have _no_ idea what you're even talking about, I've hardly broken a _sweat_! Looks like you're just getting _old_ , Guy!" Her response didn't completely extinguish the concern hiding in those dark eyes of his, but he matched her smile with his own mischievous one. Guy began catching up to her and Kana realized that she had just challenged him to a race. _'Ahhh dammiiiit,_ ' she groaned inwardly as he halved the distance between them in just a few strides.

"Well in that case, how about we make a wager?" he practically purred the words out at her.

"Dad, no, come on it's five in the morning," she whined, "I have to train with Neji later, and I promised Kotetsu that I'd go shopping with him I mean god _knows_ the man can't cook for himse-"

"No I'm afraid it's too late, Kana, I have decided that we are to race to the barbecue restaurant and the loser buys!"

Barbecue?

Kana sped up and ignored the triumphant look on her old teacher's face; she wasn't sure how it was possible but she somehow felt a new rush of energy that spurred her legs to push harder against the dirt path. Guy had gained on her and there was no way in hell she was going to let him win again. She turned and skidded onto the road that took them back into the village, feeling the dirt dust up and cling to her sweaty legs as she jumped over a cat that had jumped into the middle of the street.

"YEAH KANA! YOU GOT THIS!" What the hell was Kotetsu doing up so early? She risked a glance up in the direction his voice came from and saw him waving at her with Genma and Izumo by his side. "DO US PROUD, KANA!" Genma joined in with a grin. He spoke exceptionally well for someone that constantly held a needle in his mouth.

 _'Oh_ hell _yeah. Guy isn't going to beat me with them watching.'_ She pumped her legs harder and felt the fire in her chest creep its way up her throat. Sprinting against the jonin wasn't something to sneeze at, but she knew she would appreciate the hard workout later. With her friends cheering her on in the growing distance, she saw Guy appear in the corner of her eye. Oh no, they were too close to the restaurant for him to finally catch the lead. Kana felt her adrenaline begin to wear off, though, so she used the last of her energy to kick off of the ground and latch onto the man's back.

A confused grunt escaped his lips between heavy pants, but his lips twisted up into a grin. "Giving up? Fine, I'll just carry you to the finish line!" His arms wrapped around his back and he clasped his ridiculously huge hands under her rear, locking her legs in. Crap. This was going to make things difficult, and she realized that Guy may have caught onto her plans as he pinned her legs to his body and sped up.

With the barbecue joint in sight, an idea struck Kana. "Hey, is that Kakashi?" she muttered in his ear, pointing to the left.

His grip lessened and his pace slowed, even if only very minutely so, as he looked in the direction of her finger. Kana yanked her legs out from between his arms and climbed up his body; in less than a second she was swinging around to his chest and kicking off of the mountainous man, propelling herself straight to the doorstep of the restaurant.

"Hahaaaa!" she wheezed, collapsing to her knees, "I did it!" As much as she wanted to cheer to the village that she had beaten Might Guy in a race, Kana was pretty sure she wasn't going to be able to catch enough of her breath to move for at least five minutes – assuming her arms and legs would stop trembling as if they were made of gelatin.

She closed her eyes and heard Guy walk up next to her, breathing almost as hard as she was. "Good job, baby, I expected nothing less from my former student _burning_ with the spirit of _youth_!"

More like burning with the lungs of agonizing fire from challenging a madman to a race for free pork, but sure. She lifted her head up to see the trio jogging around the corner onto their street, most likely to see if she had won or not. Kana only threw a thumb up for a brief second before hanging her head back down as she tried to control her heaving chest. Why the hell does she always let Guy bribe her with food into nearly killing herself?

"Well , then… It appears that we were a little early, Kana," she heard Guy say as he tried the door.

Her eyes snapped open and her head whipped around. "Are you _joking_?!"

"Yeah we were wondering where you were running to so early in the morning," Izumo jumped in when they got close enough, "You know it's not even six in the morning, right? What the hell are you two doing out here so early?"

Was that even a question? Guy was notorious for getting a workout in before his workout before he trained.

"I bet he promised her free food if she won," Kotetsu responded with a smirk, "But hey, at least you won. That's pretty impressive in its own right."

Someone stepped behind Kana just before she felt two arms loop under her arms and around her shoulders, pulling her upwards. "Come on, lady, stand up." Despite her irritated groans and buckling knees, Genma continued to lift her up off of the ground, "Keep your hands behind your head and your lungs will have more space to huff _all_ you want at me," he said in an amused tone.

Kana's legs wobbled and she struggled to keep herself upright but, he was right, her lung capacity immediately doubled; she took deep gulps of breath and allowed herself to lean back into Genma's chest as her attention moved from her gasping to the weakness in her legs. As if reading her mind, Genma wrapped around one of his strong arms around her waist to hold her upright. "Don't worry, I've got you," he assured her.

He smelled like musk and soap and Kana was suddenly acutely aware of how she was covered in sweat and dirt. She pulled away, embarrassed.

"Well sorry, Kana, it looks like you're going to have to wait until _lunchtime_ ," Guy boomed, clasping her shoulder and nearly causing her knees to give out. Christ almighty his hand was huge. The kunoichi narrowed her eyes in response and began to wonder if she'd be able to get Neji out of bed in time for her to get his training finished by noon, or if she could convince him to start later than they had planned.

 _'Man, I really need to sort out my priorities…'_ Kana felt a bead of sweat trickle down her cheek and wiped it away with her gloved wrist. "I _told_ you I had training with Neji," she snapped, "And I was being serious about shopping for Kotetsu. He sucks at being an adult-"

"Hey! I'm right he-"

"A bottle of syrup is not breakfast, dammit! It's a _condiment_! It goes _on_ your breakfast!"

Izumo cracked up next to his best friend, knowing full well that he was the sole cause for the borderline syrup addiction. "I can't tell if she sounds like your mom or your wife, man," he joked, "Seriously though that's _not_ healthy." His laughter only increased when Kotetsu folded his arms and began to complain about being ganged up on.

Genma cracked a smile as well, clicking the senbon between his teeth and shooting a quick sideways glance at Kana. "Maybe it's a euphemism for something _else_ that's thick and sticky."

She immediately picked up on the reference to the joke made in the hospital a couple of weeks back and had to cover her mouth to stifle a laugh. The result was a whimpering snort that shook through her throat, which immediately redirected the attention from Kotetsu to Kana.

"Jeeze, Kana, you really _are_ like a mini Guy. You two even make the same weird noises," Genma joked.

Guy immediately rushed over to her side to wrap his massive arms around her head. "Of course she's like me, I practically _raised_ her myself you know. I trained with her _every day_ even when she was promoted to _jonin_ and how do you think she developed such _powerful_ youthful muscles and-"

"Smothering yet another student, Guy?"

Kakashi had silently approached the group, startling everyone but Kana and Genma who had watched him walk up; she relished the feeling of air against her skin as Guy removed the sweaty bicep that had been covering her nose and mouth to spin towards his oldest friend. "Ah, Kakashi, my rival. I'm afraid if you've come to _challenge_ me I don't have the time as I must attend to other matters!" he declared proudly.

"Uh… Well that's nice to know and all but I'm _really_ just here for Kotetsu and Izumo." He turned his head to the two, "You were supposed to open the mission room fifteen minutes ago," he scolded in a chilled tone.

It was strange to see the two chunin to revert to a quiet, respectful demeanor; they stood next to each other silently, backs straight and eyes looking down at their exposed toes. The change only reminded her how she really only acted as a mutual friend for the men. "Yes sir," Izumo responded, "We'll get going right away." They immediately crouched down and leaped out of sight.

* * *

"You're pretty tense, lady." Genma's voice pulled her out of the blank space her mind had been drifting in as they walked.

Some shop owners had started the process of opening as the sun rose higher in the sky, but other than them and the occasional shinobi, the roads were clear. When Kakashi and Guy went off to run their own errands, Kana and Genma had just begun strolling around in silence. It wasn't too uncommon for them to spend time this way. There was something extremely cathartic about their silent ritual; it was a pleasant change in pace from the energy from Kotetsu and Guy.

Kana realized that her arms were tightly folded across her chest with one hand furiously twirling the end of a dark grey braid. Annoyance sparked in her head as yet another person reminded her that she was unable to truly hide her emotions, though he was probably more fixated on Kana's body language.

She dropped her arms to her side and adjusted the hem of her bodysuit. "Am I a good shinobi, Genma?"

He clicked the senbon in response and out of the corner of her eye he saw him peer at her in confusion. "What the hell kind of question is _that_ , coming from the person that made it into Anbu before she hit _puberty_?" The genuine curiosity in his voice made Kana realize that she was probably being ridiculous.

"I just… I feel like my entire life I've been walking in someone else's shadow," she admitted after a few moments of trying to organize her thoughts, "Sure, I advanced quickly when I was a kid but… I haven't advanced any further since then. Kakashi had been made Anbu team captain when he was younger than I am, but… I've only led a percentage of missions. I feel like I should have been promoted to Anbu captain by now, or… I don't know, I feel like something should have _changed_. Something to set myself apart, instead of people constantly seeing me as a mini-Kakashi that was trained by Guy. I'm always being compared to them as if I'm just an amalgamation of the two.

"But at the same time I don't know if I'd be _worthy_ of making it any further. I allowed myself to be taken out by Orochimaru after making a bad call in the forest that caused someone dear to me to get hurt, I'm emotional and I have the weakest dojutsu out of them all. Sometimes…" she bit her lip, "Sometimes I wonder if I should even continue being in Anbu. Maybe I should just retire like Kakashi did and become a jonin-sensei."

Genma laughed next to her and patted the top of her head, "Oh, is that all? I was worried you were going to start _ranting_."

She leered at him, but his joke caused her to crack a smile.

"Look, I know what it's like to feel as if you're getting stagnant, and I can only imagine how amplified that restlessness is when you're as ambitious as you are…" He sighed and it was obvious to Kana that he was struggling to put his thoughts into words as they began to approach the jonin standby station. Even when relaxing they were thinking about work, apparently. "But you have to understand that you've pretty much already reached the top, Kana. The only way you can go any higher is if you were to succeed the Anbu Commander, and that guy creeps me out more than the rest of Anbu and I don't think he's leaving any time soon."

They stopped outside of the station and faced each other, though Kana was too embarrassed to meet Genma's gaze so she only stared at his chest. She seemed to be feeling embarrassed a lot, lately.

"And it's true you're more emotional than the others in Black Ops," he continued on as if he were reading her thoughts, "But that's only by Anbu standards. Do you know how _hard_ I had to work to actually get to know you?" She looked up this time to meet his gaze at the question, though that mostly had to do with the fact that he had hooked a finger under her chin to lift her face up. Kana never realized how warm and brown his eyes were. It fit his casual personality really well. "I really have no idea how Izumo and Kotetsu managed to get on your good side, because you were as cold and distant as the rest of them when we met."

That's right, she never really spoke to anyone outside of the Uchihas and Hyugas until she was around fifteen. And after the incident with Itachi, Kana had cut off everyone that wasn't Kakashi, Neji or Guy. It wasn't until Guy expressed concern for her wellbeing that she began opening up to people again, though it was mostly jonin she spoke with.

"I don't either, honestly," Kana half-lied, "I was leading his team for a couple of months while their captain was recovering in the hospital. I guess I just liked how he made things… Brighter." Her answer brought a slight grin to Genma's face, though it was more of a twitch than anything else.

"Yeah he's someone I think anyone can appreciate," he admitted, "But my _point_ is that even if you feel as if you're this raging ball of emotions, you have such a tight grip on yourself that sometimes I'm really glad you have hair that changes shade. It only feels _wrong_ to you because those damn Anbu goons have _brainwashed_ you into thinking you need to be some _stoic_ _robot_ in order to become a _proper_ shinobi."

The harshness in his last sentence caught Kana off guard; she broke their eye contact and focused on his hair, though his finger still head her face up. It wasn't the first time she had heard something like that said about herself and her colleagues, but it sure as hell hurt more when it was coming from someone she was fond of and respected. Especially when it was someone that understood that the Anbu relied on their stoic and dark personalities to get them through missions that would horrify normal people – their work would destroy them otherwise.

Genma must have picked up on her sudden discomfort because he finally released her head with a sigh, clicking that damn senbon between his teeth. "I didn't mean for it to come out like that. I'm just trying to say that I don't think it's a bad thing that you finally started opening up, and I don't want to see you throw up that barrier again and shut yourself away from everyone that cares about you."

Kana's eyes flitted back to his for a brief moment; she bit her lip and felt herself squirm underneath the intensity of his gaze, well aware of the fact that she was the one responsible for him looking as concerned as he did. It had never occurred to her that he was even capable of looking anything other than confident, or thoughtful. It made her feel awful.

"Just promise me you won't run away. Please? I care about you too much to just watch you close back up."

Her body stiffened, torn between taking off to be alone or to embrace her friend who suddenly looked… Raw. She understood that he was opening himself up to her to make his point drive home, pleading to her so she recognized the meaning of his words.

Kana realized that she had spent so much of her life watching over Neji and Sasuke, or focusing on training and time spent with Kakashi and Guy, that she failed to notice how the people around her felt; it wasn't until she realized how desperately she had been craving for someone to do the same thing for her, that horror settled into her stomach.

Her entire life had been spent relying on herself, refusing to get close to teammates or fully depend on them. Having Guy as her sensei opened her up to the idea of friendship, sure, but those feelings really only ever extended to him, Kakashi and Itachi; once Itachi had left, she made sure to snap shut again and, afterwards, it seemed as if Lee was the only person that was able to get through to her. Kana had turned into a machine that only cared about the kids and defending her village.

When Guy insisted on her making friends, she honestly didn't listen to him at first. She didn't see the point of having anyone else in her life and didn't think it was necessary for her to open herself up. It wasn't until she learned that it was Guy who had gone to the Hokage to protest Kakashi furthering his career in Anbu, resulting in Kakashi's removal from the organization, that she took his words seriously. Even then, she only feigned being acquaintances with those around her; Kana began going to the jonin meetups at Anko's and hanging around Team Guy more often only to get him off of her back, but something somewhere changed.

Kana wasn't sure when it happened, but she suddenly realized that she genuinely cared about the few friendships she had forged in the last couple of years. They weren't as deep as what she had with Neji or Kakashi, but when she envisioned her life reverting back to the way it was… It felt... Bleak.

A disappointed sigh escaped Genma's lips for the third time since they began talking; he stuffed his hands into his pockets and turned back towards the entrance to the standby center. "Maybe you've already started to put that barrier up," he muttered, "What do I know?"

 _'No. Don't go.'_

Kana practically lunged forward as he began walking, reaching out with one arm to grab the rolled up cuff of his shirt sleeve. He stopped and turned back to her, his expression reasonably skeptical, and took the senbon out of his mouth. "I need to hear you say it, Kana."

With one hand clutching the fabric of her flak jacket, her arm acting as a physical barrier, she could only bring herself to gape up at him. "I…" If she wasn't so intent on forcing herself to speak, Kana would have been astounded at her inability to properly convey her thoughts. She felt naked under his piercing gaze and it scrambled her thoughts – Kana wasn't used to this. She wasn't accustomed to being unable to function under pressure, and it was killing her.

"I don't... Want to run away," she finally breathed, "I promise. I… Genma. Please _don't leave_."

"Can I hold you?"

For the second time in the last week or so Kana found herself taken aback by the suddenness of his question, but this time she hesitated. Him touching her hand was one thing, and a palm on her cheek wasn't exactly mind-shattering physical contact – but there was something strangely intimate about hugs that always put her off to them. Still, Kana decided that if she was going to test herself, now might as well be the time to do it. "Yes."

She barely had time to register the relief on his face before she felt Genma take hold of her forearm and pull her against his body. Her arms snaked around him, grabbing fistfuls of the flak jacket he wore. As Kana noted how his body felt unfamiliar, she realized that this was the first time she had hugged someone in _years_ that wasn't in her immediate circle - Kotetsu would try, but that was as far as it ever got as she would always push him away, or dodge his advances.

When Genma's arm looped around her waist, she realized that she had no desire to shove him away and, in fact, felt herself relax a small amount at the sensation. She stood on the tips of her toes so she could nuzzle her way around his collar and bury her face into the base of his neck. "You smell nice," she mumbled, "I'm all sweaty. Sorry."

Genma's head shook and his arms tightened. "Mm-mm. I actually can only smell your hair, for the most part. Is it weird that I'm surprised by the fact that you actually smell like a woman?" Kana narrowed her eyes and made an attempt to squirm away, but a laugh rumbled through Genma's chest and he pulled her back in. "No, no, no I'm sorry I'm joking."

"Asshat."

When it was clear she wasn't going to pull away again, his grip eased and she felt the back of one of his hands lazily slide down her body to gingerly rest on her hip. "You know I'm only playing when I say stuff like that right?" he asked, "I know I crack a lot of jokes at your expense, but you're really pretty."

 _"You're really pretty."_

 _"I'm just… Appreciative."_

Her body stiffened. Kana was well aware of Kotetsu's attraction towards her; it wasn't as if he was subtle about it, the man definitely made sure she knew that he wanted more of her than she was interested in providing. With Genma, though, the comment left her feeling blindsided.

She realized where this conversation was heading and she was promptly hyperaware of just how _close_ they were. She could feel Genma's heartbeat against her cheek, his warm breath rustling her hair, the fingertips that lightly grazed the bare flesh of her hip - Kana opted into wearing the legless one piece and mesh leggings as to not have any fabric getting caught on something or causing discomfort in the field, but in this moment she only felt exposed. Vulnerable.

What worried her the most, was that the sense off vulnerability didn't want to break the embrace and leave - Kana wanted to press herself closer into his hold and allow the warmth of his body soothe and comfort her.

 _That_ made her want to push away.

Genma must have felt her muscles tense, because the hand on her hip quickly moved to a shoulder blade and Kana felt him pull back enough for his lips to hover next to her ear."Did I say something wrong? I'm sor-"

A small group of chunin exited the standby station, one of them whistling and another laughing about how they needed to get a room. Kana almost violently ripped herself from the embrace to face the squad; it was being led by Kokage, whose eyes widened when they saw who the two were jeering at. He began to apologize profusely with the rest of his team, but Kana only ignored their blathering as she pushed past them and started her way over to the training field.

It was about time for her to meet with Neji, anyways.


	10. Palm Rotation Success-What Do You Want?

**Note** : I know this is an insanely long chapter, but it was either have it be SUPER short or SUPER long so... I just decided to make it super long.

Also the next chapter is all about the Konoha Crush where things really start to take off and I'm weirdly excited to post it. I hope I didn't make it awful lol. Please remember to review!

* * *

Shuriken and kunai had been flung all over the field, with Tenten and Guy both cheering behind Kana's shield. She smiled, too, as Neji formed a small crater around his feet – it wasn't much, and they still had more to go in the remaining week, but the fact that he had shown this much progress in both Body Blow and Palm Rotation was astounding. He really was a genius.

"You're going to have to push harder," she called as the shield fell, "The entire purpose of this jutsu is to keep your opponent from getting in close and take advantage of your weak spot, so you want the sphere to be at least double that size." Kana began focusing her chakra to her arm as the trio spread out around the boy. "We're going to run at you head on and you have to push us back, got it?"

Neji's breathing appeared labored but he nodded and slid back into his stance with his arms spread, "I understand. I'm ready."

Tenten was the first to rush in with a scroll, pulling it open as she ran so a large flanged mace appeared in her hands. Guy and Kana soon followed – with her Kurogan on she could see that he was channeling a ton of chakra to his raised fist, sort of like what she was doing. Tenten's mace came down on the sphere, immediately being flung out of her hands with enough force to cause her to stumble back. Kana's satisfaction rang when her own fist connected with the whirlwind. Her chakra seemed to negate Neji's Palm Rotation for about half of a second, allowing her hand to pass through slightly before shoving back and flinging her aside in the direction Neji was spinning. She swore when she hit the ground and heard Guy's own grunt of discomfort somewhere off in the distance.

As rude as it probably was, Kana had expected Tenten to fail. She was a long distance fighter so her taijutsu was pretty lacking by comparison, but she thought that least Guy would be able to punch through. Picking herself up off of the ground, she saw that the crater had widened by about a foot but the boy was barely standing, teetering back and forth in the center of that crater as if a strong enough gale would swipe him off of his feet. Kana didn't need to use her bloodline trait to understand that he was running low on chakra, given that they had been at this for almost two hours straight. Guy's training typically ran from dawn until dusk, but this wasn't the same type of training so she knew she had to make this last go count.

"One more time, Neji," she called, "You're doing fantastic, I just need you to push yourself a little harder." Kana waved the other two to the side and began to focus her own chakra, feeling it ripple through her skin and snake around her body like a hungry fire being willed into existence.

 _"There's a good chance Neji's going to have to fight against Sasuke and Naruto in the final stage, you know," Kakashi stated as he read his well-worn Make-Out Paradise volume – or, well, he pretended to read it, considering his eyes hadn't actually moved from the center of the book in over ten minutes._

 _Kana tore her eyes from her copy of Make-Out Violence to peer at him curiously, "Well, yeah, that's how the exams work… Are you worried about them?"_

 _"Not necessarily, I just want you to be aware that Sasuke's improved a great deal since you last saw him fight. That's all."_

 _Her eyes slanted at him, but she kept the book open in her folded lap as she tried to use his tone and wording to decipher what exactly he was trying to say. God, he could be such a cryptic shit. "I know you've taught him chidori – believe it or not, I still keep an eye on him. But I don't understand what that has to do with that Naruto kid."_

 _Ever since the day on the training field there had been a tenseness between the pair that Kana couldn't seem to shake; she didn't think Kakashi was the type to hold a grudge over something as simple as her getting catty with him, especially when it sure as hell hadn't been the first time she snapped at him, and vice versa. He had dropped by her apartment to lend her a book and to relax together, but his sudden proclamation only seemed to cause the tension to reemerge. Kakashi's eye didn't leave the book, but she saw his eyebrow twitch at her snippy tone._

 _"Naruto is being personally trained by Jiraiya," he started, "and I know he's most likely teaching him how to tap into the Nine Tailed Fox's chakra. It might be a good idea for you to teach Neji how to combat a powerful unique chakra type, like yours."_

Neji stretched out shaking arms and crouched again, waiting for the signal. "I'm gonna come at you on my own this time, but it's not going to be a normal attack. I'm going to use my own chakra to attack you. Got it?"

He nodded wordlessly just before Kana charged, her legs moving as fast as they could as she threw up her shield, feeling it wrap around the front half of her body in a small, black, translucent crescent. Neji was too tired, too drained to spin fast enough to fully fend off her attack, his Palm Rotation giving considerably under the force of Kana'a speed and chakra – he kept spinning, however, as the girl pushed in. Dirt and rock crunched beneath her sandals as she was pushed back a couple of inches; she grit her teeth and forced another surge of chakra into her shield, taking a strained foot forward and feeling the clashing energy whip her braid behind her like an angry snake just before something exploded in her face.

The force of the chakra types combating each other out launched Kana, who was desperately fighting off the disorientation caused by it, backwards and to the side – she was able to concentrate enough to awkwardly arch her back and place her hands on the ground to use the momentum to her advantage, swinging her legs downwards so she skidded to a stop on all fours. Neji wasn't as nimble as she was, unfortunately, hitting the ground at a rough angle and bouncing along the patchy grass until finally coming to a stop.

"Ah, Neji are you okay?" She cried, racing over to his twitching body. Guy was by his side in an instant to roll him onto his back, Kana joining him just a few moments later as Tenten lagged behind. Neji's white eyes squinted against the sunlight. "What..?"

Kana cautiously picked up his arm, gingerly rolling and stretching out the various joints. "Your chakras couldn't cancel each other out, so they forced themselves apart. Sort of like an explosion," Guy explained, eyes watching his former student's hands unzip his shirt and tenderly press along his stomach and ribs.

"Does anything hurt?" she asked, "Can you move okay?"

Neji bent his legs and shrugged a shoulder in a testing manner – Guy helped him sit up from the ground and the trio watched him roll his neck, wincing when Kana's hand drifted to his back and fingered a cut that was about two inches wide. "It looks he got scraped, but other than that he's fine," she stated, pulling her hand away to cup his cheek and turn his face towards her. "You did splendidly, Neji. I'm _so_ proud of you."

She leaned in to plant a delicate kiss on his cheek, not giving a damn about how he blushed furiously under the eyes of his teammate and sensei. Neji glared at her, so she kissed his other cheek for the sake of embarrassing him, though this time he reached up and pulled at her braid, pulling some of it loose and fluffing it out as she tore herself away. "You little shit," she grumbled. Neji's eyes held a rare mischievous glint that was almost immediately extinguished by Guy's clap on his shoulder.

"Ah to be young and feisty."

* * *

"I was thinking about making a sukiyaki pot for dinner for everyone, is that okay?" Kana lifted up a bundle of shitake mushrooms to inspect them for any creepy crawlies or unwanted fuzzies before placing them into the basket that was hooked around her arm.

Next to her, Kotetsu was eyeing spring onions with their shopping list in his other hand, silent and looking completely out of character with a somber expression. Ever since they met up at the gatehouse, he had been sort of distant and while Kana appreciated it at first as a pleasant change in pace, she realized that there was something wrong with him and it was beginning to irritate her. "Hey," she said sharply, nudging his arm with her elbow, "You hear me?"

Dark eyes slanted as he tossed the onions into the basket, but didn't look at her. "Why do you always act like I'm a nuisance?"

The small, dejected sound of his voice caught Kana off guard and her hand froze over the head of Napa cabbage she was about to pick up – what the hell did she do to prompt _this_? For a few moments they only stood silently in the market, Kotetsu's eyes downcast and Kana merely staring at his tanned face; when he realized that she was just going to keep gaping at him, waiting for an explanation, he sighed.

"We met almost three years ago when you were leading my team, and I still don't know anything about you," he explained, "You never tell me anything about yourself... If you don't just blatantly ignore me whenever I ask a question, you just tell me 'It doesn't matter.'"

Kana gnawed on her lip. Why the hell were people getting on her case today? "Kotetsu, you know I'm not that… I'm, uh, not the best at being a friend." Eloquence wasn't her forte, either, apparently, "I don't know what I'm supposed to do, or say... But…" She trailed off and chose to just eye the cabbage that was in her hand.

Disappointment was etched into his frowning face and it was clear that Kotetsu didn't appreciate her answer. "I've seen you with those kids, though. Neji and that Rock Lee-"

"They're different and you _know_ that," she snapped angrily, "Neji's like my _brother_ , we've been together for our entire lives. I _love_ him, he is my _life_. Do you understand that, Kotetsu?"

" _Yeah_ I get that, believe it or not, but what about _Lee_ – what makes _him_ so special? And then there's your _obsession_ with the _Uchiha_ kid, and your weirdly close relationship with Kakashi and Guy. You don't act like _they're_ a bother when they're around." The hurt and anger rang in his deep voice, and Kana wasn't sure if it made her feel bad or angrier.

"You don't bother me, Kotetsu, I just don't know how to _deal_ with you sometimes!"

"Which makes me a burden!"

"No, I-" she grit her teeth together, unsure of what to say but sure that she didn't want this to escalate, as there were already whispering housewives huddling together.

Kana took a long, deep breath and held it in her chest for a few moments to let her head clear; her agitation at the situation dropped down to a simmering, so she continued, "Look, I get what you're trying to say. But you have to understand that I spent my entire life being treated as a weapon – I wasn't allowed to make friends or get close to anyone, so all of _this_ -" she spread an arm out and waved it around her,"–is something that isn't just foreign to me, but feels entirely _unnatural_. Sasuke is very precious to me, yes, but we haven't even spoken to each other since he was a child. He…" her eyes finally broke from Kotetsu's softened gaze, focusing on the third button from the top on his grey uniform shirt, "I can't explain what happened with him. But, until Lee came along, my social life was composed of my Kakashi, Guy and Neji. Lee was like…"

Her lips pulled upwards into a weak smile as she remembered the day she met the boy.

 _"Wow, you were trained by Guy-sensei? You truly must be a_ fantastic _shinobi!" Lee's voice rang through the air of the training ground with enough excitement to nearly cause Kana to topple over as he leaned forward, the sudden closeness making her feel uncomfortable. He had large, round eyes that were dark and lined with incredibly long eyelashes, peering up at her in awe with his bowed mouth pressed tightly together as he appeared to inspect every part of her face._

 _Guy flashed his trademark "Nice guy," grin, as he called it, and clapped Kana on the shoulder, which only added to her unsteadiness. "That's_ right _, Lee, the girl you see before you is my_ pride and joy _: Kana Shimi, one of the youngest students ever to graduate the Academy and progress to the rank of jonin by the age of nine years old, joining the Anbu Black Ops just a year later. She was also my first student and is like my very own_ daughter _."_

 _Kana could almost literally see stars forming in this kid's eyes, the intensity of his gaze making her wonder what the hell kind of boring life he must have led to be this impressed - sure, it was rare for someone to get promoted as quickly as she did but it wasn't as if she was the only one. Though, as she looked him up and down, Kana could see why Guy had grown so fond of the boy; Lee's noticeable eyebrows aside, there was a passion for the shinobi life that raged within him. She had watched him train a few times before from the bushes with her old sensei, watched him beat his arms and legs against training posts until they were too swollen and bloody to hit anything else, or until he passed out and Guy carried him to his home._

 _"I cannot_ believe _this, you are_ amazing _I cannot even_ dream _of how-"_

 _Seeing him fawn over her like this was such a bizarre and abnormal experience that Kana wasn't sure what to do – she was used to people looking at her with guarded expressions, with eyes that made it clear they were nervous of what she was capable of. Without thinking about what she was doing, Kana raised her hands and held his face between them, her thumbs gently pressed on his impossibly soft lips. "You're noisy," she said flatly._

 _Despair fell over Lee's face and tears filled up those beautiful dark eyes of his as he whimpered something against her thumbs. '_ Ah, crap, _' she didn't mean to come off as rude, she was just stating the first thing that came to her mind – she didn't think he would just break down like this._

 _She removed her left hand from his cheek and ran it through his surprisingly silky black hair, touching their forehead protectors together with a '_ clink' _._

 _"I like you."_

He was like this little ray of sunshine that brightened her days with his near-obnoxiously cheerful demeanor – it suddenly occurred to Kana that if it hadn't been for him, it would have been excruciatingly difficult for her to bring herself to open up to people. "He's just different, that's all," she muttered, dropping the cabbage into the basket. "Believe me, I really _do_ value your friendship." Kana stepped over and nudged him with her shoulder. "I'm glad I met you."

Kana was hoping that her words would cheer the chunin up, but it seemed to only darken his already depressed demeanor. _'What the fuck does he want?'_

"So Genma gets to hold you in front of every shinobi in the village, and I get a shoulder bump next to vegetables," he muttered, nodding with his eyes downcast, "Nah, I get it." Kotetsu reached out and took the basket off of her arm before walking around her. "I think I can finish the shopping. Thanks."

* * *

"I _figured_ I'd find you here."

Green eyes stared intently at the grilling meat that sizzled in front of her, watching the agonizingly slow browning process as if it were the most important event to ever take place in her life. Kana didn't look up when Guy kneeled at the floor table across from her, choosing to just count the tiny bubbles that began to form on the edges of the sesame barbecue pork, so far there were twenty five.

Guy reached over the grill and picked up her bottle of sake to check how much of the alcohol was left – she heard him sigh as he set it back down, the clay bottle making a hollow ' _clink_.' Village law dictated that a shinobi became an adult when they achieved the rank of chunin, meaning she was legally capable of purchasing and drinking three bottles of peach sake at her favorite place to eat, though Guy was a very strong believer of self control and moderation.

"Am I that predictable?" she mumbled in a low voice. Two hundred fifty-one bubbles had accumulated on the various slices of pork, meaning it was going to be done soon. Her old sensei plucked two pairs of clean chopsticks from the cup next to the grill to flip her meat for her, but Kana grabbed her own chopsticks and smacked his hand away. "I can do it myself – I don't need your help!" Her hands clumsily turned the slices of pork over, but she dropped three pieces through the grate before throwing her chopsticks down, watching them bounce off of the table and roll some place she didn't give a damn about.

"Kana, I heard about what happened with Kot-"

"No _fuuuucking_ shit," she blurted angrily, "You and everyone in this _god damn_ village knows about ' _What happened with Kotetsu'_ since if the stupid fucking _chunin_ at the _standby_ station can't keep their _mouths_ shut, the even dumber than shit _housewives_ at the _market_ can't keep _their_ mouths shut. So if all you have to say is ' ** _I know what happened with Kotetsu'_** then please just leave me alone so I can order another bottle of sake."

Kana could hear the vitriol in her voice, the poison dripping from every word she spat out at him, but her head was swimming in alcohol and frustration. Nonetheless, Guy pulled the meat off of the grill, piling it onto a plate for her.

"This is your fault, you know. You insisted I go and 'Make friends,' to, 'Not waste my youth on a lonely life.' But, you know what? I was fucking fine the way I was. I was _content_ with the way things were. I had you, and Kashi, and Neji and Lee and was keeping my promise to keep Sasuke safe. But that wasn't good enough for you, was it?" She stopped long enough to pile some sides onto her rice and stuff a big lump of food into her mouth, "No, you shaid I had ta meet pupple or elsh you were gunna get me thrown outta Anbu."

As she struggled to swallow, Guy took the opportunity to speak, "Kana, when did I _ever_ say I was going to have you thrown out of Anbu? I don't have that type of power."

Kana's eyes rolled and her scowl darkened. "You did it to Kashi."

Shock, horror and pain flashed across her sensei's features all at once, his mouth hanging open – she could practically see the thoughts fly through his mind from behind his dark eyes. "And now look at me. I'm emotional, I panic, I cry, I hurt the people around me…" Tears pricked at the corners of Kana's eyes, "The people _I_ don't hurt get hurt because I'm a terrible ninja, Genma actually had to ask me if I was _depressed_ … All I wanted to do was live my life, to be a weapon for Konoha and keep other people safe… And you had to go and mess everything up!" She sobbed the last part out and hung her head, "I'm so fucking tired of crying all of the time! Why couldn't you just leave things _alone_?! I _hate_ you for making me like this!"

She knew she was overreacting, that her words were cutting deeper than they needed to. Guy's shoulders slumped with every slurred sentence until he finally used his large hands to cradle his head, resting his elbows on the wooden table. "Oh, _Kana_ …" he started in a low voice, "It's true, _I_ was the one that first petitioned for Kakashi to be removed from his service in Anbu. I was the one that convinced Asuma and the others to join that petition, effectively convincing the Hokage. However…"

A muffled sob escaped his lips, shooting straight through Kana's heart. Seeing her sensei cry wasn't something that was new to her – everyone had seen him cry tears of happiness and pride, especially whenever Lee was involved – but this was different, these were tears of pain. Pain _she_ had inflicted.

"I only wanted the best for you, to see you live a full life. After the Uchiha clan was destroyed by Itachi, I sat there... And watched you turn into a machine. An emotionless shell that only cared about missions and training – if Neji and that Sasuke didn't exist I know for a _fact_ that whatever life you had left would have died with the clan. Even so... That small sliver of light within you began to fade so quickly that I – I was so scared I was going to lose my little girl."

Kana stared in horror as she watched the proudest, strongest man she knew weep into his hands – it was as if the sob from before was a knife that had been lodged in her chest, and now someone was twisting it. She couldn't speak as his broad shoulders trembled. The shoulders that brought her comfort throughout the years, shoulders that were a symbol of warmth and security for her, shook before her like a leaf in the wind that was just about to detach from its branch. Kana didn't know what to do, what to say. She could only sit in her seat and stare in shock, silent tears streaming down her sickly pale skin, as the man that had taken the role of her father at such a young age broke down.

"I was just so _desperate_ to see you _smile_ again, Kana. I wanted you to know that there's more to life than _fighting_ and guarding others, which is why I told you to go out and socialize with the others. If I had… If I had known that you only did it out of _fear_ of what _I'd_ do in _retaliation_ …"

Shame burned in her chest like a poison, joining the pain in her heart as a bane that threatened to rip her apart – Kana finally used her shaky hands to push herself off of the table to a kneeling position and crawled around the low table to Guy's side. She reached out tentatively, silently, to grasp one of those shoulders and pull Guy into an embrace, her other hand resting against the side of his bowl hair cut. "I didn't think you'd be so _miserable_ that you would come to _hate_ me."

"Don't be stupid," Kana mumbled, "You and I both know I'm not capable of hating you. I just… I don't know what to _do_ , dad. I'm confused and conflicted, and I don't know what people want from me or how to give it to them. You didn't tell me that having friends would _hurt_ so much. I'm sorry, you didn't deserve any of that."

They stayed like that for a few minutes in silence, Guy's head moving up and down at a steady pace with Kana's breathing as the adrenaline from the situation dissipated. Holding her former sensei was a different feeling – she was always the one being dragged into his near-violent hugs, or being comforted, so the change was bizarre. Her arms looked so thin and frail against the large mass of his body, and the weight of him leaning into her made her use her core and back muscles to stay upright. Eventually, Guy shifted so that his body was propped up by the hand he had placed on the floor, raising himself to touch his forehead against her headband. "It's alright, baby girl, I know it's _tough_ at times but these experiences are, well, they're what make us _human_. Just remember that you don't owe anyone _anything_ – if you aren't comfortable with them or if they ask too much of you, you don't have to deal with them. Especially Kotetsu. Okay?"

"Got it."

He pulled away and turned to the food that was still sitting on the table, "Speaking of owing people, I believe I still owe you a meal so mind if I stay a little longer?" He grinned at her as if the last half hour never happened, picking up the chopsticks he had pulled out for himself earlier to pile some meat and sides onto a plate that previously held fried onions. Kana returned the smile and shrugged before dragging her own plate over to her new spot.

"Don't you have anything better to do other than prevent me from stress eating?" she joked half-heartedly, filling up her own plate, "I'd have figured the Third would have you out on missions since I've been keeping Neji all to myself."

Guy chuckled, "I've already been out on a couple of missions with Kurenai and Yamato so I guess you could say I have the next week off until the final exam." He took a large mouthful of food appreciatively, his cheeks puffed out like a rugged-looking frog. Lee looked a lot cuter when he did that, Kana noted.

"In that case, why don't you take over Neji's training?"

He stopped chewing for half of a second to glance down at her questioningly, his mouth still too full to respond; Kana reached for the sake bottle to pour out the last cup's worth that remained, but was stopped by Guy, who grabbed her wrist and shook his head.

Sighing, she explained herself, "Look, I taught Neji the Palm Rotation, which was all I had planned for him – he learned it faster than I thought he would so I honestly don't have anything as backup… And really _, you're_ his sensei anyways so I don't think it's right for me to train him anymore."

 _"Will you please let Guy-sensei resume Neji's training?"_

 _Kana hadn't even sat down in the chair she had pulled up to the hospital bed before Lee had asked her the question so being "Caught off guard" didn't even come close; she gave the boy a questioning look as she seated herself, but he only stared down at the bandaged hands resting in his lap. "Do not misunderstand, I am well aware of your impressive skills as a shinobi and from what I have heard you have been doing an excellent job with Neji. But simply I cannot bear to see Guy-sensei coming in here day after day… I feel like every time he looks at me, he is only filled with sorrow and guilt even as he tries to encourage me."_

 _Frustration was etched into the young boy's normally genial face as his hands gripped the plain white sheet that covered his body; Kana could only imagine what he must be going through – to have your entire life's purpose hanging by a thread as your body fails you…_

 _"I do not want to be the reason behind his grief any longer," Lee continued, "I want him to stop visiting but I know he will not unless something else demands his attention so please, Kana, let him continue Neji's training for the third stage of the exam." He looked up to meet her concerned gaze, his large eyes pleading, "Please, Kana, Guy-sensei needs to be away from me. I know he thinks of us as his own two children and you are one of the shinobi he respects the most so, if he is going to be persuaded by anyone, he will listen to you."_

 _Her chair squeaked against the linoleum as Kana stood up and leaned over, fingertips gently tipping Lee's face up. She touched her forehead against his and gave him a sad smile, "Of course, Lee."_

 _It was her day off so Kana wasn't wearing her forehead protector – the warmth of his skin radiated through her own and she felt him relax as she spoke. "But, you know, you're going to have to keep me entertained because I still have a week and a half left before I can take on any extra missions."_

 _Lee's demeanor had visibly improved when Kana pulled back to sit down, his bow-like lips turned upwards into a slight smile. "I believe that is a fair trade."_

"Are you sure? I have no problem with him remaining under your care until the end of the exams," Guy said, waving his thanks to the waitress that brought two glasses of water to their table.

Kana shrugged, "I'm not all that cut out for teaching. He's really best off with you now."

It looked as if Lee's suspicions were correct. "Okay, then, starting tomorrow I'll take Neji back into my care."


	11. Konoha Crush

**Note** : Holy word count, Batman! And yeah, INB4, Kana is kind of twisted. In a bad way. Thaaankfully after all of this goes down, it's going to be less day-by-day stuff and more small time skips because DAMN I realized that we have a bunch of chapters that basically took place over the course of a month.

* * *

Of all days they could have been stuck on standby, of course it would be today. Kana was entirely aware that frustration and impatience were practically emanating off of her in a physical form, but the fact that her squad had been landed in the jonin standby station during the third stage of the Chunin Exams was nothing short of infuriating. Her teammates hadn't said a word to her in the three hours they had been sitting in the waiting room they were confined to and Kana was thankful for that – she didn't want to deal with trying to force a conversation right now and was trying to focus on the medical ninjutsu text in her lap.

"So I heard you and Genma are an item now."

If Koh could see her eyes through the small round holes in her mask, he would have literally withered and died right on the spot; they flitted up at him and she momentarily wished she was a genjutsu user just so she could knock him out. "Excuse me?" she hissed, leaning forward to rest her elbows on her knees. There was a pain radiating in her arm where she had been stabbed by Neji's kunai a few weeks back, small but noticeable enough to where it only added to her bad mood.

The rancor in her voice didn't appear to go unnoticed, because her three teammates reacted at her tone; Kana could feel Tenpo become wary, shoulders stiffening, and Tirahashi looked up from the book he was reading. Koh crossed his arms but didn't seem to be genuinely bothered by her attitude. "Well, you know, I heard Anko chatting with Izumo and Kotetsu-"

 _'Well, that's where Kotetsu heard it… that woman isn't_ eating _pie she's sticking her fingers into everyone_ else's _.'_

"-And I was just wondering if there was any truth behind the rumors. That's all."

Kana closed the book and didn't respond, merely folding her hands and closing her eyes in agitation; if she had learned anything, it was that her teammate only worked off of what he was given so he would shut up when he realized he wasn't going to get a response. Anbu members were known for being cold, but somehow this gossiping loser made it in? It made no sense.

When he wasn't immediately given a response, Koh apparently decided that he need to keep pushing the issue. "I'm just saying, good on you if-"

"Nisa, stop talking," Tenpo interrupted. The rest of the team heard it, too – there was some sort of explosion in the distance, and the four looked out of the large window that looked out over the village. A large cloud of grayish brown smoke was billowing up from the stadium, but they couldn't see much else.

 _'Still…_ ' Kana activated her Kurogan and focused on the stadium, eyes searching for some sort of explanation.

She sucked air between her teeth when she saw Sasuke, Genma, a Sand jonin and those three Sand siblings facing off on the ground. The Gaara kid looked as if he was in pain, but Sasuke was on his knees. Kana noticed that the stadium was full of attendees that appeared to be slumped over, and… Shock slammed into her body like a speeding train.

She spoke hastily, not bothering to elaborate on unnecessary details. "Captain, there's fighting in the stadium seating. Something's wrong – I don't see Lord Hokage or the Kazekage. It looks like everyone that isn't a trained shinobi is passed out, most likely due to a large-scale genjutsu." Her eyes flitted around the stadium before moving to the roof, "I found the Hokage, he's with – he's being held by the Kazekage on the roof! The Anbu Commander is already taking his team-"

There was another explosion, one closer by, which was shortly accompanied by the faint footsteps of running in the hallway.

The team immediately fell into formation, the impending squabble immediately forgotten, with Kana positioned on the right point of the diamond they formed. Yugao and one Anbu member she didn't recognize burst into the room just a few moments later, "The village is under attack by the Sand and Sound," she said hurriedly, "Lord Hokage has been captured by the Kazekage! Corp 5 is to immediately deploy to the Uchiha and Hyuga districts where it is expected the next point of entry will take place!"

It made sense. A vast majority of the Hyugas would be at the stadium to watch Neji fight, and the others would be on duty as shinobi. With the Uchiha district completely empty, it would be a particularly vulnerable part of the village that was close to the Academy and Hokage's office.

Tirahashi already had the large window opened for the rest to jump through. They understood their orders.

"Tsuki, scan the area to 100 meters outside of the village," Tenpo barked.

"Already on it, sir." As much as she wanted to run to the stadium and protect the boys, she had a job to do, so she pushed her concerns to the back of her mind for now.

Activating her Kurogan at such a high speed was always a little disorienting at first, that was for sure, as it was as if she was stepping into a near-identical alternate dimension that was zooming past her, lines blurring and bouncing chakra forms everywhere. Still, she focused ahead and almost felt her heart stop. "Sir, there are at least a hundred of them," she said hurriedly, "It looks as if they are attacking the village in groups of twenty. The wall around the village is destroyed in several places in what I assume are access points, including right where the Uchiha district is. There are several already making their way through - we will meet them head on in a few minutes."

Usually her captain would swear under his breath at bad news, but he only increased his pace ahead of them. "You and Nisa run ahead and try to slow them down. We want to keep them from entering the village any further."

Koh and Kana both bolted at his orders, racing past the other two who weren't able to keep up with their level of speed – the world became blurry as she focused chakra to her feet to increase her pace, knowing full well that her teammate wouldn't be able to match it. Just like she said there was a group of twenty shinobi making their way past the treeline and across the small grassy area that would get them into the streets. "Ten Sand, ten Sound," she informed Koh, "All jonin. Think Captain will buy us a round when we get them all before he arrives?"

It was a rhetorical question, said only to project her concerns over how completely outnumbered they were, but her teammate still gave her a disheartened chuckle in response from behind, "Nah, he's a cheap ass. At best we'd get shitty convenience store brand scotch." He ended on that note as the enemies came into his field of view; Tenpo and Tirahashi were both very fast – you had to be, if you wanted to be in Anbu – but they still considerably lagged behind. It would be a few minutes before they caught up, at best. Koh's frowning bear mask mirrored her own grim expression.

"Closing in on 500 meters. It doesn't look like they're going to try avoiding us, but they'll probably split up and attempt to flank so a few get by." Her mind worked at the potential outcomes of such a direct approach – she wanted to keep the collateral damage minimal but they didn't have a lot of options at the ready for something like this. "From what little I've seen they focus more on ninjutsu and genjutsu, so their taijutsu is a little lacking. We need to split up, put about 20 meters between us and drop a paper bomb every fifteen. We won't be able to stop them all but we can slow them down as much as we can. 200 meters."

She heard him alter his direction, heading left, so Kana angled herself to the right and reached into her pouch; she flipped onto the next house and used the flip to subtly place a paper bomb on the roof as she sprung herself forward with one hand, grabbing the remaining nine she carried with the other.

It wasn't long until she was down to one bomb, which Kana slapped onto the blade of a kunai knowing full well that she wasn't going to be able to hit anyone that saw her coming, but the explosion would injure a handful of them. At fifty meters she focused a small amount of chakra into the bomb and threw the kunai towards the pack of what she assumed her the Sound nin, realizing that she had never actually seen a Sound shinobi other than the three whose visa application she reviewed with Genma. Their uniforms were bulky and impractical, which only reinforced what Kana had said earlier – they weren't interested in relying on hand-to-hand combat and ninja tools.

One of the shinobi sidestepped the kunai just as Kana signed; the small amount of chakra she had infused into the bomb's seal was enough to amplify the explosion, increasing the radius and intensity of the blast. One of the enemies was launched in her direction so she jumped up to swing her leg around; the boot connected solidly with the bottom of his chin, and the pressure caused by the force of Kana's foot and the speed of which he was flung at resulted in a satisfying, ' _Crick, crunch,_ ' of both his jaw and neck snapping one after the other.

She quickly moved on to the next shinobi, which was probably the last one she would be able to attack before the rest landed or regained their footing. Kana didn't waste any time with focusing her chakra to her fingertips in black cones before stabbing them directly into his neck, slicing through his camouflage scarf and piercing through his airways in a flash as blood spurted onto her gloved hand.

Adrenaline coursed through her body like a river rapid. She didn't need her kekkei genkai to know that one of the other Sound ninja was attempting to hit her from behind – the cones extended to encase her hand like a sharp glove as she turned and began to stand from her kneeled position, thrusting her hand out. Kana's fingers tore through his loose shirt just a second before burying themselves into his stomach at the same time as two paper bombs went off in the distance. Heat enveloped her hand as she grabbed a fistful of soft and rubbery intestines; his agonized cry and the strangled gasping of his teammate drowning in his own blood barely registered with her when she yanked her hand back, effectively disemboweling her opponent. She could see that six of the twenty had already escaped but hadn't yet reached the paper bombs so if she worked quickly Kana would be able to get to them before they got too far. Three more explosions dropped that number down to five.

"Sound Strike!"

Uh-oh.

Kana pushed off of the roof tiles and launched herself to the side just as the shinobi finished his hand seals, taking a large breath. _'A projectile attack, got it. Probably only goes straight,'_ she noted while signing for her counterattack, _'Meaning he's not going to be able to move for a second or two.'_ Two more paper bombs went off in the distance, this time with a pained shout.

Five chakra senbon flew from her fingertips as she landed on the next roof, her other hand grabbing at the tiles to use the momentum to slide back around to the edge of the roof, kicking off of the edge as the senbon pierced his body. Senbon weren't very effective as lethal weapons unless you had extremely precise accuracy, but the burn of her chakra caused the shinobi to stumble back and grip his belly. It was just enough of a distraction for Kana to propel herself onto him and climb her way up to his shoulders – she wrapped one leg around his covered neck and slammed the back of her upper arm down on the side of his head, the satisfying snap of his neck sending a thrill up Kana's spine.

She jumped off of his lifeless shoulders and landed on the ground with a soft 'thud' before racing towards her next opponent, who had attempted to run past her on the street level. "Chakra Wave!" she cried, thrusting her hands out and releasing a black pulse of black chakra from her palms; the jutsu worked something similar to a sound wave, and the irony was not lost on Kana as it tore the paper windows to splinters and ribbons, knocking over a street light just before it passed through the Sound jonin. As several of his internal organs ruptured the man fell to his knees and screamed, paying Kana no mind as she flashed to his side and releasing another pulse to scramble his brain.

With the those she killed with the paper bomb included, and the four Koh had taken down, that made eleven in total. Her eyes scanned the immediate area for the rest – Tenpo and Tirahashi had already caught up and had engaged the three that had survived the paper bombs, meaning that they only had a handful left to take out. Kana leaped back up to the roof just in time to see Koh take two kunai to the chest, doubling over.

 _'Oh no.'_

Kana moved as fast as she could, ignoring the building guilt as she watched her teammate receive the brunt of a wind jutsu that made him clutch his head as blood rushed out of various orifices. There was time for dealing with her failure later.

Just a couple of seconds later she was lunging forward over Koh's figure to throw out her leg in Guy's favorite entrance attack, Leaf Hurricane, but with a twist of her own: Kana focused chakra to her leg and released it as her leg swung, leaving a black arc of pure chakra in its path. Her foot connected solidly with the first Sand shinobi, who instantly dropped after his cheekbone and nose were driven back into his head, but missed the one who had seen her coming. Still, the chakra trail caught his face and he screamed as his skin began to peel away.

 _'Four more.'_

A man nearly double her size jumped back to form hand seals for a jutsu she didn't recognize but appeared to be wind style, if she read the seal types correctly; her feet only barely touched the wooden roof before she grabbed Koh by the collar and sprang out of the way of an invisible shimmer, dropping her teammate to propel herself at the Sand jonin, who was still coming down from the jutsu. Kana reached out her arms, grabbed his tan flak jacket by the shoulders and used the momentum to swing around as she pulled a kunai off of his leg; the girl plunged the kunai into his shoulder and free fell with her hand firmly wrapped around the handle, the blade violently ripping through his body.

Blood covered her shoulder and right arm by the time her small body uncomfortably hit the roof, and the shinobi's chakra-less body crumpled next to her, blood and an organ pushing through the flak jacket.

 _'No time to rest, three more,'_ she thought to herself as her hands dropped the kunai to flash hand signs. She saw Tenpo and Tirahashi close in on their location. "Dancing Flower Jutsu!" Kana cried as a large ball of chakra erupted from her lips and divided into seven smaller balls that curved out and around towards two of the remaining shinobi that were charging at her.

While she had no doubt she would be able to hold herself in a fight, she was relieved to see Tenpo flash over to the third in an attack just as Tirahashi began to pull Koh away from the fray – Kana wasn't entirely positive that she would have been able to keep all three of them away from her injured teammate. Anbu weren't escorts.

The Sand shinobi dodged her attack just as she jumped to her feet, barely allowing her time to draw the sword strapped to her back as she jumped back to put a little distance between them. A flurry of shuriken cut through the air in Kana's direction and only gave her about two seconds to register what was happening before she could jump to the side again – those couple of seconds weren't enough for her to fully get herself out of the way so she brought the sword up to deflect what she couldn't dodge, though one managed to get through her defense and slice through her black uniform pants, cutting the surface of her thigh. The pain was minor enough for Kana to know she wasn't in any danger so she focused chakra to her arms and back as she flashed forward.

"S-so fast-" one of them gasped just before her sword began to cut through his abdomen.

Kana smirked at his final words. "Not just fast," she quoted her sensei, "But also _powerful_." Her chakra-enhanced muscles rippled when the sword cut cleanly through his organs and spine, exiting through the other side of his body in just a second before she moved onto the second target. Kana spun with her leg out to deliver a firm kick to the Sand jonin's knee, a wave of satisfaction joining in with the adrenaline when it bent at an impossible angle with a ' _Crack'_ as he collapsed with a scream; she wasted no time in stabbing him through the midsection to pin him to the roof, crawling up his heaving body and grabbing his bare face.

"You think you can come into _our_ village, after we worked _so_ hard to build peace, and try to kill _our_ people?" she hissed, watching his eyelids slide shut as she drained his chakra, "I don't think so, you piece of _trash_. Your attack is going to fail, and you're going to die all alone here-"

 _'Ah, damn, he died before I could drain the rest.'_

Kana stood up and ripped the blade out of the Sand ninja's belly, wiping the blood on his tan jacket before sliding it into the sheath on her back. Tenpo had dealt with the lone survivor, and she could only see that there were only two chakra figures standing behind her – guilt spiking back into her chest as she saw the grey and white figure of Koh's body lying beneath Tirahashi's hands, no trace of chakra left.

She turned around to face the surviving pair, hands balled into fists, and knelt. "I'm sorry, Captain, I underestimated the Sand's capabilities when I made the call for us to split up and attack the groups separately. I know you two were close... I take full responsibility for his death."

The captain was silent. Tirahashi's shoulders slumped. A deceptively gentle breeze rolled through, cooling her flushed skin and rustling the loose strands of hair that had escaped her twin buns.

"We'll come back for his body later. Right now we need to focus on fighting back the invasion." Tenpo's pained words cut through the heavy silence between the trio, and the fact that he blatantly ignored Kana's apology caused her stomach to twist _. 'I fucked up.'_

Tirahashi and Kana both nodded in agreement and rose to their feet in silence, chasing after their captain when he took off in the direction of the sounds of battle; Anbu weren't meant to become close to each other – the nature of their work was too dangerous for them to risk being emotionally attached to each other, whether it be to avoid acting rashly to save one another or becoming depressed if they died. Knowing that made Koh's death even worse - knowing that after two years since their team had been assembled, she had killed the only person Tenpo had ever fallen in love with.

 _'I am so sorry.'_

A kunai flew through the air with just enough distance for Kana to fling a pair of shuriken to throw it off course with a ' _chink_.'

Her captain's head whipped around in time for him to see the second kunai and dodge it, but his obvious reduction in reaction time didn't go unnoticed – he was really messed up. The group of Sound shinobi wasted no time in closing the distance between them and performing hand seals, the air shimmering with their two sound jutsus whizzing towards them; Kana could see that there were two on the ground making an attempt to flank them, and anger sparked in her chest as she backflipped off of the roof to land in front of them.

"Do you think we're so stupid to really believe ninja would attack with half of a team?" she snarled, thrusting a chakra-filled palm out to strike the closest one in the center of the chest; a burst of chakra blasting through her hand and into his body in a move that mimicked Gentle Fist, but instead of cutting off a chakra point it burned at his inner organs. Kana grabbed his throat as he crumpled with a scream, throwing him into his teammate to give her enough time to focus her chakra to her fingertips like before. She was on top of the next shinobi less than a second later, fingers buried in his throat, watching the light fade from his eyes as he drowned in his own blood.

The next hour was a blur. Bones snapped beneath her hands. Blood splattered across her vest. Kana remembered being angry – she didn't understand why this was happening. What did they do? Why did they deserve to be attacked like this?

Her movements were fluid, calculated. Her vision was sharp and red as she tore her way through the enemy units with Tenpo and Tirahashi by her sides. The rage she felt was immeasurable, almost painful – she didn't want them gone, or to just leave them be. Kana wanted them all dead, even as she felt herself begin to reach her limit.

Chakra manipulation required an exorbitant amount of chakra and control, and she had been fighting almost constantly for an hour and a half at least. Even for an elite shinobi, that was more than just a marathon. Even so, she felt irritation pick at her when she found herself holding back for her companions' sakes as they lagged behind; she understood that they weren't as fast as she was, and didn't have as much stamina, but Kana wanted to scream at them to pick up the pace.

"Tsuki, listen to me," Tenpo said sternly, his breathing labored as he came to a stop, "I'm sure you can tell that Rain and myself are at our limits – we can't keep this pace up. Ordinarily I'd keep us together as a team but things aren't ordinary and right now the village needs every available shinobi fighting."

He was right, and that wasn't just her anger and impatience speaking – both of their chakra signatures were flickering weakly, meaning even if they tried to fight they would be overpowered in no time. They needed to fall back, but the village needed everyone at the ready to push back against the waning invasion. "We're going to start assisting with moving the injured to the hospital. You go ahead and take out as many of the enemy units as you can."

"I understand, sir."

She didn't waste any time in turning on her heel and darting in the other direction towards the stadium; she could already see that the invasion was thinning out, it was only a matter of maybe another few minutes before the enemy forces began to pull back. All of Team Guy and Kakashi were at the stadium, as well as Kotetsu, Izumo, Raido and Genma – Kana needed to make sure everyone was okay. She needed to be there. She reached down to her leg where she had been cut earlier and used her fingernails to scrape at the injury until it reopened, coating her fingers with blood.

Not like she could really tell the difference between the blood that had already been on her hands and what she had just drawn. Kana was a mess. She flashed hand seals for the summoning jutsu and slammed her hand to the ground, watching the symbols squiggle across the dirt. _'Hanako, I need you!'_

Just as she felt her chakra dip to dangerously low levels, a puff of smoke appeared before her and Kana could feel the soft black fur of her favorite ninneko against her gloved palm. Summoning the bakaneko required more chakra than one of the smaller cats, but she needed to conserve her strength and Hanako was an invaluable asset to have in a fight.

"It's been a while, sad girl," the oversized cat purred, "I see you've decided to remodel the village."

Kana grabbed onto the red vest the Hanako wore and jumped onto her back, ignoring her attempt at a joke. "We need to get to the stadium," she said hurriedly, tightening her knees on the cat's sides as she tore down the road, "The village is under attack by Orochimaru and his men, and we've been betrayed by the Sand."

Suddenly, the large chakra barrier that had been reaching up to the sky disappeared over the stadium roof. _'Lord Hokage! He did it-'_

Lord Hokage's chakra signature wasn't present; Kana focused so she could make out the details, and the rage she had pushed away came flooding back like a red tidal wave. Orochimaru and four Sound shinobi were leaving, with the Third's body lying lifeless on the roof tiles and a group of Anbu chasing after them.

"Change of plans, Hanako, stop any ninja that isn't from the Leaf," she hissed, "Lord Hokage is dead. I can see that the others are holding their own just fine."

Hanako's paws slid along the road, sending up a cloud of dirt in her wake, as she changed course to start charging towards the gaping breaches in the Konoha wall; they were gaining on the retreating forces quickly, not even Guy or Kakashi's ninken could outrun the ninja cat. As they rapidly approached the nearest group Kana began to focus what little chakra she had left, realizing that she wouldn't have enough to perform any of her advanced jutsus. She'd be best off just using her chakra claws, unless…

 _"I am granting you some of my power."_

 _"Unless you_ want _to activate it"_

Kana cracked a grim smile at the irony of what she was about to do, _'Let's see just how useful this can be,'_ she thought to herself as her demon arm formed.

Hanako leapt into the air with a loud roar before landing on three Sand shinobi, catching a fourth between her jaws as the kunoichi on her back launched herself forward. She jumped up the wall's rubble with as much speed as she could muster, her feet barely coming in contact with the broken stone before she was propelling herself forward again.

The first shinobi went down before he even realized Kana was behind him, a surprised shout alerting his teammates as the black chakra blade sliced through his body and was redirected towards the next closest nin – Kana lunged onto his chest, holding herself up by his flak jacket just as the blade was buried into his chest.

There was a split second where Kana felt completely empty – where the last of her chakra escaped her body and her vision flickered as her muscles relaxed. Less than a heartbeat later, though, her chest tingled and Kana felt a surge of energy rush through her body as if she were being electrocuted.

It felt _fantastic_.

It was almost as if the people around her were moving at only three quarters of their normal speed – Kana's body and mind moved faster than she thought was possible _. 'Is this what it feels like to open the gates?'_ she wondered gleefully as she jumped up and dove down onto an escaping Sound kunoichi, pulling on her arm for leverage to swing her arm down, cutting through bone and muscle.

"Sad girl, there is a group of enemies heading towards a breach in the wall to the south of here!" Hanako called, sinew hanging from her pointed teeth and her large paws covered in blood. Kana grabbed the last Sound shinobi's face and allowed a burst of chakra to ripple down her arm and through his head, her black eyes focused on his so she could watch him die as she waved the bakaneko over. "What are those markings?"

Kana jumped onto the large feline's back again just before she darted along the wall's exterior; she could see a total of fifteen enemies, all Sand units, making their way out of the opening and into the forest. She grinned. "Don't worry about me, Hanako, it's a new chakra type I just discovered. There's a jutsu I've been working on, though, so I'd appreciate it if you just kept them close together now that we're out of the village." Her words were nearly lost to the rush of the wind, but Hanako's excellent hearing picked them up and she gave an amused meow as they closed in on the retreating forces.

The black blade dissipated as the kunoichi centered her chakra, or whatever the hell this weird power was – her body converted other types of chakra into her own, but this seemed like a bizarre combination of the two. It felt amazing, invigorating, but also dirty and slimy. _'I hope this works…'_ she thought to herself as she dismounted the feline, who continued running around the enemy platoon to herd them in.

"Hah! They sent one little girl after us?" one laughed to the group, "And a cat? Is this a joke?"

Hanako growled threateningly, "You better hurry up, sad girl, or else I'll kill them myself."

Kana appreciated the distraction the bakaneko created, which gave her just a few extra seconds to build up as much chakra as she could before her hands whirred together to make a long combination of hand seals.

"What did you say, stupid cat?"

"Shut up and pay attention, Chizuru, we don't have time for this!"

"Chakra Barrier Prison!" Kana shouted, dropping to a crouch and flinging her hands out; it started like a small black fire, encircling the confused platoon before rising up about fifty feet in a frightening inferno that flailed at the sky. When it smoothed out to what looked like a smooth glass wall she stood up with a satisfied smile, dimly aware of the tingling sensation that told her the curse mark was stretching around her ribcage while she strode confidently toward the captured shinobi.

She kept concentrating on the barrier but felt chakra build up in her arms as she began flashing hand signs again. The barrier bowed beneath her hands before allowing them to sink through its surface, suspended in the strange chakra field that licked her skin. "Pulsing Chakra Wave!"

It was beautiful. Just as the name implied, waves of chakra undulated through her palms and into the barrier with a harmonic thrumming sound – she could feel the chakra pass through their bodies and become absorbed into the farthest part of the barrier, rippling around the barrier's circumference back to her hands and pulsating outwards again in a rhythmic pattern. Kana could feel every blood vessel burst, every organ that popped. The chakra burned at their clothing and melted their skin.

Kana watched each one of them collapse to the ground, too agonized to scream or cry out. The feeling of life escaping a living being's body as their very being was popped like a balloon was something indescribable. She allowed her rage to fuel her chakra, intensifying each wave so that she could feel the ninjas' bodies become reduced to piles of mushy tissue and bits of clothing scraps and metal chips before releasing the jutsu with a contented sigh.

"What is the point of me sealing the curse mark if you're just going to use it anyways?" a familiar voice barked at her from behind. She had seen him coming, obviously, and she knew he would have been upset but the anger in his voice pulled her out of whatever trance she had been in before. Kana's legs trembled as she turned, a wave of exhaustion flooding her body, and was thankful for Hanako's presence as she padded up by her side.

She turned to face the small group, using Hanako for support, and felt her heart skip a beat when she saw the horrified looks of horror that met her gaze - Kotetsu and Izumo both were frozen in place, wide eyes focused on the group of bodies Kana had just liquefied. Genma had a much better handle on his emotions but still looked startled as he assessed the damage she had caused, while Kakashi just looked pissed.

"Is everyone okay?" she asked weakly as the marks began to recede – the surge of energy she had felt was lessening, and Kana realized she didn't know what was going to happen once that strange chakra was gone since she only had a tiny bit of her own accumulated from her body's conversion process.

Kakashi's eyes narrowed and Kana could practically feel his frustration stab through her from his heated gaze, "Lord Hokage is dead, and there were a lot of casualties suffered but the attack appears to be over. If you're asking about the kids, they're all fine. Guy got them all to safety a little while ago." He practically spat the last words out at her.

Hanako crouched to the ground for her companion to sluggishly crawl onto her back as the marks disappeared into the seal. "That's… That's…" What, good? She was glad that her dear ones were safe, but this wasn't a good situation. The village was devastated. Kana finally deactivated her Kurogan; she didn't think it was possible, but she was apparently capable of enough energy for adrenaline to rocket through her body as she gaped at Izumo with alarm. "Izumo, your arm-"

"The blood isn't his so don't worry about him," Kakashi snapped, "Why did you use the curse mark, Kana?"

"I… I, uh…" The angry intensity of his mismatched glare caused her mind to go blank and Kana struggled to come up with a response; her hands dug into Hanako's fluffy black fur for comfort, realizing that she couldn't actually remember the last time she had been scolded or felt as if she was in trouble. It was a strange sensation, and she was too embarrassed to do anything other than to tear her eyes away from his to look at her bloodied arms.

This seemed to only agitate Kakashi even further, as she could actually hear him clench his fists at her. "We'll talk… Need to… injured..."

Kana somehow managed to lift her head to face the group, eyebrows furrowed in an attempt to help her focus her blurring vision; she struggled to maintain her grip on Hanako's fur as her hands became too weak to form proper fists, only loosely holding on to the ninneko who looked back at her to ask her a question.

"Hey… wrong…?" Genma's voice was muffled against the sound of her heart racing in her ears, but she could vaguely see that he was asking her a question.

 _'Even when he's unhappy, he's handsome…'_ she thought as the world started to tilt to the right.

The last thing Kana remembered was feeling her body fall into strong, warm arms that smelled like cinnamon and musk.


	12. Chasing Cats and Letting Go

**Note** : I started writing a handful of timeskips where I am in the story, and I feel like it rushes things a bit... I mean I know it doesn't from a reader's standpoint, but I'm one of those people that enjoys cramming as much as they possibly can into their writing.

But if it takes you 90,000 words just to get through the first third of your story... You're taking too much time lol.

* * *

 _"He's just around the corner, are you ready?"_

 _Sasuke's round eyes gleamed up at hers in anticipation and nodded, a determined grin stretched across his face._

 _"Then go, go! I'm right behind you!" Kana whispered, waving her hand at him._

 _The five year old jumped up from his crouched position and ran around the corner of the building they had been hiding behind, Kana following a few paces back with a sheet of paper and a pot of red ink in her hands, a silent giggle escaping her lips as she watched him throw a kunai at the rope he had tied to a kunai jammed into the ground. A log dropped down from its suspended state and knocked his target onto its side, dazed._

 _With an excited shout Sasuke threw himself on top of the large cat, which was about the same size as the child, and started tying three of its paws together with the rope his brother had lent him. "The ink! Hurry give me the ink!" he squealed, bouncing on the feline's side. Kana stifled another giggle but quickly rushed to his side to hand over the pot of ink, placing the paper on the ground next to the miserable animal's free paw. Sasuke quickly unscrewed the metal cap and set it aside before using both hands to dip the paw into the bright red ink._

 _Kana watched the boy carefully bring the inked paw to hover over the sheet, his glee hidden behind a look of absolute concentration as he slowly took the cat's print, extra care being taken to not smudge the ink when he was finished. He walked over to the kunai that was plunged into the dirt and pulled it up, turning back to the restrained cat before kneeling by its side and slowly cutting the rope that kept it bound._

 _When he was finished, the cat yowled and bolted down the road, leaving little red paw prints in its path; Sasuke didn't seem to care, he only held up the paper and beamed proudly, "Look! Big sister look!"_

 _"Yes, Sasuke, I see it," Kana responded warmly, "Itachi's going to be really happy, this is the biggest one you've caught, isn't it?"_

 _Sasuke only giggled in response, scurrying over to her with his arms outstretched; Kana crouched down to pick up the paint before wrapping her arms around the boy and lifting him up. She wasn't much bigger than Sasuke, but she was sure to hold him tightly as he wrapped his arms and legs around her body. His baby-soft cheek gently bounced against her own as they walked back towards Granny Cat's home, and a thought popped into Kana's head. "You know, I think there's one more print we need to get before we all head home…"_

* * *

 _Itachi turned from Granny Cat when the pair walked through the door with a fond smile, "That took less time than I thought it would. Sasuke, did you have Kana do this for you?"_

 _His little brother dropped down from Kana's waist with a huff, "No, I did it on my own! Look, see?!" he said indignantly, holding out the paper for Itachi to observe, who handed it to the old cat lady perched on a large pillow._

 _"It's true," Kana confirmed, "All I did was hold the ink pot, just like he told me to. But…" She smirked, and Sasuke looked as if he was about to jump out of his shorts in anticipation, "I'm going to need_ his _help getting a print."_

 _Before Itachi had a chance to react, she lunged forward and threw her body on top of his, using her weight and hands to pin him to the floor. "Sasuke! Go, go, go!" she half-laughed half-shouted as the older brother realized what was happening and began to wiggle his body in a show at struggling. Sasuke rushed up to the two and sat on his brother's upper arm before neatly placing down a piece of paper and unscrewing the pot of ink._

 _"Make a paw!"_

 _"What?"_

 _Sasuke shook his brother's hand and tried pushing his fingers, "You need to make a paw!" he shrieked happily.  
_

 _Itachi stifled a laugh and Kana could see the look of adoration and amusement on his face as he curled his hand into the fist his brother demanded, "Okay, okay, Sasuke. Here," he said in mock-resignment. With the same level of concentration he displayed earlier, Sasuke carefully dipped his brother's closed fist into the red ink, making sure the excess properly dripped back into the pot before moving the hand over the paper and slowly setting it down next to his own print._

 _With the print taken to his satisfaction, Sasuke got off of Itachi's arm and turned to the girl with his hand out, "Now you," he said demandingly._

 _"What? No, Sasuke, I told you that this is for your mom – she isn't going to want my handprint…"_

 _When he opened his mouth to protest, Itachi reached out and poked him on the forehead with a gentle smile, "Sasuke, we'll have plenty of opportunities for this later. Let's just leave it alone for now, okay? It's time for us to go home."_

* * *

Someone was touching her hair. Kana could feel familiar fingers weaving through the tresses in a methodical pattern, folding different locks over each other. She opened her eyes and immediately knew that she was lying in her bed with the covers pulled up to her chest; Neji was sitting next to her head looking down at her, dark circles ringing around his white eyes.

His face visibly softened when he saw her peering up at him. "You're awake," he said softly, pulling her bangs back from her face to weave it into the rest of her braid, "I was getting a little tired of you mumbling about Sasuke."

It took her a few moments to remember how to use her voice, only being able to emit a small noise when her lips parted; Neji knew how she had trouble speaking after sleeping for too long, so he began to run down the list of what could be on her mind. "You've been asleep for about twenty hours. Genma found me after the attack and let me know that Kakashi-sensei had brought you home. Our people are all okay, except… The proctor from the preliminary rounds was found dead, and your friend with the scarred face is in the hospital. I was told he's going to be fine."

Proctor from the preliminary round? That must have been _… 'Hayate… Oh, no…'_ She wasn't particularly close to the jonin, as she never had much incentive to get to know him, but Kana knew that both Genma and Raido regarded him as a close friend. Izumo and Kotetsu were fond of him, as well. Her heart went out to them.

"Genma came over a couple of times to check in, and Tenten stopped by once with food, but right now the entire village is busy with fixing things up," Neji continued, "Lord Hokage… Lord Hokage was killed by Orochimaru during the invasion." He shifted towards the edge of the bed to allow Kana more room as she propped herself up on her elbows experimentally – her body was stiff from being asleep for so long but, other than a throbbing ache in her thigh from where she had been cut by the shuriken, and her arm where Neji had stabbed her, there was no discomfort when she moved.

"Water?" she croaked when she was sitting upright, the coolness of the wall seeping through the thin material of her t-shirt. Neji nodded and slid off of the bed to leave the room without a moment's hesitation.

When he left the room Kana looked down to stare at her hands, remembering how she had been practically coated in blood before; her fighting style practically ensured that she would leave a bloodied mess due to her literally ripping her opponents open with her hands, but it never really bothered her. It was the feeling of their insides – that sickly soft, squishy, hot and warm sensation of their bodies that really got to her. She remembered the strange rough texture of the shinobi whose throat she stabbed shortly before…

 _'Captain, I am so sorry,'_ she prayed, recalling the way Koh collapsed on the roof.

Neji returned just a minute later with a glass full of water, handing it to her with a concerned look on his face as he crawled onto the bed. "Are you okay?"

At first, Kana didn't respond – she silently took the glass of water and lifted it to her lips while he sat next to her against the wall. The cool liquid almost immediately relieved the dry soreness and helped her throat open up, and she downed half of it before reaching back to set it on the dresser. Then, she turned back and her eyes locked onto his grimly, "Neji, I need to tell you something. Please don't interrupt me, just listen."

He nodded silently, worry etched into his already tired face.

"Anbu… We're sort of viewed as these killing machines – like untouchable variants of normal shinobi. A lot of people think that because we're handpicked by the Hokage we're indestructible, or all-powerful…"

Talking was easy with Neji, and getting her thoughts across to him wasn't something she normally struggled with, but this particular subject was almost too painful for Kana to put her thoughts in order.

"But the truth is, what we do is almost incomprehensibly _dangerous,_ Neji. Most of us don't make it through our thirties, and even fewer make it to retirement... That's why we're trained to work better on our own instead of as a team, and why we're discouraged from establishing any sense of closeness with each other... This is also why we're not allowed to marry while still in the service."

She paused when Neji reached over to place a hand on her knee; it was probably meant to be a comforting gesture, but the slight tremble in his fingers only added to the heavy feeling in the pit of her stomach. Kana reached up and curled her own fingers around his, her eyes still holding his pained gaze, "Since becoming a shinobi, I've always fought as hard as I could to make sure that I come home safe, but I've had my fair share of close calls… And there is always that chance of my skills not being enough to save me. I've already been in Anbu for nearly ten years already. I'm beginning to really push my luck with chance by this point, and… Neji, there's… There's a _very_ good chance that I'm going to leave for a mission one day and not come back. When – _if_ ," she corrected herself, seeing Neji's eyes begin to water, " _If_ that happens, I… I just want you to know that I love you, more than anyone in this world, and I did everything I _possibly_ could to come back to you."

Neji's eyes glittered with unshed tears, his lips pressed into a tight line. "I… I understand," he whispered before using his free arm to wrap around her shoulders and pull their bodies together; he buried his face into the nape of Kana's neck, and she could feel the wetness of his tears on her skin as he kissed the base of her skull. "I love you, too. So much. I'm… I'm so glad to have you by my side."

They stayed like that for what felt like hours until the boy finally fell asleep. Kana gently laid him down and pulled the covers up, shutting the door behind her so he could rest.

* * *

Kana thumbed another page of Icha Icha over when there was a soft knock at the door; she flashed her kekkei genkai to see that it was Kakashi, who was only knocking as a formality as she knew he had a key to her apartment. For a brief second she considered just calling for him to come in, but she remembered that Neji was still slumbering in the other room so Kana sighed and dog-eared the page she was on before pushing herself off of the sofa.

"Neji's in bed," she said softly when she opened the door, limping out of the way to allow Kakashi in. There were dark circles on top of dark circles under his exposed eye, and Kana could see the visible slump in his shoulders as he sluggishly made his way through her tiny kitchen to the "Living room" which was barely large enough to accompany a sofa, an easy chair, a small coffee table and a skinny bookcase. He sagged into the seat cushions of the sofa with a long sigh, and Kana realized that while she had been snoozing away in her comfy bed, her friend had been running himself ragged with the rest of the uninjured shinobi trying to get the village back in order.

With her uninjured leg underneath her, she sat on the neighboring sofa cushion and gave him a few moments to himself as he stared blankly up at the ceiling.

"The Hokage's funeral is in a couple of days," he mumbled after a couple of minutes, "Asuma and I are in charge of preparations. He's looking pretty rough but is holding himself together."

 _'That's right, Asuma was the Third's son…'_ This entire situation was just miserable for everyone.

Kakashi's exposed eye gave her a once over, and he made a humming noise before lolling his head to the side to face her. "I haven't seen you wear those in a while," he said, one hand lazily reaching out to pinch the loose pajama pants she wore. "I was going to change you myself, but Neji insisted he be the one to clean you up," he continued with a sigh, "It still surprises me just how _protective_ he is."

She glanced down and pulled her other leg up so she was curling against the back of the sofa, gingerly brushing the back of his exposed fingers with the tips of her own. "You're one to talk," she said softly.

He hummed again, but didn't say anything else. Kana couldn't tell if he was exhausted, tense or still angry with her. Maybe it was a combination of all three. Either way, the heavy silence between them was deafening, nothing like the comfortable silence they normally shared while reading or watching television together; it was really beginning to unsettle her, so after a few minutes of just watching him lounge on her couch she decided to speak up.

"I'm sorry, Kakashi," she said softly, "About the curse mark. Even if I didn't know how bad it was, I knew it was dangerous. Please forgive me."

A resigned sigh escaped his lips, muffled by his mask, and Kakashi pushed up his forehead protector to rub at his eyes. "Sometimes it's just hard to remember that you're not a student anymore, even after all these years – after everything we've been through together… I shouldn't have treated you as if you were anything less than my equal..."

When he removed his hand, his mismatched eyes looked sad and emotionally worn. "Look... If you use the mark, it will begin to eat away at your mind until you're completely at Orochimaru's bidding," he explained, "I've lost a fair share of friends in my lifetime, but… I'd rather see you die a shinobi's death in battle than become someone else's mindless pawn."

' _Oh_.' It wasn't that he had been angry with her, like she initially believed; Kakashi was only worried for her wellbeing. Kana wasn't sure if that made her feel any better, or if she felt worse for invoking that level of concern in him.

He sluggishly reached out to nudge at her legs, telling her to reposition herself without bothering to open his mouth. When she had adjusted so that she sat properly on the sofa, Kakashi pulled his own legs up and laid down so that his head rested in Kana's lap; his eyes slid shut and, for a moment, she wished she could pull back his mask. The man always looked so young and peaceful when he slept in a safe place.

"Anyways, I actually came here to tell you that your apartment building is being condemned tomorrow morning."

So much for him being in a safe place.

"I would take you in at my place, but it was basically obliterated by a giant snake so I'm staying at Iruka's."

She smirked to cover up the twinge of disappointment over not having a home starting tomorrow. "It's about time you two moved in together," Kana joked, smirk widening when pink tinted the small amount of his exposed cheeks, "Seriously, Kashi, even if it's only been a year, you practically live there anyways so you might as well."

On eye opened up lazily, "Those are some bold words coming from the person that's been skirting around her feelings for a certain tokubetsu jonin for the last couple of months."

"Hey, don't you try to turn this on me! I'm not the one that's been blatantly disregarding hints-"

"Aren't you?"

Kana's eyes slanted down at him. "It's different.

" _Is_ it?"

"Dammit, Kakashi." Can't she just have one pleasant conversation anymore? Half of their village was trashed, and this was the moment he deemed appropriate for a talk about her situation with Genma? _'This is what I get for trying to make a fucking joke in a bad situation.'_ The man gave her a sheepish look that served as a reminder of how he was still a young man, despite having been treated as an adult since childhood; Kakashi lifted her free hand to his covered cheek and nuzzled into it apologetically.

She half expected the jonin to get up off of her lap, but he instead just reached for the end of her untied braid. "Well, first off, Iruka and I actually broke things off a couple of weeks ago," Kakashi gave her a sharp look to shut her up when she opened her mouth to ask questions, "Let me tell you a story. Look, back when I was still in Anbu there was a woman I met while on a mission. She was a shinobi from the Village Hidden in the Stars, and I guess you could say we fell for each other after a few months of keeping in touch. This was back when relationships between shinobi from different villages were strictly forbidden, so we never actively pursued it even if we pretended to entertain the thought."

Kakashi's fingers began to separate the loose braid, though his eyes still remained on Kana's. "Eventually we saw less and less of each other, but I still hung on to the notion that things would change and we'd be able to be together one day."

"This story sucks, Kashi."

"Shut up, I'm almost done," he chuckled half-heartedly, "I spent a handful of years sleeping around when I wasn't sulking - which was when Iruka came along."

It was Kana's turn to sigh as a weight settled in her chest; she bit her lip, focusing her eyes on the hand that was reaching up her head. "You didn't… Feel like you were betraying her?" she asked softly, projecting her own worries.

With a sad, understanding smile Kakashi gave a subtle nod. "There was some guilt, at first. I felt as if I owed her something, though I didn't know what. It wasn't until I realized that I wouldn't want _her_ torturing herself like that over me, and that she would have felt the same way, that it became easier to move on. Besides…" his hand shook out the last of her braid, causing Kana's bangs to fall in front of her face as they came loose, "I came to understand that I was in love with her _memory_ by that point, not her. And even if was on and off for a few years, and things didn't work out, being with Iruka helped me come to terms with that."

A small, choked noise escaped Kana's lips as the harsh realization of what his words meant set in – her hand twisted from his cheek to lace their fingers together, "But that… The memory is all I've had for so long," she whispered.

"So are you hesitating because you're afraid of becoming attached to Genma, or because you're afraid of what will happen when you let go of Itachi?"

Neji's voice startled both of the jonin – Kakashi was sitting upright in less than a second, despite being so clearly exhausted, and Kana nearly gave herself whiplash when she looked over her shoulder to the narrow hallway. The teenager had his arms folded over his chest, hair hanging loosely around his solemn-looking face while he leaned against the wall.

"Neji…How long have you been awake?" she asked, as if it mattered, "Are you hungry? There are still some leftovers-"

He pushed himself off of the wall when Kana stood from the couch, crossing the dozen or so feet that separated them before wrapping his arms around her small shoulders for the second time that day.

Every time Neji held her, she was dimly aware of how unique his hugs felt – he was never just content with normal hugs, where you'd wrap your arms around the person but typically were only pressing your chests together. It was almost as if he was trying to ensure there was no space between the two of them by pressing their entire bodies together; Kana could feel his heartbeat through the thin fabric of her t-shirt, and the warmth of his thighs against hers.

"Will you please just let yourself be happy, for _once_?" he murmured into her hair.

She could hear Kakashi lift himself off of the sofa and walk over to the childhood friends, sandals making light tapping noise against the wood flooring. His hand touched the small of Kana's back before he kissed her head. "You have people around you that are ready to help if you get hurt, Kana. It's time you quit clinging to a fraying safety blanket."

Kana could only nod in acceptance.

"Also, I am _way_ too exhausted to make it to Iruka's so would you mind terribly if I crashed here for the night?"

She snorted.


	13. Pain

**Note** : Man, y'all are really fixated on the romance aspect lol. I feel like I should change the tag to drama or something instead. No, this isn't some OC pairing where she gets jiggy with everyone or something. I actually don't really enjoy stories like that. I mean... There are plans for more than one interest, to not give too much away... But if you're expecting some smutfic with like the entire jonin cast then that's just not gonna happen lol. And it's really difficult to balance 20 different people, so obviously there needs to be a focus on just a handful while the others make their appearances.

Maybe I should change the summary... Maybe there's something misleading about it.

* * *

Packing wasn't something Kana necessarily hated, but it sure as hell wasn't her favorite activity in the world and she definitely wasn't thrilled about _why_ she was packing. It wasn't like she had a ton of belongings, since the majority of her possessions included clothes, books and photos, she just didn't want to have to sleep in the damn barracks in Anbu HQ while the building was being repaired. Residential buildings were apparently being given first priority in the rebuilding process, though she and everyone else knew that the vast majority of them would still be out of a home for a few months at best.

A dissatisfied grumble rumbled in her throat as she clipped the duffel bag shut and threw it over her shoulder. Apparently the part of the building she lived on was virtually untouched, which is why she didn't even know it had been damaged, but because of the supports having been nearly reduced to splinters she was being ordered to leave so they could demolish it. While there weren't a lot of memories tied to her apartment, it was still going to be a hassle to get everything the way Kana liked it.

For a brief moment she wondered if she should even bother keeping the door key, considering she wasn't going to be coming back, but shoved it into her hip pouch anyways. _'Might as well.'_

Kana's eyes took in the destruction around her, almost marveling at how a village with such military presence was able to be taken by such surprise. Doors had been burned to a crisp, windows were blown in and the roads were littered with pot holes of varying size; many buildings suffered damage that would be easily fixed, but there were others that had destroyed walls or had been completely reduced to rubble.

It really drove home the reality of what had taken place just a few days before. Still, the villagers had already done a fantastic job of cleaning up a vast majority of the mess and Kana could see that many buildings were already in the process of being repaired. It only went to show that the enemy could destroy their homes, but not their spirit.

The thought made Kana crack a small smile as she made her way further into the center of the village, noting how there was considerably less damage this far in; it looked like the attackers didn't make it too far, and her smile widened just a tad.

"Hey there, smiley!"

She looked over her shoulder to see the Leaf's unofficial fraternal twins coming up from an adjoining street, both holding stacks of folders with both hands. Seeing the two grinning at her, happy and uninjured, caused her flash a rare smile back in their direction as she stopped for them to catch up. "Running errands?"

Kotetsu huffed at the reminder, but Izumo just nudged him with his shoulders. "Yeah, mostly just retrieving damage reports aaaand…" Izumo bent his neck over the stack to peer at a certain file he was somehow able to manage to distinguish from the rest, "A security analysis of some sort. You know, it looks bad at a glance but we actually did a _really_ good job at containing the fighting to just the stadium area and the points of entry."

"Are you two okay?" Kana flashed her Kurogan to scan their bodies for any injuries.

"Okay, seriously, it's _really_ creepy that you can just stare through our clothes like that," Kotetsu laughed, "You fucking pervert."

His words shocked her eyes back to normal, and she could feel her cheeks begin to burn; Kana pinched the underside of his arm to hide her embarrassment, but he only laughed again. "C'mon, Kana, you know I'm joking. Izumo's got some pretty gnarly bruises but we're fine."

Izumo's eyes narrows at the mention of his injuries, but it didn't seem to really bother him. "You're limping," he stated matter-of-factly, nodding towards her bandaged thigh.

Kana shrugged nonchalantly but, the truth was, her leg was really beginning to bother her. "I took a shuriken to the leg, and I think it cut deeper than I initially thought, but I'm fine." A thought flashed through her mind, and her smile faltered. "Are you two doing okay, though..? I heard about Hayate…"

Their faces fell simultaneously, causing a twinge of guilt in Kana's chest for bringing it up. A few silent moments passed as the trio made their way closer to the academy area, the only sounds coming from them being their out-of-sync footsteps along the dirt road. It was Izumo who finally broke the silence, sad eyes looking upwards at the Hokage monument. "Yeah, we're okay. I don't think it's really set in yet that he's gone… I mean, we didn't even know he was _gone_ until after the attack… It sucks to think about – he was such a good guy, you know?"

"Genma and Raido are taking it pretty hard, though," Kotetsu added, "And Yugao's been put on suicide watch for the next couple of weeks..."

"Oh, god…" Kana could only imagine the grief the normally cheery Anbu member must be going through after losing her fiancé like that.

"Yeah she's a real mess right now... Speaking of which," the spiky-haired chunin gave her a concerned look, "Are _you_ doing okay? I heard about what happened with your teammates – I know you weren't really friends with any of them but it's still gotta be rough."

Teammates? Kana stopped walking and gave the pair a questioning look. "What are you talking about?"

Izumo's expression darkened, and Kotetsu looked as if he had just come to a horrifying revelation as they stopped and turned back to face her. Izumo took a step towards her, "Kana… I… I thought you knew… Koh was killed in action during the invasion, and Tenpo committed suicide."

Horror slammed into Kana's gut and knocked the wind out of her lungs. Tenpo was such a strong, composed figure that always exuded a sense of self-assurance on missions; to think that he took his own life…

She was faintly aware that her face had deadpanned, which her companions knew was a sign of her training – rule number twenty-five: A shinobi must never show their tears. While the kunoichi was by no means about to cry, she reflexively relaxed her face to conceal the alarm she was feeling and held her breath as to not allow her breathing to come in short, anxious bursts.

Why didn't Kakashi tell her when he was at her apartment? Surely he of all people would know.

Kana mentally shook herself and focused back on the two men before her, scrunching her cheek. "Quit looking at me like that, I'm fine. Just… Really fuckin' surprised." She tucked some of her bangs behind her ear and repositioned her bag's strap on her shoulder. "I'm actually gonna go drop by the hospital to see Raido, so you two go on ahead."

Kotetsu's eyebrows furrowed in a look of concern, but didn't appear to have an interest in pressing the issue. "Well, alright… Just remember, if you need anyone-"

"I'll come find you," she finished with a weak smile, "Thanks, guys."

* * *

Raido was asleep when Kana got to his hospital room, but he wasn't alone; Genma sat next to him in a solemn quietude, his body sunk deep into the metal chair he had pulled up next to the bed. For a moment, Kana thought he had been sleeping as well. The steady rise and fall of his shoulders and lack of response to the sound of her entering the room indicated as such, but he eventually sighed and turned his head when she didn't move.

"I thought I sensed weird chakra," he joked, eyes completely devoid of any mirth.

The sight of him tugged at Kana's heart harder than she was willing to admit. Genma's hair was a mess, as if he hadn't brushed it in a week, and his skin was paler than normal; dark circles ringed around a pair of exhausted eyes, which were alarmingly bloodshot. _'Oh, Genma…'_

Without a word she set her duffle bag on the linoleum floor and limped over to her slumped friend, who made no effort to move as she approached him from behind. Kana leaned over and tentatively wrapped her arms around his shoulders and chest, resting her chin on his shoulder. "I'm sorry I couldn't get here sooner," she whispered.

One of Genma's hands reached up to lightly touch the braid that had snaked over his chest; he let his head fall back onto her shoulder with a small noise that sounded like the ghost of a sob. She tightened her hug and rested her cheek on his exposed neck, feeling the light pulse of his heartbeat.

"He's going to be fine," he finally said in a soft voice, "He's already been cleared to go, so once he wakes up I'll take him home."

Shit, she hadn't even considered Raido when she heard the news; Kana shook her head gently in response, "Our apartment building was destroyed. If you want, I know Izumo has a spare bedroom-"

"No, he can stay with me. It'll be better that way."

For a brief moment, Kana wondered if Genma wanted to be in charge of Raido's care, or if he didn't want to be alone. Maybe it was both. She pulled away long enough to drag the second chair from the foot of the bed to Genma's, the metal legs making a soft ' _chink_ ' as they bumped together. The eyes Genma had glued to his friend's sleeping figure moistened with unshed tears, and the senbon in his mouth quivered. "Kana…" he half-whispered, "I know… I made you uncomfortable last time, but… Can I please hold you?"

The raw anguish in his voice caused Kana's heart to twist painfully in her chest; she nodded silently and angled her body away from her friend so that he could get a better grip on her. "Of course, Gen."

Deceptively warm arms circled her waist, pulling her into Genma's chest in a firm hug. She was dimly aware of how it resembled their earlier position as Kana wrapped her forearms around his in an attempt to return the hug, feeling Genma's face bury into the curve of her shoulder with another small whimper.

It was a few hours before Raido woke up, looking just as sorrowful as his friend who had, by that point, fallen asleep on Kana's shoulder. She only imagined how sleep deprived he had become while watching over his injured companion so, despite their uncomfortable position, she didn't bother to move him.

"How long have you been here?" he croaked, slowly propping himself up on his elbows. Her attempt at shrugging was thwarted by Genma's weight so she made a noncommittal sound in its stead; Kana honestly had no idea how long she had been sitting with them, which was actually kind of bad because she was supposed to report to headquarters by sunset so she could be assigned a bunk. The sun was still high in the sky, meaning it was probably only around noon, but she probably should get going soon.

"How are you feeling?"

"Like a million bucks."

She knew the joke was meant to lighten the almost suffocating mood, but it only made Kana's heart sink further into her stomach. What did she say in a situation like this? That she's sorry he wasn't able to protect the Third? That she feels bad he just lost his best friend? Express worry over the fact he had been stabbed something like five times? Her eyes could only hold his in a gaze that she hoped expressed the care and concern she held for the two of them.

Raido appeared to have received the message, because his expression softened minutely as he reached an open palm out towards her. Releasing Genma's arm, she reached back and gently placed her hand on top of his, ignoring the dull ache in her forearm; it was rough and calloused against her own scarred palm and Kana was briefly reminded how much older and more experienced he was as a shinobi.

"I get it, kitten," he said in a low voice, "I know Gen and Kotetsu give you crap about how you don't really express yourself, but I get it. You don't need to say anything. I'm just glad you're with us."

 _"You have people around you that are ready to help if you get hurt"_

Kana tightened the hold she had on his hand in a silent thank you as she recalled Kakashi's words from the night before. It was true, her life had changed drastically in the last year as she allowed more people into her life and, as a result, she had a warm support group that Kana knew she could go to at any time. But she didn't want to just _depend_ on them – she wanted them to be able to depend on _her_ , as well. _'Speaking of depending…'_

"Uh, by the way, our apartment building got turned into a pile of rocks," she said flatly.

Raido fell back onto the bed with a sigh, hand sliding away from hers to cover his face as he groaned loudly. "Aw man you have got to be _kidding_ me. That's such _bullshit_."

The sudden increase in volume caused Genma to jerk awake with a gasp, nearly crushing Kana's waist as he reflexively pulled her back against him. She hissed at the pain but didn't make any attempt at prying his arms off of her, knowing full well that it would probably only make things worse. Thankfully his grip loosened a couple of seconds later as he relaxed, and Kana felt Genma's face nuzzle into her hair with a sleepy hum of approval as she twisted her neck around to peer up at him.

Raido chuckled, then winced, "Good morning, starshine. Have a nice nap?"

For a moment Genma only blinked stupidly at him, obviously groggy, before he lazily looked down at the girl he had practically yanked into his lap. A second later he blushed and released her, rubbing at his eyes. "Sorry, lady," he mumbled.

"So I'm guessing that duffel bag by the door is yours?" Raido asked nonchalantly, though he still was visibly upset over his apartment being destroyed, "You rooming with someone or going to the barracks?"

"Barracks. Kakashi said he would have let me crash with him, but the same thing happened to _his_ place so he's staying with Iruka." She didn't bother to mention how the atmosphere at the Hyuga compound is always unbearably tense; otherwise she would have gone there, knowing full well that she would have been granted a room by Lord Hiashi.

Genma narrowed his eyes at her in disapproval and sucked his teeth, which actually reminded her that she still was holding the senbon that had fallen out of his mouth earlier. "You could have asked to stay with me," he said, taking the needle back when Kana offered it, "Thanks."

She shrugged but avoided meeting his borderline dejected expression before speaking, "I didn't want to be a bother to anyone – it's really not that big of a deal." Kana wasn't lying; it really _wasn't_ an issue for her to stay at Anbu HQ. It was mandatory for the first year of service, anyways, so using communal showers and sleeping areas wasn't something that was new or even remotely bothered her. "Besides, you're already taking in Raido," she added as an afterthought.

"I'm not going to be taking up the entire apartment, Kana."

It would have actually been easier if Kana stayed in the barracks, what with headquarters being right next to the Hokage's tower and jonin standby station, on top of the lack of paperwork it required, but both men were pinning her down with stares of disapprobation; it was clear they weren't going to let the issue go, so she just cocked an eyebrow and smirked. "Fine, but you better not be using this as an excuse to cuddle up on me again."

Genma rolled his eyes, pink tinting his lightly tanned features. "Whatever, lady, let's just get Swiss Cheese out of here."

"I'll meet you there, I have to go check in at HQ."

* * *

Kana didn't understand politics. She truly, honestly didn't.

As soon as she showed up to check in and let her superiors know where she would be staying, they had informed her that they were just about to send out a messenger bird for summons; she was briefed less than twenty minutes later and sent off.

It wasn't the fact that she was given a mission that baffled her, it was the fact that she was being sent on an assassination mission less than a week after being invaded by _two_ different villages. Shouldn't they be working to solidify relationships with neighboring villages, not killing off one of the leaders of the Dream Village – a village they had a very specific pact with?

 _'Then again, it isn't as if Lord Danzo has the same ideals as the Third,'_ Kana thought grimly.

She came to a stop upon reaching Genma's apartment building, stepping back off of the ledge and dropping down to the third floor's railing. She could see that there was no one inside yet so Kana reached into her pocket to pull out the note she had written.

 _Mission._

 _Back by morning._

 _Open the window._

 _-Lady_

It was impersonal, but it wasn't as if she had a ton of time to leave an eloquent message for her friends – that, and OPSEC still applied with them. She slipped it into the small crack between the door and the frame, next to the doorknob, before dashing back to the roof.

* * *

There were ten guards in total guarding the elder's residence: Four on the roof, six on the ground. While Kana had been assigned to missions that required her to get past many more, she was still surprised to see that such a small village was able to afford assigning ten shinobi to just one official that wasn't even the village head. For a brief moment she wondered if they were expecting some sort of attack, but quickly pushed the thought out of her head; there was no way they could have known.

Kana observed the guards for a few minutes to ascertain their patterns, keeping herself low and tucked away in the shadows. The way that they patrolled was almost boringly simple – the four on the roof didn't even move, they were just standing on each corner of the traditional-style roof, while the six on the ground just paced back and forth. Peace had devolved them, to put it kindly.

With a silencing jutsu cast, she sprinted across the courtyard once the two guards in the area had turned away from each other in their stupidly robotic patrol pattern. Trained legs sprung up to the second level, hands grabbing the railing to swing over so she landed silently on the balcony. A dull pain ached in her arm and thigh, and Kana had to fight the urge to hiss.

 _'There aren't even any sealing jutsu or detection barriers on the windows, just the doors… What the hell?'_

The screen window made a gentle sliding sound as Kana opened it and climbed through, but no one was close enough to hear it.

Something about the situation felt wrong – this was too easy. She had been told that her target was a high ranking village official, so why was security so lax? If anything, it should have been tightened following the attack on the Leaf. Was it really just overconfidence?

A fuzzy feeling fell over Kana's head, as if her brain had been replaced with the fog that rolled over the village's canals, and she realized that the residence had a genjutsu trap enabled. Once it was released she dashed down the hall and up the stairs, knowing exactly where her target was.

* * *

The mission had been a breeze – she was in and out of the elder's home in less than a couple of minutes – but the fact that it had been so easy gnawed at Kana the entire way home. Despite knowing she wasn't being followed, she had decided to sprint with her kekkei genkai activated the entire six hour journey as if there had been someone on her tail the whole way.

Her legs felt as if they were made of gelatin when she finally made it to Genma's apartment, sagging against the wall for a couple of minutes to catch her breath. Constantly scanning her surroundings for nearly ten hours had given her a headache, as well; Kana had deactivated the Kurogan once she was in the village but it hadn't subsided any. She was also probably dehydrated on top of being exhausted.

When her breathing finally slowed, she pushed herself off of the wall and wrapped her fingers around the edge of the window to push it open, silently praying her thanks to Genma as she sluggishly clambered over the edge. There was a groan from somewhere in the apartment, which caused Kana to freeze with one leg still on the windowsill before she realized the sound was coming from Raido.

Kana pulled her Anbu mask off and set it on the table before unhooking the straps to her grey flak jacket, dropping it on the floor next to the coffee table. There was another groan when she paused to remove the straps of her Anbu boots, and Kana had to focus on her movements to tug the shoes off. The room spun when she stood back up - the kunoichi staggered to the sofa, throwing out her arms to catch herself on the back of the furniture.

 _'Breathe… Focus… You're okay,'_ Kana thought to herself as she squeezed her eyes shut to rub at them. _'Just gotta get undressed, make sure Rai's okay and then you can sleep._ ' A handful of slow, deep breaths later she was able to push herself off of the back of the sofa to unclip her bracers and push them off with her long gloves before tugging her cloth mask down around her neck. Her hip pouches and the beige wrap she hooked them to were both tossed onto the sofa.

She didn't know Genma's apartment layout well enough to stumble around in the dark like she was, so Kana used her Kurogan to pinpoint where the injured jonin was sleeping.

A couple of seconds later she was leaning over Raido's sleeping figure and reaching out cautiously to touch his shoulder. "Hey, Rai," she whispered loudly as she gently tapped his shoulder, "Come on."

The man jerked awake with a whimper, then winced at what Kana could only assume was pain caused from him stretching his wounds; his eyes screwed shut and he emitted another pained groan.

"When was the last time you took a painkiller?" she asked, noticing the prescription bottle sitting on the nightstand next to an empty glass. When Raido didn't answer, Kana cupped his sweating face and gently pulled it to look at her. "Talk to me, Rairai."

"Hng… Dinner," he gasped, eyes still screwed shut. Kana glanced at the clock, which read four hundred hours on the dot. She pushed herself off of the bed and took the glass with her as she left the room to the kitchen, returning a minute later with buttered bread and a full glass.

Using her for support, Raido sat up enough to prop his weight on his elbow and take the offered bread, meticulously chewing each bite he took until both slices were gone while Kana screwed the bottle of Vicodin open for him.

"Is it just the wounds?" she asked softly, handing him a single pill.

He washed the pill down with water before nodding. "Yeah… Rolled onto my stomach… Think I tore something..." Kana immediately pulled the covers down to his hips and pushed his worn t-shirt up around his shoulders before helping him lay back down. She focused chakra to her hands and placed them over the first bandage down by his hip as the green glow of medical ninjutsu illuminated the room.

"You irritated a couple of the deeper puncture wounds, but your stitches are… No, you ripped one stitch." She swore under her breath, "It's bleeding a little but it doesn't look like it's anything too serious. You'll have to go back to the hospital tomorrow." Kana used the Mystical Palm Technique to alleviate some of the swelling caused by irritation and stunt the bleeding, but was too worried about the stress it would put on her friend to apply any more chakra.

"Shit."

Kana awkwardly patted his forearm in an attempt at comforting him, but it looked as if Raido was too distracted by the pain to notice. She helped him pull his shirt back down but was stopped when she attempted to bring the covers up. "Leave it," he groaned, "I'm already sweaty as fuck."

A thought popped into her head at the mention of sweat: She desperately needed a shower. Then she remembered that her duffle bag was still at Anbu HQ; she swore again.

The jonin raised an eyebrow at her, his breathing already normalizing. That was good, the vicodin was already kicking in. "What's up? You okay?"

"Yeah, I left my fucking bag at headquarters. They sent me out on a mission before I could drop it off here." Kana looked up at the wall and sighed, "And I _really_ need a shower."

"Heh. How do you think I feel? Just grab some clothes out of Genma's room."

"I don't wanna wake him up and have no clue where anything is… I'll just sleep in a towel or something, I guess," she mumbled, sleepy and irritated. Kana stood up on legs that wobbled beneath her, reminding her how she had basically sprinted across the country in one day. "Think he's got a bathro-" her legs immediately gave out when Kana took a step forward and she collapsed painfully to the floor on her injured leg. " _Ow_ goddammitballs fucking _shit_."

She rolled onto her back as her muscles spasmed angrily at her to see Raido peering over the bed at her, looking both concerned and amused. "Gonna make it?" Kana groaned and shook her head with a half-hearted smirk, earning a chuckle from the older man. The mirth soon left his expression when she made an attempt to sit up, only to moan when her back seized up; she dropped back down to the wood flooring with a muffled ' _thump_.'

"Just pushed myself a little too hard today," she assured him through clenched teeth, "I just need a second."

Kana's eyes were shut but she could hear him suck his teeth at her. "You are so full of shit – hey, Gen!" She groaned her disapproval when Raido called for the other jonin. "Little miss _potty mouth_ got fucked up!"

She snorted a laugh, flinching when pain rocketed up her back. "You're such a prick," she joked.

Genma was kneeling next to her less than a minute later, brown eyes wide with worry and his hair frizzier than normal. "What happened?"

"Long story short, I just sprinted to the border and back and I'm pretty sure I'm just dehydrated and a little tense. Really, I'm fi-"

"She dropped like a sack of potatoes and can't move. She's _not_ fine."

"Hey, _he_ tore his stitches!" Kana tried to lift her head to narrow her eyes at Raido, but her neck had suddenly become too stiff to move. ' _God dammit. This sucks_.' Genma's hand brushed her bangs away from where they had dried against her forehead, pulling her attention back to him.

"Can you move anything?" he asked calmly, "Can you feel everything?"

She tentatively moved – rolling her wrists and bending her knees – flinching at every couple of seconds. "Nothing's numb, and I can roll both my ankles and wrists… Mmf… But everything else is too stiff and hurts."Her mind flashed to the gear she had left lying in his living room. "I have some food pills in my hip pouch on the sofa," she added through clenched teeth.

Genma was out of the room in a flash. The two could hear him rustling around in her supply pouch in the living room, and Kana felt a pang of guilt through the intense weariness.

"Man, aren't _we_ a couple of losers," Raido joked. When Kana didn't respond, she heard him sigh and lie back onto the pillows. "Don't worry, Kana, you're not burdening him. Gen likes taking care of the people he's fond of."

There was a rattling sound closer to them. Genma was probably in the bathroom, though she couldn't imagine what he was looking for in there. A muscle under her shoulder blade tightened painfully and Kana groaned against the sharp sensation, holding her breath. She assumed her body would have begun to loosen on its own, but it felt as if the pain was only getting worse. "This sucks," she grumbled.

"You're telling me, just let him help."

Genma was back a moment later with a banana, two white pills and a squeeze bottle of water; he knelt down next to her and handed her the water first. While Kana gingerly brought the spout to her lips, hissing against the sharp pain that was beginning to cause tears to form, he used a knife to cut the banana into small pieces. "I figured you'd appreciate some ibuprofen, so I brought real food instead of those rations," he explained, holding one slice out to her, "I'd offer a muscle relaxer if I had any left."

She knew that the potassium from the banana would help, along with the water and ibuprofen, but Kana couldn't help but glare up at the ceiling in frustration when his fingers eased the fruit past her lips. In Icha Icha it was always sexy when the main love interest was fed food, but this was humiliating.

"Calm down, you're making this out to be worse than it is," Genma said in a reassuring tone when she swallowed the pills, "Do you know how many times the three of us had to-" Pain flickered across the young man's face at the thought of his recently passed friend, and Kana could hear his breath hitch when he spoke again, "Come on, let's get you in the shower. The hot water will loosen you up."

Pain exploded between her shoulder blades, causing another groan as she stumbled with him to the bathroom. Though, it wasn't so much stumbling as much as it was Genma carrying her against his chest while she made feeble attempts at moving her legs so her feet didn't drag along the floor.

It seemed like the pain was the only thing keeping Kana conscious, though, as she felt her grip loosen on his chest. A frustrated tear trickled down her cheek as she was pulled into the bathroom. Kana was so tired. Her body hurt. She just wanted to sleep.

Another stab of pain shot down to her hip when she was placed down on the toilet so Genma could get the shower started; Kana leaned back against the tank anyways and let her eyes slide shut.

She must have fallen asleep, because she didn't remember getting up to step into the shower. The hot water startled her, resulting in her back spasming again when she jerked awake.

"When's your next physical?" he asked. Kana felt his hand start massaging her hair, and it wasn't until he used the back of his wrist to wipe her forehead that she realized he was washing it for her. ' _Feels so good…_ ' Her eyes fluttered closed as Genma's strong fingers rubbed her scalp in slow, measured circles.

"Hey, lady," the arm that he had wrapped around her waist jostled Kana enough to pull her back from the brink of unconsciousness, "When's your physical?"

The man was right – the hot water was working miracles as it ran down her body in rivulets. She could feel herself loosening up beneath it, though Kana was sure it largely had to do with his hand kneading into the trapezius muscles along her spine.

"Clothes..?" she murmured, realizing that the feeling of Genma's hand was muted by the fabric of her turtleneck.

She didn't stay awake long enough to hear his response.


	14. The Funeral

Lord Hokage's funeral was nothing short of grim. Funerals were always a solemn event, yes, but the funeral of the strongest shinobi in the village – the man that they all relied on to protect and lead them – was almost surreally so. There had been too many deaths in the past week for everyone to receive individual obsequies, so it almost felt as if the ceremony was one for the dozens of lives lost in the Konoha Crush.

Kana was wearing the only dress she owned, a knee-length one with cap sleeves, and kept her hair down so it fell down her shoulders and back. She recalled the night of Itachi's departure, when he explained why exactly he ordered her friend to slaughter his clan. Despite vowing to be forever loyal to him and his leadership, to protect him and the village with her life, Kana had only felt an intense loathing for the man – not because he made Itachi do it, but because he made him do it _alone_ knowing full well that he was damning him to a life of exile.

In a way, it felt as if he attempted to make it up to her throughout the years with little pieces of information about Itachi's whereabouts and status. She never cared. The few times he visited his brother, Itachi would come to Kana's room through the window; they never spoke much, but it was enough to assure her that he was okay. She didn't need Lord Hokage's fucking status reports.

Though, the last time she saw him was three years ago.

The thought made her heart sink.

Kana looked up from the image of the Hokage over to where the tokubetsu jonin were standing, directly across from where the Anbu had been placed, and felt her heart sink even further at their expressions.

Raido had an arm wrapped around Genma's waist to help him stand, who looked as if his world had just completely fallen apart in front of him. He had been the one closest to Hayate, to the point where other shinobi told whispered stories of how they were secret lovers. Raido, who was the one in charge of guarding Lord Hokage the day of the Chunin Exams, was staring at the ground in disbelief looking as if he was completely enveloped in his own thoughts and totally unaware of his surroundings; Kana had no doubt that he was solely blaming himself for his failure as a bodyguard.

Even from her position nearly 20 meters away she could see that Genma wasn't in any better condition. Dark circles threatened to completely envelope his normally bright amber eyes, his lips were pressed together in a tight white line and it honestly looked as if he had aged ten years overnight.

A few feet away she saw Kotetsu comforting Yugao, who looked as if she was about to fall to pieces at any moment. Izumo just sobbed into his best friend's shoulder. Kana had never wanted to break formation so badly in her entire life.

"Tirahashi…" she whispered, "How did this happen? How could we not have _known_?"

"They didn't officially sneak into our ranks, they only wore the mask and cape." Tirahashi's voice was solemn but he didn't look away from the elders that stood before the photograph of Hiruzen Sarutobi. "We had too many people enter the village that day, the barrier forces were too overwhelmed to keep track of who had a passport and who didn't."

"But there were so many… Surely the wall lookouts must have seen so many shinobi in the fore-"

"I don't _know_ , Kana, we weren't _there_. Instead of worrying about how other divisions failed, you should be focusing on how you couldn't even keep Koh alive for the _ten_ minutes you two were apart?"

If there was a shade beyond black, Kana's hair would have managed to become it. The poison dripping from each word he hissed at her took her more than just by surprised – it was almost as if he had physically assaulted her. Tirahashi was always calm and collected, nearly emotionless at times. To hear that kind of anger coming from him was almost like stepping into an alternate dimension.

They were specifically trained to work best on their own, as opposed to working in a group. There was no way Kana could have known that Koh would be so easily overpowered by the group of Sand nin she had assigned him to, especially when he was so skilled in ninjutsu and kenjutsu. Kana knew that his death wasn't her fault, but in that moment it felt like it was.

His words haunted her through the rest of her day. After the funeral she took Raido to the hospital so Genma could go back to Anko's with the other jonin for a sort of wake.

As it turned out, the pain in her arm was due to her muscles not healing properly when Neji's kunai stabbed into them; the medical nin had to cut through the fibers and knit them back together, but Kana didn't even remember the pain she knew must have come from it. The cut in her leg also needed to be stitched up, so they ended up turning the session into a full blown physical. "Just to get it out of the way," he told her with one of the most exhausted-looking smiles Kana had ever seen in her life.

She answered his questions robotically, mostly strings of "Yes" and "No." The doctor told her that her body was experiencing signs of stress and malnutrition, to which Raido laughed darkly at from his seat in the corner. Kana only rolled her eyes – stress? No _shit_. Still, the malnutrition was probably something she could keep an eye on unless she wanted Guy to basically hold her hostage at his apartment again; now wasn't the time to start compromising her health.

When the doctor left the room so she could change out of the thin cloth gown and into her dress, Raido signaled for her to come over to where he was sitting; Kana raised a curious eyebrow but complied, trying to shimmy into her dress as she walked over to him.

"I've been wanting to ask, where did you get that scar?" he inquired as he reached up to lightly touch her flank with the back of his hand. Kana hid her blush by yanking her dress over her head, somewhat surprised by the gesture; Raido was always somewhat affectionate when they were alone, but it never ceased to make her pleasantly nervous.

"Training. I think I was eleven when it happened."

Raido's eyes widened, still locked on the large scar as he stroked the marred skin with his thumb, "How does something like that happen during training?"

She shrugged and slipped a hand under his armpit to help him up out of the seat. "We used to simulate lethal battle back then during some training sessions. I tried to dodge Kakashi's chidori _and_ Shisui at the same time, and practically stepped right on top of Itachi's sword when Hayate came at me with some wind-style kenjutsu."

 _"Kana? Kana!"_

 _Her eyes fluttered open to see three jonin standing over her with identical expressions of panic; a fiery pain raced through her midsection when Kana made an attempt to move and she looked down to see her flak jacket red and sodden.  
_

 _"Guess I lost," she breathed, realizing that she was going to be in a whole lot of trouble if Kana didn't get her ass to the hospital soon. She heard Shisui say something similar but his voice was muffled by the sound of Kana's heartbeat racing in her ears._

 _More pain ripped through her body when Kakashi lifted her up from the ground, looking pale but composed – her head fell back and Kana could see Itachi's horrified eyes glued to her as if she would disappear if he blinked. She noted his Sharingan had deactivated._

 _"…Fault, Hayate…"_

 _"But…Blood…"_

 _Kana's eyes flitted to where she had been laying as her bouncing vision faded. Shisui had her arm around Hayate's shoulders, who was just staring at something on the ground where she had been laying._

"Those fuckers literally cut a chunk out of me," she said with a sad smile, "It was just lying on the ground like a forgotten piece of meat. Kakashi wasn't able to look at me for weeks, and Itachi looked as if he had killed me right then and there. Poor guys."

Raido chuckled as they made their way out of the office and down the hall, his mood obviously beginning to lift, "You're the one that gets sliced open, and _they_ get the pity? But I didn't know you knew Hayate then."

"Honestly, I didn't. I only knew him through Yugao, who was never more than just an acquaintance for me since I met her through Kakashi and Itachi. I didn't get to know him until after I started hanging out with you guys, though…" She paused as they exited the building, "I guess I never knew him then, either – I don't really know much about _any_ of you... Well, besides you. Obviously."

She felt Raido's sigh as much as she heard it, the whoosh of breath causing a small vibrating sensation in his rib cage. "Can I ask you something personal?" he asked as they rounded a corner to get onto the street leading to Anko's house.

"Uh… I might not answer, but yeah..."

"That's fair enough, why did you start hanging out with us?"

Ugh. She knew something like that was going to come along one day, but Kana still felt her cheeks heat up at the question – it wasn't exactly something she was all too proud of. God knows that the way she behaved was embarrassing in its own right.

"I, uh, okay so promise you won't get offended?"

Raido gave her a curious look but agreed with a nod.

"Guy told me that he wanted me to make friends, and I was worried about, well… The why isn't important, but he wanted me to go and make friends because he thought I was going to go crazy or something. And you and Genma were the only people I recognized in the bar, since I saw you with Kotetsu and Izumo a few times. I figured if I was going to get Guy off of my back, I might as well start with faces I was sort of already familiar with..." She trailed off when she realized she was beginning to ramble.

 _The small, empty glass of whatever fruity drink she had been drinking set onto the countertop with a '_ clink _.' Kana spun the little wooden bowl of peanuts on the bar top listlessly, wondering how anyone could enjoy such a disgusting nut on its own like this. Shinobi chatted all around her, their noise levels just below a dull roar, and she briefly regretted coming here instead of just going straight home after turning in her mission report to Lord Hokage._

 _"_ You need to meet people, baby, the way you shut yourself away like this… It isn't healthy. _"_

 _Ah, yeah,_ that's _why she was here; Kana spun on the stool and let her eyes search the dimly lit crowd for any familiar faces. She specifically came to the jonin bar because she was knew more people in her rank – well, she knew their names – but the girl didn't recognize anyone until she saw two men tucked away in a corner booth together._

 _One was wearing a dark green beanie over brown hair that stopped at his chin and a sweater, while the other had a weal-like scar on the left side of his face and still wore his shinobi uniform. Kana furrowed her brow. Drinking in uniform? It wasn't necessarily against any rules, but it wasn't smiled upon. Still, they were the only two that she recognized so Kana ordered another vodka and strawberry lemonade before hopping off of her stool._

 _When she was halfway to their table Kana realized that she had absolutely no idea what she was going to do once she got there – she stopped and contemplated turning back, but that Shiranui guy had locked eyes with her and was giving her a mischievous, inviting smile. Judging by the collection of empty beer bottles those two had acquired since arriving, they would be too drunk to care about her lack of social skills or wouldn't remember tomorrow anyways._

 _"Hey there, lady," Shiranui greeted as she slid into the u-shaped booth, "I don't think I've ever actually seen you here before."_

 _Shit, he wasn't drunk. Kana counted the bottles that littered the table; there were thirteen in total. How was he still sober? "I, uh, yeah I think I've only been here a few times." She didn't bother to mention that she only went out with Guy and Kakashi, who weren't big into drinking._

 _The man with the scar – she couldn't remember his name – gave her a curious look as he lifted yet another bottle to his thin lips. "You're Kotetsu's and Izumo's friend, right?"_

 _Friend was a bit much, but… Sure. "I've been in charge of leading their team for a while. Don't you hang out with Yugao's boyfriend?"_

 _"Hayate? Yeah he actually left to go meet with her a few minutes before you got here. Are you on her team or something?"_

 _"Ah, uh, no. I used to train with Kakashi's teammates in the past. That's how I know her…" She trailed off and the conversation seemed to have slammed into a brick wall. Kana swirled her drink around before bringing it up to her mouth, trying to not scrunch her face at the burning sensation the vodka inflicted. This drink must have had more alcohol in it this time because the intensity of the burn caught her off guard and her throat snapped shut – Kana had to slap a hand over her mouth to avoid coughing all over the table._

 _Shiranui – shit, what was his_ name _– raised an eyebrow at her and smirked. "You don't drink too often, do you?" he asked teasingly. When she shook her head, still choking a little, he chuckled. "I can tell. How old are you?"_

 _"Fifteen."_

 _It was the scarred man's turn to choke on his drink. "Fifteen?!" His look of shock turned to one of blatant amusement as he bumped his gaping friend's shoulder with a laugh, "Genma, you cradle-robbing son of a bitch."_

 _His name was Genma! Genma Shiranui._ 'Wait, ' _cradle-robbing_?' The fu-'

 _"Shut the hell up, dickhead, I didn't know," Genma grumbled, blushing furiously into his beer._

 _Kana rolled her eyes and slid out from the booth; she was so goddamn tired of people constantly losing their minds over her age. Yeah, she was 15 and a jonin in Anbu. She wasn't the first, she wasn't going to be the last._

 _A hand grabbed at her wrist that wasn't holding her drink, and it took every ounce of her self control to not allow her instincts to break his arm at the sudden contact. Kana did nearly give herself whiplash, though, when she looked back angrily at Genma, who was giving her an apologetic smile._

 _"No, stay, I'm sorry. Look, sit down and I'll teach you how to drink that without killing yourself."_

 _Her first reaction was to yank her wrist out of the hold the man had on it, but her sensei's words rang in Kana's head. It didn't keep her from bristling when Genma's thumb rubbed the base of her forearm with his thumb, though he didn't seem to notice her discomfort and just continued to give her that stupid smile._

 _The scarred man slipped out of the booth long enough to come back with a pink and two amber shots, which he distributed properly among the three of them. In the back of her mind she remembered something about beer before liquor, but quickly focused her attention on Genma's demonstration._

 _"Okay so first thing's first, quit sipping that shit like it's a_ martini _. Liquor like this is meant to be drank really fast, so when you drink it just kind of throw your head back and let it all run down your throat. Raido, if you would?"_

'Raido. Got it.' _The man with the weal-like scar lifted his shot glass and did exactly as Genma described, tossing his head back with his mouth open. Still, he scrunched up his face and made a small hissing sound before giving her a slight grin. "To be fair, you don't really ever get past the burn," he said to her._

 _Kana looked down at her own drink and tried to ignore the fact that both men were staring at her in anticipation as she brought the short glass to her mouth. With a deep breath she pressed the rim of the glass to her bottom lip for stability and threw her head back; Kana had to concentrate on keeping her throat relaxed as the cold liquid splashed against the back of her tongue, but found it relatively easy to let it glide down her throat. She was thankful she had picked a drink with fruity syrup, because the burn was gentle and muted – it made her chest and stomach feel warm._

 _Both men gave her a small round of applause when she set the glass onto the table._

 _"And that, lady, is how you drink liquor," Genma said in an amused tone, clapping her on the back. She tensed._

The man laughed against her and shook his head as they turned onto another street. "Kana, why would I get mad at you over _that_? Your first impression of us was us freaking out over your age, and then promptly teaching you how to get drunk – that actually explains why you didn't kick both of our asses, if anything. But…" Raido looked down at her with a curious look. "Every time Genma touched you, you looked like you were going to jump out of your skin. Why did you have sex with us?"

Kana came to a screeching halt outside of Anko's house, causing the man to nearly topple over and cling to her shoulders with both hands. She ignored his grunt of discomfort and stared up at him with a deadpan expression. "What."

"What do you mean 'What'? You…" His eyes widened and an expression of both amusement and legitimate concern filled his gaze. "You really don't remember?"

She stared.

"Kitten… We went back to Gen's after a few drinks, and… Oh _fuck_ you really don't… You didn't look that drunk, and you were gone before we woke up…"

She vaguely remembered being in Genma's apartment, in his bedroom with the lights off, but she had to wrack her brain for more than just flashes of the memory. "I don't remember much," she muttered, "But…"

The more he explained what had happened, the more Kana remembered.

"Oh my god," she groaned.

She recalled Raido holding her waist from behind, face buried into the side of her head with the soft sounds of his grunts dancing over her ear.

"Hey, look at me-"

Kana remembered the faint scent of sweat and sex mitigated by the smell of alcohol on their breaths.

"Oh my _god_."

The image of Genma's chest flashed across her mind, as well as the sight of his face turned down at hers as he leaned down to press his lips against hers between small moans and words of encouragement.

Kana's gut twisted, and her expression must have been bad because when she looked back up at her friend, the amusement had completely abandoned his face and had been replaced with horror. "Was that… Were we your…?"

She made a small noise that resembled a whimper and a groan and Raido looked as if he was going to throw up, keel over or both – Kana didn't blame him, she felt as if she was going to curl up and die right then and there. For so long she thought that those visions had been nothing but the remainder of a feverish _dream_...

The sound of the door opening next to them caused the pair to snap their necks around to see Genma walking onto the deck of Anko's house. Kana whimper-groaned again and wrapped her arms around her thin frame, watching Raido sit down on the wooden steps and bury his head in his hands with a muffled, "Holy shit."

"Are you two okay…?" Genma asked cautiously, clearly thrown off by their behavior; he reached out to Kana and flinched at how quickly she jumped away from his touch. His expression went from confused to blatantly anxiousness when Raido began apologizing from behind his palms. "What's wrong? Did something happen at the hos-"

"We were her _first_ , man."

"What?"

Raido pulled his face out from behind his hands, letting one drop while the other supported his chin, and Kana wasn't sure if the amount of guilt on his face hurt her feelings or not. Not like she was able to talk, considering her expression wasn't any better. "Remember the day we met Kana, at the jonin bar?" he asked, staring at the ground.

"Well, yeah, but-" He took the senbon out of his mouth as his eyes widened, turning back to Kana in a look of disbelief. "No _way_ , Kana was that really the first time you…?"

She heard Genma sigh when she insisted on just staring at his hands in silence, watching him gingerly place the razor-sharp needle in his pants pocket.

After a few moments of silence he reached up and scratched at the back of his head. "Is it really that bad?"

"What the hell are you talking about, Genma?" Raido asked incredulously as he finally picked himself up from the steps, "She was fifteen, had just learned how to drink liquor from us _right_ before we got her completely shit-faced, and took _advantage_ of her by _fucking_ her in your bedroom. How is it not _that_ _bad_?"

Genma winced at the harshness of his tone but his voice didn't waver when he spoke, "When you put it like that, yeah, we sound like a pair of monsters… And, yeah, I feel bad that we weren't all that gentle, but…" He looked back to Kana with warm, concerned eyes, "Do you regret it?"

 _Did_ she regret it? Sure, she had been completely taken by surprise by the revelation and felt embarrassed that her first impression was something so… Unprofessional, but as the shock wore off Kana realized that her heart was racing because she was afraid that the two would think differently of her. She understood that this was ridiculous, because this was only news to _her_ , so she bit her lip and shook her head gently.

"No, I just… I had forgotten… But no, I don't _think_ I regret it."

Relief washed over both of the men's faces almost instantaneously, and Genma's gaze visibly softened as he took a step towards her; Kana knew what he was going to ask so she reached out and wrapped her arms around his torso in a hug. She felt and heard the man chuckle with his cheek pressed against her hair. "You know, this kind of explains a lot," he said in an amused tone, "Namely the blood and the fact that you had no idea what you were doing."

"Blood?"

"Oh yeah there was so much blood on us and the bed _and_ the floor that it scared the hell out of both of us."

Raido's groan drowned out Genma's gentle laugh. "I feel like a fucking _murderer_ ," he said, "Why didn't you _tell_ us we were hurting you? Is _that_ why you left so early?" he released a shaky sigh and rubbed at the scarred side of his face as that horrified look began to creep back into his eyes, "We thought you just didn't want to talk about it, so we let it go out of respect..."

Kana really, _really_ , did not want to have this conversation but the worry in her friend's voice told her that if she didn't answer his questions, it was going to eat away at him until she did; she sighed and shook her head with her cheek pressed against Genma's chest for comfort. "I honestly don't remember," she assured him, "I have a really high pain tolerance, so I vaguely remember it hurting a little, but I thought it was normal… Because in the _Icha Icha_ books-"

Genma's laugh cut her off as he pulled her back by her shoulders. "Lady, I read like three chapters of _Icha Icha_ and it is _not_ what we'd call an accurate representation of sex."

She glared at him and jerked out of his grip, trying to keep her voice steady and confident against the embarrassment that threatened to make her heart explode, "I _know_ that. You already know Rai and I-"

"Uh, Kana…" Raido cut in, "I never _actually_ told him about that."

Warm brown eyes widened in time with his mouth; Genma nearly dropped his senbon to the ground as he gaped, " _Hold up_ , you and Raido-"

"Yes, Gen, every now and then we'd meet up and relieve that post-mission stress. Just like what you and Anko used to do before she got with Ibiki," Raido said dryly. Kana bit her lip at his tone, wondering why he was acting as if Genma was supposed to take this in stride when they made it a point to keep their midnight rendezvous secret. Having to hear it like this must have really hurt his feelings, considering how close the two were.

Raido pulled her against his chest for a tender hug, probably to avoid smashing his injuries and having to go to the hospital again. "Still… I am _really_ sorry, Kana. If we had known, we wouldn't have-"

"Look just don't worry about it," she mumbled, finger tugging at his black sleeve, "You're making it out to be worse than it is. Again, I don't exactly remember the experience itself so it must not have actually hurt – I mean I think I would _remember_ if it was some horrible experience... I'm sorry for scaring you and all but seriously it wasn't that bad." Kana heard the agitation growing in her voice and took a deep breath to calm herself down before continuing. "It all turned out fine in the end. Quit being weird."

Though this explained why Raido made it such a point to treat her as if she was made of crystal when they were together alone for the first time. Izumo was going to get a kick out of this.

The arms around her tightened minutely and Kana could see Genma grinning smugly at her. "How did we even get on this topic?" she laughed, pleasantly embarrassed, pulling away and smoothing out her hair.

Both Genma and Raido laughed with her, though Raido's laughter was cut short when he remembered what had spurred the conversation to begin with.

"We were talking about how you didn't know Hayate…"

Any mirth that remained in the air had completely dissipated, replaced by the heavy reminder of why exactly they were standing outside of Anko's home; Kana looked at the door anxiously and suddenly felt like the biggest jackass on the planet for getting both of them riled up over something so silly. "Is it bad..?" she asked quietly, afraid to look up at the pained expression she knew Genma's face carried.

"Yeah… No one's really talking, they're just sitting around Anko's living room staring at everything but each other," Genma replied in a solemn voice, "A few people have already left and I don't blame them. Honestly I don't think I can handle going back in there. The air… It's suffocating."

Kana nodded in understanding before making her way up the steps. "I understand. I'm just going to see Kotetsu and Izumo and will be right out."

"I'll stay out here," she heard Raido say as she stepped through the door.

Genma wasn't joking, the atmosphere of Anko's house was such a complete 180 from what she was used to that, for a moment, Kana was worried she had stepped into a genjutsu trap of some sort. There was a small murmur of voices coming from where she knew the living room was so Kana toed off her flats, one of the only pairs of shoes she owned other than her ninja wear, and slowly made her way through the rather large house, choosing to ignore how cold the wood flooring felt against the soles of her bare feet.

There was a large group of both jonin and chunin scattered about the living room, some quiet and some speaking softly amongst themselves. Kakashi was standing in a corner with his arms wrapped around Iruka, who looked to be trembling slightly. They and a few others looked up to see her walk into the room, but no one said a word to Kana as she quietly padded over to the nearest sofa where Kotestu and Izumo sat with Yugao. She reached out slowly to Kotetsu, touching his shoulder gingerly before leaning over the back of the couch so that her mouth hovered just next to his ear.

"Are you two okay?" Kana breathed, almost too afraid to speak too loudly in the oppressively silent room. When he nodded, she lifted her other arm up so her hand could rest on the nape of Izumo's neck. "I'm not staying long, but I'll be crashing with Rai at Genma's place for a while. Just… I figured it would be good for you to…"

Kotetsu turned his head to give her a sad smile, his free hand reaching up to squeeze the hand on his shoulder gently. "Thanks. I'm… Sorry about last week," he said just as quietly.

The hand on his shoulder squeezed back before Kana pulled away with a shrug, "Don't worry about it." Green eyes scanned the room for a few seconds before she realized that Guy was sitting by himself on the deck just outside of the sliding glass door.

To anyone that didn't know him well, this would probably look strange and worrying; the truth was that Guy typically dealt with situations like this on his own, despite being a sociable man.

He didn't look up from his dangling feet when Kana stepped out onto the deck, sliding the door shut behind her with a ' _click_.' Sitting down next to him on the deck, Kana leaned against his heavily muscled arm and stared out at the small rock garden, eye following the intricate patterns she knew Ibiki had made. "I love you, dad," she said softly. Guy tensed for the briefest of moments beneath her before shifting his body so that he could wrap his arm around her small frame, holding Kana in a tight one-armed embrace against his body.

"You know… I'm not actually old enough to be your father," she heard him say, a lightness to the deep voice that rumbled through his chest that told Kana he was alright.

She smiled and wiggled along the deck so that their sides were completely pressed together, a lock of hair falling across her cheek as Kana rest her head on the broad expanse of his chest. "Yeah, but… Still, you've been more of a parent to me than anyone else has."

A sigh escaped Guy and Kana could hear the air whoosh from his lungs like a small hurricane, her head falling with his chest. She fought the urge to crawl into his lap when Guy pressed a small kiss on the top of her head and heard him say, "I love you, too, baby."

The girl didn't realize until then how much she truly missed this – she missed the tenderness and warmth that came with being around Guy. She missed curling up with him on the bed in his tiny studio apartment to watch stupid tv shows, eating whatever he or Kana had decided to make for dinner that day. It seemed that they were both so requested by the Hokage that it was impossible for them to just relax together like they used to.

"How are the others doing?"Guy's question pulled her out of her musings, reminding her that the meter was still running with the two out front.

Kana sighed and closed her eyes to enjoy her old sensei's warmth. "Genma, he… He invited me to stay with him and Raido at his place since our apartment building got condemned. I said no at first, since I was just gonna stay in the Anbu barracks, but…" She remembered the darkness in his face, even when he smiled at her, "I think he's afraid to be alone right now. Raido's so buried in his own guilt from Lord Hokage's death, and his grief from Hayate's, that… I think he needs someone that's doing okay. Someone to support him."

He pulled away just far enough so that he could look down at her with a raised eyebrow. " _Are_ you okay?" Guy asked, his dark eyes searching her face as he looked at her for the first time since she arrived.

"Yeah," she assured him, "I don't understand what we did to invoke that kind of wrath from the Sand, and it's still… Unnerving to think that we were caught so off guard like that…" Kana furrowed her brow when she recalled Tirahashi's words from the funeral, "And I'm still a little jarred over the thought of my squad captain committing suicide over our teammate's death – like I get that they were lovers but…" She sighed again and pulled away to rub at her eyes before watching a sparrow land on one of the large boulders in the rock garden. "Then again, when I think about what I'd do if something happened to Neji… I don't think I'd be able to cope with that kind of loss, either."

That was a lie. Kana knew for a fact that she wouldn't be capable of handling Neji's death – she would rather die herself.

"But what about you? Are you going to be okay?" she asked, trying to remember if any of the names called at the funeral were people he was close with.

Guy gave her a gentle smile and clapped her back. "I'm just a little shaken up from what's happened, that's all."

Kana returned his smile and leaned up to kiss his cheek before pushing herself up from the deck. "I need to head out, then," she said as she wiped the fine layer of dirt off of the back of her tea dress, "Genma and Rai are waiting for me out front. I promised them I'd be in and out so we can go back to Gen's together."

"Before you go, Kana," Guy turned to her as his face turned serious, "I heard about what happened with the mark. Now – don't look at me like that – I know Kakashi already had a talk with you about it so I'm not going to waste my time with lecturing you. Please, Kana, just promise me that you will only ever use that mark if you absolutely have to – if it's your only option at the very moment of a life or death situation."

She placed a hand on his strong shoulder and gave it a brief and gentle squeeze. "Of course, sensei."

"And don't forget to eat. Don't think I haven't noticed how much weight you've lost over the last few weeks."

"I promise, dad."

* * *

Even though the initial plan had been for the trio to go back to Genma's apartment together, Kana had ended up deviating from the two so she could drop by the Hyuga branch manor to check on Neji. She was granted access to the estate due to being a part of the Shimi clan, but it turned out that one of their own had been killed in the attack so the clan was in the middle of a Hyuga-only funeral ceremony of their own.

Kana had dropped a short note on Neji's pillow before she made her way back into town; she had half-expected all of the shops to have been closed on the day of the Third's funeral procession, but there were a handful of places open for business. This included a small grocery shop so Kana ducked in for about half an hour to get a handful of staples and ingredients for chankonabe, if only because Guy's concerns still rang in her head.

She looked down at one of her arms and curled the bags of groceries she carried, watching the muscles in her forearm cord under the skin. Kana knew she had lost a few pounds since the incident in the forty-fourth training ground, whether it was due to stress or working too hard to pay attention to food she didn't know, but she didn't think it was enough to cause any concern until two people felt the need to point it out to her in one day. When she paid attention, though, Kana did notice that her dress hung looser than she remembered.

For a brief moment Kana wondered what kind of body she would have had if she didn't choose to become a shinobi. She imagined it would be softer and smooth, though her bone structure still wouldn't allow for much for curves anyways.

Even though it wasn't what a lot of people would call ideal, she genuinely appreciated her muscular physique – it stood as a testament to the hard work she put into her training as a shinobi. It wasn't until Tenten took her shopping that she even understood what it meant to dress for your body type, which reminded her how out of touch she was with her feminine side. She had started wearing her hair in a braid because Neji would always braid it for her when they were alone, saying something about how he thought it looked pretty, and Shisui mentioned how her legs looked nice in shorts once years ago, so she started wearing shorts more often…

 _'Huh, I guess I paid more attention to what others said about me than I thought,'_ she thought to herself as she kicked off her flats in the entryway to Genma's apartment. There were already two pairs of black sandals lying next to the normal blue ones, so Kana listened carefully to her surroundings; Raido's gentle snoring could be heard from the guest room, so the sound of the shower must have been Genma.

Given how long it took for the broth to be properly made, Kana dropped the grocery bags onto the kitchen table and immediately pulled out what she needed for dinner. Her mind wandered as she prepared their dinner, hands working on autopilot as they normally did when she cooked something as simple as a nabemono-style dish.

Lips twitched into a gentle, nostalgic smile when Kana realized she had cut the tofu into the shape of small rabbit heads; the only way she had been able to get Sasuke to eat tofu when he was younger was to cut it into various shapes, and it had turned into a habit she apparently still held onto.

When the broth was ready, she began placing the various ingredients into the pot when a thought occurred to her: Genma had been in the shower the entire time it took for the soup to be almost ready. Kana turned the heat to low and covered the pot to allow it to simmer to completion before turning on her heel and walking towards the bathroom, wiping the wet residue of the vegetables on her dress; she raised a loose fist to the door and knocked. "Genma?"

There was no answer. Kana focused, realizing that she could hear shallow breathing over the loud hiss of the shower. She turned the knob testingly, sighing her relief when it turned fully under her hand.

Anxiety slammed into her body, despite her efforts to push it away, and Kana realized that she had no idea what to do. Genma was curled – no, _huddled_ – into a shuddering ball on the tile shower floor, his arms wrapped tightly around his body, and Kana could see the red bleeding marks along his rib cage where his nails had dug into his skin.

When Itachi left the village, she remembered feeling afraid for the first time in her life – she felt alone, worried and wondered about all of the different things she could have done differently. At the time she pushed everyone away except for Neji, who didn't understand what was happening at such a young age. Kana never cried or allowed herself to have a breakdown, but she would instead force herself out on as many missions and training sessions as she could until the pain began to turn into a comfortable numbness.

Despite her transition into an impassive machine, Kana distinctly remembered how comforting it felt to have those little arms wrapped around her when they slept together at night; she remembered how good it felt to know that Neji was there with her whenever she was home. She remembered the first time Kakashi ever broke down in front of her, and how her copying Neji calmed him down.

Kana pulled the shower door open and stepped into the stream, flinching slightly at the scorching heat of the water; she turned the faucet to a more bearable temperature before kneeling down. Genma still didn't look up at her, or even acknowledge the fact that she was present, until she reached a cautious hand out to a trembling shoulder.

He slowly lifted his head to look up at her and, for a fleeting moment, she almost wished he hadn't. The broken and anguished look that his tearful gaze held made Kana's stomach feel as if her heart was being torn out; his eyes were just as red and swollen as the light blisters that had begun to form on his arms and shoulders, and his lips were bleeding from where he had been gnawing at them.

His short, strained gasps turned into a louder sob when Kana pulled him to her chest. Shoulders heaved against her as his crying gained a raw intensity that twisted her stomach, Genma's pained voice echoing back at them off of the tile walls; she was dimly aware of the fact that Raido was going to be woken up by their friend.

Kana repositioned herself so that she was sitting on the shower floor instead of kneeling, spreading her knees so she could wrap herself around him as if she could somehow shield him from his emotions.

Genma's head buried itself into the curve of her shoulder, his forehead pressed against her racing pulse, and he brought one arm up to hook around her shoulders so that his hand held the base of Kana's neck in an almost painfully tight grip. One of her hands reached up to snake her fingers into his wet hair, holding his head to her, while her other arm wrapped firmly around his heaving body.

 _'I don't know what to do. I don't know how to help you. I-I'm so sorry…'_

That was when Genma began to keen.


	15. Little Talks

"He was like our brother. We all met at the academy when we were kids."

Raido was snuggled into the bed covers, snoring happily now that his belly was full of miso soup and daikon salad; the last of the vicodin he had been prescribed appeared to knock him back on his ass. Genma was lying next to him on top of the duvet, eyes staring up at the white ceiling while Kana was perched between them on her knees.

"Some kid tried harassing Raido for his lunch, and got his ass handed to him as a result." He continued, "Still, his lunch had gotten dumped on the ground so Hayate came up and shared with him. And I ended up sharing my lunch with Hayate. We… I guess you could say we were inseparable by that point, even after we grew up, despite the small age differences. I had been assigned to a team with Guy and Ebisu, and Rai and Hayate were also on different teams as genin…" He sighed with a fond smile, "Even so, we all found ways to see each other as often as we could between missions. I guess it was only natural that we became a part of the elite bodyguard together, too. We didn't meet Kotetsu and Izumo until later, when we were turning in a mission report. Hayate latched onto those two those pretty quick."

Genma chuckled softly at whatever memory had floated to his mind and pushed his bangs back into his beanie with a sigh, senbon clicking between his teeth, "But Raido never got too close with them for whatever reason – I guess they just didn't click well. He never complained when Hayate was always inviting them out with us, so it was always a pretty fun party. _Whiiich_ ," he tapped her thigh with the back of his knuckle, "Was how we met you."

Kana's cheek twitched at his friendly tone and watched the hand slide back onto the bed; a thought occurred to her and she looked up to peer at Genma's face, which was still staring up at the ceiling, "I didn't know you were on the same team as Guy, why don't I ever see you two together?"

"Eh," he shrugged, "Guy was promoted to Chunin two years before the rest of us so we just kind of drifted apart. I never got all that close to Ebisu, either, so the same thing happened when he lagged behind as a genin. It's just kind of how it works, I guess. I mean, are _you_ still friends with any of _your_ old teammates?"

While it was obvious it was just meant to be a friendly question to prove his point, Genma's question felt like a stab and it took all of her self control to not cringe at the reminder. "I guess you're right," she said softly.

He must have picked up on the change in her tone, because Genma propped himself up on his elbows to give her a concerned look. "Sorry, didn't mean to hit a soft spot."

Kana shook her head but avoided his gaze, "It's fine. I stayed friends with two of my academy friends – they were both older than me but we graduated at the same time. Two of us became chunin together, but the other was on his own. We didn't get too close to our other teammate, who was much older than we were and died during the third stage of the jonin exam. When we made it to Anbu we were assigned to different teams but… We stayed good friends. Like you three."

"So… What happened?"

Her breathing threatened to hitch when Kana realized that she hadn't actually talked to anyone about this that wasn't with her at the time. "Their names were Shisui and Itachi Uchiha," he said softly.

She heard the man sigh and sit up completely and looked up to see Genma adjust his beanie with a grim expression. He gave her a sympathizing look when his leg slid off of the edge of the bed, taking the senbon out of his mouth and twirling it around in his fingers. "That's rough, lady… Can I ask you something?"

"I think we're kind of past the asking for permission thing, Gen."

"Heh. Yeah, I guess. Just…" His eyes were soft, but wary as he spoke, "Is that why you're so antisocial?"

Kana narrowed her eyes at his use of present-tense words but didn't feel it was worth pressing the issue, focusing more on the words she chose. "Itachi was… The bond we shared… We were more than just friends. I can't explain it. But… The pain I felt when he left… And when Shisui committed suicide..." Kana looked down at her hands as they pinched the loose fabric of her pajama shorts, ignoring the dull ache in her chest as she spoke, "I never want to feel that way again."

"So you pushed everyone away and threw up a barrier so you wouldn't have to."

She nodded wordlessly.

"You were so young…"

Genma sighed again and there were a few moments where neither of them said anything, just sitting in a solemn silence together. Kana's hands stopped moving by this point, but she continued to stare at them so she didn't have to make any eye contact when the man began to speak again. "If you don't mind me asking, why did you decide to reach out again?"

She chuckled darkly and nudged Rai's leg with a loose fist. "You wanna tell him, since you were so curious the other day?"

A dark eye opened and leered up at her. "You knew?" he asked, voice still hoarse from sleep.

"Literally as _soon_ as you woke up your breathing changed."

"Ah, well, apparently daddy dearest got on her case," Raido laughed softly and readjusted his body underneath the sheets so he had his arm under the pillow to support his head.

Genma looked confused, but their friend was already falling back into a drug-induced sleep, so Kana just reached out to pat his hip before crawling backwards off of the mattress. "Alright, we'll leave you alone so you can sleep," she said with a grin, "If you need anything you know where I'll be."

"Mmhm."

When they plopped onto the beige sofa Genma snatched up the television remote, flipping it on while Kana sunk into the comfy seat cushions. "What the hell does 'Daddy dearest' mean?" he asked.

"Hm? Oh, Guy."

"Hold up – Might Guy is your _dad_?" His eyes widened to an almost impossible measure as he spoke, "I've known you for, what, over two years? How is _this_ the first - no, there's no way - are you _serious_?!"

Kana snorted at the level of shock in his voice but kept a strong poker face as she looked up at him, noticing how he had begun to chew on his lip, "Of course, why do you think we're so close? How do you think I picked up taijutsu so well?"

The man's mouth just hung open at her and she could almost hear something smoking in Genma's head as he tried to process this information. "What," she asked, "Don't you see the resemblance?" Kana wiggled her eyebrows for effect.

Her lips twitched – just barely, but enough for Genma's keen eyes to see – who laughed and knocked her shoulder hard enough for Kana to nearly topple over onto the sofa, though that mostly had to do with her cracking up into her own fit of laughter. "You are so full of _shit_ , lady," he said with a grin, "We were, like, nine or ten when you were born. God damn, I don't want to think that I'm old enough to be your _dad_."

"No, no, I was never all that close with my actual family," Kana explained, still fighting off a giggle storm, "They only ever saw me as a tool they could use to bring the Shimi clan up to the same level as the Hyuga and Uchiha clans - there was a sort of rivalry between them, in a sense, due to our bloodline traits being derived from the Otsutsuki Clan. My team was Guy's first group of students, and I guess he just sort of took over the role of father at some point. Not really sure when it happened."

Genma raised an eyebrow, "And, knowing Guy, he wasn't too pleased with you isolating yourself."

" _Nope_."

"So he told you to make friends."

" _Yup_."

"Which was when you waltzed into a bar, and sat down at the first table you saw, or…?"

Kana's cheek twitched and she rolled her eyes before she looked away from the television to meet his curious gaze. "Of _course_ not. I knew you were friends with Kotetsu and Izumo, so when I saw you at the table…" Her brow furrowed, "I actually don't know _what_ I was thinking. I guess I would just rather talk to a _somewhat_ familiar face than a total stranger."

She repositioned herself so her legs were folded underneath her, moving slowly as to not irritate her stitched thigh too much, and fully faced Genma. "Now that I think about it… There's something I want to ask…"

Genma's canine hooked on his lower lip again but nodded for her to go ahead.

"When we first met… You were really, like, handsy – for lack of better term. I remember you grabbed me a couple of times, and then there was after…"

"I _still_ can't believe you forgot about that," he laughed.

She rolled her eyes again. "Shut up, I was drunk. Anyways…" Kana paused as she realized that she might be picking at a wound that doesn't need to be picked. Her eyes left his warm gaze to settle on his chest and focused on how it rose and fell with his breathing. "But when we actually started hanging out a few weeks later – both as a group and on our own – you seemed almost… I don't know, I guess nervous? You always kept a distance, and when you got close you always asked permission…"

The sound of the tv was low as to not wake Raido, so she could hear the subtle sound of Genma sucking in a short breath as he chewed on his lip. "Yeah… I'm not too surprised you picked up on that, I guess…"

A calloused finger hooked under Kana's chin to lift her face up to his; Genma's eyes were warm and kind, and Kana found herself feeling almost anxious at how uncharacteristically nervous he looked. "You know I'd _never_ hurt you, right?"

"What the fuck?" The words slipped out before Kana realized what was happening and she couldn't tell if he looked stunned or amused – probably both. She watched him suck the corner of his bottom lip into his mouth to chew on it, closing his eyes and smirking subtly.

"I'm trying to be serious here, lady," he said in a humored tone, "Do you trust me?"

"Of course I do," she said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, which it should have been but she wasn't going to press the issue.

Genma gave a small relieved smile and released her chin to lean back into the couch with a soft sigh. "Well, about a month before we met I broke things off with this girl I had been dating for a few months. I, uh, I've always had a thing for tying people up and blindfolding…"

Kana had to make a conscious effort to not balk. _'Why would anyone want to be restrained like that..?'_ The thought made her stomach twist.

"She was always into it," he continued, "But after we broke up, about a week after I met you, we got really drunk and… Ah, man… The sex was… Rougher than normal, and she got pretty bad bruises on her wrists from the handcuffs we were using… She was so quiet the entire time that I… Didn't realize she was crying…"

 _'I_ really _don't like where this is going…'_

"Well, she went around telling people that I forced myself on her. I… I don't know what happened. Maybe she wanted revenge or something, for me breaking up with her. She didn't _tell_ me to stop, but when I look back… There were signs. Signs I didn't pay attention to…" Genma trailed off, looking unsure of himself as he gnawed on his lip with his eyes focused on the tv.

"It eventually reached the higher ups, who were forced to launch an investigation into the issue. They even assigned fucking _Inoichi Yamanaka_ to read my damn mind, who confirmed that I didn't… That by definition I didn't do anything wrong… But it stuck.

"When we started hanging out I saw how… You always kept a certain distance from everyone, and you almost looked disgusted if someone touched you…" His voice sounded strained and full of worry – Kana could see the tension in his rigid shoulders from the way his arms were tightly folded across his broad chest, "I just… Don't want to make the same mistake again."

Kana deadpanned, which she knew would probably make things worse than if she were to be completely open, but the last thing Genma needed to see right now was the shock she felt. How could Genma – sweet, benevolent Genma – find himself in a situation like that? Of course she had heard about how a jonin had been caught up in a rape scandal, but she had no idea who it was; why didn't Kotetsu and Izumo tell her? Or Kakashi? Surely one of them had to have known what was going on…

The more she pondered the situation, the more Kana remembered how Raido had said something about how their friend had been having trouble with a lady, but he didn't elaborate; probably out of respect.

As the silence wore on, Genma's shoulders slumped further into the couch and the stress on his face increased. Kana saw a small shimmer on his mouth and realized that, as he waited for her to say something, he had bit himself hard enough to make himself bleed.

Her body moved on its own – Kana's brain had stopped processing her actions as she pushed herself off of her knees, scooting over to the man's unnaturally tense figure. All she knew was that she wanted him to stop hurting himself, to let him know that she was still there with him.

Kana reached with one hand to support herself on the arm of the couch as she leaned over his body, the other coming up to his face to hook under his jaw, just like how he did with her. She felt Genma's breath hitch when she turned his face towards her, acutely aware of how he almost looked afraid.

"Stop biting your fucking lip," she whispered, earning a surprised grin from the man before she closed the distance between their faces. Kana's lips closed over the corner of his mouth first, the metallic taste of blood sharp on her tongue, and she was surprised to feel just how raw Genma had made his lip become. Still, Kana could actually feel the small indent in his lip where Genma regularly held his senbon.

She decided it was an oddly endearing trait when she shifted her head to the side to seal their lips together in a kiss. Genma's mouth was warm and soft, softer than she thought it would be.

The fabric of the arm rest suddenly shifted beneath Kana's hand and she lost her grip, dropping awkwardly – and painfully – across Genma's lap and twisting to the floor. "God fucking _dammit_ what the _fuck_ ," she hissed as she rubbed the aching shoulder that had connected with the edge of the coffee table.

A hand found its way to the center of Kana's back, patting gently. "You okay?" she heard Genma ask.

"Just knocked my damn shoulder. I'm fine," she hissed, massaging the pain away, not bothering to mention the throbbing pain in her right boob from where it smashed into his knee as she fell.

She let Genma help her back up onto the couch and, for a moment, couldn't figure out why he was giving her a questioning look. Kana only stared back at him with an arched eyebrow until she remembered _why_ she fell. Heat spread through her face and Kana knew she was blushing. "I, uh… I'm sorry."

"Why did you do that?"

Her body practically caved in on itself beneath the intensity of Genma's stare. He didn't look mad, or offended, but his eyes still looked wary enough to make Kana realize that she may have made a mistake. "You… I just thought you looked… You looked so nervous, and sad, I just…"

 _'I just wanted you to stop looking so_ scared _.'_

That must not have been a satisfactory answer, because his face fell slightly even as he gave a small chuckle. "Lady, you don't just kiss people to cheer them up," he said, a small layer of disappointment in his gentle voice.

"No, I didn't mean it like that… I…" As nervousness creeped up her chest, Kana began to wonder if there were any beds left open at headquarters.

"That guy you mentioned earlier, Itachi, were you in love with him?"

The question wasn't what she had been expecting, and it caught Kana off guard enough to stun her brain into silence. "I don't know," she whispered.

Understanding flashed across his face as Genma's eyes softened. "And you were never with anyone emotionally after he left, were you?"

Something snapped in her chest at the question and Kana slammed her barrier up just before pushing herself up off of the sofa. Maybe it was the almost accusatory way he spoke, or the realization that she had no idea what she was doing, but Kana suddenly just wanted to _leave_. She ignored the feeling of her heart thundering almost painfully against her ribcage as she swiftly made her way to the corner of the living room where her duffel bag was laying. "Okay so this was _clearly_ a bad idea so I think it'd be best if I just checked into HQ until the rebuild is finished. I appreciate you let-"

She sensed Genma move before she heard it. Kana dipped down and sidestepped the two arms that reached out for her before realizing that she had been effectively cut off from her bag.

"It's been a long day, Kana," he said, "We've all had our fair share of emotions running rampant and we're all tired. I get that this is something of a sore spot in particular, but you _promised_ you would stop running away."

At that, Genma kneeled down and zipped her duffel bag shut. He picked it up and set it on the floor between them, "If you really want to leave I won't stop you… But I'd really appreciate it if you stayed and just talked to me about this."

There it was, that nervousness. The look she was so _tired_ of seeing from him – the one that made Kana feel like he was looking at some injured wild animal, instead of her; it pissed her off.

"Stop looking at me like that!" she snarled, throwing a punch before she realized what she was doing.

It wasn't a strong punch so when it connected with Genma's cheekbone, he took it easily and grabbed her wrist in a firm grip to pull her in. She used the momentum of his pull to slam into Genma's chest to tackle him to the ground, "Why do you always look at me like I'm a spooked horse?!"

Almost immediately Genma had flipped them over, using his body weight to keep Kana pinned to the floor; she squirmed beneath him as his hands held hers above her head by the wrists, releasing a desperate shout and violently ripping her wrists out from his iron grip, stomach clenching painfully at the feeling of being bound, even if it was just Genma.

"What else am I supposed to do when you react like _this_ , Kana," he growled, "When you go bolting for the door the _minute_ you're asked to address your feelings?!"

When Kana didn't answer they both laid there in silence, the only sounds in the room being the television and their own shallow breaths as they struggled to get their breathing back to normal. She was acutely aware of the sensation of Genma's hands bringing her wrists up over her head again, but this time he slide his into her palms, lacing their fingers together while holding her eyes in a gaze that toed the line between compassionate and frustrated.

"Tell me," he whispered, "Did you only kiss me out of pity?"

 _"I came to understand that I was in love with her memory by that point, not her."_

How long was she going to continue to hold onto someone she hadn't seen in years? How long was Kana going to torture herself with memories and what ifs?

How long was she going to insist on convincing herself that she was better off alone?

Kana didn't realize that she was crying until Genma leaned down to kiss a tear away from the corner of her eye.

"Can I kiss you?"

Her breathing faltered and doubt flashed across her mind.

Was she ready for this?

Could she let go?

She watched Genma's eyes search her face, flitting from her hair to her mouth, to her eyes and forehead; he was looking for discomfort, and Kana realized that if she pushed him away then he would probably never trust her like this again. But if she let him in like this, there wouldn't be any going back – she wouldn't be able to just turn away or shy away like nothing happened. Kana wouldn't be able to just treat him like the others.

 _"Will you please just let yourself be happy, for_ once _?"_

She nodded, but he only frowned.

"I need to hear you say it."

"Kiss me."

Genma's lips were just as warm as before, with a particular softness in the corner where he had been chewing. They moved in a slow, tender way that was almost teasing; Kana closed her eyes and sighed into the kiss before both of their lips halted.

Her brow furrowed as Genma frowned. "That was…"

"Weird," he finished.

Kana snorted as the blush drained from her cheeks, scooting to the side so her friend could roll off of her and lay down on the floor next to her.

"Aw, man, that was a _whole_ lot of build up for nothing," Genma laughed, "I actually feel really bad now."

" _You_ feel bad?" Kana rested her head on his outstretched arm, peering up at him with a sheepish smile, "I'm the one that turned this into a big scene."

He snickered and looked down at her with a small smile, "You okay, though?" he asked as he rolled onto his side, keeping his arm in place so Kana could use it as a pillow, who nodded wordlessly.

The sun had already set, with only the dimmest rays of light of dusk being able to reach into the apartment; most of the light in the room came from the television and the dim nightlight Genma kept in the bathroom, so it was only just bright enough for Kana to still see the man's face.

He was peering down at her with a stupid grin, which caused them both burst into a hysterical fit of laughter on the floor.

"Y-you know, I actually would've felt rea-lly bad i-if this worked out," Genma snickered when their laughter had died down to light giggling.

Kana took a couple of deep breaths to get her breathing under control, though she still released a couple of titters when she asked, "Wh-at the fuck, why?"

Rolling onto his side, the tokujo gave her a knowing look that was accompanied by a casual shrug, "Now that I know Raido and you have a thing going on, I guess I'd just feel like a real loser for getting in the middle of that."

"Aren't you known for being able to read people?" she asked, "We don't have anything going on. When have we ever even _hinted_ at there being more?"

That knowing look turned into a small smile. "When Rai was in the hospital a few months ago, he let you touch his scars."

Kana rolled her eyes, "If you're referring to when he took a wakizashi to the fucking _chest_ in the Land of Wind, I was checking his wound."

"You're right, lady, I _am_ really good at reading people," Genma stated, "But it doesn't take much to see that you don't like touching people more than you have to. I saw the way your hands lingered, and I saw how he let you."

She narrowed her eyes in response. Kana was well aware of how Raido felt about his burn scars – they made him self conscious and, as a result, he refused to remove his shirt in public or allow people to even mention that they existed, never mind actually touch them. Hell, it had taken her literally _months_ to convince him to take his shirt off in bed.

At the time, she truly was only interested in inspecting the man's injuries to reassure herself that the medical corp had done their job properly, which was a ridiculous notion considering how they were the professionals… But, in hindsight, Kana knew that the level of trust that must have been placed in her for their friend to allow her to touch his wealed flesh so freely must have been great. She didn't even realize it then, she was so accustomed to touching him by that point.

Genma smirked, "Ahh, she's catching on-ow, Jesus!" he flopped onto his back when she punched him in the rotator cuff.

"You over think a lot of shit," she grumbled, "That's a big stretch, even by your standards."

"Lady, I could give you a damn _play-by-play_ of the revelation I had when you spilled the beans about your guys' midnight bangs, but I'm exhausted." The humor left his eyes as he sighed and stared up at the ceiling, "I just wish you two told me… That kind of hurt."

Guilt flared in her chest; the pair had agreed to keep things a secret in order to not cause confusion and to protect each other, but Kana had always assumed that Raido had let him in on the secret. "He tells you everything," she said softly, "I honestly thought you knew, and didn't feel the need to bring it up..."

Genma rolled back over and wrapped an arm around her waist to pull her into a one-armed hug. "Water under the bridge, lady. Are we okay?"

"Duh," she rolled her eyes, "Of course we are. But Neji's gonna be unhappy – I'm pretty sure he was banking on us."

"Really?"

"Oh yeah, he actually really likes you. Believe it or not, he and Kakashi _both_ encouraged me to start something with you."

He chuckled and helped Kana off of the floor, "The relationship you have with those two will forever mystify me… _Kitten_."

Heat flared in her cheeks as her head snapped up to gape at Genma's leering face, "How..?"

"It's what he called you the night we met," he said mischievously, "I wanted to see if he still did. Guess so – night, lady!"

She could only blink stupidly as the man sauntered off to his bedroom. Had he called her that then? Raido randomly used the name the third or fourth time they had found themselves alone – "Because you're soft and make those cute little mewling noises," he had explained with a furious blush – but the kunoichi didn't know he had ever used it before then.

Then again, she still didn't remember most of that night.

Kana curled up on the couch with a quilt, lovingly provided by the Hyugas since Genma sucked at thinking ahead when buying sheet sets, and tried to not think too much about what the tokujo had said about their friend. She was lulled into a dreamless sleep by the familiar sound of Raido's snoring.


	16. Kakashi

"Fuck, _fuck_."

Kana exited the bathroom and tugged her shirt over her head, beelining to her duffle bag to ignore the curious raised eyebrows she earned from Raido, who was sitting on the couch with a bowl of cereal. She didn't have time for the questions she knew he had, considering she had been able to hear his snoring stop for about half of an hour last night when she and Genma had been talking, so she quickly sped through the process of putting her Anbu uniform on. If there was one thing she preferred her jonin wear over the standardized uniform Black Ops had to wear, it was how simple it was to put it on. No straps, no sword, no extra mask - just her flak jacket, one piece and standard pouches.

When she was dressed and fully geared, Kana dropped down into the dark blue easy chair next to the sofa and quickly threw her hair up into the tight braid that she pinned into a bun when in the black and white uniform. "You sleep okay?" she asked with a sigh.

"Well enough. Don't have time for breakfast?"

"I don't have time for _coffee_ ," she grumbled, "I forgot to set a fucking alarm." Kana could practically hear the unspoken questions screaming at her from inside his head, so she began to go down the list. "Yes I knew you were awake last night, Gen and I got into a fight. Then I punched him and we kissed but it was weird and we decided there was nothing worth pursuing. I miss anything?"

He shrugged with a look that bordered amused and relieved, eyes glued to the TV screen, "No, that about covers it," he said, voice still husky from sleep.

She tightened the straps on her boots and made sure her kunai pouch was secured before bouncing off of the seat cushion. "Then I gotta go, Anbu are on rotation standby and I needed to leave ten minutes ago. See ya."

"Be safe."

Kana slid her porcelain mask over her face and shut the door behind her.

* * *

' _Knock…knock'_

Kana froze with her body hovering over the table, the plate full of tempura warm even through the thick oven mitts she wore. Maybe she was still on edge from work, but she could feel a sense of dread coming from behind the door. The knocks were too slow, too soft.

As she set the plate down there were two more knocks, this time faster as if the person making the noise was impatient. Raido made to stand from the chair he was sitting in but the woman waved at him to sit down, pulling off the oven mitts and walking over to the door just as a familiar voice called her name.

"Kana?" Iruka's voice sounded strained. When she opened the door, his face looked twelve times as bad and Kana found herself almost taken aback by his appearance. Iruka had dark circles under his tired, bloodshot eyes, and his skin looked unnaturally pale for his normally tan complexion; she realized the expression as panicked exhaustion just before he spoke again. "Shishi… He's having an episode… He won't eat – won't look at me –I tried to touch him and…" Iruka's voice was cut off by a choked sigh and Kana glanced down at his exposed wrist to see a nasty bruise forming.

She shot a glance back at the two men still sitting at the table, who nodded wordlessly as Kana slipped into her sandals.

"Next time, don't just grab him or whatever you did to get that bruise," she said slowly, holding onto Iruka's jacket as his hands quickly formed the seals for the transportation jutsu.

"I don't know what else to do," he whispered, "I don't know this life. I didn't know what else to do..."

The frustration in his words made Kana's heart sink as they appeared in Iruka's living room in a cloud of smoke. It was common knowledge that those who went on constant A and S ranked missions saw horrible, terrible things that left scars on them each and every mission; there were some that hurt worse than the others, leaving them in a dark place that was more than difficult to get out of.

Not only was Iruka just a chunin, meaning he only ever goes on C and B ranked missions, but he had been a teacher for so long that Kana honestly couldn't remember the last time he had been on an actual mission. You could tell just in the way he blindly trusted and cared for others that he couldn't possibly understand what it was like to feel that darkness.

She didn't need to ask to figure out where Kakashi was – she could feel his chakra signature the minute she appeared in the living room, even as he expertly suppressed it. The door to the bedroom opened with a slight creaking noise as Kana stepped through, watching her friend remain motionless in a dark corner. "Kashi?" she asked cautiously, "Are you hurt?"

He didn't move from his cowering position but Kana could see blood pooling around the left side of his body, and that his pant leg was torn open. As she got closer she could see two more tears on Kakashi's left arm and a deep gash on his chest.

Shit, there went her normal routine.

Kakashi's mismatched gaze was intensely anxious as she kneeled in front of him, watching every movement she made and analyzing the situation.

"Kashi, you're bleeding," she said in a low, gentle voice, "Let me help you." He flinched when Kana reached out to him, and her hand froze between them as she remembered the bruise on Iruka's wrist from when he did the same thing. She felt like her heart was tearing in two when she heard his breathing quicken; Kana let her hand slowly fall down to one of Kakashi's, the one that wasn't wrapped around a kunai.

He pulled back when Kana's fingers wrapped around the back of his hand and brought it up, so she let go and instead used her hand to tug at the hair fastener that kept her braid together. The hostile edge in his gaze faltered, telling her that her message got across. "Let me help you," she whispered.

A whoosh of breath she didn't know was being held was released from Kana's lungs when the man dropped the kunai he held, blade clattering to the wood flooring loudly, before slowly reaching out to touch the ends of her hair. She waited a few moments to let him settle down, keeping close watch on the tension in his shoulders and face. When Kakashi's gaze softened enough for her to feel comfortable taking hold of him, Kana reached out again took his other hand in her own.

She stood up first and wrapped a firm arm around his rib cage for support before helping Kakashi stand. The exhaustion she saw in his eyes didn't even begin to compare to what he must have been feeling, because his legs almost immediately gave out underneath his weight and Kana had to quickly release his hand to loop her other arm around Kakashi's waist before he collapsed to the floor. He was large, much larger than she was, but she was able to keep him upright by holding him tightly to her chest.

"I've got you," she cooed when he made a noise that sounded like a cross between a grunt and a whimper, "Let's get you into the shower."

When Kana was training, she knew there were going to be positive perks to having developed muscles - she just didn't know that she would need to use them to all but literally carry a man twice her size into an adjoining bathroom while having to listen to his labored breathing and pained moans. As much as Kana wanted to, she couldn't allow herself to fall behind the stoic veil she projected in situations like this; it would ease her mind as she gently sat Kakashi on top of the toilet seat, but past experiences told her that he needed his friend. Not a shinobi.

She stood in front of him and slowly took hold of the zipper to his flak jacket, paying attention to any changes in Kakashi's body language as she dragged the zipper down and pushed the vest off of his shoulders. He wasn't making eye contact with her while she untucked his grimy uniform shirt and slid it upwards, but he wasn't resisting Kana even if he was still visibly tense.

His wounds were bad – deep, crusted with drying blood and dirt as more seeped out, and angry looking; she sucked in a sharp intake of breath at the sight as she assessed the extend of Kakashi's injuries. He had bruising over his ribs, surface scratches all along his left side and the gashes she saw earlier. Kana couldn't help but wonder what could have possibly hurt Kakashi so badly.

She knelt down and placed her hands over the gash on his arm, paying close attention to how his muscles instantaneously flexed at the movement. Kakashi brought his uninjured arm up to lightly hold the end of the black braid that had fallen between his knees; Kana watched his eyes soften with his shoulders as his long fingers worked out the woven hair.

"I made tempura for dinner," she said idly, watching the gash close enough under the green chakra to where it was no longer posing any threat, "I know you don't really like fried foods all that much, but Gen and Rai really seem to like it. I think they're just glad they don't have to cook while I'm there." Her hands steadily moved over to Kakashi's chest. "Though I don't really get to cook all that often since the elders have basically put all of the Anbu force on a constant standby so I have to make an obscene amount of food at a time. I don't think they actually cook anything while I'm gone so I'd rather them not revert to cold cuts and takeout."

This wound was a lot deeper than the one on his arm and Kana briefly wondered if she should just insist on him going to the hospital for proper care; Kakashi stayed silent but continued to release her hair from its braid inch by inch, almost as if all of his concentration was focused on the task he had given himself.

"Oh, yeah, and Raido said the other day he wants a cat. I don't really know what brought it on but he just said out of the blue that he wants a cat." There, the chest wound was closed up enough. Kana swiftly removed Kakashi's muddy sandals and undid his leg tattered wrappings before she glanced up at him, tapping the waistband of his pants with her index finger, "Do you think you can get these off yourself, or do you need me to?"

Kakashi quit paying attention to her hair long enough to drop his gaze down to his bloodied pants; he placed a shaky hand on the counter and, with a heavy grunt, pushed himself to his feet only to fall back to the toilet seat halfway up. Kana quickly caught him by the waist and swiveled their bodies around to help him lay on the cool tile floor.

"Anyways, I'm not really sure if that would be a good idea considering we leave all of the time-" The sight of the gash on Kakashi's thigh stunned Kana out of her idle ramblings. It was deep, dangerously deep, and looked as if it was infected or damn close to being infected.

 _'I should have gone to this one first. Fuck.'_

Kana focused a little more chakra to her hands and placed them over the seeping wound, feeling just how deep it was as she closed it; he was lucky, whatever cut Kakashi had missed his artery by only a couple of inches. If it had been angled just a little more to the right…

The idea of Kakashi bleeding out, alone, was something she didn't need to be envisioning right now.

"Don't stop…" the man croaked, snapping Kana out of her musings; he didn't meet her questioning gaze, but must have felt it. "Your voice…"

 _'Oh.'_

Kana moved her eyes back down to the slowly healing injury, "And I saw Lee the other day with Guy after training. His rehab's going well enough – Guy started giving him these green food pill things and I don't know if it's some sort of placebo effect or not, but it looks like it's helping. Which, by the way, I found it kind of odd that…" she continued babbling on, her eyes flitting back and forth between the injury and Kakashi's haggard face.

Several minutes later, when the wound was closed enough to where it no longer scared the hell out of Kana, she stood up and pulled the plain blue shower curtain aside before turning the shower on. A sense of déjà vu washed over her when she helped a very limp Kakashi step into the bathtub, holding him steady by the armpits as she helped him sit down on the porcelain floor. For a brief moment she considered just kneeling outside of the tub but, the last time she decided against getting in with him, Kakashi had passed out and nearly cracked his head open on the faucet.

Toeing her sandals off, Kana crawled over the edge of the tub so that she was kneeling behind him with a washcloth. She meticulously rubbed the soapy fabric over his back and trembling shoulders, over his chest and down his flanks while Kana watched the layers of dirt and grime run down Kakashi's pale skin in grey rivulets.

"They used children as human shields."

Her hands stopped their ministrations as her mindless prattling came to a screeching halt. Kakashi's voice was low and hoarse, just barely louder than a whisper, but she was still able to hear his explanation.

"They were using an orphanage as a hideout… The others couldn't bring… Themselves to hurt the kids… I… The mission _required_ that the enemy be taken out… I didn't have a choice – th-the others… They didn't m-make..." Kakashi's words were choked off by sobs that shook his shoulders under her hands. _'Oh, Kashi…'_

Kana pulled him to her chest, a soap-slicked hand rubbing at his dirty cheeks as he tried to bury himself into her.

"I didn't have a choice," he whispered, though it sounded more like he was trying to convince himself rather than her as his eyes began to flutter closed.

She allowed him to sleep for the remainder of the shower, gently washing around his wounds. When he was properly cleaned, Kana decided to let him sleep a little while longer and kneaded her fingertips into his shoulders and back, massaging at the stiff muscles and pebble-like knots she found in the teres major region.

When it came for the water to turn cold, though, she had to wake the sleeping Kakashi to pull him out of the tub and get started on the first aid. It wasn't so much that she needed him to be awake due to an inability to maneuver his body on her own as it was she remembered that the last time Kana tried to give Kakashi stitches while he was asleep, she wound up with a broken arm and two cracked ribs before she could even open her mouth.

Kakashi didn't even react to the burn of the peroxide when it was swabbed into each of his wounds, or flinch when a sterile needle wove thread through his skin. Kana looked up into the haunted eye that stared back at her and could practically see every horrible thought that was flashing through his mind.

She had seen him do this before, on multiple occasions; it was Kakashi's way of punishing himself. He replayed every horrific act he had performed, remembered the screams he had heard, as a form of torture. Whenever she tried to snap him out of it, the man would only ignore her pleas.

Closing the first aid kit, she helped Kakashi off of the toilet and lead him to the bed. Kana tucked him into the covers but didn't crawl in after him – partly because this was Iruka's house but mostly because she was still completely soaked – so she leaned over and entangled her fingers in the wet silver locks, touching her forehead to Kakashi's temple.

"Kashi, we do what we do so others don't have to," she whispered against the shell of his still damp ear, "We're not bad people. _You're_ not a bad person."

An exhausted, choked sob escaped his lips. Kana saw his hand grip the pillow he was laying on. "They were so scared... They didn't even understand what was happening..."

The door opened behind Kana and Kakashi visibly tensed, his hand coming dangerously close to tearing the pillowcase. Iruka walked to the bed wordlessly, picked a pillow off of the bed and dug around in the dresser for a pair of sleeping pants and a shirt.

"I'm sorry, I kind of made a mess-"

"There are pajamas in the drawer, you can stay the night," Iruka cut her off with a strained but understanding tone, "He'll have nightmares tonight, but you probably already knew that."

Kana flinched inwardly at the vitriol that entered his voice just before he clicked the door shut – Iruka rarely ever showed any expression other than parental-like concern and cheer, so seeing him look so… Jealous and pained… It was startling. When she turned her attention back to Kakashi, it was clear that he felt the same way. She rested a hand on his hip and massaged it through the duvet, "You should really talk to him, Kashi," she murmured, "This isn't fair to Iruka."

When he didn't respond, she sighed and walked over to Kakashi's duffle bag and rifled around until she found a plain black t-shirt and matching cotton boxers Kana could wear as shorts; it would have felt too weird to wear Iruka's clothing, especially in a situation like this. While she reorganized, putting everything back into its place so Kakashi didn't have a conniption, Kana saw a small glossy sheet of paper wedged between a pair of socks.

She pulled it out and unfolded it, a small smile spreading on her face when Kana looked down at the impossibly worn photo. It was taken by Guy a couple of years after the first mission the three of them took together; Kana was sprawled across Kakashi's sofa with her head in his lap, staring up at the silver-haired man in awe as he read Icha Icha with a hand in her hair. It was the night she had been allowed to see him without his mask on for the first time and she had been so captivated by Kakashi's face that Kana basically just stared at him the entire night – after choking on her rice, of course. Kakashi protested against the photo being taken, as he hated physical evidence of his face existing, but Guy insisted on preserving the moment.

It was almost ironic to find it in Kakashi's bag. It was frayed at the edges and had heavy creasing, as if it had been folded and unfolded too many times to count.

There was another photo next to the one she was holding; Kana pulled it out and noticed it had suffered the same amount of abuse, if not more. She saw a black-haired boy wearing orange goggles and a toothy grin standing next to an unamused Kakashi, who looked to be about… Ten, if she had to guess. When her eyes fell on the Fourth and a young girl, Kana realized that she was looking at Kakashi's genin team. The grinning boy must have been Obito Uchiha, and the girl was Rin; Kakashi had spoken of them in the past on multiple occasions, but she had never seen a photo of them until now.

Viewing the photo began to feel too personal, as if Kana had overstepped a boundary of sorts, so she quickly put the pictures back into the duffel bag between the socks and rushed into the bathroom to change. There were bloodied bandages and first aid supplied littering the bathroom so she made sure to clean up the mess and scrub the remains of Kakashi's dirt out of the tub before peeling her soaked shorts and top off of her damp skin. For a moment Kana wondered if she should keep her panties on, considering she didn't have any with her, but decided that going commando for a night wouldn't kill her so she toweled herself off the best she could and threw on Kakashi's clothes.

It was almost comical to see just how large the shirt was on her small frame; she could have easily worn it on its own, considering it covered her butt better than she liked to admit, but Kana figured Iruka would have appreciated the extra modesty provided by the too-large boxer shorts.

 _'I don't know if I'm a midget or if Kakashi's just fucking enormous,'_ she grumbled while crawling onto the double bed, _'I mean I know I'm a little_ short _for my age but it seems like he just towers over everyone and-'_ Her musings were cut off by Kakashi's arm darting out to pull her towards him.

"Jesus, Kashi," she hissed, "At least let me… Of course… You're… Asleep…" Kana sighed and twisted awkwardly in the iron grip so that she was in a more comfortable position with her face nestled in the crook of his neck.

His breathing was short and measured, telling Kana that he was still in "Mission mode," despite being in bed next to her, which was when he normally relaxed; she chalked it up to Kakashi not being in his own bed, all things considering.

Kana just sighed and decided it was time to study, doing her best to ignore the gentle sobs coming from the living room.

* * *

Medical ninjutsu was ridiculously complicated, Kana decided.

It was something she was able to grasp, of course, and once she understood what the textbook was telling her, she realized that it would be pretty simple for her to execute it on the field. It seemed like the Mystical Palm Technique was one of the more difficult jutsu, and she had that shit down to a science after nearly three years of using it, so a vast majority of the rest of it just almost felt like lesser branch versions.

Kakashi began trembling in her lap for the third time in the last couple of hours, catching her attention; she figured out pretty quickly he was having a nightmare and decided it was best to let him try to roll through it for now. Waking up a shinobi from a nightmare was a lot more dangerous than one might think.

Looking back down at the book, the Pre-Healing Jutsu was what was currently captivating Kana's attention, and it was fascinating. Healing her body _before_ it's attacked was enthralling.

And absolutely complicated.

Kana could understand what was being told to her by the textbook, but the act of repairing something that isn't in need of repairing left her embarrassingly confused. _'Is this really only an A-rank jutsu…?'_

Kakashi stirred in her lap with a groan, pulling her out of her musings as she set the textbook down to look at him. Her hand snaked into his bushy silver hair and rubbed gentle circles into his scalp in a vain attempt at soothing the man; his eyes snapped open only half of a second before he grabbed Kana's wrist in a painful grip.

 _'Shit, shit, shit that hurts.'_ She whimpered against the tightening fingers, wondering if it was worth the risk of waking Kakashi up from the nightmare to save him from snapping her wrist.

Kana's eyes flickered to the empty nightstand surface and wondered if there was a kunai anywhere in the general vicinity other than the one on the floor in the corner. A flash of her kekkei genkai told her that there was one between the mattress and the box spring.

She gingerly began to scoot out from under Kakashi just as he decided to jump up, still holding Kana's wrist in an impossibly tight vice grip, and use his free hand to grab at her throat.

Another whimper escaped her lips. Kana focused her chakra to the numbing wrist and her throat, creating a small barrier that pushed back against Kakashi's near-inhuman strength; she didn't want to hurt him with a full on body blast so this was going to have to be enough.

"Kashi," she wheezed, the pressure on her neck still restricting her airflow, "Kakashi, you're safe. It's… Me… You're home."

The fingers only curled harder, pressing the barrier into her skin, and Kana released a pained cough; this was bad. This was really, _really_ bad – she had never been in a situation where Kakashi didn't immediately come out of the nightmare when she started talking to him. If she struggled too hard, it could only scare him and make things worse but, even as she pushed back harder with the barrier, she knew it wasn't going to be enough. Her chakra barrier was for deflecting projectiles, not for completely stopping the force of pressure like this. Especially when Kana didn't need her Kurogan to know that Kakashi was applying chakra to his hands.

The bedroom door swung open to a wide-eyed Iruka.

"Iru-ka, no-"

He moved faster than Kana could get air into her lungs and by the time she could wheeze out a warning, Iruka was already next to the bed and making an attempt to grab Kakashi's forearm. _'Is he fucking stupid, you don't just_ grab _a shin-'_

Kana's thoughts were cut off by the sudden release of her wrist as Kakashi thrust his palm directly into the center of Iruka's chest, knocking the chunin back against the wall and probably winding him. She used the opportunity to bring her hands together to seal for the Paralysis Jutsu, a stroke of guilt hitting her in the stomach when the glazed look in Kakashi's eyes was replaced by one of genuine panic as he finally snapped awake.

"You're safe, Kashi," Kana whispered hoarsely after the grip on her hand loosened. When his expression changed to that of horror, she released the jutsu and struggled to push herself up from the mattress as Kakashi fell to the side. "No, no, it's okay – hey, look at me." She was well aware that the gravelly sound of her voice wasn't helping matters, but the way he was curling in on himself told Kana that he was slipping into a panic attack; the best thing to do was to start talking to him.

Iruka had picked himself off of the floor by this point and threw his hands up into the air. "You know what? I can't do this anymore," he said through angry tears, "The night terrors, the shutting away-"

"Iruka this isn't the fucking _time_ ," Kana snapped, voice cracking as she tore her gaze away from Kakashi long enough to shoot him an incredulous look.

Iruka just rolled his eyes and turned to leave the room, "Whatever, I want him gone in the morning."

She grit her teeth and did her best to not allow the chunin to rile her up, instead focusing back on Kakashi's trembling form. It was very, very rare to see him this shaken up over something and while Kana was fully aware of what had tipped him over the edge like this, it never ceased to horrify her.

Kakashi had always been a rock in her life, much like Guy. He was strong, powerful, cool and proud in every situation he found himself in no matter how tough or bleak things became. Kana remembered how she all but worshiped him as a child, like he was some sort of god of war. As she got older she came to the understanding that he was human, just like her, when Kakashi let her in to view the kind and tender side of himself that he kept shut away; it wasn't until she was fourteen that Kana saw him fall apart like this, and she had only seen it happen three times since then.

The level of trust he ensured in Kana was dizzying, but she couldn't shake the feeling of her heart caving in on itself when she saw Kakashi lying next to her looking so… Broken.

A hand slid its way up Kana's thigh, over her clothed hip and over the baggy shirt she wore; she returned the gesture by weaving her own fingers into Kakashi's hair to massage his scalp. Thankfully he didn't attack her again, sighing instead and using the hand on her ribcage to pull her down next to him.

"I am… So, _so_ sorry… I… Sweetheart, I-"

"I know," she cut him off, doing her best to downplay the scratchy hoarseness of her bruising throat, "You didn't mean it. I'm fine."

They laid on the bed together in silence, bodies pressed flush, as Kakashi slowly calmed down; he thumbed the forming bruise that ran across Kana's throat.

"I know this is a really, _really_ horrible time for real talk, Kakashi," she murmured, "But if you want to save what you have with Iruka then you _need_ to let him in. This is hurting him."

Kakashi released a shaky breath into the top of her head while literally curling his body around hers, "I tried," he whispered, "I tried, and every time he just…" Kana could feel his arms tighten around her chest and waist as he forced out a long sigh. "He gets so _frustrated_ … He doesn't…"

"He doesn't understand," Kana finished for him, earning a nod from the man behind her.

"And he pushes me away. That was why we ended things again."

A million questions flew through her head but Kana fought them back and squirmed around so she was lying on her back with her legs over Kakashi's bent ones. "Then why are you here?" she asked, "Why don't you just stay with Guy? You know he has the space…"

It made her feel horrible, but she felt somewhat relieved that Kakashi looked tired instead of panicked; that meant he was moving on from the trauma as he spoke, "We thought we could try again..."

Kana raised a hand to stroke the small dark freckle next to his mouth with a sigh, "I'm sorry, Kakashi…"

He looked down at her wrist, rubbing the bruise with regret etched into his exhausted face. "No, _I'm_ sorry. I hurt you again…"

"I've gone through worse."She immediately regretted saying the words as they left her mouth, watching guilt flash across Kakashi's face as he misconstrued her words, "No, I didn't mean it like-"

"I always hurt you," he whispered ,"Why do you always come back?"

Kana tried to force a small smile to ease his worries, "Because you're one of the only people in this world that I trust my entire being with," she rasped, "You're my best friend. And I'm not exactly a bundle of joy to deal with, either."

She cupped the man's darkening face in her hands and stroked his cheeks with her thumbs as she gazed up at him tenderly, "Kashi, you're war-weary. You need to sleep, you'll feel better in the morning."

He squeezed his mismatched eyes shut, turning his head into one of her hands with a depressed sigh.

Guy didn't make any jokes when the pair appeared on his doorstep, and helped his rival into one of the guest bedrooms of his rather large apartment while Kana prepared the bed for him.

She stayed with Kakashi through the night just like she always did, and just like he always did for her.


	17. I'm So Sorry, Neji

A closed fist raised just as a pair of black boots landed on a tree branch.

Three silent figures halted immediately behind her.

Kana reached out with her Kurogan, searching the trees and forest floor for the three shinobi she had sensed, noting how they masked their presences well enough to almost fool her.

Almost.

Her fist raised two fingers spread apart and her wrist flicked downward; the team rushed forward and Kana could see her older teammate form hand seals for a distraction genjutsu just before they dropped to the ground silently.

The three shinobi didn't notice that the team they were pursuing had flickered ever so slightly and continued to fly over the Anbu members' heads as they chased after the illusions.

She raised her fist and opened it to a flat palm, turning it sideways and waving it forward.

Her squad leaped up to the trees and dashed forward.

Blood splashed across Kana's forearm.

Two blue-clad dead bodies were thrown to the forest floor.

The third could only grunt as his body was possessed with the Mind Transfer Jutsu.

A few moments passed, certainly no more than a minute, before her teammate's body jerked back to life.

"There was a witness – a child. He alerted the family head but the village officials weren't informed; this was a revenge mission. Privately paid."

Kana sighed angrily and cut through the frightened Dream ninja's throat before signaling with bloody fingers to turn back.

Looks like they were going to be late.

* * *

There were few things that truly and deeply frightened Kana – in fact, there were only two: Losing someone she loved, and genjutsu.

A familiar fuzzy feeling spread through the back of her head as her senses began to dull; it happened just as they set foot inside the bloodbath of a house they had left early that morning, meaning someone had been there since they had left only three hours earlier.

"Diyo," she said quietly, "Do you remember what the child looked like?"

"Yes ma'am. The child was about seven or eight years old. Long braided brown hair. Blue eyes. Wore a yukata."

"And the faces of anyone else who knew?"

"A group of ten shinobi wearing identical outfits. Black pants. Blue flak jackets. A blue armband of the same shade on their left arms with the insignia of a fish."

Just like the ones they had seen in the forest, good; Kana was already searching for the shinobi as she pricked her finger on a kunai and formed the hand seals for a summoning jutsu. Three small grey cats in red bandanas appeared before them and she gave them the same description as her teammate before they darted off in separate directions.

Her vision shimmered as the genjutsu fought to overpower it and Kana released it alongside her teammates. Genjutsu that could so much as confuse her kekkei genkai, which could see through just about every illusion known, disturbed her more than she would like to admit. _Anything_ that tricked her mind was terrifying.

What bothered her even more, though, was that this was the same village Kana performed her last solo mission on – and this genjutsu felt exactly the same as the one she had felt when she entered the elder's residence.

Dull pain began to ache at her temples as Kana focused on each individual room in the village - one of the side effects to using her Kurogan for more than a few hours at a time. It didn't help that it seemed like a village custom for everyone who wasn't a monk to keep their hair long. "Diyo," she said through clenched teeth, "Were you able to see where the boy lived?"

"I'm sorry, no."

She groaned inwardly at his response.

A few moments later there was a flash on the far side of the village: A little boy with a long braid down to his hips was sleeping on the first floor of a small house with a woman sleeping two rooms away. Kana saw him just as one of the cats came trotting up to her with a disappointed look on his face.

"We couldn't find the shinobi you described," he explained, "But we noticed that there are several genjutsu traps laid throughout the village."

Kana stood up from her crouching position and nodded, "Yeah… I've felt a couple already. It doesn't seem like they're too bad, but we'll stay on our toes. I found the boy – keep looking for the shinobi." She looked back to her teammate with a fox mask, "Yuta, as the expert, I want you to pay special attention to any signs of genjutsu and alert us of anything unusual."

"Ma'am."

The group jumped from the treeline to the rooftop, sprinting silently through the sleeping village towards the building she had pointed out earlier. They had made their first hit just two hours after sundown, meaning it was close to 0100. _'Plenty of time. Get in, kill the kid. Find the shinobi. Get out by 0400 at the latest.'_ Kana was still annoyed that they were going to be a day late, as she prided herself on always being on time, but she needed to fix this fuck up before it got any worse.

She raised a fist with two fingers raised together, flicking her wrist downwards. The squad dropped to the ground as they reached the house; they kept low while Kana surveyed the building. She couldn't see any chakra signatures other than the boy's and what she presumed was his mother's.

"One genjutsu barrier placed on the very perimeter," Yuta whispered, "Nothing serious. Just a sleep-inducing one. I can dispel it."

"Do it."

He formed a couple of seals and tensed, "There's…"

Kana narrowed her eyes from behind her mask, noticing the shimmer at the same time he stopped moving. "I see it." She preemptively began focusing her chakra, "The genjutsu is layered, meaning this is most likely some sort of trap. Yuta and I will run in, you two stay outside and stay alert. Stay on your guard."

Her team nodded at her as she crawled to the bedroom window and slid it open soundlessly before hoisting herself up. Wasting no time, Kana swiftly made her way over to the sleeping form and severed his jugular just as wide blue eyes flew open with a wicked smile.

 _'What-'_

The room shimmered and the boy's chakra flared just as he transformed into a full grown man wearing a blue flak jacket with a matching armband.

 _'Genjutsu - a third layer - he fooled my eyes- how-'_

"What a vicious bitch."

Kana whipped around to see the room transform from a plain child's bedroom to a large meeting room lit by plenty of candles; there were shinobi wearing blue standing around them with varying expressions of amusement and anger.

"I can't believe you actually would have killed a _child_ ," said the one with the only variation – a blue beret with the same snake insignia, "That's pretty harsh, don't you think?"

Yuta moved closer to her and tapped his fingertips against the palm of her hand in Morse. _"Diyo can get into his head if we keep him alive."_

She nodded in agreement; if there was anyone here that would be able to give her answers, it would be the obvious leader of the group. A door opened to their left, which had previously been a window, and her teammates were both being dragged in by their hair. Kana could hear hair tearing from the scalp from the pressure and fought to not let the sickening noise get to her. "Are you going to tell us who you are?" she asked, keeping her voice monotonous.

The grin on his face spread as he crossed his arms over his chest, "And why would I tell you that? You're going to be dead soon anyways."

Kana didn't bother with further questions; she lunged towards the man closest to her and used what little time she had to form her demon arm and drove it through his midsection. His body hadn't even hit the ground before she was onto the next opponent, but they were faster than Kana had anticipated. A lot faster.

A charged chakra blade almost cut across her throat as she ducked down to drive the blade into his body; it cut along her jaw, stopping just before her ear, and he jumped back to avoid the worst of Kana's attack. Another opponent was on top of her as she dropped to the floor and kicked herself sideways, spitting out a burst of chakra that successfully impaled the man that had managed to stab her square in the center of the back.

 _'Two down… Four… Six more to go.'_ Kana tucked her body into a ball to roll to her feet, immediately jumping into the air as a handful of shuriken whizzed through the air where her face had previously been. She threw senbon in the opponent's direction and realized that one of her teammates' chakra signatures flickered away just before his body dropped to the ground.

Her hands flashed as she landed; Kana threw her arms forward and swung them out, "Demon arc jutsu!" she cried just as a wave of black chakra burst out of her hands and extended into a flame-like arc. As they dodged she used their moment of instability to rush forward and thin out her demon arm so it resembled a katana; she swung her arm down through the shinobi's shoulder and back up, cutting him into a v-shape.

A body dropped behind her, making that five shinobi in total-

Yuta's pained groan reached her ears just as Kana saw him take shuriken from two different opponents. When he stumbled around, his head swiveling back and forth, she realized that her teammate was under some sort of illusion. _'Shit, hold on…'_

"Diyo, cover me!" she shouted as she started forming hand seals. ' _Not enough time. Yuta I'm sorry.'_ Kana darted to his collapsing figure, hooking a leg around his hips and kicking off of the ground while making sure her hands didn't falter. Yuta coughed painfully when she set him down on the ground next to Diyo, who was fending off the leader of the group and two others.

"Chakra Barrier Prison!"

Kana concentrated as hard as she could as the barrier formed around them - she was glad that the sudden burst of her chakra startled their enemies enough to make them stumble back, one of them screaming as the barrier formed through his body and charred his insides.

Sweat beaded on her forehead as her headache intensified. Kana had only ever separated the barrier into halves before in training, but she had to create an extra pocket for the leader to ensure his safety; the strain it had on her was almost insurmountable.

"Don't touch it," she warned between pants, "It'll burn you."

"That's an impressive chakra you have there," the man with the beret said as a hole in the prison formed around him, "I can't say I've seen something like this before. Is this yin release your bloodline trait? Oh, and don't bother trying to help your friend. That poison resists medical ninjutsu."

Kana ignored him and focused on her breathing and solidifying the wall. _'I'm okay. I can do this,'_ she assured herself as her hands melted into the black translucent barrier.

"Pulsing Chakra Wave!"

She could hardly control the chakra that resonated along the barrier surfaces, moving so fast and bouncing off of so many different points that Kana had to use every ounce of concentration she had available to absorb what she could so she didn't have to keep sending out wave after wave. Just like last time, though, she could feel the bodies caught in each wave slowly begin to suffer total organ failure just a few moments before those organs burst or started to melt.

Instead of reveling in the sensation, Kana could only watch her dead teammate's body slowly tremble as it liquefied. The kunoichi knew he didn't have a family back in their village, but he still deserved a proper burial; she hated knowing that his fate was to be reduced to scraps of clothing and mush.

"Diyo…" she gasped as her hold on the barrier began to wane, "You… Know… What to do…"

The barrier dissipated. Kana picked up her teammate off of the ground by his vest and dragged him away from the shinobi leader while the other engaged him in battle; when they were at a somewhat more of a safe distance she focused healing chakra to her hands and held them over Yuta's chest.

A shuriken had been lodged in his heart, with two others buried deep into his lungs. Kana pulled the one out of his arm and noticed that they were soaked in a clear liquid – poison. She watched his eyes dart around the room fearfully and figured that it was inducing hallucinations, and probably hurt like hell.

 _'We don't have time for this, I-'_ Kana straightened her back and twisted, emitting a pained gasp when a sharp pain flared just above her floating rib.

"Captain-"

"I'm all right," she shouted, using a body blast to blow the shinobi squad leader backwards, "Keep him _off_ of me, Diyo!" Kana couldn't help but allow the agitation she felt seep into her voice as she tried to heal Yuta's wounds – she had to heal his heart as she pulled the shuriken out if she was going to get his bleeding under control, but no matter how much chakra she fed into the jutsu nothing seemed to improve. If anything, it almost felt as if her chakra was being completely absorbed by the poison, and she remembered the leader's words about how the toxin resisted medical ninjutsu.

A kunai flew past her ear and Kana realized that there was no way she could get any healing done, not here. In any normal situation she would have just thrown up a barrier, but she was running too low on chakra to risk it. She jumped to her feet and twisted to the side to dodge another blade as her vision faltered.

 _'Shit, the poison…'_ It must not have been hallucination inducing like she previously thought, as her vision only felt weakening, but Kana knew that it was going to pose a serious problem.

She signed and spat several chakra balls at the leader, signing for more when he dodged. He was fast, maybe as fast as Guy, so the best Kana could do was throw him off balance enough for Diyo to get in and take him down.

As his feet touched the ground he created a shadow clone and pulled out the katana on her back as they sprinted forward. The clone threw shuriken while Diyo stabbed their opponent in the tricep with a kunai, using his lightning chakra to amplify the injury. Kana focused chakra around her blade as well and aimed downwards, cutting through his flak jacket and dragging the charged blade through two ribs and through his hip bone.

The man screamed and fell back. Kana impaled his left leg to the ground so he couldn't move anywhere, snatching one of his poisoned kunai from his thigh and stabbing it through his hand.

"Do it, _now_!" she barked as she dashed back to Yuta's body.

Even as Kana began the healing process she knew the man wasn't going to make it. His wounds were too great, she didn't need to hear him struggling to breathe against the blood pooling in his lungs to know that. It didn't help that whatever this poison was, was negating any effects her jutsu had. His eyes continued to dart around the room; Kana concluded that the leader had hit him with a genjutsu earlier.

"Tsuki… Please… J-just…"

"Shh, don't talk. You're only going to make it worse," she said solemnly.

Yuta coughed violently, causing the shuriken in his lungs to sink deeper and shred the surrounding tissue. "Don't… Both-er lying… I know…" he coughed again and squeezed his eyes shut, "It's… It burns… Tsuki please j-just make… Make it stop…"

The meaning of his words were not lost on Kana and she bit her lip hard enough to draw blood; she stopped the healing jutsu and picked her teammate up bridal style. "Shut up. You're going to be fine, just stop talking and focus on your breathing," she said firmly as she stood, "Slow breaths, nothing deep. Diyo, are you ready?"

"Yeah. They were rogue-nin looking to start a war. They fed the Leaf lies about what their elder was planning, wanted to pin the assassination on us by killing you after the murder but weren't able to catch up. The man we killed earlier was another attempt. There was never a child witness. It was a false memory created through genjutsu. The team sent after us was a ruse to get us back in the village."

Kana struggled to reposition Yuta's larger body and limped over to their other teammate; she kneeled down with a pained grunt and lifted his headband from his gored remains. "Are there any others?"

The pain in her head was reaching a nauseating crescendo, coupled by a burning sensation in her muscles from the toxin, and she stumbled against a wall and groaned. Diyo grabbed her waist to help keep her upright as Kana doubled over to fight back at the vomit that threatened to force its way up. "Are you okay?" he asked, "Can you make it back?"

Labored breathing puffed back into Kana's face against the mask as she struggled to get her breathing under control. "Really low on chakra," she panted, "And I got stabbed three times by those poisoned blades… I don't know what the full effects are, but I think I'll be okay. Are you hurt?"

Diyo turned so he could give her a view of a nasty looking gash on his back: his flack jacket and shirt had been ripped open from one shoulder down to the bottom of his ribs, deep enough for Kana to see the muscles and sinew. "Some sort of chakra blade combined with wind release," Diyo explained, "So I guess we're both poisoned, huh?"

She swore and pushed herself off of the wall. "We need to get out of the village. I'll perform first aid once we're safe." Kana practically threw Yuta's gasping figure at him, "Take… Take him. I can't. He's too much."

Once he was seated on Diyo's back piggyback style, they dashed out of the building.

* * *

Diyo's shoulders jerked and he released a pained moan.

"Stop, put h-him down," she ordered.

The pair stopped on the forest floor behind a cluster of large bushes; the man unceremoniously dropped Yuta to the ground before sitting on the ground to rest as Kana coughed painfully and leaned against the base of a tree. Excruciating pain was radiating from each of her wounds, only layering over the head-splitting agony she felt from using the kekkei genkai that was practically blinding her by this point.

Ragged breaths forced their way from her lungs as Kana shakily reached into the extra hip pound she kept strapped to her leg, "Can… Can you get… Your vest…"

"Yeah, of course."

She dropped to her knees and shuffled forward, swaying side to side, as her Kurogan finally deactivated – meaning her chakra was all but completely depleted. Kana had to focus all of her concentration into her movements while she dabbed an antiseptic into the gaping wound on Diyo's back.

A tensing in her stomach warned Kana just in time for her to topple over onto her side painfully and tear her cloth mask away before she vomited. It wasn't as if there was anything to throw up, though, considering neither of them had slept or eaten in over four days; the only thing her body could expel by this point was yellow-green bile that pooled in the grass in a frothy mess.

"Captain-"

"Listen… Listen to me, D-Diyo," she gasped, "W-We're not going… I can't hold out m-much longer. Make su-re that in-tel... Gets to... Lord... Dan-zo... And…" Tears pricked at her eyes, "I need you… to f-fi-find Mi-Might Guy… And Sasuke… Uchiha… P-please…"

Kana choked on a sob as she vomited again, noting the tinge of brown from her blood mixing with the bile, "Tell S-Sasuke that I-I never… I never sto-stopped watch-ing over… Him… He never… Stopped being pr-precious to m-me as… As my little… Brother…"

She pushed herself up off of the grass with wobbling arms and crawled back to Diyo, picking up the sealed packet with a threaded needle and using a kunai to tear it open. "G-Give my… My mask to… Guy… Tell him… To… G-give my head…head-band to… Neji…"

Diyo shook his head as she tied off the sloppy stitches – it was a mess, but the wound was closed. "I can keep carrying you, you can tell them yourself."

"Don't... Be stupid. You and… I both know y-you can't get back fast en-ough… This cut… It's too deep… Se-vered too much… Lost too… Much blood…" she wheezed, her numb hands barely able to tape a strip of gauze over the stitched wound. "This should… Help… Get you h-home…"

"You're a good shinobi," he said solemnly. Diyo turned to Yuta's heaving form, "Is there anything you need?"

"M-my pouch… Sc-scroll… For... Sis-ster."

She watched the tears pour out of Yuta's eyes through their masks. Whether or not they were from the pain of his wounds or the fear of death she didn't know.

Diyo reached into his pouch and pulled out a scroll tied closed with a black ribbon before reaching behind his head to pull his ninja headband loose, "I'll make sure it gets to her."

Kana half-crawled half-dragged her way over to her dying teammate, putting a hand she couldn't feel on his chest in a comforting gesture.

Diyo turned to Kana and helped her sit against the base of the tree with Diyo in her lap, his dark eyes solemn behind his bear mask. "Alright, I promise. Do you need anything else?"

The kunoichi struggled to lift her cloth mask over her nose and nodded. "Can… You.. H-help me… Seal for the… Summ-on-ing Jut-su…?" she gave a dark chuckle and coughed, "I… I c-can't really… Move m-my fingers…"

Diyo used a kunai to prick her thumb and clumsily folded Kana's hands into the proper symbols, pressing them into the grass as she pushed the last burst of chakra she had left into the jutsu. Momoko appeared in a puff of smoke with a sad expression on her feline face. Kana tilted her head back and looked up at the leaves that swayed in the breeze, "She'll… Deal with… Our bodies. Y-you can… Go now."

Cool air rushed to meet Kana's sweaty forehead as her mask was removed by her teammate, followed by her headband. His eyes gave her a silent goodbye as he began running in the direction of the village, three headbands and two masks clutched in his hands.

"C-c-apt…" Yuta wheezed, his eyes pleading from behind his mask, "H-h-h-hurts… Please…"

Kana felt her chest constrict as she watched the man suffer. It had been a miracle that he had made it this far, and she wished she had the strength to commend him for holding out this long. She focused chakra to her fingertips in jagged spikes, the best she could create by this point, and tightened the hold she had on her teammate's shoulder.

"Th-th-thank," he choked, locking his impossibly blue eyes on hers, "So… Much."

His blood was warm on her when she cut into Yuta's jugular. "You're… Gonna… B-be ok-ay now," she whispered, "J-j-just…. Sleep."

Yuta's eyes closed only a few seconds later.

She used the remaining shreds of her energy to reach into her pack and pull out the small beaded bracelet, hanging her head down to look at the trinket as her vision darkened. Momoko crawled into her lap on top of Yuta and purred comfortingly. Kana remembered how proud Sasuke had looked when he had given this to her on her birthday, so excited that he had gotten her a present all on his own. She thumbed the plastic beads, which had been applied in no particular order, and smiled inwardly at the family crests that shone brightly in what little moonlight was able to peek through the trees.

They were the last things she saw before her vision went completely black. The next couple of minutes were spent remembering what she had said to Neji, about how there was a chance she wouldn't come back, and she decided that she was glad Kana had said those things when she did. Her heart ached for him. Neji and Kana had been an inseparable duo since he was just a baby - she was one of the few consistent things in his life.

As her body began to numb Kana decided that her only regret in this life was not being able to be there for him. She wouldn't be able to see him make chunin and jonin, she wouldn't be there for his first drink or his first love, she wouldn't see him grow...

 _'Neji… I'm so sorry, I tried…'_


	18. Home

There was a strange, metallic smell to the cool air that rushed against Kana's face, as if it was artificial or some sort of gas; she noticed that it felt differently than the still air around the rest of her body just before she realized that there was something being pressed against her face.

It was then that the pain in her body made itself known – sharp and dull at the same time, every inch of Kana's body ached and screamed at her in a dizzyingly horrible sensation. She moaned against the sudden rush of crippling pain and tried to lift her arms, only to realize that one of her hands was pinned down by something.

Her eyes snapped open as alarm set in. Kana fought against her stiff muscles and increasing agony to push herself up from the bed she was laying on and ripped away the plastic mask that was attached to her face; her vision was too blurry to make out more than just the vague shapes of two bodies that were seated next to the bed, the one that had been holding her arm down moving with her.

There was the sound of a heart rate monitor next to her that began to beep rapidly as her pulse thundered away; she ripped the ECG wires away from her skin.

More figures made their way towards where she was clumsily pulling herself out of the bed. Kana's body gave way beneath her weight and she had to catch herself on the bed to keep herself from collapsing to the cold linoleum floor.

"…Sedative…She'll tear…"

She ripped the IV out of her arm, snapping the rubber cord and holding it like a kunai.

"She still… Mission… Give… A second…"

"…Kana… Home…!"

 _'Lee…'_

Kana looked up from the floor and blinked at the figure that had moved over to stand about ten feet in front of her, one arm reaching out to her while the other was reaching out to the side.

As her vision cleared, she could see Neji standing in front of her with an all-too-familiar look of worry, skin unusually pale and hair disheveled; Izumo and Lee stood behind him with red-rimmed eyes. Her own green eyes flitted around the room, taking in her surroundings, and Kana allowed the suppressed panic to wash over her as she realized she was in the hospital. She rode out the panic, her breath releasing in short and painful gasps.

Neji recognized the signs and took the opportunity to close the distance between them to kneel in front of his friend. She sagged into his body when he wrapped his arms around hers, not noticing how she had been shaking until Kana had to will her arms to loop around his shoulders. The smell of green tea and mint was mitigated by the staleness of the hospital, she noted, which made her wonder how long Neji had been in the institution with her.

It occurred to Kana that he had been napping over her, and she felt a pang of guilt for waking him as she was helped back into the bed.

The thought was immediately replaced by the stark recollection of what had happened.

"My mission," she gasped, "I need to-"

"It's been handled," Genma said from the door. He, Kakashi and Guy entered the hospital room with a beverage in each hand, and Kana realized that the three empty chairs pushed against the wall must have been for them. When she gave him a questioning look, Izumo pulled one up to the side of her bed with enough room for the nurse to re-stick her with an IV and inject something into the attachment piece.

"Your teammate made it back to the village just before dawn when Ko and I were changing shifts with the other gate guards," Izumo explained in a shaky voice, "He made it to Hokage Tower just fine. A few hours later, you…"

Kana passed out.

* * *

The oxygen mask was back on Kana's face when she woke back up, but this time she had her bearings about her despite having been in a drug induced sleep. She blinked her eyes open blearily to look around the room, thankful to see that the medical nin hadn't strapped her down after her episode.

"You're awake," a familiar voice said matter-of-factly. She turned her head to the side, noting how stiff her neck was, to see Sasuke sitting next to her. He looked uncomfortable but kept his dark eyes locked on her.

She had to fight against the weight of sleepiness while struggling to push herself into a sitting position; Kana noted that the majority of the pain was gone, but she could feel the dull ache of her injuries and tight muscles. The kunoichi flinched involuntarily when Sasuke reached out to help her sit up. "Sorry," she said, voice raspy, "Still shifting gears."

When Kana was sitting upright she realized that her hair was still in a neat braid with her bangs pulled back. "Did you see Neji when you got here?" she asked.

"Yeah, he wasn't exactly happy to see me."

She nodded in acknowledgement; Neji resented Sasuke for pushing her away so it was no surprise to hear that he had met the Uchiha with hostility.

"How are you feel-"

"Why are you here?"

Sasuke visibly cringed at her harsh tone and looked down at the hospital sheet, shifting uncomfortably. "Your teammate showed up at my apartment," he said in a low voice, "He told me that you were killed in action."

That's right, Kana had given Diyo a message for the boy… She suddenly felt bad for reacting the way that she did but, before she could apologize, he kept talking.

"At first I didn't believe him. When it finally sunk in, I realized that I had spent half of my life pushing you away… And the last thing I had ever said to you was, ' _Things change_.' When he told me what you said, about how you had been watching over me this whole time…" Sasuke paused to shake his head with a dark laugh, "The only thing I could think of was 'Did she really think I didn't know?'"

Kana gave him a questioning look, "You knew?"

"Who else cuts tofu into animal shapes and leaves it in a twelve year old's mailbox?" he answered with a grim smile, "Anyways… When I heard that you had been found and were being treated in the ICU…" Sasuke reached down between his legs and placed a small stuffed animal in her lap with a blush, "It was your birthday, and I realized the only thing I had ever given you was some stupid bracelet."

When it was clear she wasn't going to say anything Sasuke sighed, looking extremely uncomfortable as he did so, "Look, I know things won't be the same as they were. We aren't the same people we were back then. But I want you to know that I really _did_ want you around, you… You just reminded me of everything I had lost."

"What do you _want_ , Sasuke?"

Even with his bangs hiding the majority of his pale face, Kana could see the hurt in his face at the sound of her vexed tone. She didn't mean to come off as angry, but the more he spoke, the more morose she became. It didn't help that Kana still felt on edge from the post-mission stress and the dull pain in her body.

"I want to say that I'm sorry, for everything. And… I want you to know that I've missed you."

His eyes slowly looked up from beneath dark lashes, and Kana furrowed her brow at the brown cat plush sitting on her legs to avoid his gaze. This was what she wanted, wasn't it? She wanted Sasuke to acknowledge her – to welcome her back into his life – so where were the emotions? She should be ecstatic to finally have her little brother figure back in her arms, instead of having to watch him from the shadows of trees and drop medicine or food in his mailbox when no one was around. She understood the symbolic nature of the toy, so why did Kana feel so unhappy when she looked at it?

The sound of the door opening broke the heavy silence, and the pair both snapped their heads up to see who it was. Tenten entered the room with a pink haired girl she didn't recognize and Neji, who locked eyes with Kana before looking at Sasuke angrily.

"What did you do?" he snarled, " _This_ is why I said you shouldn't _be_ here."

Tenten grabbed her teammate's arm when he pulled Sasuke out of the chair by the collar. "Whoa, Neji, calm down. We probably just came in at a bad time."

"It's _only_ ever a bad time when he's involved!"

Sasuke shook Neji off and glared at the older boy, fists clenched by his sides. "You don't tell me what to do," he hissed, "I'll leave when I damn well please."

The pink haired girl – Kana was pretty sure this was Sakura, if Lee's ramblings were anything to go off of - was still standing by the door, her eyes darting back and forth worriedly between the rooms occupants but not moving a muscle. "Actually, Sasuke…" she said timidly, "Kakashi-sensei sent me to get you. He says we're being assigned a mission."

The boy grit his teeth audibly in response before shoving past Neji to storm out of the room, who sat next to Kana's hip on the bed.

"Sasuke," she called, her voice still somewhat raspy from sleep. Kana gave a small, sad smile when he turned to face her with expectant eyes, "The bracelet wasn't stupid. I still love it."

She watched Sakura give Sasuke's blushing face a questioning look as they left the room before leaning forward to kiss his cheek with a sad smile.

"Are you okay? What did he say?" Neji asked in a low voice, white eyes scanning her face; Kana didn't realize her hands were trembling until he covered them with his own. Everything had happened so fast just then that she had just begun to fully process what just transpired.

"He apologized," she said, "He told me what I had been wanting to hear for years, but…" she let her head fall down to Neji's shoulder with a sigh, "It didn't make me happy like I thought it would."

One of Neji's slender hands slid around her waist, the other still resting over hers in her lap, "Do you need anything?" he murmured, "Are you feeling okay now?"

Turning her palm upwards, she laced their fingers together and allowed herself to relax in the embrace of her little brother as the realization of what had happened set in. Kana had almost – no, she _knew_ that she had died in that forest. She felt her life slip out of her body with Yuta's cold form draped across her lap. Green eyes screwed shut and she tightened her grip, "Neji," she breathed.

His hand squeezed hers in response, and she could feel his lips press gently into her bandaged shoulder, "You're home, you're safe. I'll stay with you as long as you need."

After a long silence, Tenten awkwardly shifted her weight to her other foot and lifted up a backpack with a forced smile, "I thought a _girl_ should pack your things this time," she said, shaking the bag, "I made sure not to leave anything out."

Kana pulled away from Neji to take the bag from her outstretched hands and opened it up, a small chuckle escaping her lips when she saw that Tenten had, in fact, made sure to not leave an item forgotten in Genma's apartment. She pulled out the copy of Icha Icha Tactics with a wry smile, "That you did."

* * *

Konoha always had warm weather, but the nights were finally getting cooler. Kana closed her eyes when another breeze rolled through the village, feeling the chill roll over her body and her hair sway in the wind. She didn't look over her shoulder when the door to the hospital room opened. The chakra signature was one Kana was more than familiar with.

"Did you get lazy in the middle of an escape attempt?" Raido asked.

She didn't laugh at the half-hearted joke. The kunoichi listened to the man unzip his flak jacket and set it on a chair; she pulled away from the hand he set on her shoulder. When Raido asked about Neji's whereabouts, she only sighed. Neji and Tenten were both on a weapons run mission, Kakashi and Genma were on an infiltration mission and Guy had been gone for nearly a week. Even Kotetsu and Izumo were busy with their own assignments. Kana and Lee had been spending a lot of time together, as a result, but she often found herself alone with her own thoughts as she recovered.

"It was bad, wasn't it? Your mission."

Kana stared at the bushes that lined the hospital walls three floors below her dangling feet as the man leaned against the glass window with a sigh. She would have pulled away from the hand he placed on the middle of her back, but the move would have resulted in Kana falling out of the window so she stayed put.

"Look, I may not be in Anbu," he started, "But I'm still a tokubetsu jonin... I've fought my fair share of battles, and lost almost as many friends. I know what it's like – to feel afraid, and angry, and frustrated, and alone. You can't relax enough to sleep, no matter how tired you get, and even though you've turned in the mission report it still feels like there's more to do."

A tear escaped the confines of her lashes and rolled down Kana's cheek as he spoke. The breath she didn't know was holding released in a long sigh when the man's warmth enveloped her small frame, and Kana wrapped her own arms around his as Raido pulled her close.

She focused chakra to her hand so that it was visible to Raido, who had tilted his head down to rest his cheek against the side of her head. "You know what the weird thing is about my chakra? When other people use jutsu, once it's out of their body that's the end of it. They don't feel it anymore. But with my kekkei genkai, I… I feel everything." Kana released the chakra and watched it dissipate into the air, "When I use it as an imitation of fire release jutsu… Or when I form it into something solid like my blade or senbon… Or use that wave you saw during training… I still feel it. I can feel it cut and burn through skin, and I can feel when the pressure of my wave makes an organ explode… The chakra is still connected to my body and mind until I release it."

Kana took in a shaky breath and fought against the rising lump in her throat. "I had to cut my teammate's throat just so he didn't have to suffer," she whispered, "He had shuriken lodged in his lungs and heart, and was poisoned with a toxin that eats chakra. I… I felt him die in my arms. My other teammate was killed at the start of the ambush… I had to… I had to disintegrate both of their bodies… I could feel _everything.._."

Her voice cracked at the last sentence; Raido's arms tightened around her body as the weight of her words sunk in. A choked sob escaped her lips when she felt his press against her temple.

"Four of my teammates… Have died in the last month because… B-because of my own failures as a shinobi… Rai, I've lost so many teammates… And m-most of them… I didn't even know their _names_ , who they _were_. What they looked like behind their masks… I couldn't protect them, or Sasuke, or the village…"

Her throat constricted too much for her to speak, so Kana trailed off. Raido was silent the entire time, knowing there wasn't anything he could say to make things easier. The two stayed like that for what seemed like forever: Raido held her back flush against his chest, placing delicate kisses along her head and neck while Kana wept freely. His breath was warm and steady, puffing against her skin with each fall of Raido's chest.

Ignoring the aches in her muscles and the pain from her wounds, Kana twisted around on the window to wrap her arms around the man's broad shoulders, who lifted her up off of the sill and carried her over to the bed. Raido climbed on top of the sheets next to her and wrapped his arms around Kana's shoulders when she curled into him.

With her face nestled into the crook of Raido's neck, she realized that his hair was mussed and he smelled like dirt and sweat. Kana ran her hand down his chest and felt the muscles twitch beneath her fingertips, noting how measured his breathing was. "How long have you been back?"

"I turned in my mission report right before I came here," he answered softly, "I'm just glad Iruka wasn't the one on duty. He always gives me a hard time over my handwriting."

A hand tugged the uniform shirt out from the waistband of Raido's pants and dipped beneath the fabric as he spoke; Kana's fingers splayed over his flank and explored his warm skin, searching for any injuries. He winced when she brushed his sternum, so Kana channeled some chakra to her fingertips to alleviate the minor swelling, feeling the warmth of his sigh against the top of her head as the bruise faded away.

"I love you, Kana."

The hand on his chest froze as Kana made a surprised noise that sounded more like a squeak; she was glad her face was buried in the crook of Raido's neck so he didn't see whatever stunned expression she wore, which was probably not flattering. For a fleeting moment she considered pulling away or pretending to fall asleep, but the racing pulse Kana felt beneath her cheek told her that it wouldn't be fair to do so.

Raido brought his hand to the small of her back to press their bodies flush, "Kotetsu and Izumo were the ones on guard duty when you were brought to the village gates," he started, "They said a pair of unnamed shinobi left you on the ground, just inside the village, and disappeared. The poison had eaten away at what little chakra you had left, and… You had lost so much blood that the med nin said that it _must_ have been sheer willpower that kept you alive. By the time they had told me what happened, you were out of surgery and in the ICU…" Raido's voice wavered as he spoke, "The blood loss… You looked dead, Kana. When I touched your hand, you _felt_ dead."

She squeezed her eyes shut as if it would block out his words, but she only saw flashes of him sitting by her bed, eyes scared and bloodshot as Kana drifted in and out of consciousness during the first few days of recovery. _This_ was why she didn't want to get close to people – why she never wanted to start a relationship with anyone, despite the occasional advances made by other shinobi.

Pain was _always_ involved in their lives. There was _always_ loss.

"I was assigned to a mission afterwards, and… The entire time I just wanted to get home... To come back to you..."

Her throat constricted painfully.

"You don't have to say anything, I understand."

He deserved better.

"I only didn't want something to happen to one of us without it having been said."

He deserved a life where he could come home and know that there was going to be someone waiting for him.

"I love you, kitten."

"Don't do this," she whispered shakily, just loud enough for Raido to hear, "Jonin can't fall in love - not with each other… Not when we're all living on borrowed time."

He didn't deserve a relationship with a constant sword hanging over it.

As she expected, his already stiff muscles tensed at her words and Kana could feel his breath hitch before he spoke, "Kana…"

The hurt in the man's voice caused her to cringe inwardly and, for a moment, Kana wished she hadn't said anything. She opened her eyes and tried to ignore Raido's racing pulse beneath her cheek, "You and I both know that it wouldn't end well. We don't _get_ happy endings. Eventually, one of us is going to leave for a mission and not come back."

"You're right," Raido agreed after a long silence, "It _would_ be easier if I settled with a non shinobi. It'd be a lot easier if I decided to be with someone that doesn't live a life of battle and hospital visits."

He loosened his hold on Kana's shoulders to pull back enough to place a tender kiss on her forehead, "But, civilians, they don't understand what we go through, what we endure when we're out on missions. Try as they might, they simply can't relate to us on a deeper level – and that's something I _need_. Even if that means I have to worry about that person not coming back home."

Kana wriggled an arm up between their chests so she could untie Raido's headband, sliding it back and tossing it on top of his flak jacket. Disheveled brown hair was knotted together a frizzy, matted mess that she attempted to smooth out by combing through the locks with her fingernails. Being in the hospital for over a week meant that her nails were a little longer than normal, so they made soft scratching sounds as they raked through Raido's hair.

"I know that this is sudden, and believe me when I say I feel bad about dumping this on you out of nowhere..." Raido sighed, "I wish I told you sooner."

The kunoichi forced herself to pull away far enough so that she could meet his anxious gaze, "Why?" she asked, her voice barely louder than a whisper, "Why _didn't_ you say anything?"

Regret flashed across his tanned face, "I thought you and Genma had something together. I was going to tell you after the funeral, but… I told myself that I couldn't get in between you two like that. And as the weeks went by after you and Genma told me nothing was going on, I…" He sighed and brought a hand up from Kana's shoulder to rub at his eyes with a heavy sigh, "I wanted to wait to see if you'd come to me first."

Kana frowned, "Raido, I'm… I'm not really the type of person who does that," she said in a low voice.

He must have misread her frown for discontent towards his confession because Raido squeezed his eyes shut for a breath and abruptly pushed himself up into a sitting position, "I know, I'm sorry. This was selfish of me, I shouldn't have dumped this all on you right after you just poured your heart out like that." The tokujo rubbed both of his hands over his face with a groan, "I am such an asshole."

"Shut up, moron. No you're not," her voice wavered as she continued to speak, "I… I want this."

Shoulders stiffened. Raido looked over his shoulder and locked his uneasy gaze with Kana's; there was a look of guilt and anxiety that was accompanied by impossibly rigid muscles. It almost looked as if the fibers would snap beneath all of the tension.

"I want this, Rairai," she repeated, pushing a sense of resolve into her voice this time.

Some of the tautness in his back lessened, and the tokujo turned, "Kana, I..."

She frowned again and pushed herself up so that she sat next to him, sitting up straight and grabbing Raido by the fabric of his shirt. An idea popped into her head and Kana lifted her fingertips to the side of his face, turning it towards her own as she leaned in before she could talk herself out of it.

His familiar lips were warm and soft against hers, almost like silk, but strong as well. They moved slowly, tentatively, at first as if Raido was expecting her to pull away or change her mind. When Kana's hand slid upwards to cup Raido's cheek, he finally relaxed and the cautiousness melted into gentle passion as the man kissed her back, but there was an unmistakable layer of tension lying beneath the surface, held back only by the man's diligent self control.

He broke the kiss to rest their foreheads together, his breathing coming in shallow pants, "What is ' _This'_ , Kana?" he asked, his lips close enough to ghost over hers, "I need to know what to expect."

Green eyes snapped open in a fleeting sense of realization – while some of the tension in his body could be attributed to Raido just getting back from a mission, he was holding himself back to protect himself. It occurred to Kana that Genma told him all of the sordid details of their less than impressive kiss, including what had prompted it, and he was worried that this was the same situation or that this was going to just be another post-mission fuck.

She released a breath she wasn't aware she had been holding and took one of Raido's lightly scarred, calloused hands into her own. "I'm not going to lie and tell you that I'm madly in love and hearing wedding bells," Kana murmured, "But I really _do_ care for you. And, if… If you're willing to be patient, I'd…" she trailed off with a blush, choosing to instead bite her lip and hide her face behind a veil of hair.

The man twisted his body so that he faced Kana, reaching over to place a hand on her hip and leaning down for a long kiss on her bare shoulder. "It's hypocritical of me to say this, but I just never thought you felt anything. I want to be sure that you're sure," he mumbled against her skin.

It was true; she had never exactly expressed a romantic interest in those around her. Though, it wasn't matter of not _wanting_ to, she just was never exactly sure how she should go about things - the most Kana had ever accomplished was the occasional late night romp, however…

Kana felt her blush gain intensity as she tried to ignore the tight feeling of anxiety in her stomach, "I, uh, I actually did try once to say something…"

"What? When?!"

"It was about a year ago, when I led a mission with you…" she squeezed her eyes shut, "Do you remember? We were on a recon mission to the Land of Iron."

 _They were on their way back to the village, more than pleased that their mission had run without a hitch. The squad had decided to stop for the night and set up a small camp, and Anko had taken first watch while the others all huddled under shared blankets next to the pathetic excuse for a fire they had managed to start._

 _Raido was sandwiched between Hayate and Kana, facing the kunoichi with his best friend spooning against his back._

"Of course I remember. It was the first time you-" The man gaped at her incredulously.

 _Their breath puffed between their faces in small, hot clouds that dissipated as soon as they formed; Kana sniffed against the cold and pressed her body closer against her teammate's. Raido's arms looped around her arms in response to press their bodies flush against each other with his head tilted down, his cold nose brushing against hers._

 _Kana's hand wriggled up between their bodies to brush a thumb gently along the scarring on his neck. "Rai," she breathed, "I… You're so perfect. I love your scars."_

"Wait, _that_ was your attempt at telling me you were interested?!"

The kunoichi narrowed her eyes, "Is that even a question?"

Raido gave her a sheepish grin and shrugged, "Sorry. I kind of forget that you were a social retard."

Kana frowned.

He chuckled.

By this point the position they were in was beginning to get uncomfortable, so the pair lazily dropped back to lie top of the bed covers in a tangle of limbs. Raido placed a hand on Kana's waist to tug her into a gentle hold; she rested her head in the crook of his shoulder with a sigh. One hand rose to tenderly stroke the exposed wealed scar that extended to his nose. Raido silently gasped as her fingertips grazed the sensitive flesh, just like he always did.

"I meant it," Kana mumbled, "What I said that night."

Raido's hand smoothed over her hip and dipped under her tank, sliding up to her flank where he brushed the pads of his fingers against her own scar with a tender smile, "Yeah. I know."

He leaned down to seal their lips in a deep kiss. It was benevolent and tender, exactly how she remembered. In the last year, the way that Raido kissed her had changed - now that she understood why, the sensation made her stomach flutter. Kana snaked her hands around to the back of his head to pull him closer, fingers gripping his hair.

Raido moaned softly in response and rolled their bodies so that he was gently pinning her down into the bed. The stab wounds on her back protested at the sudden increase in pressure, but Kana ignored the ache and threw her free arm around his chest, clutching the fabric of his shirt to close what little distance was between them, clinging to him as if for dear life. He groaned into her mouth when the movement pressed his growing erection into her crotch before breaking the kiss to stare down at Kana thoughtfully.

"I can't help but feel cheesy for initiating something after all that…" he mumbled.

Kana snorted and rolled her eyes, "This isn't the first time we've done this, Rai… And it isn't as if you're the manipulative type…" When Raido frowned in response, she slid a hand from his hair to cup his cheek reassuringly.

As she tried to put her thoughts together to explain how she was a grown ass woman that could make her own decisions, there was a light pressure on her jaw and she realized that Raido was feeling the stitches that ran from Kana's hairline down to just below her jaw. She could see his warm expression darken as the silence wore on, and Kana felt her heart sink. "Raido…"

"I almost lost you," he breathed, "If you hadn't been found, or if this had been only a little lower…"

His lips came crashing down on hers, this time rough and possessive as if some sort of mental gear had shifted in him. Raido trailed his mouth along her jaw and bit down on her neck, gripping her hips hard enough for Kana to know there would be bruises tomorrow morning; she kept herself from squirming uncomfortably for his sake.

The man positioned himself between legs that spread invitingly for him before grinding his hips into Kana's, lips working against hers furiously, and set a steady pace that she mirrored despite being pressed into the mattress.

She returned the searing kiss with fervor, her arm pulling him tight. Her free hand found purchase between Raido's shoulder blades as she practically clung to his body.

Raido growled appreciatively at the motion and slid one hand under back under shirt and up her ribcage, "Kana…" he groaned needily.

There were times when Raido would come back from a particularly upsetting or long mission and couldn't calm down on his own; he relied on Kana to help him get the edge off and put whatever he had experienced on the field behind him. She did the same thing, crawling through his window at ungodly hours of the night for the release those endorphins provided. But there were times where his anxiety was too much for him to handle – times like this, where Raido became too desperate for comfort and couldn't hold himself back.

"It's okay," she gasped, "Let go, Raido."

He pulled away long enough to tear their shirts off before flattening himself against Kana's body again with a throaty groan; he shoved his arms under her body to pull her impossibly closer, as if he was trying to merge their bodies together, while her legs crossed over his waist and locked together at the ankles. She could feel the warmth of Raido's tears trailing down her cheeks as he brought their lips together in another desperate kiss that left her gasping for air.

In that moment, he filled her senses. His even teeth bit fiercely at her bottom lip when she broke the kiss to remind her lungs what it felt like to have oxygen inside of them, and he chose to take the opportunity of her mouth opening to plunge his tongue as far down her throat as possible. His tongue lapped at her tonsils and the roof of her mouth greedily, as if Raido was mapping the entirety of her mouth with the warm muscle.

Her wounds burned just enough to keep her from totally slipping as she forcefully raked her dull nails across his skin, eliciting another moan from the man was frantically working at opening his pants while smothering her face with his own.

 _'Oh, Rai… What happened..?'_

* * *

Something soft and warm was pressed against Kana's body when she woke up. She could hear a thumping sound against her ear, and something was stroking her hair.

No, something wasn't pressed against her, she was draped over something.

Heavy eyelids struggled to open as Kana fought against the grogginess but, even as they opened, her eyes were too cloudy from sleep to see much more than colors and vague shapes; her eyes drifted downwards to where her hand rested next to her face, watching it rise and fall with the chest that it rested on as she recalled the night before.

 _'I was sulking, and Raido came by…'_

She realized that she had woken up with her body wrapped around Raido's still form, her left leg having slipped between his and her head tucked into the curve of his neck. The feeling in her hair was his fingers weaving through the long tresses, ghosting over her skin when he came to the ends before his hand moved back up to the top of her head.

At first she felt nervous and thought about pulling away, but Raido's heartbeat and gentle motions felt too inviting for her to entertain the thought any further; Kana closed her eyes again and allowed herself to enjoy the sensations. Raido's hand changed patterns just a few moments later, brushing her hair off of her shoulders and to the side – the loss of her makeshift blanket meant that the cool air rushed to meet her exposed shoulders, and Kana had to fight the urge to yank the hospital covers up. His touch was soft and gentle at the base of her neck, drawing lazy circles and unrecognizable patterns with the very tips of his fingers while slowly moving down the bare skin.

"Are you okay?"

Kana stiffened at the sudden sound of his low voice breaking the serene silence of their synchronized breathing, even if it was barely more than a whisper. "You knew I was awake?" she asked, voice cracking slightly from sleep.

She felt Raido's chuckle rumble through his chest and watched her hand bounce with his breaths. "You stopped drooling," he explained.

 _'I drooled on him?'_ The thought horrified her, and she began to pull away from him in embarrassment. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"It isn't the first time," he said in a humored tone, dark eyes meeting hers in a gentle gaze. Raido reached out with his right arm to tenderly hold her shoulder from moving back any further. "Besides, I like feeling close to you… Even if it means I have to bathe in your saliva."

Kana cringed at the joke, but the humored smirk on his face didn't allow for her to think too much of it. "Cheeky shit," she muttered with a small laugh as she laid herself back down on his bicep; she reached out to twirl a lock of disheveled brown hair around her finger. "I like you better without your headband… You look younger, somehow."

"Are you saying I look _old_ with it on?"

"What? _No_ , of course not – you just look really-" She stopped herself from finishing her sentence, but the mischievous glint in Raido's eye told her that she didn't need to. He rolled onto his side to face her, pressing their bodies together in a comfortable closeness.

"I look really?" he purred, wincing when Kana pinched the soft skin of his underarm that was still under her neck.

"You look… Handsome," she muttered with a blush. It felt different to compliment Raido now, though she didn't know why – Kana had complimented him dozens of times before, both in the throes of passion and when in a clear state of mind. With his confession last night, though, it felt… Strangely intimate to comment on his appearance. She meant every word of it, however. While Genma was an obviously attractive man that practically oozed sexuality, Raido had a sort of… Damaged, almost solemn rugged handsomeness that appealed to her in ways she couldn't describe.

Raido chuckled, clearly amused with the situation as he brushed her hair out of her face. "You didn't answer my question, you know."

She carefully rolled onto her front, sliding her arms under the pillow and wrapping them around his outstretched arm before placing her head back down on the pillow. "I already told you, you don't look old," she responded lazily with a raised eyebrow. _'God this bed is so cramped…'_ Kana wanted to just go home and lounge around like this all day. Well, if she _had_ a home. Her apartment building wouldn't be ready for another week.

"You know that isn't what I meant, kitten." Fingertips tenderly placed themselves on the edge of her shoulder blade, half-hovering and half-resting along the exposed skin; her eyes fluttered shut at Raido's familiar touch and relaxed into the sheets. They smelled like dirt, sex, generic detergent and sweat. It was comforting in its own weird way.

"I'm okay. I, uh…" Kana trailed off, not really sure how to properly explain how she had to use medical ninjutsu to keep herself from literally breaking beneath his hips without making him feel bad. She knew Raido always felt terrible when he brought that violent edge to bed, even if he didn't vocalize his concerns. "I'm tougher than I look."

That sounded stupid.

He still looked guilty, so Kana pushed herself up enough to plant a chaste kiss over his lips, "Rai, I'm fine. Really," she said reassuringly. She laid back down with her face turned away from the man. Raido shifted next to her so that he was partly on top of her, lifting his hand to brush his fingertips gingerly along her shoulder blade in an agonizingly slow pace. _"Because there are times I just want to be gentle and touch you,"_ he explained when she asked after complaining about the gesture tickling.

Kana focused on the hand that was resting a few inches away from her face, pulling one of her arms from around the man's bicep to run a finger down the purple-green vein that stretched from his elbow before dividing into a delta of smaller veins at his wrist. Green eyes watched Raido's fingers twitch reactively when she traced the fine lines in his hand, swirling around callouses. Kana idly stroked up his middle finger and squeezed the pad gently between her thumb and index finger, a gesture she and Itachi would often exchange.

 _'Itachi…'_

The hand on her back froze above her ribcage, and Kana didn't realize how relaxing Raido's breath was on the back of her head until it halted. "Did I hurt you?" he asked in a low voice. She realized that the man was attributing her sudden tenseness to his hand having drifted down a few ribs over her wound, which they had discovered had started bleeding after their violent fuck.

On a whim she turned back to face him and glided her hand up the round contours of his arm, maintaining a firm and gentle pressure as it passed over the broad expanse of his scarred shoulder; her other hand lifted up to tentatively cup his cheek. Raido's eyes narrowed at her questioningly but he remained silent, allowing her hands to tug his face down towards her own into a soft kiss.

"You trust me on the battlefield, you trust me with your secrets, you trust me with your body…" Kana smiled against his lips, "So please trust me with this. I'm sore, in more ways than one, but I'm _okay_. So please stop worrying."

His gaze softened at her gentle plea and Raido tilted his head to seal their lips together in another kiss, "I love you."

She furrowed her brow, " _Yeah_ we need to talk about that. Are you sure-"

"Kana," Raido interrupted sharply, "I'm a thirty-two year old man known for being a strict hardass that just confessed his love to an eighteen year old. Don't you _dare_ think I'd make a decision like this unless I was absolutely sure of it."

Kana flinched inwardly at the harshness of his tone, mostly because she knew full well that he was one of the only people in her life that she placed absolute trust in, and vice versa. They had saved each other on more occasions than either of them could count, both on and off the battlefield, so it went without saying that the level of trust they held for each other was almost staggering. The hurt in Raido's voice was definitely understandable.

"That isn't what I meant. I just know that you were really emotional last night and… I want to make sure you're not doing something you're going to…" The shrewd expression Raido gave her made Kana trail off as she realized that was basically the exact definition of making a snap decision. She returned his intense gaze with a sheepish, apologetic look of her own and slipped her hand under the untucked uniform shirt Raido wore, tracing the shuriken scars on his belly with her fingertips.

A nurse entered the room, effectively saving Kana from the building tension. He gave her a quick inspection, checking under bandages and giving Raido a suspicious look whenever he discovered a bruise or scratch that hadn't been there the day before. While handing them the release forms, the nurse made sure to scold her for tearing her stitches last night and emphasized on taking things easy until her wounds had completely healed, which Kana half-heartedly agreed to. Everyone knew that shinobi didn't _really_ wait until they were at 100% to start training again.

When he left the room she gingerly slid off of the bed to retrieve the bag of clothes Tenten had left for her. Her body ached all over, for more than one reason, but Raido didn't need to see her act like she had just fallen off of a cliff, so Kana grit her teeth against the soreness and threw her clothes on as swiftly as possible.

"Hey… Rai…" she murmured, eyes glued to the floor.

A gentle hand on her elbow stopped the kunoichi from moving long enough for her body to be pulled back towards the bed where Raido was still sitting. His arms circled her waist to pull Kana's back against his chest as he set his chin on one of her shoulders. "Hm?"

"Do… Do you mean it?"  
She felt him turn his head so that their cheeks were touching, "Have I ever lied to you?"

Kana twisted around in his arms so that they were facing each other. She reached up and pushed his headband up and over his head, tossing it onto the hospital bed and following the motion through to feel her way through Raido's brown hair and down his forehead; her touch was feather-light as she touched the scar that ran from his nose down to his ribs. The puckered, raised skin was incredibly soft.

"Kana," he whispered.

With her free hand, the kunoichi reached out and fumbled around for a few moments until her hand found the cord that controlled the blinds. They fell to just below the window sill as she tugged on the end of the cord, causing the room to be cast in a strong shadow. As her eyes adjusted to the lack of light, she saw that Raido's face still held the same confused expression it had when she first took off his forehead protector. She furrowed her brow at him. "Why do you look like I just asked for Kotetsu's hand in marriage?" she asked.

"We're in public." His voice was rough and husky, a noticeable change from how smooth it normally sounds.

"No, we're in a closed hospital room. Alone."

Raido closed his eyes and sighed, his hand trailing down to the ends of her grey hair. "Kana, our rules-"

Kana tilted his head up towards hers and leaned in to remove a small amount of what little distance was between them; Raido mirrored her movements, turning his face up to rest his cheek against hers. She felt the man's free hand rest on her hip, and Kana had to remind herself to breathe. The result was her releasing her full lungs at once, which caused Raido to stiffen.

Kana felt his lips against her ear as he slightly turned to speak, "Does it hurt?" The low rumble of his voice in her ear gave her goosebumps and her breathing hitched. She shook her head and snaked one hand up the back of his neck and into his thick brown locks.

She had to focus to get her breathing under control before speaking, "Forgot to breathe, is all."

Her goosebumps were accompanied by a shiver as Raido gave a breathy laugh. Kana leaned in further and wrapped her other arm around his broad shoulders, "Do we have to keep hiding it, though? I mean… If you're worried about the age difference, I understand, but…" Kana trailed off, not entirely sure how to put her thoughts into words.

The man kissed the base of her neck, "I know I'll get shit for the age difference, but if you're okay with it then I wouldn't mind being open about us…" Raido pulled back enough to touch their foreheads together, "But only if that's what you really want, if you're one hundred percent sure about this."

Kana frowned. She, and their closest friends, knew that he had plenty of insecurities and doubt about his appearance and his inability to keep a relationship for very long, which was no doubt attributing to why he was acting so cautiously, but was Raido really under the impression that she would take advantage of his trust like that? It was true that they didn't exactly have a build up to his confession, but still.

She pushed him back so that he was half-laying on the bed and swiftly smoothed her hands under his shirt, pushing it up to expose the man's tanned stomach and beautifully disfigured chest, before leaning down to trail her mouth up his body, sucking and nipping at the warm flesh as she kissed her way to his collarbone. Raido released a small gasp and shuddered when she lightly nibbled the sensitive area just next to his floating rib, eliciting a fond smile from the younger woman.

"I want you, Rairai," she murmured against his skin, "I don't want it to just be about sex anymore."

Raido's thumb massaged a couple of gentle circles into the fabric of her shorts, "It hasn't been just sex for a while now, kitten."

"Say it again… Please."

"I love you, Kana."

A content sigh escaped her lips as his hand stroked Kana's hip like before; he flattened his palm against her skin and firmly ran it around and up her exposed back. As his hand travelled over her body, she could feel the tips of Raido's fingers pay special attention to every scar he came across, as if he were trying to memorize each and every pucker and dip in her ghost-like flesh.

"Again."

Raido pulled her face up from his chest to give her a wolfish grin, "You're so greedy," he chuckled, sealing their lips in a chaste kiss, "I love you."

When the door to Kana's hospital room opened, the pair could only look up stupidly as Neji, Kotetsu, Izumo and Hinata cheerily walked through the door, only to stop dead in their tracks. A few seconds passed of the six of them exchanging startled glances as they stood awkwardly, unsure of how to proceed. Kana and Raido were both flattened together, their hair was disheveled and both of Kana's hands were up her boyfriend's shirt .

"L-Lady Hinata," she squeaked.

Kotetsu's whistle must have snapped Hinata out of her daze, as her skin practically glowed a hot pink and she immediately pushed Neji towards the door, effectively shoving the hysterically laughing chunin into the hall. "I'msosorryweshouldhaveknockedwe'regoingnowI'msorry!" she squealed on her way out.

The door slammed shut almost violently behind the group, and Raido chuckled up at the ceiling. "Well, I guess it's out."

Kana grinned and rest her cheek back on his chest, ignoring the fading sounds of Kotetsu and Izumo's whooping from the hall. 

* * *

**Note** : So I initially wanted to tease you guys and not update for like a week to make it seem like Kana was really dead, but some of you guys threw some monumental bitch fits so I figured I'd just throw in the next chapter. The tough thing about writing a story that's supposed to be super long (Remember, it's supposed to cover the entire Naruto timeline) is that there are some scenes that don't seem to matter NOW but will matter later. So keep that in mind. Also... This was a really long chapter. I was going to initially stop it at the Sasuke thing, but decided that it would be too short. So yay for gargantuan chapters lol.

YES I will be sure to explain how on god's green earth she made it back to the village.

Now please stop writing me angry messages. Kana's not dead lol. In fact, I wrote something like a five thousand word sex scene with her in it. It was weird. I'll probably just delete it lol. I know a ton of people were rooting for KakashixKana but honestly I had little to no intention of having them as a pairing. Like... I toyed with the idea, but Kakashi gets so much attention in fics anyways that I wanted to put someone like Raido on the forefront.


	19. Interrogation

**Note** : Phew. I just finished writing the last bit of the first Naruto timeline arc, and I realized how this ff is full of really unhappy moments. Makes me feel kind of bad. I'm also working on introducing the next stage of her kekkei genkai and transitioning into the Shippuden arc. Honestly, the story's already at 130k words so I'm wondering if I should split this up into separate stories (With Growing Up being the first Naruto arc, and the Shippuden and Final arcs being their own stories) if anything for the sake of keeping things nice and neat. Or would you guys rather it just be in one giant story with like 100 chapters?

Please let me know :) Also, the story just got 2k reads and I've gotten so much feedback from everyone since the last chapter. Thanks a bunch!

* * *

Seeing the two highest ranking members of the Interrogation Force enter the Anbu Commander's office sent a chill down Kana's spine; she tried to not stiffen too much as they were greeted by her superior. She deadpanned behind her mask and fought against the sudden onset of anxiety that welled in the pit of her stomach, wondering if her few late-night rendezvous with Itachi a few years ago had finally been discovered. "If I may, sir… What's going on?" she asked warily.

"We need to ask you a few questions about your mission," her commander said calmly, "Specifically, about your return."

So, no, this wasn't about her technical association to the Akatsuki.

"Your teammate said he had left you in the forest about a day's travel outside of the village due to the injuries the two of you sustained while in the Village Hidden Among the Dreams. Is this correct?" Inoichi asked, flipping through what was obviously Diyo's mission report.

"Yes. We had been poisoned with a toxin that ate chakra while inflicting a great deal of pain, but I had been poisoned in three separate doses and suffered wounds that left me too injured to move on my own. Yuta had been mortally wounded long before we departed the village, as well, with shuriken dipped in the same poison lodged in his heart and lungs. My teammate was also gravely injured, but could still travel. I ordered him to leave us as to ensure the intel we had acquired made it back to the Leaf. If I hadn't, we all would have died of chakra depletion and/or blood loss."

Ibiki hummed, narrowing his eyes as if he was trying to read her face. Which he was. "And yet you still managed to find your way back to the village." It wasn't a question.

"Do you have any affiliations with shinobi from other villages?" Inoichi asked, his calm demeanor offsetting his partner's intimidating one. He closed the mission report and held it down to his side, locking his shockingly blue eyes on her own through the slits in her mask.

She knew where this was going. Kana kept her breathing steady and willed her heartbeat to a normal pace, "I have a contact in the Village Hidden in the Mist, Snow and Moon, as well as in both Jomae and Genjutsu Tree Villages. All of which are logged in my file," she said flatly.

The Anbu Commander sat behind his desk in a silent attentiveness; she knew he was paying extra special attention to every movement she made, and Kana suddenly felt as if her body was being used as a weapon against her as the three studied her intently.

"We are well aware of your recorded contacts," Ibiki said, "But we're not asking about them."

"Do you have any idea who it was that brought you back to Konoha?" Inoichi asked. They were both intentionally speeding up the pace of the veiled interrogation, and it wasn't going unnoticed. "The gate guards said that two shinobi had dropped you off in plain view but immediately used the Flicker Technique to disappear."

"Seems a little strange that a friendly would just drop you on our doorstep and run instead of taking you to the hospital, doesn't it?" Ibiki added.

Kana kept herself calm. Anbu couldn't be arrested by normal shinobi, so her superior being in the room with the two high-ranking interrogators told her that the situation could turn very ugly if she answered their questions wrong. The last thing she needed to do was let them get to her, so she took her time with recalling what she could from that day. "I don't know who-"

The scarred tokujo cut in, "So a random pair of shinobi just _happened_ to find you on death's door after half of your team was killed on a mission, and your other teammate was sent off on his own?"

It was a low blow, one that would have cut deep if Kana hadn't been expecting something like that from the man. "Let me _finish_ , Ibiki," she said in a low voice , "I remember… Two figures - men." She bit her lip and concentrated, "But I don't know who they were… I mostly just remember looking up at the trees… And I honestly can't remember what they looked like."

"So to the best of your knowledge, they were just two good Samaritans?" Inoichi asked, skeptical but looking genuinely curious.

Kana furrowed her brow as a thought occurred to her, "I actually assumed they were from Konoha… Did they trigger the sensing barrier?"

"No," the commander responded, "But it's possible for a Leaf shinobi to manipulate the barrier."

"I know that, but I was unconscious."

" _Were_ you?"

She scowled at Ibiki as if he could see it, "You and I _both_ know that the gate guards' _and_ medical nin's reports were sure to emphasize on how I was unconscious and nearly _dead_." Her eyes moved back to the blonde jonin, "Why don't you just use the Psycho Mind Transmission technique to get into my head and see for yourself?"

Probably because his partner got hard-ons from barraging people with questions.

Inoichi gave a grim smile and handed the mission report over to Ibiki, "Because I respect you as a shinobi enough to believe it isn't necessary." He motioned her to come closer and reached a hand out, "May I?"

His palm was warm against her head, and Kana tried to focus on that instead of how bizarre it felt to have someone rifle through her mind like it was a filing cabinet.

 _Raido had her hands pinned over her head as he rammed his hips down into hers painfully, choking out a moan against her clavicle-_

 _Lee and Kana were sharing spicy curry, chatting about Tenten's combat techniques-_

 _She curled up into a ball on the bed and remembered how Yuta felt as he died-_

 _Tears streamed down Guy's face. His hand held hers in a protective hold-_

 _Genma and Aoba laughed with Kotetsu-_

Inoichi stopped when he reached the scene with Kana waking up in the forest.

 _There was a rustling in front of her._

 _Kana couldn't lift her head to the noise, but she was able to blearily make out the faint sound of footsteps._

 _"You can go back to wherever you came from, I'll take it from here."_

 _Sandaled feet appeared in her line of sight before the figure kneeled; all Kana could make out were purple and grey blurs._

 _Momoko disappeared and the figure reached out to her._

 _Kana's head fell back as she was lifted from the ground._

 _It was morning._

 _His body was warm._

 _He smelled like soap and lavender and sweat._

 _"Why are we helping this girl? I never took you for a man with a soft spot."_

'I know that voice…'

 _Her eyes rolled to the side to view the man that was speaking. He was blurry, at first, but as Kana forced herself to focus she slowly found herself able to make out details._

 _Pale skin._

 _Wide mouth stretched into a wicked grin._

 _Purple markings around piercingly yellow eyes._

 _His appearance triggered her body into alert. Kana moaned hoarsely and willed her body to move, only managing to twitch an arm._

 _"Relax, you're safe," the man holding her cooed, "Why, my lord, it would be such a waste to allow such a promising candidate to die out here in the middle of nowhere, wouldn't it?"_

 _Kana focused her hazy gaze on the person carrying her._

 _Dark eyes peered down at her coolly, but gently, from behind round glasses and she could feel herself being adjusted in his arms._

 _Silver bangs framed his face, which was half-hidden by the high neckline of his purple shirt._

 _Kana could only stare up at the lightening sky as she blacked out._

The next memory was the girl waking up in the hospital so Inoichi released the jutsu, looking down at her with a concerned look. Despite the extensive training she had gone through to conceal her emotions, Kana couldn't help but bring a trembling hand up to her chest to grip the flak jacket.

"You said you recognized one of their voices," Inoichi said calmly, "Did seeing their faces help?"

Kana fought to keep her composure against the building explosion of emotions that threatened to burst forth; she screwed her eyes and nodded. "He… I… I didn't get a clear look, but… Their names were Kabuto Yakushi… And Orochimaru."

The Anbu Commander was just as unreadable as before, but Ibiki visibly bristled and took an aggressive step forward, stopping only because Inoichi held out an open palm to signal for him to stop. "What is he doing near the village? Why would he help you?"

"Ibiki, our job is to acquire information. Not accuse our comrades of treason," the jonin said calmly.

"From what I read in your files, you encountered Orochimaru in the Forest of Death where he placed a curse mark on your body. Have you come across him since?" the commander asked, just as emotionless as before.

The kunoichi began to shake her head, but the memory from the training field flashed across her mind. Her eyes flew open, "Th-there was a moment when I was training with Neji Hyuga. The curse mark activated, and we couldn't figure out why, but I remember seeing Kabuto in the woods -"

"You saw him and did nothing?!"

Kana whipped her head around and glared at Ibiki from behind her mask, "Shut up and let me finish, _tokujo_!" She had no qualms about using her superior rank against him, even if she did respect the hell out of him as a shinobi for doing what he did for the village. If she had the frame of mind at the time, she would have wondered how it was possible that he and Anko ever managed conversation.

She looked back at her commander, "At the time, Kabuto Yakushi was registered as a Leaf genin-" One that Ibiki had passed in the first round of the chunin exams, might she add, "- and the only reason I knew who he was, was because I was assisting Genma and Hayate with registration. I saw a figure behind him, but I was debilitated by blood loss and the curse mark and couldn't see well even with my Kurogan. I can only assume now that the figure was Orochimaru."

How stupid was she? Of _course_ that incident in the forest wasn't the end of things – not when a madman like Orochimaru was involved. Why did Kana believe that things would be over just like that? What, just wait for the mark to disappear and it would have been just another day?

A hand on her shoulder pulled the girl from her thoughts. "In the memory, Kabuto referred to her as a candidate. It could be that he wants to keep her alive to observe her," she heard Inoichi say, "It's one hell of a coincidence, but it could be that they stumbled across Kana in the forest and didn't want her to die yet."

" _Observe_ her? So he's probably tracking-"

"Ibiki, remember that Kana is still a member of the Anbu Black Ops on top of being an accomplished jonin," the commander cut in, "There's no way two shinobi could constantly track her on her missions without her knowledge."

She didn't bother to mention how she had basically been tracked from her way back home from the Dream Village.

The reminder only seemed to rile the tokubetsu jonin even further, "Then we can only assume that she's a spy for Orochimaru!"

"I could feel how shocked she was when Kana saw his face," Inoichi cut in, frustration layered well beneath his calm appearance, "I can guarantee you that she's just as in the dark as the rest of us. And a hell of a lot more scared."

"You two go report this to the Elders. I want to have a word alone with my subordinate."

The tokubetsu jonin grunted in disapproval, but he left the office with Inoichi without protest.

Forcing her rising panic under control, Kana looked up to meet her commander's gaze through his Anbu mask, "Sir, it's true that Orochimaru marked me," she said coolly through clenched teeth, "I understand that the circumstances may be cause for suspicion, but I think I've more than proven my loyalty to Konoha. Might Guy, Hiashi Hyuga, Kakashi Hatake, and several others would _all_ vouch for me if my service record isn't _enough_ -"

A hand being raised cut her off mid-sentence. "I do not doubt your loyalty to our village and its leaders," he said calmly, "You are correct in believing you have more than proven yourself as an invaluable asset in Anbu. I only want to reassure you that you're not in any trouble and will not be removed from service or punished in any way for the incidents that have transpired. I only wanted to inform you in private that I have decided to promote you to Anbu Captain."

Kana froze. "Sir?"

"Ordering your teammate to leave you in the forest was the right decision. Because he didn't have to carry you and Yuta, Diyo was able to return to the village in time to relay vital intel and seek emergency medical attention. I understand that you have been experiencing some doubt over your teammates' deaths, as recorded in your most recent psychological evaluation, but your ability to take charge of a situation and think critically in a position of leadership, completing the mission successfully, is what we look for when promotions are involved. You would have been promoted much sooner if there were any positions needing filling, but we lost several captains in the last month and don't have enough eligible candidates to fill their spots."

She dropped to her knee and bowed her head, "Thank you, sir. Knowing you place that much faith in my abilities is something I don't take for granted."

The man leaned back in his chair and handed the kunoichi a file as she stood, "Here is your first assignment. Your squad leaves at dawn. Dismissed."


	20. White

**Note** : Shout out to all my homies that are feeling left out of the excitement because they don't like Fallout 3 Also, only 2 or 3 chapters (Depending on how I space it out) until Itachi comes :D

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Everything about Kana's body was sore – from the stiffness in her scalp to the blisters she knew were forming at the tips of her toes. She peered over at Neji, who looked even more exhausted than she was. He had decided he wanted to jump in on the training session the group had scheduled, and had his ass handed to him on the shiniest of silver platters.

"How's your butt, kid?" Izumo asked teasingly, referring to how his pulling a muscle in his rear is what benched him early. Neji only rolled his eyes and continued to pout.

Genma and Anko both laughed at the genin. "What, did you think we were going to go easy on you?" she asked with a fake look of incredulousness, "What kind of training would _that_ be?"

"What is it with you jonin insisting that you went all out on me? I _know_ you were pulling your punches," Neji grumbled, looking cranky and embarrassed. Kana reached her sweaty hand to take his dirt-covered one with a tired smile as they slowly made their way out of the training grounds and into the actual village streets, not caring to remind him that she was the only one in the group that was actually a jonin.

He had insisted on training with the group in what he called a test of his skills, but it had not gone unnoticed how Neji's behavior changed after her incident in the woods. The genin was glued to her side almost constantly, his eyes wary of nearly every movement she made, in a form of brotherly protectiveness. While Kana appreciated his concern, she was getting a little tired of his coddling by this point; her wounds were almost fully healed but it still seemed as if Neji was afraid to let her out of his sights.

"To be fair, you had Genma on his toes a couple of times – he may have held back a bit, but you did a pretty damn good job on putting him on the defensive," Raido said reassuringly.

Neji didn't respond, but Kana could see a sense of satisfaction in his face.

Kotetsu yawned and stretched, "So, Kana. Dinner."

She made a noise that was like a cross between a laugh and a snort as she rolled her eyes at the chunin. "The sun is down and my back hurts. I am _not_ cooking – you can just eat the leftovers that are in the fridge. Or, _here's_ a thought, learn to cook like a damn adult."

"I, uh…" Genma gave a somewhat guilty smile as he rolled his senbon between his teeth, "I _may_ or may _not_ have eaten the leftovers for breakfast… And lunch."

Raido groaned. Kana sighed. Anko laughed and Aoba said something about him being a fatass. Izumo scolded him for eating the leftovers from someone else's fridge without asking.

"You're getting us takeout, then," Kotetsu said accusingly, "I want ramen."

"Well aren't _we_ the demanding prick? Why don't you ask what the others want?"

"I don't care. I want ramen."

Genma raised an eyebrow to the younger pair, who were practically leaning on each other for support by now. "Are you two cool with ramen?"

Neji twirled her braid listlessly with a disinterested hum. Over the last few months he had become comfortable around Kana's friends - and even looked disappointed when she said that she and Genma decided to not pursue a relationship - but he still appeared to be uncomfortable when it came to voicing his wants, so Kana smiled on his behalf.

"Ramen is food, and we're hungry, so ramen sounds great," she purred, "But I want to go to that sit down place instead of Ichiraku's so we can get dumplings."

Kotetsu flashed a tired yet triumphant grin as they changed course towards home. Kana was just thankful that the restaurant was relatively close to the Hyuga district, because her muscles continued to groan at her as they walked down the street. Anko used the Flicker Technique after saying some less than ladylike parting words, and Aoba and the chunin teleported back to their respective apartments.

The more they walked from the Hyuga compound, showered and redressed, the more Kana realized that Neji actually looked to be in genuine pain, so she stopped the teenager and pulled him to the side. "What's hurting?" she asked. The chunin didn't notice they had stopped, so they continued on.

"Uh…" his white eyes shifted around to look at their surroundings in a blatant move to not have to look Kana directly in the eyes, "My hamstrings and…"

 _'Oh for the love of god, Neji, it's called a butt. Just_ say _it.'_ It took a conscious effort for Kana to not visibly roll her eyes at his embarrassment as she pulled him into the shadows before kneeling down. A green light completely defeated the purpose of her dragging Neji into a dark spot, she realized, as it completely illuminated the area. At least it was relatively out of sight.

She placed her hands on the back of his thigh and concentrated; there was minor swelling in the overexerted muscles that had been pulled earlier, but it was nothing serious. They were back on the road a few moments later once she eased his discomfort; it was a beautiful night and Kana was glad to see that some of the villagers had already begun prepping for the upcoming autumn festival.

"He's a good man," Neji said after a couple of minutes of a comfortable silence.

Kana raised an eyebrow and grinned, "Yeah? You like him?"

"Honestly the thought of you being someone's… _Girlfriend_ ," he said it as if the word was a curse, "Is… Strange." Neji sighed and placed a hand at the small of her back to pull her a little closer with a rare sheepish smile, "I think that's mostly due to not wanting to share."

A giggle escaped her lips, which earned her an embarrassed laugh from her childhood friend. "Don't worry, Neji, you'll always be my number one," she said happily, resting her head on Neji's shoulder as they walked, "Though I was a little worried you weren't going to like him in a nonprofessional setting, with him being laidback and you being an uptight little shit."

"Excuse me," he scoffed, "I am not _uptight_ , I just don't wear my heart on my _sleeve_ like Lee does." His face softened as they turned a corner, "I mean… I kind of expected to see you with someone _like_ Aoba or Lee."

" _Lee_!?"

White eyes rolled at her surprised response, "I don't think you quite understand just how compatible you two would be – his energy is exhausting, but that naïve happiness would balance out perfectly with you. The same goes for Aoba and Genma. They're obstreperous; they would be complimented well by you."

Kana felt Neji's thumb rub idly as he spoke and she sighed with a small smile as they turned onto the street that would take them to the family restaurant. "You make us sound like flower arrangements… You've grown up, Neji."

"The last time you said that, you beat me to a pulp," said in a humored tone.

"Yeah well as long as you don't go off doing stupid shit anymore, you're safe."

He chuckled and cupped the small of her back, "Even so, I'm just glad to see you happy-"

"… Piece of ass, Raido!"

A drunken voice cut their chatter short as they watched Raido talking with a small group of jonin at a wall bar. Genma, who stood next to him, looked annoyed at the conversation but Kana couldn't see her boyfriend's face as they approached the establishment.

"I mean, really, with your reputation as an elite bodyguard you could have _any_ tail you want in town and you go after _that_?" the jonin slurred, "Are you running out of options?"

The jonin next to him raised a cup of sake to his lips and shook his head. "Naw, man, look. You gotta look past all that muscle and shit. She's _young_ , and I bet she's got a _real_ tight-"

"I think you have had a bit too much to drink," Genma cut in, agitation heavy in his voice, "Maybe you should switch to coffee."

"Look, look, we're just looking _out_ for you, man. You're _basically_ fucking a _child_ -"

Kana felt Neji twitch next to her. When she looked up, his expression was filled with nothing but rage; she took his hand in her own and began to lead him down the road towards their destination. "Raido doesn't have many friends, but he's still on somewhat good terms with a majority of the Leaf's shinobi," she explained, "As much gossip as the chunin spread, I kind of figured something like this would happen at some point so don't let it bother you too much."

Still, she was surprised that the news had spread so far in just a couple of weeks; something told her that Anko had something to do with it.

An angry sigh was emitted from the genin and Kana squeezed his hand reassuringly, "Neji, people have been saying all _sorts_ of ridiculous things about me for years. My own clan thinks my powers come from a _demon possession_. Really, just let it go."

"How can you just sit back and let some loser talk about you like that? Why doesn't he say something?" he protested as they made their way into the restaurant, heading towards the bar area they regularly sat at.

"If we're totally honest, Neji, him defending me or getting angry wouldn't be solving anything," she said with a yawn, "Like you said, they're losers. But they're also shinobi, just like us. And when you make it to jonin, you don't usually stick with the same squad so you're always working with specially created teams for each mission. If Gen or Rai were to lose their cools, it could lead to tension in the field later on. That kind of tension can ruin teamwork. It's just not worth it."

Neji folded his arms and leaned against the edge of the bar, furrowing his brow, "I understand."

Kana gave him a guilty smile and nudged his shoulder, "Sorry, I'm not trying to patronize you... I seem to do that a lot."

"Since when are you the patronizing type?" Raido asked, cupping her jaw from behind to tip her head back. He leaned down for a soft, but tense kiss. He was upset.

"Kana, Neji, you are both out late!"

A familiar voice brought a grin to Kana's face as she spun around on the stool to see Lee hobbling up to them on a crutch with Guy in tow. She hopped off of the stool and rushed over to pull the boy into a gentle embrace, "Lee, they let you out of the hospital?"

He beamed at her happily, "I am well enough to leave for a few hours at a time on my own, but Guy-sensei insisted that we celebrate before going back in for the night." His large eyes peered over her shoulder curiously, eyes lighting up to the point of almost literally sparkling when they fell on a particular tokubetsu jonin. "Mister Namiashi!" he cried, bowing as best as he could, what with his injuries and all, "Thank you for teaching Kana the joys of youthful romance! I am forever grateful to anyone that can-"

Kana cupped both of the boy's cheeks, pressing her thumbs on his lips, and gave him a forced smile, hearing Neji sigh from behind.

"Lee," he said, "There's no need to shout. He's five feet in front of you."

"Oh, no, I'd love to hear all about this _youthful romance_ ," Genma teased, wiggling his senbon in time with his eyebrow.

"I'd prefer if he _didn't_ elaborate," Kakashi said flatly as he and Asuma approached the bar, "It's far too late for that sort of thing."

As it turned out, Kakashi had decided to go out with Asuma for drinks after getting back from a relatively low ranked mission. Since they were all together, the group was able to convince the shop owners to let them push a few tables together and gather around. Kana munched away happily on her sushi, and some of Neji's dumplings, while everyone chatted away about whatever topics came up. Eventually, the chunin and Anko arrived with a tired-looking Aoba and joined the party with a round of drinks.

Guy challenged Kakashi to a game of rock paper scissors for the final piece of boiled eggplant, which Guy eventually won and left his rival looking incredibly dejected as he chowed down on one of his favorite foods.

Kana had to do a double take when she saw the two chunin steal a kiss when they thought no one was looking – Izumo caught her gaping and grinned timidly, though Kotetsu just flashed a boyish smile and kissed him again with a wink for effect.

Every now and then Raido would look down at Kana with a mischievous glint in his eye and place a chaste kiss on her lips, the subtle tang of his beer intermingling with his own natural taste; it wasn't until the third time that she realized he was stealing a piece of sushi off of her plate. When he leaned in for another kiss, Kana roughly jabbed her chopsticks into the top of his hand as it hovered over her plate. Raido yelped, but stole a piece anyways just to spite her; she only giggled while watching him stuff the unagi roll into his mouth.

Her eyes scanned the group, taking in everything that was happening; warmth spread through her chest as she observed every smile her friends flashed. Kana chuckled when Kotetsu and Izumo challenged Anko and Aoba to a drinking challenge, slamming their pints of beer on the dark lacquered table with triumphant cries and flailing their arms at the waitress for another round, cheeks flushed from the alcohol.

To her left, Asuma and Guy were telling a story about a mission where Kakashi had to pretend to be a callboy – a story that he clearly had no interest in having shared, especially not in front of Lee who looked as if his sides were going to split from laughter. On a whim, Kana reached around Raido to ruffle his bowl cut.

 _'I love you all so much,'_ she thought fondly to herself. Neji gave her a curious look, which she responded to by touching their heads together with a widening smile.

When Kakashi's hand darted over from across the table, Kana grabbed his wrist and used it as an anchor as she pulled herself up out of her chair; she leaned over the surface to snatch up one of his pork buns. Her triumphant laugh came when the jonin visibly pouted and pulled his empty thieving hand back.

His pout turned to an expression of shock when she bit into the fried bread. The rest of the group soon stopped their chatting to stare at her with varying levels of surprise and awe, leaving Kana feeling awkward.

"What?"

Lee's wide eyes left her face to stare at something on her head, "It is so pretty…"

"Kana," Neji said, his fingertips lightly brushing her bangs out of her face, "Your hair…"

She blinked, mouth still full of pork bun.

Tears welled up in Guy's eyes as he smiled, "It's been so long..."

 _'So long since_ what _?'_

"You know, it's actually kind of creepy how her hair and skin are basically the same shade," Anko chuckled before taking another sip of sake, "Get a damn tan, Shimi."

"Seriously, you're like fifty shades of Casper."

Asuma rolled his eyes and puffed away at a dwindling cigarette, "Real eloquent, Aoba."

Raido's hands cupped Kana's cheeks and pulled her head towards him before leaning down to seal their lips in a tender kiss. "Your hair is white, Kana," he said warmly, "It's beautiful."


	21. Scars

"Just stretch out, it's not that big of a deal," Raido laughed, setting down his beer, "Why are you so nervous?"

The question only made Kana scrunch up more on the loveseat to keep her little piggies away from him. "The last time I let one of you touch my feet, you let Gen tickle me until I cried."

His response was only to roll his eyes and reach across the length of the loveseat towards her; she could only squirm as his hands caught her ankles in a vice grip and pulled them into his lap. " _Relax_ ," he assured her, "I promise I'm not going to tickle you. Let me do this for you." Raido's hold on her softened when she finally allowed her legs to relax.

At first, nothing seemed to be happening; the pads of his thumb rubbed gentle circles around her ankle bone, the rest of his hand was motionless. The way he stared at her feet was as if he was memorizing the patterns of the veins that peeked through her translucent skin. Kana had to fight the urge to pull away in embarrassment just before he lifted his left hand and lazily traced unrecognizable patterns into her skin with the very tip of his index finger.

Goosebumps appeared along her legs and arms from the sensation, though it didn't tickle enough for her to flinch and pull away. Raido's fingertips lightly trailed up her foot along the bones until he reached the tops of her toes, then moved back to her ankle. The way he touched her skin was as if she were made of glass, and too much pressure would cause her to break - Kana marveled at how he could transition from being the strong, powerful swordsman tasked with protecting their Hokage, to treating her as if she were the most fragile being in the world.

As if reading her mind, Raido moved his hand to the bottom of her foot and began kneading the outer edge of the skin with his thumbs. It was a firm, but gentle, touch that caused her to realize just how much her feet had been aching. Kana sighed and allowed herself to completely relax in his lap, enjoying the feeling of warm and calloused hands rub away at the ache.

His thumb rubbed into the arch of her foot and she flinched as he hit something tender. Instead of letting go, Raido firmly held her foot in place with his right hand and used the middle knuckle of his left thumb to dig into the same spot.

Kana made a pathetic whimpering noise and sat up from the arm of the couch. Leaning forward, her hands tried to peel his long fingers away but it only brought the opposite effect. "That hurts…" she mumbled, her hands resting over his as she rested her chin on her bent knees, "I thought this was supposed to feel good."

"You have a muscle knot the size of a ping pong ball, Kana, it needs to be worked out or else you could hurt yourself." To emphasize his point Raido kneaded the flat part of his thumb into the same spot, seeming to ignore her squirms, curses and groans of discomfort.

thankfully, the pain eventually melted away as the bump smoothed out beneath his hands as they worked skillfully into the muscle. Before she knew what she was doing, Kana leaned to the side so that her body rested against the back of the loveseat and set her head down on the man's broad shoulder. Her hands left her feet, one falling to the side to the seat cushion and the other winding around his bicep to hold it to her chest.

* * *

She wasn't sure when he had fallen asleep, but when Kana woke up there was a large fluffy blanket draped over her shoulders. Warm puffs of air caused her loose hair to tickle her nose, and it wasn't until she tried to brush it out of her face that she realized she was bound.

Years of training kicked in instantaneously as adrenaline began to course through her body, but a familiar voice cut through her panicked thoughts like a hot knife through butter.

"It's just me, Kana."

She had to rub her blurry eyes to see him clearly, but when Kana tilted her head up she could see Raido was gazing down at her affectionately, if not with a touch of worry. The heart that was pounding against her ribcage as if it was trying to break through the bone began to slow, and she closed her eyes to let the anxiety wash over her. One of the arms he had wrapped around her torso rubbed at her skin reassuringly and he leaned down to kiss Kana's cheek.

 _'That's right… I dropped by his new apartment with dinner and…'_ She remembered his hands massaging her foot, lightly tracing the veins in her skin, and blushed.

"Did you sleep well?" Raido asked lightheartedly, knowing she wouldn't want to dwell on her minor panic.

Kana hummed her approval and relaxed back against his chest, taking in that familiar scent of wood and musk as she listened to his heart beat. The gentle rocking provided by his breathing combined with the warmth of their shared body heat being trapped by the warm blanket cause the woman's eyes to flutter shut.

"Rai?"

"Hm?"

"I like this," she murmured.

A hand dragged its way up her body to hook a calloused finger beneath her chin and tilt Kana's sleepy face up. Their lips pressed together in a slow, tender kiss; she smiled tiredly at how good Raido tasted. There was still the faint tang of beer, but it didn't bother her. If it meant being able to be close to him like this, feeling him breathe against her cheek through his nose and listening to the small sounds of their lips moving together, he could taste like death and she wouldn't mind. Kana took the hand under her chin in her own and laced their fingers together, holding his hand in her lap with a sigh.

The kiss lasted for only a few moments before he broke the seal to kiss her forehead, "I'm sorry I didn't do this right," he said in a low voice. The arm around her waist tightened and he slumped into the sofa cushions so that Kana was practically laying on top of him, "I wish I had taken the time to properly romance you."

Kana nuzzled his neck as her eyes slid shut again, "Our lives aren't romantic, Rai. We're not characters in a novel… No dramatic crescendo for us."

"I'm aware of that," he yawned as sleep began to claim him as well, "But I still wanted to take things slow… Everything about our lives is so… Fast pa-ced…"His words were cut off by another yawn.

"You're so tired," she giggled sleepily, "Just go to bed."

Raido's chest rumbled with his own throaty laugh, "Only if you carry me."

The woman rolled her eyes but pushed herself up so they could make their way to the bedroom. The apartment was still bare, as Raido had no time or interest for shopping, but Kana was glad that he had at least purchased a bed for himself.

When the tokujo was properly snuggled under the dark blue covers, Raido placed a kiss on the back of the hand she held his in, "I'm serious about us, Kana. I don't want to rush this."

Kana hummed with a shrug, too exhausted to respond in any other way. She didn't know why he was so insistent on starting over, in a way, but she knew that it was a conversation that would need to wait until later. Her mission started in 8 hours and they were both too out of it to have a proper conversation.

"Are you going back to the barracks tonight?" he asked, failing to hide the keenness in his expression.

The thought of sleeping anywhere but in her own bed made her skin crawl. Kana had traps placed all over her apartment when she lived in one, and the only people she had actually slept in the same bed with that weren't Neji or Guy – people she considered to be her family members – were Kakashi and Lee. Sleeping in the barracks was something she always genuinely appreciated, even if it meant there was a total lack of privacy; being with her brothers and sisters in arms made her feel safe.

Still, she couldn't help but recall Genma's words from the day they had a sort of define-the-relationship disaster. _"I saw the way your hands lingered, and I saw how he_ let _you."_

Kana was completely aware of how much trust the man next to her had placed in her. Raido was known for being a private person that didn't let a whole lot of people in – he didn't intentionally push people away, like she used to, but he was the type that simply kept people at arm's length.

On a whim, she pulled the covers down to his hips and dipped her hand beneath the hem of his t-shirt. As Kana's palm flattened over his belly and slid upwards over his ribcage, she remembered the first time he let her touch him like this.

 _Her hands were firmly planted on Raido's forearms, which was one of places she knew were "Safe" to touch, as he hovered over her body and rocked into her. The pair had an unspoken rule between them that Kana wouldn't touch his scars, and he wouldn't do anything that would render her immobile - that didn't leave much room for her, though, considering how much of the right side of his body the scarring covered, so she settled with bracing herself on the lower part of Raido's arms, feeling the muscles cord with his movements._

 _His dark eyes rolled back slightly when Kana hooked her heels behind his thighs to pull him closer, gasping out a moan when his hips were completely flattened against hers. It hurt to have Raido all of the way in like this, but the pain was mitigated by the sharp sensation of pleasure as he struck the sensitive bundle of nerves._

 _"Fuck, Kana," he groaned, slowing his pace to roll their hips together, "I'm not gonna last much longer like this." Raido groaned again when she intentionally tightened around him and bucked her hips upwards into his._

 _Sex between them was always feverish and laced with the anxiety caused by more difficult missions, full of heavy petting and sweat as they frantically searched for their release. It was something they both had been content with, but there were times where Raido insisted on taking things slowly, to savor the feeling of being with someone. It was almost infuriating at first, feeling the man slow from his normally aggressive pace to one that was more of a gentle rocking, but when Kana tore her eyes away from where their hips connected to meet his gaze, his expression wiped her irritation away._

 _Raido was looking down at her through half-lidded eyes that were sad and needy and passionate all at the same time, each emotion warring behind those dark irises to fight for dominance. He released her hips to lean down and brace himself on the forearms he placed on either side of Kana's head, resting their sweaty foreheads together but keeping their gazes locked as he sank deeper into her body._

 _His shallow breathing hitched when Kana's hands snaked under the navy jersey he still wore, smoothing over his hips and fingers splaying along his flank as they rested just below his rib cage; she felt around with her right hand until her thumb found his floating rib. Raido released a small grunt of surprise when the pad of her thumb pressed into the small bundle of nerves on the very tip of his rib, massaging the small area in measured, gentle circles, and pressed their hips flush again in response with an encouraging moan._

 _The very edges of her lips twitched upwards in a satisfied smile as she watched how responsive the man was to her touch, just like he always was. Kana had discovered the spot by accident a couple of months back and apologized, thinking she had tickled him, until she saw that his pants had almost immediately developed a bulge. She didn't touch it very often, but Kana was experimenting._

 _Raido's expression changed as her other hand traveled upwards, past the bottom ribs and ghosting over the very edges of the wealed flesh; nervousness was thrown into the already chaotic pool of emotions he wore on his face, and his hips slowed to a crawl that was only providing just enough of that delicious friction to keep them both going._

 _"Kana…" he warned through clenched teeth._

 _She added more pressure to the thumb that still circled the tip of his floating rib, curling her hand to pinch at the hypersensitive bundle of nerves there, "Please trust me, Rairai."_

 _When her hand flattened over his chest, Raido released a choked whimper and screwed his eyes shut against the contact; she kept her hand still and tilted her face upwards to seal their lips in a tender kiss. His mouth was still at first, only parting far enough for his shallow breaths to escape, but Kana kept working her lips against his until he tentatively kissed her back._

 _The thundering heartbeat beneath her palm told her that she was treading on thin ice, but Raido wasn't making any move to stop her so Kana smoothed her hand up to the curve of his shoulder and explored the new part of his body, feeling every rise and fall of the marred skin's puckered ridges. The flesh was surprisingly soft beneath the pads of her curious fingers, she noted, and Kana felt an overwhelming need for more wash over her without warning._

 _She realized that the hand she held on his rib had stopped moving as she focused all of her attention on this new sensation and removed it from under his shirt, which had been pulled up to reveal his stomach by this point, to cup Raido's flushed cheek._

 _"Look at me," she commanded softly, her voice barely louder than a whisper. Kana could feel his anxiety building as he hesitated, so she placed a chaste kiss on his right cheek; she kissed the tip of his nose when his dark eyes fluttered open. "Take your shirt off."_

 _Alarm flashed across his face, and his hips stopped moving entirely, "Wh-what?"_

 _Kana slid her hand from his shoulder down to rest on his hip, suddenly wondering if she was crossing a line – no, she_ knew _she was crossing a line. She only wondered if she was about to cause irreparable damage to their friendship by doing so. "I want to see your body, Raido."_

 _When he pulled away, her chest constricted as panic slammed into her body. 'Shit,_ shit _, I fucked up,' she screamed internally, 'What have I done? Rai, I'm_ sorry _-'_

 _Her frantic thoughts were soon brought to a screeching halt when she realized Raido was only sitting back on his heels and not separating himself from her. Kana's heart began to race as he took a deep breath and swiftly pulled the jersey over his head, tossing it somewhere she didn't give a flying fuck about because for the first time in the year they've been having sex, and the year and a half they had been friends, Raido was completely naked._

 _"Oh, Rai…" was all she managed to say; Kana was literally speechless as she drank him in._

 _The scar wasn't something she could possibly put into words – it looked as if he had taken some sort of fire jutsu to the chest, just over his heart, and the flames extended halfway down his ribs and to his elbow. The skin was only a little discolored at the epicenter, his natural tan tinged by a shade of maroon, but it faded unevenly as the puckered, weal-like skin continued outwards._

 _Her eyes looked over him greedily, trying to memorize every freckle and unnatural ridge she could find._

 _It was beautiful._

 _Despite Raido having become flaccid as the silence wore on, she felt disappointed to feel him slide out of her body as he finally pulled away. The entire time he had only stared straight ahead at the wall and, as he pulled the duvet back to crawl between the sheets, he kept his eyes on anything that wasn't Kana. It occurred to her that he took her long silence as a negative reaction._

 _"Can… Can you please go now?" he asked in a small, almost broken voice that made Kana's gut twist sickeningly._

 _She didn't know what to do – she had already been well aware of how she had been pushing Raido by touching his chest under the shirt, and asking him to remove the layer of clothing he always kept on was crossing a very firm line that had been drawn when they first got together like this. Watching the strong, proud man curl into himself like this killed Kana, especially when it was her fault he felt like this, but she wasn't sure if it was her place to try to fix things._

 _A trembling hand reached out to touch his right shoulder tentatively, fingertips only ghosting across his warm flesh; her throat tightened when Raido almost violently flinched away from her touch._

 _"Rai… I'm… I'm sorry," she half-whispered, "I didn't mean to… I mean…"_ 'Fuck, Kana, use your goddamn _brain_ and let him know what you're thinking. He's one of your best friends, you can't lose him!'

 _"Just_ go _, Kana." The hurt and shame in his voice made her heart drop straight into her stomach. "Please."_

 _Kana squeezed her eyes shut and pressed the heels of her palms into them until little red and yellow clouds formed as she desperately tried to put her thoughts into words. "I-I know what you're thinking… Rai, I don't hate them," she said softly, surprised at how much her voice wavered, while reaching out for him again, "Please, don't hide yourself from me."_

 _A breath she wasn't aware she was holding was released in a long whoosh when Raido didn't wince under her touch this time, even if he still visibly tensed. Using the hand she had on his shoulder, Kana pulled him towards her so that he was lying on his back and rolled over his body to straddle his hips. Seeing Raido beneath her like this, eyes brimming with unshed tears and looking as if he was attempting to flatten into the bed and disappear…Knowing that she was at fault, that_ she _had inflicted this upon him, made her feel like a monster._

 _Looking down at his marred chest, she wanted nothing more than to touch and kiss away every ounce of self hatred and insecurities he held. But she was scared. Kana was afraid to touch him. She was afraid to make things even worse._

 _Even so, she knew that the longer she just sat there staring the worse things would get for Raido. And if she left now, she wasn't sure if she'd be able to save what they had – whatever that was._

 _"I-I don't know what to do," she admitted weakly, "I want to touch you, and hold you and kiss you and feel close to you and tell you how perfect you are… But I don't know what you want. I don't know if I should leave or stay or come back later or-"_

 _Her words came to an abrupt halt when Raido took her wrists in his large hands and placed them directly over his chest, one on each side, with an intensely raw expression that did nothing to uncoil the cold wire that was wrapped around Kana's chest. He was obviously uneasy so, instead of doing exactly what she wanted, the kunoichi lowered herself over his body, sliding her hands up his chest and around his neck to entangle them into Raido's spiky brown hair._

 _"Kiss me, Kana," he breathed, lips brushing against hers, "I want to taste you. I want to feel your hands on me." The hands he had been fisting the sheets with snaked into her hair, "And I don't want you to stop."_

It was the first time they had made love, she realized.

A hand shaking her shoulder snapped Kana out of her musings; she must have looked really out of it because when she looked down at the man, the concern in his gaze was only slightly attenuated by tenderness.

"Are you okay?" Judging by his tone, this wasn't the first time he had asked the question.

Kana smiled and lowered herself to place her lips on his chest, sealing the discolored scarring in a long, tender kiss before leaning up for a chaste kiss on Raido's mouth. When her eyes opened, he looked confused but more tired than anything else.

The grin she wore only widened against his lips, "I think I'll stay the night."


	22. Itachi

Solo missions were her favorite, Kana decided.

There was something oddly freeing about not having to worry about the wellbeing of teammates, or them getting in the way, as she relished in the fact that her mission had been completed four days ahead of schedule. She jumped off of the final tree before entering Konoha, landing in a crouch before an idea popped into her head upon seeing the festival decorations being put up by the villagers.

Kana smiled behind the mask she always had pulled up on missions and raced through the village gates, waving at a frustrated-looking Izumo who was trying to wake up Kotetsu, as her mind worked through her plans. If Neji was home, she was going to drag him out of that bleak Hyuga compound for a night of fun – just the two of them. It had been too long since they had been able to spend some quality time together, unless it was training or in a group; and Neji loved the festivals.

The afternoon sun showed no signs of sinking any time soon, but she would still have to be quick if Kana was going to turn in her mission report and get changed in time. She was riding on the hope that it wouldn't be too full this time of day. The kunoichi always hated going into the mission room – it was essentially the village's epicenter of gossip, thanks to it being run almost entirely by chunin that couldn't keep their damn mouths shut and the few jonin that still preoccupied themselves with that bullshit.

"…Na! Stop! Kana wait!"

The kunoichi looked over her shoulder and skid to a stop, "Aoba?"

Aoba was practically wheezing by the time he got to her and doubled over, "Ka… Kakashi… He's hurt…" he gasped.

The cold wire of fear coiled around Kana's heart as she attempted to patiently wait for the man to catch his breath. Kakashi was hurt? Why was _Aoba_ of all people the one tracking her down? How did he know she was home? "Where is he?" she demanded calmly, reaching out to push him up from his bent position, "Stand up. You'll breathe easier."

Out of the corner of her eye she could see that Sasuke looked just as grim as she felt while racing down the street in her direction – the coil around her heart tightened when she saw the hate in his eyes, even if he wasn't looking at her. The boy had a familiar look of furious and intense blood lust as he sprinted past the pair.

Kana quickly realized that Sasuke was running towards the village gates and was torn between running after him or paying attention to whatever Aoba had to say. Genin didn't take missions alone, even in the state that the village was currently in, so where was he going?

"He told me… To let him explain every-thing… At his apartment."

She didn't wait for him to say any more; Kana immediately turned on her heel and bolted in the direction of Kakashi's apartment building. _'He's conscious,'_ she assured herself, _'If he's well enough to talk to you, he's going to be okay. He's not in the hospital. He probably just needs rest.'_

Still, there was a sick sense of dread that was slowly growing in the pit of her stomach as she concentrated chakra to her feet to force her legs to move faster. Hopefully he would be able to explain what was going on with Sasuke, as well.

* * *

It took all of Kana's self control not to completely obliterate the door knob as she barged into Kakashi's bedroom, where both Asuma and Kurenai were seated next to the jonin; she flared her Kurogan and gave him a once over to see that his chakra levels were a complete mess, and gave his friends a harsh look.

"What happened?" she asked icily, looking back to check his body for wounds, "He has no injuries. Why is he sleeping in the middle of the _afternoon_ with you two watching him?"

"Kakashi said he wanted to be the one to give you the news," Kurenai started, earning a look from Kana that could have cut through flesh and bone.

"Something about this being a sensitive issue," Asuma added.

Her hand twitched.

Kana wasn't a dumb woman – you don't make it to Anbu as a child by being unable to put two and two together. Kakashi lying in a bed, unconscious but uninjured? Sasuke's bloodthirsty eyes? A sensitive topic that needed to be specifically addressed by the man slumbering beneath those green sheets?

There was a long pause while her brain worked its way through various scenarios. When she finally spoke, she spoke slowly and just as coolly as before,"Did you kill him?"

Asuma's eyebrow raised at her questioningly, "Kill who?"

Only a huge amount of willpower kept her from angrily snapping at her colleague as she kept her eyes glued to Kakashi's sleeping figure, "Itachi. Is he dead?"

Kurenai's red eyes narrowed as she shifted in her seat uneasily at Kana's slow speech,"No. He was too strong. He used some type of genjutsu on Kakashi before Guy intervened and rescued us."

A small glimmer of satisfaction cut at the cold wire wrapped around her chest. Itachi was alive, and he couldn't bring himself to kill his former teammate; he was still him after all of these years. The relief didn't last long, however, as two new worries nibbled at the forefront of her consciousness. One was the obvious confusion as to why Itachi was, again, at the village in broad daylight and the other…

"Where is Guy? Why isn't he here with you?" her voice was smaller than she intended it to be, which she knew betrayed the stoic demeanor she had been fighting to keep steady. Itachi wasn't exactly _close_ to Guy – would he had killed him in a fight if he had to?

"When Sasuke found out about his brother being in the Leaf Village looking for Naruto Uzumaki, he took off. Guy went after him, I'm assuming to keep him from doing anything reckless."

Thoughts raced through Kana's mind a mile a minute, one scenario turning into three others with five different outcomes each. She knew, without a doubt, that no matter how desperate a situation became there was absolutely no way that Itachi would allow Sasuke to die. Use genjutsu on him? Sure. Break a couple of bones? Incapacitate him? They were all actions that would tear him apart on the inside, but actions he would take if it meant preventing his brother from becoming mortally wounded. Guy, on the other hand… Kana wasn't so sure that he would be so merciful if it meant keeping his cover.

Tension brewed between the three jonin as worry silently ate its way through her gut, feeding off of the dread that still sat in her stomach.

"I have to go," she muttered finally. As her hand reached for the door knob, Kana heard Kakashi's breathing change as he woke up; she knew her friend well enough to know that there was no getting out of the situation once he had his bearings about him so she quickly yanked the door open to leave.

"Sweetheart, wait-"

She slammed the door shut behind her and bolted down the hallway, releasing the genjutsu that Kurenai had attempted to throw at her. _'Sorry, Yuhi, you'll have to try harder than that,'_ Kana thought dryly as she burst into the breezeway. Sasuke and Guy only had a quick head start on her, meaning they shouldn't be too far away.

' _There_.' Guy was only a handful of blocks away – she only needed to stop him so she could safely chase after Sasuke herself because, the more she thought about it, she knew that there was a good chance he could get killed if he pursued Itachi.

Thankfully her former instructor wasn't moving at his top speed, whether or not he did it as to not attract attention to himself didn't matter to Kana, so it didn't take more than a couple minutes of running at full sprint to catch up.

"Guy, stop!"

He looked over a green clad shoulder but didn't stop running, "Whatever it is, Kana, it can wait. I-"

The kunoichi slid in front of Guy and thrust out her palms, locking her elbows, to act as a block so that he was forced to stop running. "I know, I know you're running after Sasuke," she explained, "But he won't listen to reason, not from someone like you, and-"

"Kana, I don't have time for this," he responded firmly, "If the boy won't listen to me then I'll use whatever force I have to."

"Sensei, please, just _listen_ to me! If he _does_ happen to find his brother before you get to him, Itachi will kill you if he has to. He won't kill Sasuke _or_ myself. Please, _please_ just stay here and let me go after him!"

Understanding merged with a heedful expression, and Kana instantly regretted her choice of words. "What do you mean by 'He won't kill you'? How can you be sure of that?"

She sighed and dropped her hands to her sides but kept her gaze locked on Guy's, "Itachi was the one that saved my life, dad," she lied, hoping to use his affection towards her against him, "He transferred enough chakra into my body to keep me alive long enough to bring me back to the village so I could get to the hospital."

Guys eyes darkened and there was a brief pause as he processed the information."I think you should stay here. It's not up for discussion," he finally said.

With that, he used the teleportation jutsu so he couldn't be followed and left Kana on the roof looking over the street, the faint smell of Ichiraku ramen going unnoticed.

With the flick of her thumb, the black band on her left middle finger snapped open at the bottom to reveal a tiny, razor sharp claw. It had been a present from Raido, who enjoyed wearing various rings and knew that Kana hated biting herself for jutsu that required blood; it sure as hell was a blessing in situations where time was everything.

The claw cut cleanly through the flesh of her thumb for Kana to start signing for the summoning jutsu, leaping over the railing and landing in a crouch with her hand on the ground. _'Hanako, I need you!'_

Her beloved, favorite ninneko appeared in a puff of smoke and Kana wasted no time in mounting the feline, _'I need you to track Itachi Uchiha's chakra signature.'_

"Of course, sad girl," she purred.

Bakeneko all had particular traits that they acquired upon transcending from mere cathood. Nekomata was an expert in genjutsu, Matabi wielded blue flames, and Hanako was able to track a person by their chakra over great distances after only encountering it once. It saved Kana a ton of headaches and was a hell of a lot faster than if she were to track traditionally, especially with the feline's near-monstrous speed. She could also speak telepathically with whomever held a contract with the ninneko, so long as they maintained physical contact with her.

"You haven't had me look for lonely boy in years," Hanako said, breaking the silence, when they were finally outside of the village walls.

Kana kept her knees tight against the bakeneko's ribcage as she explained things to help her friend get up to speed, glad she never took her cloth mask off of her face as they crossed out of Konoha's outer territory.

When she began to recognize the path they were taking, the kunoichi couldn't help but make an attempt to hypothesize what on Earth Itachi could be doing in Shukuba Town; he wasn't the type to take vacations, especially not to towns full of brothels. Then again, she hadn't seen him in nearly three years.

There was a distinct sense of uneasiness when Hanako slowed to a stop. "Sad girl," she said with a slow, deliberate apprehensiveness, "I can't sense his chakra signature anymore, the trail stops here."

 _'But that's… That's impossible,'_ Kana thought to herself. The idea of someone being able to match their chakra signature so well that even the bakeneko's unique trait was rendered useless was something so absurd that she had honestly believed it to be impossible.

Through their psychic link she could feel that Hanako was even more perturbed than she was, so Kana didn't press the issue. Instead she focused her enhanced vision on the nearby village. "Keep going, but not as fast," she commanded, "I can scout the area myself. Thank you." Kana would try to reward her later, she decided, a thought that seemed to mildly please the massive feline.

Shukuba was not a very large town but, for all intents and purposes, it was a party town, meaning it was full of enough people to make the town burst at its seams. Kana's kekkei genkai could differentiate between the varying chakra signatures, of course, but it was still difficult to see through all of the bustling bodies that filled the streets to the point of the roads being completely crowded, its population almost merging together in a giant blue flame.

"Get in close and circle the town," she ordered distractedly, "Tell me if you see any of our people."

The ninneko was a proud being, one that didn't respond well to anyone that tried to hold an air of superiority over her, but they had been together for over ten years; Kana would always be grateful that Hanako was well aware of the fact that her orders were only ever requests – that she didn't take the large cat for granted.

* * *

It took almost an hour of active scouting for either of them to find a familiar chakra signature. The sun was still high in the sky, but Kana had been actively using her Kurogan for most of the day and was beginning to feel a slight aching sensation at the corners of her eyes – a sign that she shouldn't keep this up for much longer, especially since she still had yet to fill out her mission report.

Through the tangled mess of bodies, though, she was finally able to pinpoint the familiar image of Sasuke's bright chakra, thanks to the flare of him using some jutsu that dangerously resembled the chidori. She didn't need to tell Hanako what to do, as she had already found his location through their psychic link.

What was waiting for them as they bounded across rooftops did nothing to ease her nervousness: Naruto was standing behind Guy and Jiraiya the Toad Sage, with Sasuke unconscious at the end of the hall and Itachi and a figure she only dimly recognized as his partner were sandwiched in the middle. They were only standing, having some sort of conversation, but Kana knew it was only a matter of moments before the violence began. She could see it in the way their chakra signatures swirled rapidly through their bodies.

While she wasn't sure of exactly what the blue man was capable of, she was somewhat sure that the three of them could make it out of the situation alive, even if just barely. But that would mean harming Guy and the boy with the strange orange chakra.

That was when it occurred to her that, without a second thought, Kana had come here seriously considering helping two S-class criminals from a legendary Sannin and the man that had been more than just a mere father figure to her for a majority of Kana's life. It was then that she realized that she was about to be forced to make an extremely difficult choice.

Itachi Uchiha was a missing-nin. A rogue ninja. An S-class criminal.

Every village had a very strict policy when it came to handling traitorous shinobi.

Anbu were ordered to kill their missing-nin on sight.

Hanako paused, waiting for direction atop the roof, just mere feet over the impending battle. Kana wove her fingers deeper into the bakeneko's familiar, silky fur for comfort and tried to ignore the nausea bubbling in her stomach. _'Just wait, let's see how things turn out,'_ she thought, already scanning the building for entry points and assessing potential collateral damage.

Just a minute later she saw the Toad Sage start forming hand seals that she didn't recognize. _'Shit, shit, what do I do?!'_

Kana clambered off of her ninneko and watched Itachi and his companion begin to run, eyeing their movements as her hands flashed almost inhumanely fast to form hand seals.

"Chakra Barrier Prison!"

A black, translucent cone formed around the pair as they raced towards the exit that was slowly beginning to close off by some strange tissue – another barrier conformed to the walls, only slightly extending out to the outer wall of the building. The pair had stopped to take in their surroundings and Kana silently thanked them as she squeezed her eyes shut, feeling relieving over not having to continue to move their pocket with them.

"Pulsing Chakra Wave!"

She had to put a lot more of her chakra into the jutsu, enough for her to feel slightly dizzy, but the chakra pulse was able to shatter the wall on the end of the hallways – as well as whatever that bizarre surface was – and Kana had to put an extra amount of her chakra into the barrier that would keep the rubble from flying across the street and hurting anyone.

Itachi and the blue man sprinted towards their new exit as she released the jutsu and climbed back onto Hanako, who didn't need verbal instructions to know that this was a good time for them to take their leave. Both of them needed to get out of the area before anyone of importance realized what had happened.

Kana kept a keen eye on Itachi as they ran, making sure that the ninneko maintained a safe distance while running in the same direction as the pair. It was high time that she figured out what the fuck was going on, she decided.

* * *

Another hour of tailing passed before they decided they were safely hidden by the trees and abandoned their stealth for speed. With their chakra signatures no longer concealed, it took less than a second for the pair to sense their presence and come to a stop. Hanako's paws ripped into the soft forest floor as she skid to a stop, sending chunks of dirt and grass flying in the process.

"Kana."

Startlingly bright crimson eyes stared back at her intensely, and Kana forgot how to breathe.

Just as quickly as her heart began to race painfully within her chest, hearing the sound of her name on those beautiful lips, carried through the space between them by a hauntingly familiar deep voice, stopped her pulse.

She wanted to hold him.

She wanted to run.

She wanted to cry.

She wanted to scream.

Kana wanted to violently attack the man before her, and throw her arms around him at the same time.

"That was a pretty impressive jutsu," the blue man said in an amused tone, "I suppose we owe you the thanks?"

The kunoichi was only dimly aware of him speaking, her entire being focused wholly focused on the younger man standing next to him.

"It's been a long time, Kana."

"I-Itachi…" Kana's voice sounded choked and small in her ears, hardly louder than a whisper. Her hands began to tremble as her grip weakened in Hanako's glossy fur.

Hearing the pathetic whimper of her voice, she reminded herself to breathe and took a deep breath. "Why are you back?" she asked, sounding more sure of herself this time.

For a long moment, no one said anything; the only sound made was the light rustling of a gentle breeze that rolled through the forest. The Fire Nation was known for beautiful weather, and Kana released the breath she had been holding to allow a tiny amount of her anxiety to escape with it, letting the soothing sounds of the forest to bring her down to Earth.

"You can turn your eyes off," Itachi finally said, "There's no one around for miles, and we have no interest in fighting you. I know you're developing a headache."

Almost as if on cue, the pulsing in the front of Kana's forehead began to make itself known. She ignored it and narrowed her eyes at the man, "You've used the Mangekyo, I'm sure you're not faring much better than myself."

Red eyes faded back to black as Itachi took the hint, and the kunoichi deactivated her kekkei genkai with an inward sigh, "I'm not going to ask again. What are you _thinking_ running around the village in the middle of the day like this? What if something happened – what if _Anbu_ found you? Why are you _here_?"

Blue Man chuckled, "I never thought I would live to see the day when someone had the nerve to scold you, Itachi," his face turned back to Kana to take her in, "Isn't this that girl you told me about?"

"I had business to attend to," Itachi responded flatly, completely devoid of any emotion, "We appreciate your help back in Shukuba – that was not a battle either of us needed to engage in."

Hopelessness began to nibble away at Kana's heart; he knew that his explanation wasn't a satisfactory one and the fact that he was still so unexpressive was cutting deep. She knew that he was with a mercenary group known as the Akatsuki, and that the man he was with must be his partner of sorts, but Kana was selfish.

She climbed off of Hanako, who gave her a curious look, before stretching her sore legs, "If you're not going to tell me what's going on… At least let me help you."

Blue Man – what the hell was his name?– only raised an eyebrow when Itachi obeyed her request and stepped forward.

It was like a dream and, for the second time in just a handful of minutes, she found herself having to remind herself to breathe as she forced herself to maintain an auspicious distance, as opposed to throwing herself into the man's body. Heart thumping in her ears, Kana channeled chakra for medical ninjutsu to her hands and brought her hands up to Itachi's face, gingerly brushing her fingertips against the corners of his bloodshot eyes.

 _'Oh god, your face…'_

Being this close was almost too much. Almost every ounce of her concentration went towards keeping her emotions under control, keeping her fingers from trembling against his impossibly soft skin and forcing herself to not pay attention to how his long lashes fluttered against the very edges of the pads of her fingers as he blinked.

 _'It's so soft.'_

Everything about his being was intoxicating. She didn't remember his presence being so dizzying on her in the past but all she wanted to do was tuck herself into his coat and curl into his body. She wanted to feel his arms around her, to listen to his beautiful voice and drink his presence in.

 _'I miss you so much.'_

Maybe it was wishful thinking, her own desperation to see some sort of emotion in her childhood friend's face. Maybe it was a trick of the light. As Kana watched the redness in his sclera fade and the twitching of his eyelids slow to a stop, though, she could have sworn that for a moment – just the briefest of moments – she saw a look of despair flash through Itachi's dark eyes.

"I wasn't aware you were knowledgeable in medical ninjutsu," he said calmly.

Memories flooded into her consciousness like a violent tidal wave, washing away everything else around them. Years of training sessions that went on late into the night, of envying Itachi's perfect aim with projectiles but besting him in hand-to-hand combat and chakra control. Thousands of hugs and gentle, caring smiles both from when they spent time alone together and when they were out with Sasuke.

"It uses Yin and Yang releases. It was easy to pick up." Kana had to keep her sentences short as to not betray the growing storm of emotions that threatened to suffocate her. When the last of the strain from wielding his bloodline trait was gone, she let her hands drop back to her sides and took a shaky step back. "There. Are either of you injured, while you're here?" she asked, throat constricting at the harsh reminder that Itachi's presence was only temporary.

Both men shook their heads, but Blue Man gave her a curious look, "Just how skilled of a medic _are_ you?"

"Kisame." Itachi's voice as stern as he looked over his shoulder, almost as if he was delivering some sort of warning.

A few moments of silence passes as the pair appeared to be having some sort of wordless conversation, just staring at each other instead of speaking. For the first time since their conversation started, though, Itachi began to show some sort of emotion; if Kana didn't know him so well then she would have missed the flicker of exasperation that made itself known in the slight twitch of his eyebrow.

Whoever this Kisame was, he didn't _appear_ to have any sort of ulterior motive by asking about her skills and the kunoichi didn't see much harm in answering, but she wanted to be sure of something first. "What do you already know-"

It was subtle. Itachi's body barely even twitched, and if Kana wasn't paying attention to every minute detail of the situation then she probably would have missed it. In fact, she had initially thought that the small convulsion was no more than a shiver until Kana saw his Adam's apple jump in his throat again, his cheeks puffing out only slightly, as he suppressed a second cough.

Now it made sense. Kisame wasn't just asking out of casual curiosity.

"You're sick." It wasn't a question.

For a fleeting second Itachi's dark eyes looked angry with his companion, then guilty as they flitted back to Kana.

"How bad is it?" she whispered, unsure of whether or not she actually wanted to hear his answer.

"It's more or less an annoyance right now, nothing to dwell on."

Her eyes fell to the ground, "But it's going to get worse?"

"Over time," was Itachi's response.

Their silence was more than enough confirmation, and Kana suddenly felt sick to her stomach. She ran her scarred fingers through her hair and worked on keeping herself from giving in to the bubbling panic, "And judging by the fact you asked _me_ about my skills as a medical ninjutsu user… It's difficult to treat."

Despite the harsh look he received from his partner, Kisame nodded, "It's terminal."

A long, shaky breath escaped the lips she was gnawing at from behind her mask before she spoke again. "I'm good, yeah… I've been focusing on the practice for a few years now, but…" her eyes met with Kisame's, "I'm no Tsunade. I'm not even a licensed doctor, or registered as a med-nin. If I knew more about the condition, did some research, I could help with maybe relieving the symptoms… Possibly slow its progression…" Kana trailed off, not trusting her voice as it became weaker.

This wasn't how things were supposed to be.

Kisame gave an understanding nod, the look of disappointment on his face making her wonder if the pair were closer than she initially believed.

"It's nothing to concern yourself with," Itachi said calmly, "We need to get going, there are things we still need to take care of."

Maybe it was the tension from knowing that their encounter would come to an end, or the desperation caused by the scar he had left on Kana's heart, but the cold tone his voice carried cut through her chest like an icy blade. "How can you _say_ that?" her voice was barely louder than a whisper, but by the small twitch in Itachi's shoulder she knew that he had heard her.

"That was pretty cold, even by your standards," Kisame agreed, "Didn't you tell me that you two were close friends?"

Trees blurred as Kana's eyes filled with burning tears, watching the small puffs of smoke dissipate into the air – the only evidence of Itachi's silent departure - just as the large blue man followed suit with the Flicker Technique.

She sank to her knees, unable to speak or think as the tears rolled down her abnormally pale skin, absorbing into the black fabric of her mask. Small, guttural noises vibrated in her throat as it constricted painfully.

 _'Itachi is dying.'_

Her body felt as if it was going to cave in on itself as the revelation finally set in. Itachi was sick. He was dying. For all she knew, this had been their last encounter.

Shoulders trembled and jerked as Kana's lungs struggled to breathe, fear and anguish washing over her and squeezing her windpipe shut.

"C-come back," she croaked feebly, "Tachi..."

The kunoichi knew that he was long gone in some unknown location, but the words slipped from her drying mouth anyways in a pathetic attempt at getting Itachi back, as if he could somehow hear her plea.

Sweet, beautiful, caring Itachi.

Dying.

Hanako padded up to Kana's side and laid down so that her body curled around the woman's convulsing form.

 _'Sad girl,'_ Hanako thought _, 'No matter what happens, I will stay by your side.'_

Kana squeezed her eyes shut and collapsed against the bakeneko to curl into the soft curve of her body between the ribcage and hips. The large cat's warmth and fur held no comfort for the trembling shinobi.

Not now.

Not when a familiar darkness began to blanket her heart.

* * *

 **Note** : Lol because fuck 30 seconds of canon. I told you I'd be obliterating _**some** _ bits XD Just shhhh baby. Shh.


	23. Resolve

Splinters littered the ground around her, surrounded by grass and sawdust that slowly turned into mush from the rain. If Kana was focusing on anything other than the burn of exercise, she might have had the mental capacity to feel bad for whatever poor sap was going to be tasked with cleaning up the disaster that was the training field.

 _'One thousand four hundred and sixty-three, one thousand four hundred and sixty-four, one thousand four hundred sixty-five…'_

It wasn't enough. She knew that even as her muscles screamed at her, as the sweat mixed with the rain as it dripped off of her skin and onto the last remaining wooden training post she was standing on with her bare hands, the activity wasn't engaging enough to keep her mind off of recent events.

 _'One thousand four hundred seventy-one, one thousand four hundred seventy-two…'_

Kana had run five hundred laps around the village, lunged her way around another five hundred times, performed three hundred forty-nine sit ups, eight hundred thirty-two punches and was currently working her way up to two thousand pushups in a vain attempt at not thinking about everything that had happened in the last week. In all honesty she was more interested in sparring, but there wasn't anyone around that would be able to provide enough of a challenge other than Kakashi and Guy, and she just couldn't face them right now.

 _"Did you honestly expect me to not recognize your chakra?"_

 _She was huddled in a corner of Guy's small closet, keeping her unfocused gaze downcast and barely registering his words as he spoke._

 _"Why don't you tell me what's going on, Kana?"_

 _Unblinking eyes refused to look up to see the look of disappointment and frustration that was carried in her sensei's voice. Cracked lips began to bleed as Kana's even teeth sank into them and idly gnawed, only widening the wound that had been created over the last handful of days._

 _"Why did you disobey me? Why did you disobey the_ orders _given to Anbu to kill rogue ninja on sight? Why did you help him_ escape _after what he_ did! _?"_

 _There was a conflicted crossness in Guy's words that only made her press herself harder into the wall she leaned against, as if she could somehow disappear into the plaster. The mountainous man never,_ ever _became angry – especially not with her and Lee. Not with his students, his children. Knowing that he was not only disappointed with her, but angry as well, caused shame to make itself known against the melancholy hopelessness she harbored._

 _He shouted something at Kana but she wasn't able to discern what it was. It didn't seem to matter if she responded or not, though, because only a couple of seconds later she felt herself being grabbed by the shoulders and gracelessly dragged out of the closet._

 _The lamp in the guest bedroom she had been hiding in wasn't very bright, only providing a gentle yellow glow to the room, but the sun had not yet fully set so Kana had to screw her eyes shut against the sudden brightness._

 _"We're_ not _doing this again – talk to me!" he shook her by the shoulders, "What is going on?!"_

 _Somewhere in the back of her mind a voice told her that he was right, that this shouldn't be the end of the world, but all Kana could think of was how cruel the world-_

A fluttering in her right tricep pulled her out of her musings just before the entire arm gave out beneath her weight, sending her tumbling to the muddy ground in a swearing ball of limbs. It was an easy fall to recover from, and Kana could have easily saved it, but there was a feeling of defeat that kept her from caring as she collapsed into the mud.

Splatters of wet dirt splashed across her skin only to be washed away by the downpour as the kunoichi laid at the base of the training post. Dimly, she was aware of the sharp sensation of splinters that had burrowed into her skin in the fall, but she couldn't bring herself to care; Kana only focused on the gentle sensation of the cold rain.

It seemed that no matter how hard she tried, she'd never have the stamina of her former sensei.

"Sometimes I really _do_ think you're his spawn."

Kana rolled onto her back to see Kakashi peering down at her from where he was perched in a tree, looking unamused by what she assumed was a pitiful display on her part. If she had the frame of mind she would have wondered how long the shinobi had been observing her, but she found herself not caring as his figure was blurred by rain drops falling into her eyes.

He sighed and nimbly dropped down to the ground with a small splash of mud, taking a few steps towards his friend and kneeling down. "Guy told me what you did," he said flatly, "I can't say I was particularly _thrilled_ by the news, but judging by the state you're in…" Kakashi brushed away the bangs that had become plastered to Kana's forehead, "It looks like there's a part of the story I have yet to hear."

A small choking sound bubbled through her lips and she rolled away from him. White flashed across the sky just seconds before thunder rumbled, fully illuminating the training field and effectively burning Kana's sensitive eyes; she screwed them shut and buried her face in the mud to shield herself from anymore harsh surprises.

"Get up. You're a shinobi, not a pig, so quit rolling around in the dirt." Kakashi's voice was stern, but she could hear his level of concern rising as he spoke, "Get _up_ , Kana. _Now_."

Despite not having any real reason to, she obeyed his command and slowly picked herself up off of the wet ground; when Kana swayed she took a step back to lean against the training post. The kunoichi bit back her sob and forced her tears to recede, wiping the back of her wrist with the least amount of dirt over her closed eyes to wipe away at what had already begun to trail down her muddy cheeks.

"Spar with me," she murmured, "No holds barred."

Even though she wasn't looking at him Kana knew that the man was narrowing his exposed eye at her as he spoke, "Sweetheart, you're in no condition to-"

"Please, Kakashi," she pleaded, finally turning her face to meet his sad gaze. Kana needed this. She needed to fight. She needed to not think. She needed to be a shinobi.

A resigned sigh was the only signal Kakashi gave her before he lunged.

Sparring was like a frantic dance between the friends, dips and dives and lunges colored with blood and the beautiful shades of their jutsu. Time ceased to exist around them as they threw punches and formed hand seals.

Orange flashes singed the ends of Kana's hair. Black-purple arcs cut slits into his flak jacket. Blue tainted the air with the strong aroma of ozone in a piercing scream, cutting through the soon empty space as she spun to safety. Green healed as flesh split under the sharp bite of kunai. White sliced through the air with a shrill tinkling noise.

Both shinobi froze.

Kakashi's eyes flitted from her hands, to her face, then back to her hands as the kunoichi rubbed the pads of her fingertips together. "Was that…?"

"Yeah…" Kana whispered. It was fleeting, only appearing for less than half of a second, but the near-blinding flash of white was a part of her advanced bloodline trait – the one that represented yang. She looked up at her companion, who looked as if his heart was tearing in two.

"Sweetheart…" he breathed, "What happened? Please, talk just _talk_ to me."

The thing about this form of her kekkei tota was that it only unlocked itself when the wielder had experienced nearly insurmountable grief – typically unlocked during a ceremony where the wielder killed their parents at the ripe age of five years old.

Kana's breathing hitched as the memory of her encounter in the forest rushed back to the forefront of her mind, "I can't," she whispered, "Lord Hokage… He made me swear on my honor as a Leaf shinobi to never breathe a _word_ of what happens with Itachi, but…" She squeezed her eyes shut and wrapped her arms around her small frame, "Kashi… This hurts _so much worse_ than before…"

Kakashi caught her by the waist when Kana's knees gave out, preventing her from crumpling back into the mud. He cradled her against his broad chest, combing his dirty fingers through the knots in her hair. Kana couldn't cry. Not anymore. There were no more tears left to shed. She was forced to endure the cold blanket of depression with no way to physically release it, feeling it bear down on her consciousness with no reprieve.

Before, a voice told Kana that she would see Itachi again one day – that he was strong and safe. He may still be strong, but he was weakening. Itachi was going to die before his time. He was going to die a miserable, painful death that would end his just as miserable life. There was no longer the reassurance of his strength. Kana couldn't ride on the hope that she would see him again.

As far as she knew, that had been the last time they would ever speak.

* * *

Neji's eyes looked as if they would jump out of his skull when Kana clumsily fell through his bedroom window, rushing over to her side from the chair he had been lounging in to place supportive hands on her waist. He was asking her something, but the ringing in her ears drowned out the majority of his words.

"Training," she muttered, assuming he was asking why she was so dirty, "Don't worry."

He didn't look convinced, but one of Neji's better traits was that he didn't press when it was clear she didn't want to talk about something. Instead of probing for answers like Lee or Guy would have, he only rushed over to the bottom drawer of his dresser for the set of pajamas he kept for her and helped Kana down to the nearest bathroom. Neji's eyes never left her face, scanning it as if his Byakugan would allow him to read her mind if he stared hard enough.

When she had shut the door behind him, after thanking Neji for his help, the kunoichi sighed heavily and turned to lean against the sink. Looking at herself in the mirror, Kana understood why he had looked so horrified at her appearance – she looked like absolute hell. Blood from a healed wound was smeared all over her left deltoid, there was mud and blood crusted into her clothing and skin, her hair was a complete mess and, for all intents and purposes, it looked as if she had been caught in an ambush.

Her expression was no better: dark rings shadowed haunted-looking eyes and her already pallor skin was devoid of any color whatsoever, accented by cracked lips that were almost as pale. Furrowed brows tightened in disapproval – this wasn't okay.

Kana couldn't let this happen again.

Last time shit happened with Itachi, it all but destroyed her as a person. Even if she had only been trying for three years, Kana had worked too hard and come too far to allow herself to sink back into that kind of depression. Not only was it unfair to those around her, but she didn't deserve to be miserable for someone else's sake.

Whoever that anguished person was in the mirror, it wasn't her.

It _would_ _not_ be her.

The familiar twitching of overworked muscles made getting out of her mud-encrusted clothing a chore, but the struggle was made worth it by the soothing sensation of the shower's hot water. Kana sighed and reached her arms out to lean against the tile wall, letting her head hang down to watch the water mix in with the mud and run down her body in rivulets.

When she had cleaned herself off the best she could, which took longer than Kana had initially anticipated, she put the soapy washcloth to further use by wiping up whatever mud she came across on her way back to the bedroom.

Neji peered over at her warily from the bed when she entered but softened his expression when Kana gave him a tired smile, dropping unceremoniously onto the duvet and stretching out over his lap. "Something happened," she murmured sleepily, "But it's okay. I'm okay now."

The familiar feeling of the teenager's hand combing through her wet tresses relaxed the kunoichi to the point where she was sure it would take an invasion to get her to move any time soon; she wrapped her arm around one of this thighs and snuggled into it with a smile.

Neji dangled something in front of her bleary eyes, and it took Kana a few moments to realize that it was some sort of jade medallion.

She made some sort of humming sound to voice her confusion and twisted her neck to raise an eyebrow at the boy, who was looking down at her with an understanding smile. "It's your present for making Anbu Captain," he explained, "I wasn't sure what to get you at first…"

"Neji, you didn't need to get me anything," she yawned.

"I know, but I wanted to. And I wanted it to be special." Neji activated his Byakugan and the medallion began to glow. "Lord Hiashi assisted me with tuning it to my chakra," he said, "So whenever I use my chakra, it will glow."

Lavender jade was known for healing emotional and spiritual pain, as well as helping maintaining clear headedness. Its meaning was not lost on Kana, and she rolled in Neji's lap to look directly up at him, taking the medallion from his unbandaged hands to get a better look at it.

The stone was small enough for Kana's hands to curl around it and just barely touch the tips of her fingers together, and had been carved to have the Shimi clan's cloud insignia in the background. The Hyuga's symbol, consisting of a V shape with a curved line connecting the sides and a small flame in the center, was in the center of the cloud. When she flipped it over to view the back, tears Kana didn't know she still had brimmed and leaked out the corners of her eyes. "Neji…"

Somehow, she assumed through the use of chakra, there was a carving of the first photo the pair had ever taken together as children: Kana was seven years old and held three year old Neji in her lap, both smiling formally in kimono. Despite it being a family portrait, you could tell that both children were simply happy to be together.

Neji's hands brushed against her temples to wipe away the tears that rolled back to her hairline, "You always tell me how proud you are of me, but I've never been able to tell you just how proud I am of _you_. Even if we're not related by blood, Kana, I love you as if you were my own sister. You've always been there for me, and I've never once thanked you for that."

Setting the medallion down on the nightstand, Kana sat up to loop her arms around the teenager's shoulders with a sob. Neji's hair tickled her nose, but she didn't care. "It's perfect," she whispered, "It's so perfect. Thank you, Neji."

A sniff in her ear told her that he was teary-eyed himself, and she felt Neji bury his face into the base of her neck, "When Guy-sensei told me that you had been defeated… I…" He hugged her waist tightly, "I didn't know what to do. It was as if my world was falling apart, and I finally understood just how much I depend on you... My first instinct was to go to you for comfort," Neji chuckled darkly at the thought.

"I was so disappointed with myself," Kana admitted, "I could only think of everything I was going to miss out on. I wouldn't have ever seen you make jonin, or see you have your first drink… I was so angry that I wasn't going to be there for you."

There was another sniffle, and he propped his knees up on the bed so that Kana was cradled between his thighs and his chest. "Please don't ever put me through that again," he pleaded as his voice wavered and cracked.

They had never spoken about what had happened, and at that moment Kana realized what effect the idea of her death had on him. Feeling his body tremble as he clutched her to his chest drove home exactly how much her brother figure cared for her, and how damaging her death was for him. It felt terrible, especially because she knew that the kind of luck she had was not a gift that would come twice. The next time she found herself lying in the forest, bleeding out, she was not going to come home.

She didn't move as Neji allowed the grief and anxiousness roll through him, only shifting to rest her head on his thin, trembling shoulder as one hand combed through the loose hair that hung around his face. It had been nearly a month since she had been released from the hospital, but it seemed like Neji hadn't addressed his feelings until just now, and Kana knew how important it was for him to get past this. It explained why he had all but assigned himself as her personal escort, following her around the village and joining in on training sessions unless one of them was out on a mission.

They eventually fell asleep like that together, paying no mind to the idea of shifting positions. They were content just as they were.


	24. Shut Up, Iruka

"Living next to Raido is literally the best thing that's ever happened to me," Kotetsu said between mouthfuls of syrup-laden omelet, "Seriously, Kana, we should've wifed you-"

"She gets it, Ko," Izumo cut in, rolling his eyes.

The kunoichi smiled at the chunin sitting across from Raido's small table, bringing another mouthful of egg to her mouth as she watched them bicker. Kana wasn't the best cook in the world, as Kotetsu seemed to believe, but she sure as hell was able to pat herself on the back for doing a damn good job on the omelets she had made for breakfast as she appreciated the sharp crunch of the peppers being mitigated by the soft tomato and fluffy texture of the egg.

Setting the fork down to take a sip of her coffee, Kana sighed. Kotetsu's apartment was located in the same building as Kakashi's during the attack, so he ended up moving into the apartment right next to Raido's after the rebuild. Izumo's lease was almost up on his own place, so he had unofficially moved in with his boyfriend just a couple of weeks ago, to be made official the day of his lease expiration.

After the night at the family restaurant, they explained to her that they had been in a relationship for nearly five years and Kotetsu's flirting was a form of projection, as they didn't want too many people to know what was going on. When Kana and Raido made their relationship public, mostly due to the two chunin being mentally incapable of keeping their mouths shut, they had decided to come out as well.

Watching Izumo slap Kotetsu on the back for some off-handed remark he made brought a smile to her lips. Seeing them in front of her now made her wonder how Kana had never realized how in love they were with each other.

Raido was still glaring at Kotetsu for his wife comment as he nursed his black coffee; Kana lifted her leg and rubbed his calf with the back of her foot with a wink. She had been worried about feeling lonely when Neji had gotten over his anxiety associated with leaving Kana alone, no longer demanding to spend so many nights with her, but she spent enough time at Raido's apartment to make up for it. It seemed to be always teeming with life every morning. Kotetsu and Izumo always came over for breakfast, sometimes accompanied by Genma – she didn't need the thin walls to know why he always looked so well rested when he dropped by with the chunin.

Apparently, they weren't the most monogamous couple. Not that she minded – Kana just wished they'd pipe the fuck down every now and then.

She piled some rice on top of her omelet and took another bite, chewing happily at the way things were turning out. Despite the moments of heartache she felt for what had occurred with Itachi in the forest, Kana couldn't help but find herself feeling content with the situation. She had friends that cared for her as much as she cared for them, Raido was turning out to be one of the best things that had ever happened to her, the village had recently seated Lady Tsunade as the Fifth Hokage, and in a few days the group was going to be going to Anko's for the first party in what felt like forever.

For the first time in years, Kana felt truly and honestly happy.

When the chunin had left for their shift in the mission room, Kana dumped the dirty dishes into the sink with the mindset that she would attend to them later. Raido pulled her away from the sink from behind and spun her around by the shoulders before sliding his hands down to her waist and lifting Kana up so that she sat on the counter.

"I still haven't gotten my morning kiss," he said with a mischievous grin.

She narrowed her eyes, "I gave you a kiss when I got here."

The grin on Raido's face only widened as he cupped her jaw with both of his large hands, leaning in, "Uh-uh. I don't remember. I think I need a reminder."

Kana rolled her eyes but smiled into the kiss, resting her hands on the man's slender hips and arching her back slightly so that he didn't need to lean down as far. Kissing for them could be a little awkward, as Raido was nearly a full foot taller than she was, so Kana took what steps she could to make it easier on his neck.

The hands on her jaw slowly snaked into her hair as Raido deepened the kiss. It still baffled her as to how someone so large and powerful was capable of being as gentle as he was – there were times where Raido handled her as if she was made of crystal, his light touches tender and only barely brushing her skin. He let his forearms rest on her shoulders as his wrists crossed over each other so that his hands could grip the opposite sides of Kana's head by fistfuls of hair. He didn't pull or tug, Raido only held her hair to keep her steady as his tongue flicked at her bottom lip.

He tasted so wonderful and clean, even with the lingering taste of his coffee and breakfast, as his tongue swirled around hers lovingly. Hooking her legs around his thighs to pull him close, Kana brought her hands up and brushed the backs of her fingers against his cheeks; she could feel the lingering moisture of his aftershave on Raido's face as well as a small patch of stubble next to his ear where he had missed. The thought only caused her smile to widen.

Lips brushed against hers in a final chaste kiss before grazing across her skin, leaving fluttering kisses as he moved. Kana closed her eyes and sighed at the sensation. "I love you, Rairai," she whispered.

Raido's mouth paused over her right eye, and she could feel it curve into a smile that was just as tender as the kisses he continued to place along her brow, "Yeah?"

"Yeah," she smiled, turning her head to kiss his cheek.

The arms he had on her shoulders moved down to completely wrap around Kana's upper body and pull her into his chest; she scooted closer to the edge of the counter in an attempt to get as close as she could to Raido and snuggled into his chest. Kana could hear his quickened heartbeat through the cotton material of his uniform jersey and she kissed his chest through the fabric before resting her cheek against his sternum. "I love you."

She could feel Raido smile against the top of her head as his hold around her tightened. "Thank you, kitten," he murmured into her hair, "I love you, too. I love you so much."

A blush warmed her cheeks as Raido spoke, as they always did, and she closed her eyes to enjoy the moment.

Yeah, she was definitely the happiest person alive right now.

* * *

"CHEERS!"

The group clinked their glasses together over Anko's table, various forms of alcohol sloshing onto the tablecloth she had preemptively placed on the wood surface, and broke into conversations. Kana picked a handful of Kurenai's rum balls up, her drink in the other, before spinning away from the group to cheerily plop onto the couch next to Iruka and Kakashi.

"I kind of want to get the recipe for these things, but, if I do I kinda feel like I'll destroy my… My…" Kana narrowed her eyes.

"Pancreas?" Iruka added idly, nursing a small cup of sake. The man drank like a bitch, but she couldn't be bothered to care enough to make another clever jab about it. Or, rather, the alcohol already in her system didn't allow her to.

"Well I was thinking metabolism but I guess that works, too," she mumbled before popping one of the chocolate balls into her mouth, "Have either of you seen Genma? We came here together but I haven't seen him for a while…"

Almost as if on cue, the tokujo slid around the sofa and knelt before Kana with a hazy grin. "I'm right here, ladykins," he announced as he plucked a rum ball from her open palm and popped it into his mouth. "Mish me?"

She giggled and poked his forehead, just under the dark blue beanie he wore, "Just wanted to make sure you didn't run off without me. I don't trust the chunin when they're drunk."

Iruka narrowed his eyes, " _Excuse_ me-"

"Ruru, she's talking about Kotetsu and Izumo," Kakashi jumped in lazily, knowing full well that Iruka and Kana did not get along in the slightest and if his lover kept talking, she'd flatten him. Again.

Despite his interjection, the kunoichi very much caught onto his offended tone and released an agitated sigh. With an unreasonably large swig of the tart screwdriver that burned the absolute shit out of her throat and nose because Aoba sucked dick at mixology, Kana shoved all but one of the rum balls into Genma's hand and stood up as she popped the last one into her mouth. "Get up," she ordered.

When Iruka kept his butt firmly seated on Kakashi's thighs, Kana grabbed him by the upper arm and forced him to her feet; in the back of her mind she knew that she was probably smearing powdered sugar and chocolate on his tan skin but she honestly didn't give a damn as she dragged him across the living room. Kana yanked the paper door open and pushed him out onto Anko's deck, slamming the door shut behind her – or, as best as she could, considering the door weighed all of ten pounds.

"What the hell are you-"

"Shut up," she snapped, "We need to sort some shit out. Like right now."

Alcohol be damned, they needed to get over their petty crap.

"Iruka, look, I'm going to be honest. You treat Kashi like shit and that pisses me off. He's not perfect, but he's one of the greatest people you'll ever meet and he deserves _better_ than that. The shit that happened a month or so ago after his mission? That can't keep happening. As much as I don't mind helping Kakashi, you can't keep pushing him away, getting me, then getting all pissy because I take care of him."

The more Kana spoke, the faster her words spilled out, but she couldn't stop herself as nearly four years of suppressed thoughts bubbled up, "He goes through a lot of tough shit. Shit you don't understand because you were fortunate enough to land yourself a cushy _teaching_ job at the _academy_. But he needs that. He needs someone that isn't totally fucked up from the awful _shit_ we see on the field. So stop this fucking _crap_ with pushing him away when he turns to you, then breaking up and getting back together when you decide it's convenient for him to be around."

She took a step forward and lowered her voice, making sure Iruka understood what she was saying, "Because it's hurting him more than you seem to be capable of understanding. And if you break _him_ , I'll break _you_. So figure out what the _fuck_ you want."

 _'Well, that escalated a little more than I wanted it to,'_ Kana immediately thought to herself. She didn't come out here with the intention of threatening the chunin, but it was too late to do anything about that now. Alcohol was a dangerous substance.

Iruka's face darkened as he recovered from the shock of the little jonin laying down the law, and he pushed her back by the shoulders. "Get the hell out of my face, _kid_ ," he snarled, "You think you can treat me like that just because you're in a relationship now? You don't know anything about what it means to be in a rel-"

Her fist connected with his jaw, sending him reeling. "I don't need to know jack _shit_ about being in a relationship, dickhead," she growled, "That has literally _nothing_ to do with this. I know what Kakashi needs. He needs _you_ – are you even fucking listening to me? Every time you pull a stunt like that you break a little bit more of his spirit. Is that what you want? Do you _enjoy_ hurting him?"

Unshed tears shone in his large brown eyes as Iruka picked himself up off of the deck, "You think I _like_ knowing I can't help him? I don't revel in knowing I can't relate to his problems! I love Kakashi – I love him _so_ _much_. But I don't know how to help him when he gets like that!"

Kana laughed, "Iruka, it isn't a fucking _process_! Just hold him! Talk to him! Shit, that's literally all he wants! You work with children, there's no way you're so impatient that you can't even manage that?!"

She didn't see Iruka's fist come flying at her in time to fully dodge it, thanks to the alcohol, but she was able to turn her face enough to where it didn't completely send her flying. Instead, she just fell back onto her bony ass so that the chunin glowered over her.

"You are such a condescending bitch!" he hissed, "Do you get off on patronizing everyone that comes near you?!"

A small, unexpected laugh bubbled up her chest, puffing out her cheeks as Kana narrowed her eyes at the flushed chunin. "No. That's gross, Iruka."

He gaped.

Kana snickered.

Iruka covered his mouth to hide it, but she could see his silent giggle as he told her to shut up. She felt a splinter burrow into her fingertips as Kana clumsily used the wood column to pull herself up off of the floor. Pulling his hand away from his face, she reached out and channeled chakra to hand, "Did I hurt you?"

"Uh, not really," he muttered, clearly lying through his pretty white teeth.

Kana rolled her eyes, "Didn't anyone teach you to not lie to the doctor?"

"You're not a doctor. You're drunk."

"And your jaw has a hairline fracture so shut up for a second, jesus. If I ruin your ability to give a good blowjob, Kashi will kill me with his dick."

Tan skin reddened and Iruka sputtered, eyes widening, "Wha-"

She narrowed her eyes again, "Seriously, Iruka, shut _up_. I'm still kinda tipsy and need to focus so stop moving your freaking mouth. He tells me things, yeah, and I tell _him_ things. I told you, he needs someone to talk to."

He lowered his eyes to the ground as his face fell. For a fleeting moment, Kana thought that he resembled a puppy. Or Lee. Mostly Lee. The way that he was so easily discouraged so quickly was remarkable.

She felt the last of the fracture close up and let her hand drop down to her side, "Alright, move your jaw a bit and tell me if anything feels sore."

Iruka shook his jaw side to side and walked his fingertips along the skin, shaking his head and confirming that she had done the job.

A handful of minutes passed as they just stared at each other, neither of them really knowing where to go from there; Kana ended up focusing on removing the splinter from her right ring finger as to avoid looking at the chunin's expectant gaze.

"I don't know what to talk to him about," he finally whispered.

She had to fight the urge to roll her eyes, "Just _talk_. Talk about any stupid thing that comes to mind until he winds down. Complain about your students. Remind him that we're Konoha's protectors, that what we do keeps our people safe. Tell him how much you love him, Iruka." Kana sighed, "Sometimes it's just too much and we need that tenderness to remind us that we're going to be okay. The man adores you, and he's changed a lot for you. You just being there is enough. Okay?" Reaching out, she awkwardly patted his upper arm, "Sorry I hit you."

"I'm sorry I hit you, too."

Kana smirked, "Don't be. You hit like you drink." When Iruka gave her a questioning look, her smirk widened further, "Like a bitch."

She had wanted to drop that line for literally _years_ and it felt so goddamn good to finally say it that she burst into a short fit of laughter at his scowl.

He rolled her eyes as the paper door slid open, Kotetsu and Izumo hanging off of each other.

"Kaaaaana, can you answer me something?" Kotetsu asked with a stupid grin.

Judging by the mischievous glint in Izumo's eyes, and how Aoba looked expectantly over their heads from where he leaned against the wall, Kana knew she wasn't going to like this.

"You see, Zuzu and I made a wager that you aren't ticklish-"

' _Oh shit.'_

"-And I'm thinking 'You know, _everyone's_ ticklish' so can you please help me out and tell him you're-"

"No," Kana cut him off, walking to the other side of the wall and sliding open the second door.

She must have rejected the idea a little too quickly, because both of the chunin's eyes lit up as their grins expanded. Kana knew she had about three seconds to get to some sort of exit before those two pounced on her, and she bolted across the living room without bothering to slide the door shut behind her.

 _'Thank god for shinobi training,'_ Kana thought to herself as she bounded over the handful of people sitting in the middle of Anko's living room in various stages of nudity, nearly kicking Yugao's cards out of her hands – she'd be doing her a favor, really. Her colleague had a losing hand and Ebisu was eyeing her hungrily from the other side of the room. Who the fuck invited him, again? He was such a skeeze.

A hand on her ankle snapped the kunoichi out of her thoughts as she attempted to jump over the second sofa. Her head whipped back to shoot Aoba an offended glare just as her body gracelessly flopped to the wood flooring with a single painful bounce.

"Fuck, shitlord, let me go," she squeaked, too worried about the chunin closing in on her to care much about how tiny her voice had become. When the laughing tokujo didn't release her foot, instead choosing to drag her back, she scrunched her body up and threw out her other leg in a sloppy kick.

Sloppy or not, it caught Aoba off guard enough for him to loosen his grip and allow Kana to escape. She quickly picked herself up off of the floor, knowing that her less than glorious tumble would have result in a bruise of sorts, and darted down the hall.

It wasn't until she noticed that she was lost that Kana realized that the hall she had taken wasn't the one that would take her to the front door, and she was standing in what she had assumed as a guest bedroom. She didn't have enough time to think about it, though, because as soon as she stopped moving to take in her surroundings, Izumo squealed happily and tackled Kana to the floor with a smile that exuded triumphant glee.

He was pulling the high waist of her shorts down to the tops of her hips just a second later, wrapping the rest of his body around her thighs so she couldn't squirm free. Kotetsu pinned her wrists above her head with his shins and grinned wickedly as his fingers traced the outline of Kana's ribs teasingly – hard enough to make her twitch but too light to warrant much more of a response.

While she thought that Kotetsu was going to be the one in charge of the torture, there was a quick jab from Izumo on her flank that caught her off guard and caused her to shriek loud enough for her throat to vibrate uncomfortably.

Pleads and whines immediately began to pour from Kana's mouth as she desperately writhed beneath the chunin, giggling hysterically at their vicious attacks. "No-no-nonono-haha-no, _please_ , AHAHA!" she begged, tears forming in her eyes from the sensation.

Her reactions only seemed to spur the two snickering chunin, who wiggled their fingers up and down her sides in explorative manners. "You are literally the cutest thing I've ever seen," Kotetsu purred between chuckles, "Zuzu, what do you think? Should we stop? I think I like those little cat noises she makes too much."

Before he could answer, Genma strolled in with Raido and kicked Izumo onto his side with a familiar glint in his eyes.

"I _thought_ it was suspicious that Aoba wouldn't tell me where you three had run off to," he said with a smirk as he crawled over the still giggling chunin, "You know it's not very nice to tag team little girls like that."

Kana used her recently freed leg to kick Genma in the ass, "I'm not little, asshole."

"Nah, you're pretty damn small," Raido added with a smirk. He sat over Kana's hips, knowing he didn't need to bother with keeping her legs from moving, before he replaced Izumo's hands with his own.

The three shinobi gave each other a look before their hands began to move. Izumo squealed girlishly beneath Genma, bucking and writhing against the hard floor, while Kana screeched.

"L-look at – ahaha – what you've d-done," she managed to pant between laughs.

Izumo's eyes were screwed shut as he giggled hysterically, "Wh-what the fu – ahahahaha! I didn't do shit! Ko s-stared – haha – this!"

A light prodding at her hip made Kana mewl breathlessly and she squeezed her eyes shut against the uncomfortable tightness in her stomach from the evil pokes and pinches from the shinobi pinning her down.

"Yeah but we're finishing it, brat," she head Genma purr. Izumo made a surprised noise, very much unlike the ones he had been making, and she heard Kotetsu grunt just as his hands slowed over her rib cage.

Kana opened her eyes back up and turned her head to see Genma burying his tongue in the little chunin's throat; she winced when she looked back up at his boyfriend. "Kotetsu, get your cock out of my face. Shit!"

He didn't completely dismount her like she hoped he would, only scooting back a few inches so he could sit back on his heels and watch the show. Kana realized that if he was going to insist on keeping her pinned down, she had to at least give him credit for backing away enough so that the growing bulge in his crotch wasn't bumping into her head.

She honestly couldn't blame him – the room wasn't exactly full of unattractive people, not by any sense of the word. Izumo had a boyish cuteness to him as he twisted and bucked into the older man, his head turned to the side so Genma could lap down his exposed neck. The tokujo on top of him practically oozed sexuality, too. He wasn't the type to sleep around as other might have assumed by the way he acted, but she had heard stories from Anko and the chunin that he wasn't just talk. Seeing the two of them rocking together with small appreciative sounds was beginning to replace the tightness in her stomach with a familiar warmth.

It was then that she realized that Raido had stopped tickling her as well and, when she looked up at him, she had to fight the urge to tear his clothes off right then and there. Tanned cheeks were flushed enough to know that it wasn't just from the couple of beers he had earlier, and he was gazing down at her with a burning intensity that made her squirm inwardly. His face could only be described as hungry, and an idea that was nothing short of absolutely fucking insane, and maybe dangerous, popped into Kana's head.

Pretty dark eyes flew open when Genma did something with the hand that had snaked up under his t-shirt, and Izumo gave Kana a look of minute horror as reality set in. "W-wait," he gasped, "Rai and Kana are still-"

On a whim that probably made no goddamn sense to anyone in the room but her, the kunoichi twisted her body enough to clumsily smash their lips together. In her mind it was a lot smoother, but the way that she was loosely pinned down by Kotetsu and Raido didn't allow her to move fluidly in the ways that she wanted, and Kana had mostly been relying on momentum to get her there.

"Holy fuck, Kana," she heard Genma pant.

Kotetsu made a small grunt of approval that came with the sound of skin running over denim, but she wasn't interested in either of their reactions. No, the reaction she wanted came from the man that growled deep in his throat and squeezed her hip, pressing his warm bulge into her hip appreciatively.

Kana grinned against Izumo's lips, which were softer and fuller than Raido's as they worked at hers hungrily. It took her less than a second to properly roll onto her front, half draping herself over the chunin, when Kotetsu finally released Kana's wrists. A small whine escaped the back of Izumo's throat as he gripped her hair tightly with one hand, the other still firmly planted on Genma's shoulder.

There was a firm nudge at her rear from Raido, letting her know the effect the scene had on him. Mild surprise was all she felt as his large hands squeezed her hips, causing her to mewl appreciatively into Izumo's mouth when the tokujo ground into her at a steady pace. Kana felt Genma begin to move as well, and soon enough the four of them were rocking together on the floor in a moaning and gasping pile of limbs, quickly picking up the pace and setting a desperate rhythm that displayed the growing need they shared.

It wasn't long until Kotetsu decided he wasn't going to be ignored anymore. Shuffling over to the party, he lifted his boyfriend's head and used his hair to tilt his face up so that his clothed erection rubbed along Izumo's cheek. "Sorry, babe," he muttered through clenched teeth as Izumo's hand and face nuzzled the bulge, "As much as I love watching you get fucked, I'm not sitting out on this one."

The words spoken in Kotetsu's husky, lust-filled voice slapped sense into Kana and she pulled away – or as much as she could, as Raido's hips kept her from moving far. The hand she had in Izumo's hair slid down to his chest when she twisted her neck around to peer up at the two tokubetsu jonin that were basically dry humping at the two smaller figures.

Sensing her uneasiness, Genma slowed his movements and took Kana's hand from Izumo's chest to bring it up to his face; he sealed his lips over the back of her scarred knuckles in a reassuring kiss and softened his expression. He nudged Raido with his shoulder to pull him out of whatever daze he was in.

Her lover saw the hesitance in her face and leaned to the side enough to roll her onto her back. Genma released her hand to take hold of the arm that was now closer to him, and they both pulled Kana up by the forearms so that she was sitting with Raido positioned between her knees; he cupped her face in his hands and pulled it up to his into a kiss that was long and sensual, but soothing.

"They won't hurt you," he breathed, lips hovering just over the shell of Kana's ear, "But if you aren't okay with this, we can go. I have absolutely no problem with that."

Out of the corner of her eye she watched Izumo release Kotetsu's throbbing erection from its confinements, wasting no time in swallowing it while Genma ground their hips together with a frustrated groan. The sight made her blush even further and she focused her eyes back on Raido's.

"I just…" she started, just as quietly as he had been, "What if things change?"

Kana could feel his lips curve into a gentle smile against her hair, "They're our friends, kitten. And not Aoba or Anko, for that matter. Do you think I'd let them anywhere near you if I didn't trust them to not get weird? Or if I thought you didn't trust them in general?"

Something stroked her lower back. When she twisted to see what it was, she saw Kotetsu running the back of his hand along her back, right where the muscles dipped at her spine, with his eyes still hazily locked on his boyfriend. Genma and Kotetsu both had removed their shirts by this point, but Izumo had somehow found himself completely naked in the time it had taken for Raido to get those few sentences out.

Kana turned back and kissed along her boyfriend's jaw, "Have you ever...?" Raido only chuckled and shook his head in response before tilting it back so Kana could nibble her way down his throat. She smiled and removed her hand from Genma's to place it on Izumo's inner thigh as her other one worked at Raido's pants, whose smile she could practically hear.

"Fuck, Kotetsu, I don't have any lube on me," Genma said through clenched teeth, "Will he be okay?"

She heard Kotetsu pull away from his boyfriend with a small ' _pop'_ of the chunin's member breaking the seal of Izumo's lips before feeling his hands place themselves on the small of her back. "Are we doing okay over here?" he whispered, sounding genuinely concerned. He pushed Kana's braid over her shoulder to plant a small kiss on her shoulder.

Raido looked at her patiently, obviously waiting for her to make the decision, so she gave him a grin and tilted her head back onto Kotetsu's shoulder, "My stomach still kind of hurts from all that tickling," she murmured, "You better make it up to me."

"I will in a second, babe, but first I need your help with something."

Before she could respond, the chunin looped an arm around her shoulders to pull her against him and held three fingers at her lips, pressing down ever so slightly to give her an idea of what he wanted. With her eyes locked on Raido's, Kana opened her mouth enough for the tan fingers to slip through to the second knuckle; a sharp gasp turned into a low appreciative groan as her tongue swirled around Kotetsu's fingers.

Teeth nipped at where he had previously kissed as Kotetsu's free arm curled around her waist to steady himself, "God, your mouth is almost as nice as Zuzu's," he grunted, "I can't wait to fuck it later."

Dirty talking had never exactly been a part of her's and Raido's routine, considering he was one of the most gentle creatures this planet had to offer, but the effect of their friend's words on him did not go unnoticed. Raido's eyes darkened as he cupped the already evident bulge in the front of his pants which, in turn, caused the warmth between Kana's legs to grow.

Kana's hand gripped Izumo's thigh harder, who moaned in response, when Raido began to slide her shorts over her hips and past her knees. She could feel Kotetsu watch over her shoulder as his fingers reflexively thrust in and out of her lips, his already excited breathing hitching against her ear.

The kunoichi experimentally rolled her lips over her teeth and clamped down, effectively holding the fingers in place, before curling her tongue to the side and sliding it between the digits, making sure to lap at the thin webbing that connected each finger.

Kotetsu groaned through clenched teeth and bit her shoulder, harder this time. When her legs had been freed from her bottoms, he ripped his hand away from her mouth and reached down to roughly plunge the three fingers into her body.

A startled yelp got lodged in Kana's throat and came out as a small squeak. "At least take me to dinner, first, jerk," she joked in a shaky voice. Genma's muffled laugh relaxed her enough to appreciate the way Kotetsu thrust and twisted his fingers skillfully, though she was still confused. "I thought Izumo needed-"

"Spit makes for lousy lube," Kotetsu explained, "This will be a lot better." He flattened his palm so that he cupped her warmth, the heel of his hand pressing against the sensitive nub, making her head spin. Kana couldn't bother to ask any more questions, not when Raido had at some point decided to start massaging her chest through her top. Dimly, she was aware of the small mewling noises that must have been coming from her mouth, but she couldn't bring herself to care enough to feel embarrassed as her head rested on Raido's shoulder, enjoying the pleasurable sensations too much to keep it up on her own.

Though half-lidded eyes, she let go of Izumo's thigh and brought her hands back to her boyfriend's pants, shaky hands fumbling with the button.

A whine that sounded very much like Izumo caught her attention, "No fair, I want to – oh _fuck_ Gen do that again."

Despite her frustration at the insufferable zipper before her, Kana couldn't help but smirk at the sounds the chunin made while Genma sucked him off. He sounded almost girlish.

 _'Okay, this is getting fucking ridiculous,'_ she thought to herself just before Kana decided to violently tear at the small flap of fabric, popping the button off and ripping the closed zipper from its seam; she probably would have felt bad about tearing Raido's jeans open like that if he didn't immediately pull his erection out with one hand and jerk Kotetsu's hand away before hastily thrusting into Kana's body.

"If you make her come before I get my turn I will hang you from a tree, Rai," the chunin growled as he reached over to slick his boyfriend's entrance.

 _'Turn?'_ Kana peeled her eyes from the Izu-Tetsu-Gen party to give Raido a worried look, who had the frame of mind to soften his gaze enough for it to uncoil some of the worry that had tightened in her stomach at Kotetsu's words.

 _"Only if you want,"_ he mouthed, angling her hips to push himself in deeper.

Feeling Raido thrust in and out of her body while she was still practically sitting in Kotetsu's lap was a strange thing to think about at first, but the way that Raido insistently pounded into her right off of the bat as opposed to his normally slow pace wasn't really giving Kana enough space to think too much. Not when he had pushed her knees up to her chest and making those perfect groaning noises.

"Fuck, Kotetsu, he's ready," Genma groaned impatiently, "My dick is going to fall off if you don't get out of the damn _way_."

The chunin only laughed as he did something that made Izumo squirm and whimper out of spite. Kana watched Genma give him frustrated glare before he grabbed Kotetsu's wrist and yanked them away from Izumo's ass to replace them with his swollen erection. He slapped a hand over the chunin's mouth to smother his cry, "Shh, babe, don't be too loud."

It wasn't until then that Kana realized exactly what was happening. She was fucking Raido next to Izumo, who was having sex with Genma, while Kotetsu's throbbing member ground into her tailbone. In Anko's house. With about ten other jonin just a few rooms down.

The shock must have registered on her face some way, because Raido stopped moving, "Kana?"

"What…" Kana blushed, "What if someone hears us?"

Izumo twisted his face away from Genma's, "Ko, the – mmff – the door."

There was a grunt of disapproval from the named chunin, and Kana admitted that she immediately missed his warmth when he slid out from under her to go shut the door to the room they had commandeered. Raido took the opportunity to sit up on his knees and lay her back down next to Izumo, who immediately pulled her face in for another desperate kiss.

Kana was thankful for the elaborately patterned rug on the floor, because she no doubt that this would have been a relatively painful experience for all of them as Raido increased his pace.

"God, you smell so pretty," Izumo murmured against her lips. She wasn't exactly sure how to respond – not like she could, with the way that Raido was possessively ramming his hips into hers. The only sounds she could make were choked mewls and moans as his thick length struck that bundle of nerves every. Damn. Thrust.

Kotetsu was back a few moments later after setting a silencing jutsu, pulling his half-hard member out of his pants next to their faces. Nervousness fluttered in Kana's stomach, only barely mitigated by the encouraging grunts coming from Raido as his steady pace faltered in his excitement; Izumo took the hand she had placed on his thigh and laced their fingers together. The gesture calmed her down enough to where she was able to tilt her face up and begin to join in on his services, flicking the tip of her tongue along the underside of the now-engorged head experimentally.

Next to her, Izumo smirked and pulled the head into his mouth, cheeks hollowing as he sucked happily. Kana mustered up a little more courage and flattened her tongue against the bottom of Kotetsu's erection, running it from tip to base, then back up, grinning inwardly when she felt it pulse in response.

"Fuck, _Zuzu_ \- more," Kotetsu groaned through clenched teeth, "Don't fucking tease me."

Kana pulled away and pushed at Raido's shoulders to get him to sit back. She quickly rolled over, careful not to knee Izumo in the side, so that she was on her knees, bracing herself on her forearms. The kunoichi tapped Izumo's cheek, who let the tip of Kotetsu's cock slide out of his mouth with a ' _pop_ ,' and took the heated member into her own mouth.

Raido snapped his hips back into hers, which pushed her farther down the chunin's length so that it bumped against the back of her throat, causing her to gurgle her disapproval as she fought her gag reflex. Kotetsu groaned loudly in response and fisted her hair almost painfully to hold her in place so he could rock his hips into her mouth while Izumo lapped at his scrotum and whatever Kana couldn't fit into her mouth.

"Hnng, definitely should – _ohh fuck_ – should have wifed you," Kotetsu muttered with a smirk Kana could practically hear, eliciting a rather violent thrust from Raido, "Fuck, honey – more – harder, _please_."

His words of encouragement were almost drowned out by the sound of Raido growling possessively as he tightened his grip and slid a thigh between Kana's to force her legs further apart, sliding in deep enough for Kana to almost see stars. She had to concentrate on her sucking, flattening her tongue against the throbbing member that was beginning to pick up speed and tightening her lips around the thickness.

A low moan escaped Genma's lips, who had been fucking Izumo near senselessly, "Not gonna… Can't… Shit – Izumo – gonna…" He couldn't seem to form coherent thoughts as Kana watched his hips falter in rhythm, only managing loud grunts and vowels. He gripped Izumo's erection and began pumping it in time with his own erratic thrusts, causing the chunin to cry out and arch his back up off of the floor.

"Gen, Genma, _please_ ," he whined, "Harder. Don't stop, please- oh _god_ …" The hand that held Kana's squeezed almost painfully as the tokujo hooked an elbow under Izumo's knees in a last ditch effort to bury himself into the writhing body beneath him as hard as possible. Izumo all but screamed in response, begging for more and moaning wantonly into Kotetsu's thigh just before Genma's hips stilled – he flattened their hips together and threw his head back with a loud groan. The man thrust once, twice, then collapsed to the side with a satisfied grunt.

Izumo's following dissatisfied whine brought another idea into Kana's head. She reached back to tap the hand that was clutching her hip in a bruising grip and turned her head to the side enough so that Kotetsu's penis slipped out of her mouth and slapped against her cheek wetly.

When Raido slid out of her, she climbed over Izumo with a smirk and trailed a few fingers between her legs so she could smear the fluids over the head of his largely ignored erection. At first he gaped at her in shock, sending an uneasy flutter through her body, but his expression quickly melted into a mischievous grin and he put his hands on Kana's hips to pull her downwards.

Izumo wasn't as large as Raido was, but she still reveled in the satisfying sensation of being filled as she sheathed his length entirely, rolling her hips in a circular motion to get used to the new feeling. Kana turned to give Raido an inviting smile, who had been watching the situation unfold with an expression that toed the line between jealousy and hunger.

She could feel Kotetsu crawl up behind her between Izumo's legs, impatient as always; she pushed herself up so that he could slide under his boyfriend's hips. Kana reached out to Raido, who was now standing next to her, and gripped his hips for stability as she lowered herself back down just as she felt Kotetsu push into Izumo's body.

The chunin released a loud whine at the sensation, his pretty dark eyes rolling back into his head as the pair seated themselves. "Fuck, fuck, Ko – Kana – please – _move_ – oh god, _more_ ," he pleaded, his hips bucking upwards while trying to push down into Kotetsu.

Kana frowned, "I can't move with Kotetsu lifting you like that. My legs are too short," she muttered, pushing herself up the all of one inch she could manage for effect.

"If you want that human sandwich to work, put the midget on the floor," Genma mumbled lazily from where he was laying on the carpet.

She narrowed her eyes, but Raido grabbed her by the armpits and lifted her up, quickly setting her on the floor with her elbows propping her upper body up, and grabbing her hair to pull her face back, "No pouting," he growled before lifting her head to meet the head of his sobbing cock. It bumped against her nose first, smearing the precum over to her cheek, before Raido released an impatient huff and guided his length to her swollen lips with a trembling hand.

Izumo followed suit, pushing himself back into Kana's body with a thin whine; there was an added pressure just a few moments later that told her that Kotetsu had impaled his lover.

With her head tilted back and Raido rocking gently into her mouth, she couldn't really tell who was thrusting anymore. There was too much going on for her to honestly give a shit, either. Her eyes slid shut, instead, and just focused on rolling her hips up to meet the chunins' out of sync thrusts.

It almost felt as if Izumo was trying to completely bury himself inside of her with each snap of his hips, pressing their hips flush each and every time. The sensation was maddening, if anything else, as Kana struggled to pay attention to sucking Raido off while the chunin continued to strike the bundle of nerves that sent ripples up and down her body.

Kana nearly toppled over when Izumo grabbed the hand she had used earlier and brought it to his lips, tongue flicking out to swirl around the pads of her fingers as he thrust into her. "You even _taste_ pretty," he whimpered, thrusting harder into her. Kana could only moan around Raido's erection, who gasped and used his free hand to keep her stable as his speed increased.

Izumo took the fingers into his mouth and nipped at the tips, swirling his tongue around them and moaning in time with his thrusts. Kana barely was able to register what was happening when her hand was placed over her hips, sliding just over where the chunin's member slid in and out of her at an increasingly erratic pace. Raido moaned at the sight and jerked his hips forward, shoving his pulsing cock down his girlfriend's throat and effectively cutting off her hair supply as she choked.

"I want to see you touch yourself," he whimpered, "Fuck – oh god yes – Ko, _there_ – harder."

Raido rubbed her cheek apologetically when he pulled back enough for Kana to breathe but didn't stop thrusting, "Kitten…"

She reached her free hand out, feeling around, until Genma gripped her fingers and laced them together; she needed some sort of anchor as Kotetsu snarled and rammed himself into Izumo, who was all but screaming by this point from the sensory overload as he desperately fucked Kana with reckless abandon.

Doing her best not to choke to death on Raido's erection, Kana granted Izumo's wish and swirled her fingers around the tiny nub; he whimpered as she reflexively tightened around him. There was no way Kana was going to last long like this.

"Do you like that, babe," Kotetsu growled through clenched teeth, "Do you like watching her please herself for you while I fuck your ass?"

Her first reaction was to balk at his aggressive tone, but the other two men moaned appreciatively as Kotetsu began to make Izumo beg for him, and Kana couldn't help but savor how much Raido was enjoying himself as his hips began to twitch, a sign that his control was waning.

Thinking of him getting off on the sight spurred Kana to spread her raised knees a little wider, reveling in the sensation of Izumo thrusting deeper into her body as her hand moved faster, still slick from the chunin's saliva. Her hips bucked involuntarily at the sensation, rocking of their own accord to grind into Izumo's hips greedily.

Kana moaned around Raido, tilting her head back as far as she could and flattening her tongue against the hardened flesh and clinging to Genma as if her life depended on it with one hand while the other picked up speed between her legs. She felt Izumo lean down to kiss and nip at her sweaty, still clothed chest between moans and pants.

"Oh god," Izumo whimpered, "I can – nng – I can _feel_ it. Kana, yes – _fuck_ , yes!"

A familiar tension coiled in her stomach at the chunin's words of encouragement, prefacing her orgasm. Kana tried to say something, but it only came out in a gurgled slur of incoherent noises with her boyfriend fucking her mouth like he was.

"Kitten… Can't… Shit, I'm almost there," Raido groaned as Izumo's teeth clamped down on her shoulder.

That was all the encouragement she needed to send her world into a hazy smear. Kana felt her body heat up in response to Raido's husky words, the coil in her stomach tightening just before a primal moan ripped through her throat to let them know that her orgasm had hit her like a tidal wave. Izumo cried out as her walls squeezed him, her hips pushing down into his of their own accord in a desperate attempt at getting as much as that delicious friction as possible while she squirmed against the electric jolts that raced through her body.

Voice cracking, Izumo cried out and wrapped his arms around her waist to press their bodies flush, his uneven pants puffing on Kana's chest from where he was resting his face on her collarbone. "Ko…" was all he managed to whine.

She could hear Kotetsu grunt warmly for his lover, kissing his back, "Let go, Zuzu," he growled, "I wanna feel it – ohhh _fuck_ Zuzu, I'm _right_ there."

Raido's hips snapped forward, shoving his length down Kana's throat painfully as it pulsed. He snarled wetly through clenched teeth when his own release rolled through him, and she squeezed Genma's hand but brought the one up from where it had been pinned down by Izumo to help keep him steady so he didn't fall over and break her neck while his warm fluid poured down her abused throat.

At the same time, a salacious wail erupted from Izumo just as his own rhythm faltered, hips twitching and bucking to and fro – unsure of which sensation his body craved more.

Kana was hardly paying enough attention to her surroundings when Kotetsu pressed his lover into her with a strained shout of his own. Her ears buzzed. She was tired. Her throat hurt, even though she didn't remember when exactly Raido had pulled away from her to place tender thank you kisses on her swollen lips. Kana thought she felt Izumo lick her nose and cheek, where there had been a small smear of precum from when Raido had almost stabbed her eye out, but she wasn't entirely sure. Someone's hands wiped away the tears and drool from her face that she didn't know had been there.

All she knew was that someone was rolling her onto her side as the chunin snuggled up against her on the floor. In the morning Kana knew that she would probably be horrified at what had just happened. For now, though, the only thing she cared about was curling into the warm body that was pressed against hers and giving in to the call of sleep.

* * *

Two things.

One: Kana was pretty sure that Kotetsu was _the_ best cuddler on the planet and two: Kana was entirely certain that Ibiki was _the_ scariest person ever. Particularly, slightly hungover Ibiki that was not expecting to find the group of shinobi sprawled on the floor of his guest bedroom in a tangle of naked limbs slumbering away their post-coital bliss. Raido had the presence of mind to drag the covers off of the bed and drape it over the party as they all passed out, and Izumo was really the only one that was entirely naked, but with the way Ibiki reacted they might as well have been exposing everything.

It sure as shit wasn't the best way to wake up, that's for sure. Ibiki was loud, really loud, and both Kana and Izumo were sore, _really_ sore.

Still, Kana couldn't bring herself to care about the unceremonious nature of how her day started as she paced back and forth outside of the operating room. The tokubetsu jonin were off doing whatever the fuck bodyguards did when they weren't out on missions, the chunin were in the middle of a shift in the mission room that they had been quite late for, Guy was on a solo mission, and Kana was alone with Tenten and Neji as they waited for their teammate to come out of surgery.

Lady Tsunade, as it turned out, was a huge hardass and refused to allow Kana to assist with Lee's operation because she had never been formally trained as a doctor, despite her extensive knowledge of the human body and jonin-level ninjutsu. It was infuriating, but arguing with the Hokage wasn't exactly a part of Anbu's duties so she found herself impatiently walking back and forth down the hallway.

It felt like those stupid swinging doors had been closed for years, but in reality she knew that it had probably only been a couple of hours.

Eventually, Tenten's arm snapped out and grabbed Kana's wrist to pull her to a stop, "Lee is going to be fine," she said, "So please just sit down with us? You're putting me on edge."

The jonin flopped into a plastic chair, her Kurogan still activated, and stared through the door to watch the surgery.

* * *

It took every ounce of self restraint to not jump out of her chair – and probably her skin – when she saw the Fifth walk out into the hallway. This was mostly for Tenten's sake, who had fallen asleep against her shoulder and would have most likely been thrown straight to the cold linoleum.

Instead, she impatiently tapped the genin on the knee and nudged her shoulder.

"Lady Tsunade," Tenten stood from her chair with a start upon laying her bleary eyes on the doctor, "Was it…"

Tsunade gave a tired, but triumphant smile, "We managed to clear the debris from his spinal column without a hitch. In fact, he can begin light training by the end of the week."

A breath that Kana wasn't aware she had been holding released in an audible whoosh and she doubled over in her seat to cradle her head in her hands; if she didn't find some way to stabilize herself she knew she would have toppled over. Across the hall she could hear Neji's own sigh of relief.

Hearing those words come from the Hokage's lips made everything else seem so incredibly unimportant. Her soreness didn't matter. The mission she would leave for tonight didn't matter. The fact that she had decked Iruka the night before didn't matter.

Lee was okay.

Lee was going to continue on to be a shinobi.

There was a small noise in her ears that sounded like a choked sob, and it took the feeling of Tsunade's hand on her shoulder for Kana to realize that she had begun to cry.

Taking a deep breath, she wiped the back of her gloved wrist at her cheeks and pushed herself into a standing position, "Forgive me, Lady Hokage. I didn't mean to…"

"React exactly like your sensei would?" the sannin finished for her with a gentle smile, "You really _are_ Guy's kid at heart. Don't think I didn't notice how you still wear that spandex suit he made for you."

Kana blushed and bit back the embarrassed grin that tugged at her lips, "When can we see him, ma'am?"

Tired eyes remained soft even as Tsunade frowned, "Normally I'd say that visitors won't be allowed until he's had a good night's rest," she said, "But considering your mission… Go get yourselves some dinner, give him enough time to recover on his own, then come back and you can see him in his room for a little while."

Her words lifted a small weight off of Kana's chest, and she smiled as the trio thanked the Hokage for everything she had done for their friend.

* * *

"You are leaving? For how long?"

The sound of Lee's tired voice whining at her was something that Kana would willingly admit she adored. _'Sweet, beautiful, innocent Rock Lee,'_ she cooed inwardly, smoothing her hand over his glossy black hair.

"Sorry, Lee, I'm afraid that's classified," she said, tapping her index finger four times against his head.

The genin gave her a knowing smile that replaced his look of disappointment, "Will you train with me when you get back?" he asked hopefully.

Tenten gave an exasperated sigh, "Lee, you can't just expect her to drop everything just to spend time with you! Jonin, especially Anbu, have a lot of responsibilities they need to take care of with the village still so short staffed! Jeeze, can't you just be happy that you're finally going to be _allowed_ to train?"

Apparently not, if the way Lee's face fell was anything to go off of. Kana gave him a reassuring smile and ruffled his impossibly soft locks, "Tenten's right, we're all extremely busy," she said, "But I promise that I'll train with you as much as I can. Just so I can finally see you kick Neji's ass hard enough to wipe that smug look off of his face, if anything."

She couldn't help but snort at how Neji gaped at her in a _"You're such a traitor"_ sort of way. Tenten giggled in her chair, as well, and Lee beamed up at her with a resolve so strong that she wanted to break down and cry all over him. It had been so long since she had seen his spirit shine in his wide eyes, eyes that were nothing short of clear windows to his heart, that seeing it now made her happier than when she saw him master the Primary Lotus technique – something that even Neji failed at.

Sometimes Kana couldn't help but marvel at how the kid's smile was all it took to reduce her to a pile of mush; it was nearly impossible for her to find herself unhappy when Lee was around. Leaning over the bed, she touched their foreheads together, "I have to get going now. Don't push yourself too hard, okay?"

Lee flashed another toothy grin and gave her a thumbs up that only continued to warm her heart.

"Congratulations, Lee. Good night."

There was one more stop she planned to make before taking off, so when Kana shut the door she turned towards the staircase leading to the second floor instead of the hospital lobby. She had only been able to bring herself to visit Sasuke once before, and he had been unconscious for the six hour duration of her stay with him, so this would be the first time Kana would have been able to properly visit the boy.

As she approached his room she was aware that he may have already turned in for the night, considering the sun had gone down a few hours ago, but Sasuke was sitting upright in his bed and staring out the window. He must have been lost in thought, because he didn't make any move to acknowledge Kana's presence and flinched when she sat herself on the edge of the bed.

"Hey there, space cadet," she greeted warmly.

Sasuke recovered quickly and smirked, "You tell jokes now?"

The smile didn't reach his eyes, but Kana was able to appreciate the attempt he was making to put up a good front for her sake, even if the knowledge of him being unhappy still panged at her chest. She patted his leg, "No, but I still enjoy teasing the crud out of you," she answered. Reaching into the larger pouch strapped to her leg, Kana pulled out a photograph she had framed earlier that day and set it in the teenager's lap.

"I'm sorry I reacted the way that I did," she said with her eyes focused on the photograph, "I had been so used to watching you from a distance that the idea of you being close… A lot of things have changed in the last three years for me, but that was particularly overwhelming. I'm really sorry, Sasuke."

Pale hands held the picture by the frame, and Kana looked up to see Sasuke gazing down at it with an expression that bordered on sad and fond. It was of him as a child, arms wrapped around his mother's neck with a toothy grin. Mikoto looked just as happy with her eyes crinkling around the edges as she smiled up at the lens, one hand pushing her bangs back and the other wrapped around Sasuke.

"I remember this," he murmured, "This was on… His birthday, wasn't it?"

A twinge of nervousness made itself known at the mention of Sasuke's older brother; Kana wasn't entirely sure how he would react at the memory and wondered if he would become agitated at the reminder. Still, she nodded, "Yeah, but I think _you_ used it more that day than he did."

Sasuke chuckled lightly and nodded, "I was so mad at you for not taking as many pictures with us… Where did you get this?"

"I…" Kana looked down at her hands as the memory of the night came flooding to the forefront of her consciousness, "Anbu were tasked with the… Cleanup. Out of respect, Lord Hokage suggested that I remain in the hospital with Kakashi-"

"Wait, Kakashi was there?" Sasuke interrupted, "Why?"

At that moment, she wished that she had her Anbu mask over her face instead of strapped to the side, as opposed to simply having the cloth mask she wore on missions covering the bottom half of her face. Kana swallowed against the growing lump in her throat and willed her tears away. "You were unconscious that night… I guess it would make sense that you would want to know the details, but…" She forced herself to look back up into Sasuke's expectant face, "When the time comes, I promise I'll tell you everything. From beginning to end. I'll answer any question you may have. But, right now, I can't tell you much other than that Kakashi had been injured that night and was in the hospital, and Lord Hokage requested that I not participate in the cleanup of the Uchiha district. I insisted, and made sure to be the ones to… Take care of your parents."

Understanding horror flashed across his face as the harsh meaning of Kana's words sunk in, "You mean, you…"

"Yeah," she whispered, "It felt wrong… For anyone else to do it." The memory of Mikoto's blank eyes staring up at her as Kana removed her body from their family home filled her mind. To this day she could still feel the way her cold, lifeless skin felt as Kana pecked her lips on her forehead in a final goodbye. It had been a gesture so frequently shown towards her and Itachi whenever they left to go on missions, and she had done it without thinking.

Kana remembered apologizing to Fugaku's corpse as she carried it, begging him to forgive their son for the orders he had been tasked with, then blaming him angrily for making things so bad that he was forced to this. She remembered the heavy weight of the air as she made her way through their house, the last time she would ever walk the halls and touch the doors.

"I knew that Itachi kept a majority of the pictures taken with that camera over the years in a box beneath his bed," she said, her voice barely louder than a whisper, "So I retrieved the box with the intention of turning it into a photo album for you, but… I couldn't bring myself to look through them."

Instead, she had taken one of the photos Itachi had taken of the three of them together and framed it, putting it on her nightstand. The rest of them remained in the box that Kana had tucked away in her bedroom closet. Every time she approached the door with the intention to take the pictures out and begin arranging them in the album she had purchased, she felt an impossible weight settle on her chest that would force Kana to her knees; it had been years since she even bothered to entertain the idea again.

Rubbing her gloved hands over her blurry eyes, Kana sighed, "But I thought I'd get this one out for you. To promise that I'll put it together when I get back from my mission."

Sasuke looked as if his heart had ripped in two as he spoke, "How long will you be gone?"

"Can't say," she whispered, voice cracking, "Not very long." Kana pat his leg one more time before standing up from the bed, sliding her mask over her face, "I have to get going now. I just… Wanted to come by to give you this."

A hand grabbing her by the wrist kept her from walking away, and Kana felt the hand tug her back down. Confused, but curious, she allowed Sasuke to tug her into a sitting position before the hand on her wrist moved up to the back of her head; the hand holding the picture placed it back into his lap and pulled aside her mask.

The mild anxiety associated with her mask being removed was instantly replaced by the crushing feeling of her heart being overfull as he gently touched their foreheads together.

"Thank you," he murmured, "For everything, big sister."

Not even another invasion from the Sound could have stopped Kana's warm tears from spilling out over her eyes and into the mask that clothed her cheeks. The gesture was one she frequently made with Sasuke when he was a child, usually when they were formulating some playful scheme against his family or when he was in need of comfort – Kana went on to extend the motion towards Lee, subsequently, but it had always been something that was special between the two of them.

Suddenly, this felt like a goodbye.

Kana choked back her sob and took a deep breath to fight against the tidal wave of emotions that threatened to pour over her and wash her away. With her forehead protector in the way she couldn't feel his forehead, so it was easier for her to pull away and stand from the bed. "I'll be back soon," she whispered.

There was a sadness in Sasuke's eyes that she would have done anything to make go away, but she didn't have time. Her mission was to begin in less than an hour, where Kana needed to be out of the village and on her way to the Village Hidden in the Clouds. It was a cooperative mission with another Anbu member from Suna, and it was extremely important for things to go as smoothly as possible – as heartless as they were perceived to be, Anbu were the most fiercely loyal members of their village's shinobi force. A successful mission performed by Leaf and Sand Anbu members would be a monumental step forward to salvaging their alliance.

Neither of them said another word as Kana exited the room.

* * *

 **Note** : Oh lawd. I don't really know how that happened lol - it was supposed to be an innocent tickle fight but then Genma happened and next thing I knew, 4,000 words had appeared in Word ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ Don't count on it ever happening again because I suck at writing smut lol. But jeeze this chapter was long, and there are only about... 4 chapters until I bring this story to a close and open up the Shippuden one.

Also, huge props to those of you that PM'ed me about the link between Itachi and Kana's medical ninjutsu. I feel like figuring it out would kind take away from this story's ending, but some of y'all are smart cookies :D


	25. Sasuke Retrieval Mission: Failed

With autumn fast approaching, Konoha had become subjected to beautiful weather of cool breezes and nights just chilly enough to warrant a light sweater. The land of Lightning, however, had no such weather; Kana was glad to have had the foresight to bring the hooded cloak issued to her as a part of her uniform as she wrapped it tighter around her small frame.

The Suna Anbu member had no such luxuries, though, and only scooted closer to the small flame they allowed themselves in the cave they were currently camping out in for the night. She donned the standard sleeveless uniform and a Doji Noh mask that was elaborately decorated with brown swirls that matched her brown topknot; she shivered when a particularly strong gust of wind reduced the pitiful flame to a thin line of smoke that pooled at the ceiling.

Kana formed hand seals and held them to the ground to form a small barrier a couple of yards in from the mouth of the cave, causing the Sand shinobi to look up at her.

"Is that a good idea," she asked in her raspy voice that sounded almost like a wheeze, "Maintaining a barrier like that?"

She shrugged, "A single half-assed barrier like this will hardly be something to pay any mind to. I can't have you catching a cold. Just go back to sleep, I'll wake you up when it's time to go."

When Kida laid back down, Kana readjusted herself so that she was more comfortable leaning against the wall and idly scanned their immediate surroundings with her Kurogan. Intelligence gathering missions were generally simple ones, but getting to the Cloud village appeared to be taking its toll on the Suna kunoichi, who was more accustomed to the dry heat of the desert as opposed to the humid cold they were currently in. It would be best to keep as much of the wind off of her while she slept, if only to prevent her from getting sick.

Kida was skinny, not slender or strong. Maybe Kana was used to shinobi that looked… Fuller, for lack of better word, but she almost came off as just a frail woman instead of a proper shinobi. The fact that Kida wasn't adapting well to her environment was cause for concern.

 _'Still, no point in worrying about it now,'_ Kana thought to herself. If the Suna chunin began to show signs of illness, she could always just take care of the mission on her own and leave Hanako as a guard. She drew her knees up to her chest and decided to keep her attention focused on surveying the area.

* * *

The pair moved swift, fast and silently. Despite being from different lands, they worked in a harmony that rivaled what she held with her old teammates.

Unfortunately, their villages apparently used different hand signals to relay orders and information so they had to use crude signs and Morse to get their messages across silently; Kana waved her hand to the side as she ducked behind a large suit of Kabuki armor. Kida crouched behind her, mirroring her movements, and placed her hand on the Leaf kunoichi's shoulder.

Kana began tapping her fingertips into the top of her glove _, "Seven Kumo ninja. Two at the end of the hall guarding the door, one patrolling, four guarding the objective."_

 _"Stealth?"_ Kida tapped back.

She shook her head, _"I can distract them. You sneak in after I engage the guards in the room."_

 _"Understood."_

Jumping up from her crouched position, Kana formed her chakra claws and lunged across the hall; her fingers were buried in the patrolling shinobi's throat and severing his airways and jugular before he could even register that he had been grabbed. She set his body on the floor behind another suit of armor, thankful for the dim lighting of the hideout providing enough darkness for adequate cover.

She focused chakra to her dominant hand, feeling it pool around her wrist and snake down into a black whip that hung down to the floor just before darting out from behind the armor. The whip snapped forward as she threw her arm out and shredded its way through his flak jacket and heart. He dropped to the floor without a word, the shock rendering him unconscious before he could bleed out. His teammate crumpled next to him less than a second later, and Kana had to kick her leg out before he faceplanted to the floor; their attack was relying heavily on the element of surprise so she didn't want the sound of his forehead protector clattering against the stone to alert his squad mates.

Just as she did, though, Kida sneezed.

If her teammate were a man, it wouldn't have been too much cause for concern, but there was a distinctly feminine sound to the sneeze that caused all four guards just beyond the door to whip their heads in their direction. Kana saw the small chakra flare from her teammate's alarm, and she whipped out a kunai to tap the floor as one of the guards made their way to the door.

 _"Camouflage. Genjutsu. Hide bodies."_

As long as no one within that room wielded a dojutsu like the Byakugan or Kurogan, their plan was still applicable, so Kana quickly sprung up to the ceiling and focused her chakra so she could grip the smooth surface. All she could do was hope that Kida was well enough to pull off a genjutsu strong enough to keep the guard fooled for Kana to take him out.

Just as the double doors shut behind him, Kana released the chakra and dropped down head-first; her hands snapped his neck with a satisfying ' _crunch'_ just moments before they both silently dropped to the floor.

The element of surprise was completely gone, that much she knew; the remaining three guards were on full alert and watching the door intently for their companion's return. Kana flung the door open and bolted across the floor with her demon arm formed, Kida hot on her heels.

All eyes were on her as the demon arm cut through her opponent before he had time to gasp in surprise, quickly transforming into the chakra whip and shooting across the room to sever the next guard's neck with a muted crack. By the time Kana began to lunge to the side to dodge the lightning-enhanced shuriken being lobbed at her, Kida was already rifling through files with her Camouflage Jutsu hiding her presence enough for their opponent to not notice the papers moving. Kana flickered across the room and threw out a kick hard and fast enough for the shinobi's skull to cave in around her boot.

"You really _are_ the Black Demon Fox, aren't you?" Kida asked nonchalantly as she sifted through a new stack of papers.

"Is that what they call me?" Kana wiped some of the blood off of her gloves by smearing it over her flak jacket, "Kind of a mouthful, but it sounds cool."

The Suna shinobi chuckled half-heartedly and handed her a couple of files, "Here. These are some battle plans and formation descriptions," she looked back to a particular piece of paper that held her interest, "I heard the name a few years ago when I was still a genin. During our preparations for the Chunin Exams there were some tokubetsu jonin that were trying to scare us with a story about the Leaf's shinobi. Particularly, about three ninja that became Anbu as children: the Black Demon Fox, the Copy Ninja and Itachi of the Illusions. I always assumed they were stories blown out of proportion."

Kana smirked, "They probably were, but I hope I lived up to your expectations." She flipped through the files, scanning each page to memorize its contents, "Have you found the list of officials yet? We're running out of time."

"I'm pretty sure I've found it, but the code on this one is a lot more difficult to decipher. We might have to take this with us for the Cryptanalysis Team to handle. And, no, you didn't disappoint. Though I imagined you to be a little taller."

She raised an eyebrow from behind her mask and took the file that Kida handed her, "Being small has its perks," she mumbled gruffly, "Though if we're honest, I'm more of a cat person than a fox – whoa, are you okay?"

Kida had doubled over into a coughing fit, clutching the desk with both hands to prevent herself from collapsing – Kana channeled healing chakra to her hands and cupped the Suna shinobi's back. She had been right in assuming that her teammate had been having trouble with the cold, humid weather, but Kana hadn't realized that it had gotten so bad so quickly.

"There's a buildup of fluid in your lungs, caused by an advanced case of pneumonia. Why didn't you tell me you were feeling ill?" There was a sharp edge to her tone that wasn't necessarily intentional, but Kana couldn't help but feel irritated by the Anbu's failure to keep her updated on her condition.

"Sorry, I didn't think it was that bad."

It was a lousy excuse, and judging by Kida's tone Kana knew that she knew it. Still, her irritation only grew while she channeled the chakra into her lungs, "You have exudative pleural effusion and a nasty fever. It's _essential_ for shinobi to be constantly aware of the condition of their teammates – even if it didn't feel that bad you still should have told me." She concentrated on pulling the buildup of fluid and phlegm out of the kunoichi's body, "Thankfully there isn't too much fluid. But you're going to need antibiotics, and soon. How did you get so bad in just a couple of days?"

Kida hung her head as her breathing began to normalize, "I know. I'm sorry, really. I simply don't handle wet climates like this well."

 _'Then why the fuck did you take a mission to a village literally in the clouds, in an oceanic country?'_ she thought to herself angrily. Was this really a member of the Sand's Anbu Black Ops? "There. That's the best I can do right now. Give me the rest of the files and let's go."

* * *

Sand could go fuck itself, Kana decided as another gust of wind blew a cloud of granules into her face. Even with her cloaked hood and mask hiding her body, it still seemed to find a way into her eyes and mouth and hair and it was beginning to really piss her off.

"Man, you Leaf shinobi sure do look grumpy whenever you're on our turf," a voice chuckled from behind her; Kana turned to see a teenaged boy with spiky brown hair strolling up to her with his hands stuffed into his black pants.

Narrowing her eyes, she turned to face him, "You say that as if you can actually see me."

His smug grin only expanded as she spoke, "Don't need to. The way you're practically cowering into the wall is enough to tell me that you're as miserable as you can be! What's wrong, too used to your fluffy leaves and trees?"

Kana snorted, "You know, that's tough talk coming from a Sand citizen. I took one of your Anbu for a stroll to the Land of Lightning for a _week_ and she came back with a fever of one hundred and five and so much fluid buildup that if it weren't for me she would have drowned to death. Maybe you guys should leave your nice dry weather for-" a strong gale full of fine sand cut the kunoichi off mid-sentence as she turned her face away to avoid inhaling the grains.

Despite his arrogant attitude, the boy moved to her side as if to shield her from the strong breeze. "If you hate it so much, why don't you just head inside? Why are you hangin' around out here?" he asked, sounding both amused and concerned.

"Mission stuff. Waiting on your cryptanalysists to get back to me," Kana coughed.

"And you have to be _outside_ of the standby station for that?"

"I don't feel welcome inside, so this was the next best place."

When the particularly long blast of wind appeared to have finally passed, Kana pushed herself off of the wall she had been curling into and faced the kid. He only looked to be maybe a year or two older than Neji and the rest of the kids, though he was a few inches taller and noticeably heavier than them. Thinking of him as a kid probably was only going to say more about herself than him, considering that probably placed him somewhere around her age.

His face twisted into that of confusion when she looked up at him, as if he was wracking his brain for something. "Hey, have we met before?" he asked, scrunching his wide nose.

"Uh… I'm not exactly from around here, so… I doubt it?"

"No, I've seen your mask before!" he suddenly exclaimed, "You were in the tower during the last Chunin Exams, right?"

Kana narrowed her eyes from behind said mask and took a step back – there were only three shinobi she had come across in the tower that day, and all three of them were key components in the Sand-Sound invasion.

Sensing her uneasiness, Kankuro held up his hands in the same way he did when his younger brother was trying to pick a fight, "Hey, look-"

"No, don't," she cut in with a sigh, "The whole reason I'm here is to solidify our nations' alliance. Don't dredge up old shit. I was… Just wondering how there was such an ugly mug underneath that cool facepaint."

The genin's jaw dropped just a second before his lips stretched into an amused smile, "Tough talk coming from someone that hides behind a mask all the time," he laughed, "You must look like a real witch."

She cracked a smile, "Trust me, I wouldn't be sweating to death in this mask if I didn't have to," Kana chuckled. Truth be told, she couldn't wait to get home to her shower and bed; there was nothing she wanted more than to snuggle up next to Raido and sleep for a week. "Do you guys even _have_ seasons?" she added as an afterthought.

"Captain, I have a copy of the file you requested."

Kana took the envelope marked with a red "CLASSIFIED" stamp and a paper seal from the Suna shinobi that had approached them, "Thank you, Chappu. I'll be sure this gets to Lady Hokage swiftly."

The bespectacled jonin bowed with a formal smile, "Have safe travels, miss."

"Whoa, wait, you're leaving?" Kankuro asked as the cryptanalysis team member left, "I was just about to ask you to lunch!"

Kana blinked stupidly at the teenager, who suddenly looked offended at the concept of her wanting to return home. "I… What?" was all she managed to get out after a long pause.

Kankuro furrowed his eyebrows at her response for a moment before his eyes widened, "No, not like – I wanted to make it up to you for Gaara losin' his cool during the exams," he insisted with a blush tinting his tanned skin, "Damn, Foxy."

" _Foxy_?" she snorted, "Really? As if I'd go to lunch with some loser kid that calls me ' _Foxy_.'" When Kankuro frowned, Kana smiled from behind her mask and patted his shoulder, "Maybe next time… Tiger."

"Oh, a joke about my war paint _and_ my hood. _Smooth_. Really, that was a good one." Despite the sarcasm dripping from his voice, the teenager looked genuinely amused. "Next time, then. You go on back to your fluffy soil and soft leaves before you choke to death out here."

Taking the hand that was held out to her, Kana nodded, "Yeah, yeah, I'll do that while you go back to your finger painting."

Kankuro laughed as she walked away.

* * *

Blood. There was so much blood.

 _"Wh-what… Lady Hokage, I don't understand," Kana's voice was impossibly small as she somehow found the strength to speak, "Sasuke…."_

 _Tsunade leaned her elbows on the desk she sat behind and threaded her fingers together with a grim expression, "I understand you just got back to the village, but you're one of the only medics I can spare. We have a team from the Village Hidden in the Sand already coming in to the recovery team's aid, and I need to make sure one of our own can get out to the field to attend to their injuries."_

 _The room spun as the Hokage spoke._

 _Sasuke was gone._

 _He left._

Kana's fingers trembled as she applied enough healing chakra to Neji's wound, desperately trying to ignore the fact that she could see straight through his body.

 _"I'm sending you out with Shizune and two other Anbu members. Your orders are to stabilize any of those that may be critically injured and ensure they return to Konoha safely."_

Exhaustion was replaced by cold fear ripping through her consciousness as more blood spurted over her gloved fingers faster than she could close off the vessels and stitch together what muscles she could.

Lee was missing, presumably engaging an S-ranked shinobi in battle.

Sasuke abandoned the village to join Orochimaru.

Neji was dying.

 _"You are not to engage any enemies," Tsunade continued, "I know you're not classified as a medical ninja but you have shown nearly as much proficiency as my own apprentice, who will be leading the squad. Kakashi Hatake will be meeting with the Sand nin. You will rendezvous with them."_

"I can take him from here," Shizune said, holding her hands over Kana's, "Go on ahead with the others!"

For the first time in what felt like years, Kana couldn't bring herself to obey the orders she only barely heard; she continued to focus on repairing the damage done to his chest as if nothing had happened. It wasn't into Shizune barked into her ear something about how he needed to be taken back to the village that she finally acknowledged her.

"He's… Neji's my brother," she whispered, "I can't…"

"I understand but if he doesn't get the Healing Resuscitation Regeneration Technique ASAP then he's going to die! Now _go_!"

With one last tearful look, Kana stood onto legs that threatened to give out beneath her weight and began running with the last remaining medic. It felt as if her heart was being slowly crushed beneath a large boulder as she robotically scanned their surroundings – she didn't even register her own voice as she told the brown-haired woman to change their direction by forty degrees west.

Lee was missing.

Sasuke betrayed their home.

Neji was dying.

It was all she could think about even as her body moved on automatic. What could have possibly possessed Lady Tsunade into thinking it was a good idea to send a group of _genin_ , led by a wet-behind-the-ears chunin, after the Sound's elite was something Kana simply couldn't comprehend. Her own feelings for Sasuke aside, would it not make more sense to send a team of jonin to prevent Orochimaru from obtaining the Sharingan? Or she could have insisted that Danzo spare a team of his own Root members.

They dropped to the forest floor about five minutes later where two shinobi were sitting at the base of a tree, one wrapping some sort of puppet and the other holding a small puppy.

"Hey sis," the genin wheezed, "Took ya long enough."

Kana noticed that both the kid and the medic had similar cheek markings before she looked at the Sand shinobi that had been kneeling by his side. Recognition flashed across his face just as he stood up and waved, "Hey, Foxy! Fancy seeing _you_ here."

"Do you need me?" she asked the medic, turning from the Suna genin. Even with her back completely turned to him, Kana could see the look of disappointment on Kankuro's face at her blatant disregard of him.

The medic shook her head, "No, I got this," she said, "Go on ahead and help the others."

"I'll come with you. My sister and little brother are still out there," Kankuro said firmly, lifting his wrapped puppet up off of the ground and slinging it over his shoulders while he approached the jonin. There wasn't much point in arguing, so Kana wordlessly turned and jumped up to the tree branches.

Thankfully he didn't attempt to make any conversation as they traveled; the only thing she was capable of thinking of was how cold Neji's skin was beneath hers – how she shouldn't have left his side. It took more willpower than Kana thought she had to keep herself from turning back. As much as she wanted to take care of Neji, Lee was still out there.

 _'Lee…'_

The weight on her chest threatened to flatten the last of her spirit as images of Lee being in Neji's position flickered in front of her eyes: Large, wide eyes lifeless and blood soaking his green jumpsuit reddish-brown. Kana subconsciously added more chakra to her feet to propel her body forward faster just as they broke through the last of the intact trees; everything around them now was just one half-tree after the other with the exception of one lone tree with two shinobi standing on one of its branches.

"Temari!"

The blonde girl with four pig tails put a hand on her hip and waved at her brother, greeting the two as they landed on the branch. Kana's eyes scanned Shikaku's son, who appeared to be uninjured.

"Do you require medical attention?" she asked flatly.

Shikaku's son – Shikamaru might have been his name – shrugged and held out the hand he had been cradling to reveal a finger twisted into an unnatural position, "Just a broken finger, thankfully. If Temari didn't show up when she did, I probably woulda been toast."

She cupped his hand with her own and began to channel healing chakra, ignoring his pained grunts and complaints as Kana straightened his index finger out so it resembled a more normal state. For a moment she considered just splinting it and taking off, but figured that it would take the same amount of time and effort to just heal the bone entirely and reduce the swelling.

"Hey…" Shikamaru muttered, "That blood on your hands and vest… Did the others…"

"The dog kid is fine, his sister is taking care of him. Akimichi and Neji…" Kana kept her voice as passive as possible, but knew that it wavered enough for the three to notice, "… It's bad. I'm sorry." She didn't need to look up at his face to know the effect her substandard report had on the boy. Shikamaru's hand twitched in her own as the cracks in his finger began to seal shut. "Did you happen across Rock Lee?"

Shikamaru shook his head, causing her heart to somehow find a way to sink even lower. When his finger was healed, Kana asked him for the direction that Naruto was last seen heading in and took off in a full sprint; she could see that Kankuro followed in her wake but made no attempt to slow herself for him. Instead, she flicked the finger with Raido's ring to reveal the razor-sharp claw that was hidden within the band and nicked the pad of her thumb before forming the hand seals for the summoning jutsu.

A pack of five ninneko appeared before her in a cloud of white smoke, looking up at her with varying expressions of expectancy and concern.

"Alright, I need you fan out," she commanded, "We're looking for Rock Lee, Sasuke Uchiha and two jinchuriki. They'll have weird chakra signatures so they'll stick out like a sore thumb, and you already know Lee's and Sasuke's scents. Go!"

The ninja cats took no time to flicker outwards in a large fan formation, moving just as fast as their owner as they began to approach the part of the woods that hadn't been completely devastated by the Nara kid's fight.

It only took about ten minutes of running at full sprint before Momoko appeared by her side. "Rock Lee has been found with the Sand's jinchuruki," she said hurriedly, "Weary and injured but both are alive. Follow!"

There was no relief at the ninneko's words – there wouldn't be until Kana saw them with her own two eyes. In fact, dread only continued to build as they ran and more images of an injured Lee flashed through her mind.

What if she found him just lying on the forest floor, covered in blood, or too broken to move…

 _'What if he injured his spine again?'_

The thought made Kana sick to her stomach – having his dream stolen away from him, just after it was given back to him, would be a fate worse than death for Lee.

A bright, blue flame snapped her out of the horrors going on in her mind; it shone like a beautiful beacon next to the bizarre brownish-red signature that sat next to it. At the sound of a familiar voice calling her name, Kana would have opened up the first gate to race across the clearing if it meant getting to him faster.

"Kana!" Lee called again with a toothy grin.

Chunks of dirt and grass flew by her face as she pushed her mask to the side, skidding to a stop at the base of the tree he was sitting against. Kana cupped the boy's face and tilted it up so that she could touch their foreheads together.

Bandaged hands covered hers, "You have come back from your mission! You are home in time for my training, just as you promised!"

"Lee, oh sweet, baby Lee," she whispered, choking back a sob, "What were you _thinking_? Are you hurt? What on _earth_ made you think you were ready for battle so soon after your surgery?"

Lee's wide eyes connected with hers guiltily, "I am sorry, I know I have worried you and Guy-sensei. Please understand, I could not simply stand by and let our comrades put their lives on the line-"

"Gaara!" Kankuro dropped next to his brother, cutting Lee off mid sentence, "Gaara, are you okay?"

"Lee, tell me, are you injured? Can you move?" Kana pulled back enough to look the teenager up and down while gently patting his body for any sore spots.

His smile faltered at the sound of her panicked tone, "Kana, I am alright," he squirmed uncomfortably when she prodded his back, "A little sore, but it does not hurt very much. Please, calm down, Gaara came to my aid before my opponent was able to overpower me."

The jonin tore her bloodshot eyes away from Lee to look at the named genin, "Is that true?"

This was the Suna shinobi that crushed half of Lee's body and made an attempt to murder him in the preliminary rounds. Obviously there was no other reason for the two to be lounging in the shade, and his siblings were a part of the rescue team, but the situation seemed so bizarre.

Gaara nodded slowly, "I will never be able to truly atone for my past sins, but we are allies," he answered, "We chose to rest before heading back due to my chakra depletion."

"Kakashi has the other jinchuriki," one of her ninneko swiftly dropped down from a tree branch to pad up next to Kana, "They are on their way back to the village now. He says there is no need to rendezvous."

"Whoa, a talking cat?"

She ignored Kankuro, focusing on Pumpkin's exact wording, "And Sasuke?" she asked, hearing her already small voice shrivel up. When her ninneko said there was no trace of him past Naruto's location, Kana had to force herself to deadpan against the violent, near-insurmountable tidal wave of grief that threatened to drown her. Any relief she felt from seeing Lee alive and well completely left her body and was replaced by nausea and the thick blanket of depression.

Kana stood from her kneeling position to, "Are you well enough to travel, Gaara?"

Alarm flashed over Lee's face, "Kana-"

"My mission was to ensure everyone made it back to the village safe," she said flatly, "If you're okay to travel, we should get going."

Gaara lifted himself into a standing position, Lee and Kankuro mirroring his movements, "Let us go, then."

"Kana, wait," Lee said, voice twinged with panic, "Does this mean that Naruto failed in-"

Kana looked over at him sharply, cutting him off, before pulling her porcelain mask back over her face. Considering the Suna genin had already seen her eyes and the tops of her cheeks, covering her face was more to save him the sight of the tears that sprang to her eyes.

Sasuke was gone.

Neji was dying.

* * *

Up, down.

The door to Neji's hospital room opened.

Up, down.

Genma rolled over in his bed.

Up, down

Lee sneezed.

Up, down.

"Staring at him won't make him recover any faster, you know."

Kana didn't respond, choosing to ignore Kakashi as he made his way over to where she sat next to the teenager's bed.

Up, down.

The sound of Neji breathing through the oxygen mask strapped to his face coincided with the gentle rise and fall of his chest, but did nothing to apprise anyone listening of the way his brow furrowed and twitched with every inhale. She wanted nothing but to cover his ribs with her hands and apply medical ninjutsu until it was better, until he no longer struggled to perform a simple action such as breathing, but any more healing chakra applied to his body could begin to work against him.

Instead, Kana sat by his side and watched him sleep through the pain.

Up, down.

Raido rubbed his face.

A warm half-gloved hand found its way to rest on her shoulder, and Kana flinched at the sudden contact. Despite having her Kurogan activated, and seeing Kakashi reach out to her, the sensation of someone touching her almost felt searing.

He pulled his hand back for less than a heartbeat, but placed it back on Kana's shoulder just as gently. "Kana, you need rest."

Up, down.

Kana didn't respond; she didn't want to sleep or do anything that would require her taking her eyes off of Neji's sleeping form. Genma, Raido, Lee and Neji were all on the same hospital floor, and Kana was watching every movement they made, ready to rush to any of them that may need her.

She wasn't going anywhere.

"If you want, I can get you dad," Kakashi whispered, "Come on, let's go to his apartment and get you cleaned up." To make his point, he slid his hand down to her waist and brought his other hand to Kana's elbow, which was still covered by the soiled cloak she had worn on her mission, who only shrugged him off.

Up, down.

The hand on her elbow moved down to her hand as the older man moved to a kneeling position; his thumb stroked her clothed knuckles while the hand on her back stayed motionless. Kakashi said nothing this time, only looking up at her with one agonizingly sad eye while her own sore ones remained on Neji.

Exhaustion was making itself known, and there was a small part of Kana that knew she wouldn't be able to keep this up for much longer – she hadn't slept for over a week, since she left the village for her mission with Kida, Kana had expended a huge amount of chakra with the other medics performing the resuscitation technique and her kekkei genkai was taking an enormous toll on her after nearly seventeen hours of use. Even her willpower had begun to wane upon hearing of how Raido and Genma had been critically injured when attempting to apprehend the Sound Ninja Four.

A small croak escaped her sore throat as Kana attempted to speak. She hadn't said a word since retrieving Lee from the forest, and it sounded like an explosion in her ears against the oppressive silence that weighed down on her.

Up, down.

"Kakashi…" she mumbled hoarsely, "I... I promised… I…" A tightening in her throat kept her from forming any words, reducing Kana to raspy vowels.

There was a knowing look in Kakashi's eye as he gently tugged her from the chair she had been firmly planted in for more hours than she cared to count, pulling her to her feet. Kana instinctively curled into the jonin's body and took in the familiar scent of cinnamon and musk that was only barely tainted by the smell of the hospital. God knew how she must have smelled, having been unable to shower for over a week and being covered in blood.

Up, down.

Flicking her finger for the second time that day, Kana sliced the pad of her thumb and formed the hand seals to summon Hanako, Pumpkin and Momoko, twisting her body to the side so she could place her hand on the hospital floor.

The bakeneko nuzzled into her palm, _'Sad girl.'_

 _'Please watch Neji for me,'_ she thought feebly, _'Send Pumpkin to Lee, and Momoko to room 108 with Genma and Raido.'_

 _'Go rest with Wolf, we will keep them safe for you,'_ Hanako purred. Kana watched the smaller ninneko trot out of the room while the large black cat nestled into the corner closest to Neji's bed.

Kakashi kept one hand on her elbow and held her firmly against his chest with the one on her waist as he stood and turned towards the door, "We'll go to Guy's for the night," he murmured, helping her stagger towards the door.

All Kana could manage was a pathetic cough.

The next couple of hours moved by in a haze – she dimly remembered the way Guy's breathing hitched when he opened the door to see Kana sagging against his oldest friend, hardly conscious and covered in blood. At some point she thought she could remember being handed a bowl of rice and salted fish, but Kana couldn't remember the actual action of eating it; the only reason she knew that she had accepted the offer was because her stomach no longer twisted as painfully.

Kakashi provided idle chatter as he helped Kana shower, who was too exhausted to do more than sit on the shower floor and let him run the soapy washcloth over her shoulders and back. While the majority of the blood was only on the Anbu uniform still crumpled on the bathroom tile next to the stall, there was sand and dirt that had been caked into her skin by sweat and the blood that had seeped through her uniform. It rolled down her skin in varying hues of red, grey and brown in the form of rivulets, swirling around the drain in the center of the shower floor in a murky whirlpool. Kana couldn't help but wonder how much of it was Neji's.

"Kashi…" she whispered, "I almost… I almost lost… Neji _died_ … _He_ _died twice_ at the hospital when… When…" A choked sound escaped her lips, "And Genma and Raido… Shizune told me… They… Almost didn't make it… And… Sasuke… He…"

Hot water rolled down pale cheeks that were tinged pink by the steam, as if mocking her for being unable to cry. Kana couldn't keep her thoughts in order, and she was too tired – both mentally and physically – to manage much more than broken segments. Thankfully there was a look of understanding in Kakashi's face when she looked up at him, craving some sort of validation from her best friend.

One of his hands, the one he had been using to scrub away at the dirt and grime, rose to cup Kana's cheek, the rough fabric of the cloth rubbing at her dirty cheek. "I know," he said, his voice low and tight, "A lot has happened, I know it hurts."

Another tired cough came out with a raspy sob, and Kana closed her eyes.

* * *

 **Note** : Aaaand this is when the story just gets sad and unhappy. Sit tight, folks!


	26. Kekkei Tota

_Kana's hand threaded its way through soft brown hair, her fingertips ghosting over the shoulder of the sleeping boy draped over her body. "When do you think we should go back?" she whispered, not wanting to speak too loudly for the boys' sakes._

 _A tender smile graced Itachi's face as he turned his head to look at her, "I wouldn't mind staying just a little while longer." He raised an eyebrow when he looked at Neji, "He sure loves that hair of yours, doesn't he?" the boy added as an afterthought._

 _She peered down at the toddler, who had Kana's hair bunched up in his tiny fist with the ends in his mouth, "I think the fact that it changes color fascinates him," she murmured. Kana dropped her head back onto the grass and sighed happily, "I'm glad they got along today."_

 _It was Itachi's turn to look down at the sleeping boy that was nestled into the crook of his arm with an expression that could only be described as complete adoration, "It would be good for them to have a close friend by the time they entered the academy," he agreed, "Neji's a bit shy, but they're both happy children. I'm sure they will become fast friends."_

 _Sasuke stirred and lifted his head just long enough to blink his large, bleary eyes up at his brother before giving a content sigh and snuggling closer into his side. Neji remained asleep despite the conversation, drooling happily all over Kana's chunin vest while he lightly snored away._

 _The sight must have amused Itachi, because he chuckled lightly as the pool of darkened fabric slowly expanded. Kana resisted the urge to join him, not wanting to disturb the toddler that was so obviously wiped out from a day of picnics and playing various games. "He's so perfect," she murmured as she brushed a stray lock of hair from his face. Just looking at Neji was enough to make her heart swell; she loved him so much that it hurt sometimes._

 _"Will you promise me something?" she asked quietly._

 _"Anything," was Itachi's immediate response as he looked up from the sleeping baby in his arms._

 _Kana looked up at the darkening sky. Clouds were stretched into thin ribbons across a blanket of deep purples and reds, accented by a twinge of blue as twilight began to approach. "If something were to ever happen to me… I want you to take care of him, Tachi," her gaze returned to her friend, "Keep him safe for me."_

 _The hand that wasn't rubbing Sasuke's back reached over to hers, his fingertips brushing along the palm of Kana's hand before lightly tracing up to the pads of her fingers and squeezing gently._

 _"I promise. Will you promise me something, then?"_

 _A knowing smile graced Kana's seven year-old lips, "Of course."_

 _"If something were to happen to me, you'll protect Sasuke no matter what," he whispered._

 _She curled her fingers up and danced the tips over Itachi's palm, pinching his fingertips lightly, "I promise."_

* * *

When Kana awoke, there was a moment of panic when she realized that she couldn't see; that panic was only amplified by the cold empty feel of the bed she was resting in. It took her nearly a full minute to remember what had transpired, that her blindness was basically self-induced.

As much as she wanted to stay in bed and sleep away the depression and worry, as well as her body's weakness, Kana rolled over to the edge of the bed and slid off of the mattress to slowly kneel on the floor. She pushed herself up onto shaky legs and slowly lurched towards her dad's dresser, knowing that if he had laid any clothes out for her then they would be resting atop the furniture.

Yep, just as she suspected, Kana's fingers found the familiar feel of her uniform neatly folded on top of the wood dresser, smelling of detergent and softener, after a couple moments of fumbling around. With her arms quivering as much as they were she could only manage to slide her skin-tight shirt over her body and wiggle on the clean pair of panties over her butt before making her way to the door, suddenly desperate for something to drink.

Thankfully she knew Guy's apartment well enough to only need one hand on the wall to act as a guide as she stumbled down the hall towards where the kitchen was. Though, the more she walked, the more she found herself relying on the wall for support. There was something in her path - maybe a new piece of furniture that she hadn't noticed - and it was there where she tripped and collapsed painfully to the floor.

It was that moment that Kana felt the full weight of everything that had happened in the last few weeks come crashing down on her chest in a single, painful fall. She felt dizzy and sick and weak and so, _so_ tired. The feeling she had the night she had gone to see Sasuke before leaving for the Cloud village wasn't just a bad vibe – it really _had_ been a goodbye. He had made his decision to leave Konoha by then.

 _'Itachi, please forgive me,'_ she prayed, _'I failed…'_

Her body convulsed with a silent sob as she covered her face with her hands, pressing the tips of her fingers into her eyes until she saw red and yellow novas.

Itachi was dying, Sasuke was going to most likely be killed by Orochimaru, Neji was on life support, Raido and Genma were still dealing with near-fatal injuries, her promotion came from her failing a handful of teammates…

Kana curled in on herself on the wood floor that prodded her bones painfully and trembled against the crushing sensation of failure, of letting down those around her.

As much as she doted on those she cared about, it seemed she was incapable of protecting _anyone_ when it actually mattered - no matter how much she claimed to love someone, Kana was never there for them when they needed her.

And that was the cold, hard truth.

She would never be enough for them.

She was a killer. Her entire being could be boiled down to the word "Murderer."

How could she have ever hoped to be anything other than that?

She hated this. She hated _herself_.

With practiced familiarity she formed the hand seals for the teleportation jutsu with the hope that Kana possessed enough chakra by this point to get her where she needed to go. Kana needed to be with someone that didn't make her feel like a shinobi. She needed to be with the one person that just made her feel _normal_.

There was an immediate change in the air and a small popping sound that told her that she did, in fact, have enough chakra, though it only just barely enough.

"Kitten?"

"Oh fuck…"

Genma was to the right, Raido was to the left. Kana rolled onto her knees and pushed herself onto trembling legs, staggering over to where her lover's voice came from. Still only able to see a small flicker of light, her arms reached out and felt the air in front of her, "Rai..."

She could hear fabric rustling and a low groan of pain just before feeling Raido's hands wrap around her own to gently guide her to his bed.

During her first attempt at clambering over the metal rail, Kana slipped and fell down to her knees with a hiss; the only thing that kept her upright was the iron grip the tokujo had on her wrists. "Come on, I've got you," he murmured as she tried again to force her exhausted body onto the hospital bed, "You're almost there."

Arms immediately wrapped around Kana's body when she was in the bed, pulling her flush against her lover's chest, and a small noise that sounded like both a sob and a cough escaped her lips. Raido tightened his hold on her just as she clutched the fabric of his shirt.

Despite the feeling of a dam bursting, Kana was simply too tired to cry as passionately as her emotions demanded; tears flowed from her sightless eyes with pathetic whimpers and coughs that were muffled into silence by Raido's chest instead.

* * *

She must have passed out, because she somehow found herself in a bed with no recollection of how she got there. There was a comfortable weight on her shoulder that massaged the muscle there as she stirred. Bleary eyes blinked in a vain attempt at focusing her vision, which had become too dark and blurry for Kana to see more than a flickering light.

It was then that the kunoichi realized she had been wrapped around something, though it took her several long minutes to realize that it was another human being that was pressing gentle kisses into her hair.

"Rai…" she croaked, craning her neck up to look at him, "Where…?"

"You can't see?"

"I overdid it..." Her entire body hurt due to chakra depletion, but her blindness was caused from using her kekkei genkai for too long. Dojutsu always took a toll on the user if they were wielded for too long or too frequently, though Kana hadn't pushed herself this hard in a long time – there was still a screaming headache that threatened to split her head into two.

There was the sound of a book snapping shut – a book that sounded very much like the dirty novels she read until the pages wore away – before Kana felt him take hold of her hand and bring it up to his chest. "I've got more than enough to spare."

She jerked her hand back at the feeling of warm flesh beneath her fingertips, as opposed to Raido's shirt as she had been expecting, out of shock before tentatively prodding his chest to make sure that he was, indeed, shirtless. "Why aren't you wearing… " Kana's fingers skidded over his clavicle and up his neck, where she could feel coarse stubble, "Where is your shirt?"

"What do you think _you're_ wearing?" he asked, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, "You scared the hell out of Guy when you disappeared, and he came here with clothes for you, though..." Raido shifted awkwardly, "Thankfully the girl with buns said she'd bring you your things so you didn't have to wear one of those - I quote - god awful jumpsuits."

Yeah, that'd be Tenten. To be fair, _she_ used to wear those jumpsuits – though hers was black. She still technically wore it, too, even if it was sleeveless and legless. Considering Guy was nearly twice her size, though, Kana doubted it would make her look anything more than wrinkled bok choy. She squirmed experimentally, feeling the loose fabric move against her skin, and noticed how the sleeves felt bunched up around her biceps; whoever dressed her must have rolled up the ends for her.

"You didn't have to do that…" she mumbled, trying to push herself up onto her elbows.

Her hand was pulled back to his chest, "As weak as you are, the last thing you need is to be sleeping just that thin Anbu shirt," he said warmly, "Now take some of my chakra before you make yourself worse."

Kana shook her head and tried to withdraw her hand, but it was held firmly in place and she was too exhausted to put much effort into her movements, "You know I hate-"

"I'm _offering_."Raido 's tone was gentle, but had a sense of finality to it. Even so, the idea of using her chakra absorption technique on someone she cared about left her feeling squicked. It was something she only ever used on opponents either to finish them off, or weaken them enough so that they could be interrogated. Using it on a comrade – never mind someone she held a mutual, wholly trust with like Raido – felt more than wrong.

There was a growing warmth beneath her palm that caused the man's breathing to hitch. "Just a little," she shamefully mumbled.

"It's alright, kitten, take as much as you need. I'll be okay."

Kana squeezed her unseeing eyes shut, hating how good even the tiny stream of chakra felt as it traveled up her arm and pooled in her chest as Raido so obviously was struggling to keep his breathing regular for her sake. This wasn't a comfortable experience for the person on the other end; that much she knew.

When she no longer felt as if her arms and legs were completely made of lead, her hand slid down to Raido 's hip with a gratuitous sigh, "Thank you, Rairai." Kana wouldn't be able to turn that chakra into healing chakra to help her eyes at all, due to the whole fact she had been blinded due to mild chakra burn, but having her levels slowly being replenished eased some of her headache and soothed some of Kana's rigid muscles.

The hand on her shoulder moved up to her head and began to rub gentle circles. "Of course," he murmured, "Just get some rest."

It was all of the encouragement she needed. No longer suffering from skull-splitting pain, Kana curled back into Raido's body and allowed sleep to claim her.

* * *

"…Give… Three…"

"Need two…"

"…Good."

Kana's back was stiff, that was the first thing she noticed when her mind began drifting into consciousness. The second was that her throat felt as if it had been completely sucked dry of any moisture and then glued shut. When her eyes fluttered open, the third thing was that Kana could finally see.

A small, hoarse sound squeezed past her sore throat just before she picked her head up off of the pillow.

"Welcome back, lady," she heard Genma say, his grin almost audible.

Propping herself up on her elbow with one arm and rubbing her face with the other, Kana looked towards where his voice had come from – her vision was still blurry from sleep, and the light seemed to shine particularly bright through the window, but she could still see through her fingers that he was sitting on the floor with Kotetsu, Izumo and the tokujos playing some sort of card game.

Raido set his hand on the floor and stood up to walk towards the bed, "Hey, kitten, you doing okay?"

"Water?" was all she could croak, twisting around towards the bed table and removing her hand to look for a shape that may resemble a cup or glass. Shit, she'd drink fucking IV fluid by this point if it kept her throat from grinding itself into sawdust.

Anko reached into the long jacket she wore and tossed something small, round and metal at Kana, who caught it with deft hands despite not looking in her direction; it was a canteen. She quickly unscrewed the cap and brought the spout to her lips, almost whimpering at the beautiful sensation of the cool liquid splashing against her tongue – when was the last time she actually had something to drink? Surely it was before she had gotten back to the village.

In the back of her mind Kana knew that she should probably take it slow and drink the water in sips, but in that moment she knew that there was no way she could do anything other than gulp down the water that washed away the parched feeling left by Suna's desert.

A small line of water dribbled down her chin when she finally had to pull the canteen away in a desperate need for air, and she could practically feel Raido's eyes looking down at her with worry when he kissed the top of her head. "How long as I asleep?" she asked a little too breathlessly.

"Um… About a day and a half," Genma answered, "Rough mission?"

Screwing the cap back on, Kana chucked the metal container back at the woman, "Eh, it wasn't rough. I just really hate the desert. Thanks, Anko." Truth be told, she hated just about any environment that wasn't similar to the Land of Fire's gentle warm forests. "What are you guys playing?"

"Hold 'Em, wanna play – holy _shit_ , Gen, you weren't kidding."

She narrowed her eyes at the group, who were all gaping at her in astonishment – with the exception of Genma, who shrugged, and Anko, who looked impressed. "You weren't kidding, _what_ , Genma?" she asked threateningly.

Honestly, Kana was expecting someone to tell her that Raido had allowed his friend to draw something stupid on her face, but Genma actually looked genuinely confused at her tone. "Hey now, I didn't do anything. I told them about how your eyes have changed, that's all."

"What are you-"

A revelation hit Kana like a ton of bricks, cutting her off before she could finish asking what the hell the tokujo was talking about. Itachi's illness, Neji's near-death experience, Sasuke's betrayal… Her temporary blindness, lasting longer than it normally did, and her eyes feeling too sensitive to a normal amount of light. "I need a mirror," she demanded.

Aoba raised an eyebrow, "Yeah let me just pull out the mirror I always carry around with me," he drawled, "While we're at it, wanna borrow my _lipstick_?"

Izumo scolded the tokujo, but Kana didn't pay attention to what he actually said as she whipped her head around to scan the room for anything that had a reflective surface.

"Ahh, god dammit! Anko, I hate you!" Kotetsu suddenly whined, throwing his hand down onto the linoleum. Anko only laughed and ran a hand through her spiky bangs, looking as smug as all hell.

Izumo raised an eyebrow and grinned at his best friend's pout before placing his hand on the floor in a neat stack, "Fold."

Genma followed suit, and Aoba's smug grin turned to one of victory when Raido waved his hand in dismissal at the group, clearly more interested in the dark-haired woman that was climbing over the edge of the bed.

"Hey, where ya goin'?" Anko asked casually as she scooped the cards together and began to shuffle the deck, "You just woke up! Hang out for a bit before you run off in your underwear."

 _'Oh, yeah,'_ Kana looked down at her body at Anko's reminder, blinking stupidly at her bare legs. Where were her pants, again?

As if reading her mind, Raido pulled a familiar bag out from under the bed and handed it towards her, "The girl with two pigtail bun things brought this for you," he explained, "Said something about how she's going to start charging you a delivery fee."

Kana quickly opened up the backpack and rifled through it – if the genin had packed the same things as last time, there should be a small handheld mirror in the front pocket…

' _Yes_!' She prayed her thanks to Tenten for being consistent as she pulled the mirror out by the handle and brought it up to her face to find an unfamiliar gaze peering back at her.

As her vision cleared, Kana could see that her irises had changed hue completely – the bright, almost pastel green was replaced by a piercingly bright silver-white that glowed faintly, ringed with black that almost snaked into the white like electrified clouds.

She grinned wryly as a silver lining joke tickled at the back of her consciousness; Kana put the mirror back into the bag after spending a few solid minutes just staring at the swirling glow. There was something else she wanted to test, so the kunoichi looked up at Raido's expectant gaze and activated her dojutsu.

Her world exploded.

Kana must have cried out, because every shinobi in the room sprung to their feet and formed a tight circle around her with varying looks of genuine worry.

And she could see _everything_.

As her eyes focused on each pair that stared back at her, Kana could read everything that was going through their heads. She could see all of their memories, anything they had envisioned and feel every sense they felt – smells, touches, sounds… Kana could experience it all.

The world fluctuated again, and she could see the entirety of their chakra pathway systems and count every single one of their 361 tenketsu. Not just with them, either, but with every living being in the _village_.

Kana moaned against the dizzying sensation, deactivating her eyes and stumbling forward before falling to her knees and dry heaving. She braced herself on her forearms and dropped her head forward, eyes screwed shut.

"Kana?" Raido kneeled down and placed a hand on her trembling back, "Kitten?"

"Her eyes looked different, right?" she heard Aoba ask, "They weren't just black like normal?"

The kunoichi took a deep breath before clutching the hand her lover was holding out for her and sitting back on her heels. "Sorry," she mumbled, "That wasn't my smartest move."

"You… Wanna tell us what just happened?" Izumo sounded almost shaken as he spoke.

Rubbing her eyes with her free hand, Kana stood up and gave the group a sheepish grin, "I fully unlocked my kekkei tota."

All six shinobi only blinked at her, obviously confused, and she awkwardly shifted her weight to her other foot beneath their expectant gazes.

"You know how there are different forms of a kekkei genkai?" When they nodded, almost in unison, she continued, "Well, there's a sort of… I guess "Advanced" form of a kekkei genkai called a kekkei tota. My clan members are born with the Kurogan, which allows us to see chakra signatures and across great distances. But my chakra-" Kana focused her chakra so that it enveloped her hand, changing its shape as she spoke, "-is our kekkei tota. There are two halves to it. One for yin release, and one for yang. You know, that mind and body shit."

To display the yang version, she released the black chakra and focused on the new feeling. It was light and airy and bright, as opposed to the dark fiery sensation Kana felt when concentrating on the chakra she had been born with. A small white glimmer appeared in her hand, and she morphed it into chakra claws; there was the same tinkling sound Kana had heard when she was sparring with Kakashi.

"The process is kind of weird, but we use a type of senjutsu to manipulate the chakra, but this type isn't used the same? It's difficult to explain. And since I gained the yang chakra, I gained a kind of variant to my Kurogan. Like how the Sharingan and Byakugan have advanced forms, with the Mangekyo and Tenseigan," she explained, "I can see a lot more now. It was really overwhelming, because I don't know how to control it. I need to get the hang of it before using it like- oh my god-"

Kana released the dancing light in her hand and gave Raido and Genma a guilty expression, "I didn't even _ask_ if you two are _doing okay_ – shit – I am _so_ sorry - I am such a self centered…"

Genma almost instantaneously burst into a fit of laughter with Anko and Raido, though Kotetsu and Aoba looked too overwhelmed to do more than nervously chuckle along with them. Izumo smiled fondly and shook his head.

"I…" Raido laughed, "You're amazing, you know that? You really are."

She gave him a questioning look that was immediately hidden by his chest as Kana was pulled into a strong embrace. Instead of asking him to elaborate, she only smiled and returned the hug, placing feather-light kisses along the bicep that was next to her face as she did.

"We're fine, lady," Genma assured her, senbon clicking against his teeth with each syllable, "We get discharged in a couple of days. So you don't need to worry about us. We're big boys."

"Emphasis on _big_ ," Kotetsu snickered.

Visions of the night the group shared together flew through Kana's mind, and she was glad that her reddening face was hidden by Raido's body – and thankful for the sound of Izumo slapping the absolute shit out of Kotetsu as he cackled at his sophomoric joke.

Anko groaned at the reminder of the sight of the group lying on her guest room floor in a pile of naked limbs.

She knew that the night had been something like an affirmation of their friendship, experiencing each other in a way that only true, honest friends could. It was something Kana was grateful for in a sense, but she really didn't think now was the time to start making jokes about it; not when people like Anko and Aoba were around. Still... She smiled into Raido's bicep.

Kana would be okay.

Her friends were here.

* * *

It was a pleasant night in the Anbu headquarters, Kana decided warmly as she looked back down at her copy of Icha Icha Pooltime. It was a gift from Raido, who had been blushing so hard that he looked like a tomato that was about to burst, and it had kept her occupied for most of the evening.

"So then Misha is all but crucified to the damn wall by senbon, and – I shit you not – started giggling like a schoolboy because one of them was in some sensitive pressure point," Tento explained, his arms waving around as if he was telling a legendary tale, "And when we're finally done busting our asses trying to take these guys out, he gets a boner!"

There was a round of astonished laughter from the group of ten or so, with one of the newest recruits looking as if he was going to piss himself right then and there.

"Man, you're so full of shit," Imai derided, "There's no way-"

"No, no, I'm serious! He got turned on by being tickled!" Tento turned eager blue eyes to Kana, who was pretending to not notice, "Captain! Come on, you were there, you tell them!"

She only chuckled and smiled, shrugging, "Sorry, I don't remember," she lied. Misha actually _had_ gotten an erection from being tickled, but Kana was having too much fun watching the man get more and more flustered as he tried to back up his claims.

As her eyes scanned the faces around her, the kunoichi decided she was glad she chose to not get a new apartment.

Tento punched Imai in the shoulder.

Kana looked down at her book again.

She was really glad.

* * *

There was an oppressive air that surrounded the Shimi manor, and it always made Kana's muscles tense whenever she approached the elaborately decorated gate. Neji offered to come with her – for moral support, if nothing else – but even after two weeks he was still too injured to move around comfortably; Kana didn't want to put a strain on him just because her biological family gave her the heebie jeebies.

In an attempt to not have to speak to anyone, she swiftly jumped up to a roof and suppressed her chakra signature as best as she could before taking off at full sprint. Family be damned, Kana just wanted to get the scrolls she needed and get the hell out without having to deal with anyone. The last thing she felt like experiencing was one of the family elders' fake enthusiasm.

The kunoichi dropped to the ground as silently as the loose rock would allow her, distributing her weight to her hands and knees and focusing chakra to them as to reduce some of the noise. She stood before the small shrine, which was even more elaborately decorated as the compound gate, with a bizarre variation of their clan symbol where the cloud was in the center of an eight-pointed star. According to the elders, it was supposed to be their clan symbol merged with the Otsutsuki Clan insignia

It was a pretty sight, Kana had to give it that much. While the Hyugas focused more on fancy and tedious rituals, the Shimi clan seemed to always emphasize on the actual appearance of those rituals. No matter how macabre they were.

She channeled a bit of chakra to her hand and held it up to the center of the door, where the large cloud emblem began to glow white and black in response. Seeing something glow while still being black was still a sight that came off as unnatural, even after wielding black chakra since she was a child – it just looked bizarre when it was an object and not energy.

When the double doors unlocked she slid through the small crack with practiced swiftness and silently closed them behind her, using both of her hands to keep the doors from shutting too quickly and alerting anyone of her presence.

If there was an oppressive feel outside of the shrine, inside was unbearably so. Flashes to her childhood sent a shiver down her spine, and Kana couldn't help but wonder how the daimyo and Hokage allowed the clan to get away with as much morbid shit as they did.

Sandals made clacking noises that echoed off of the smooth surface of the lacquered walls and furniture as she made her way towards the ornate altar directly across from the entrance. Her objective was the set of scrolls and tome placed along the table, but she couldn't help but allow her glowing eyes to drift to the walls and prayer-like mats in a self-destructive curiosity.

There were grandiosely decorated masks of varying types hanging from the wall, all placed in order of importance with the one on top bringing a sick feeling to Kana's stomach. It was a mask carved from onyx trimmed with platinum, with a platinum Otsutsuki insignia in the center and a cloud of the same creation just slightly to the side. What made it particularly disturbing, though, was the pair of diamond stakes set in each eyehole.

Even though she was only seeing the front of the mask, Kana knew that there was centuries-old dried blood on the end of those spikes. It was an old Shimi belief that those born with the kekkei tota was possessed by their earliest ancestor, Kana Otsutsuki, who had become a demon spirit, and that only one member of the family could have it at one time because of this. Apparently the spirit lived in their eyes, so when the host became too old to participate in combat anymore, they went through a grueling ritual that ended with their eyes being gouged out by that mask and the name "Kana" being stripped away. Blood was never wiped away; it was left so that the spirits of past hosts could comfort the current victim.

Of course it was total bullshit – the bloodline trait was simply extremely rare – but it was something that the clan firmly believed it to be true. The fact that they were going to make an attempt to impose this fate on Kana one day, if she didn't die in battle first, made her sick to her stomach.

These people were twisted.

She set her backpack on the meticulously maintained shrine floor and carefully slipped the heavy tome through the opening – as much as she hated her people, Kana couldn't bring herself to treat the ancient text as anything other than a precious relic and fully intended to return it once she had created a transcript of the book in its entirety.

The five scrolls were gingerly placed into separate cloth pouches before reuniting with the tome, and the kunoichi quickly closed the backpack and slung it over her shoulders. Kana desperately wanted to get out of the shrine, finding it harder to breathe the longer she stayed. It didn't help that the ornate building was created with chakra-infused wood, created by the First Hokage's wood release technique, so she couldn't see outside its walls. As dust free and perfectly maintained everything was, Kana knew that the shrine experienced frequent traffic.

With her head kept down so as to avoid looking at the rest of the room, she swiftly made her way through the double doors-

And straight into one of the Shimi elders.

"Did you really think we wouldn't know that the shrine had been opened?" the wrinkled old man scolded.

Kana froze in place at the sight of her grandfather, speechless.

"Ah, you have awoken your Ishikigan," he noted with an approving nod, "I assume you're here for the texts?"

For the life of her, the kunoichi simply couldn't find the words to convey her thoughts; she simply stood stock-still as if he was a bear that would eventually lose interest.

"You know, you really should request for Mistress Akira to assist you in honing your technique, Kana. It would be much more effective than stealing from the shrine and attempting to learn on your own."

"I was gonna bring them back…" she mumbled stupidly, eyes looking everywhere but at his withered old face, "I was just… Borrowing them, is all."

Her father's father gave her a disapproving look through his milky eyes, blind after decades of his use of the Kurogan, and adjusted his grip on the cane he held in his gnarled hand, "You are our clan's pride and joy, why will you not allow us to assist you where we can? Mistress Akira only has a few years left and still has so much she can teach you-"

"You know _damn_ well why I don't want to deal with you people," Kana snapped angrily, "Now get out of my way."

After all of the horrible, gruesome shit the clan performed for the sake of tradition and rituals, Kana still felt the burn of shame bloom in her chest when the old man's shoulders sagged in defeat before he moved to the side. Her clan had a bizarre and detached relationship with both the village and themselves, but he was still the only legitimate family she had left – even if he was the reason Kana didn't have any more.

She kept her shoulders squared as she rushed past her grandfather, mumbling something about how she'll return the scrolls in a week or so. As much as she wanted to jump over the exterior wall and just get out of the compound, Kana found herself walking towards the door when the old man asked her to at least take the front door this time.

Paintings decorated the walls of the manor, all traditional-style and all placed in ornate frames. Those who weren't born with the kekkei tota adopted the Shimi's Art Technique, where they created art infused with their chakra – paintings, sketches, clay or any other art form – and used it in battle. Each Shimi that mastered the art form by their standards was given the privilege of creating an art piece to hang on the walls of the main house. Those who made it into a special forces unit such as Anbu or the Hokage Guard Platoon had their piece hung in the main hall.

Those who couldn't master the technique or were born without the Kurogan were exiled from the clan so, instead of the paintings bringing a sense of camaraderie, they only made Kana wonder how many of their people had been kicked from the estate.

A number of clan members stopped to bow as she made her way through the labyrinth of a mansion, most being too afraid to look her straight in the eyes due to the mumbo jumbo about her being possessed by a demon. So when she finally stepped through the front door and stepped into the courtyard, Kana breathed a deep sigh of relief and nearly sprinted for the gate.

She couldn't wait to get back to the barracks.

* * *

"You know that if I get this right, I'll be able to see everything," Kana murmured, sitting directly across from Kakashi and Inoichi Yamanaka.

Her silver haired friend gave her a smile that felt awkward and fake even from behind his mask; it was the one that he gave in public with people he wasn't entirely close with and it kind of creeped her out. "You've pretty much heard everything," he drawled, pushing his forehead protector up to reveal his Sharingan, "Though I _do_ want to see how this works, even if I can't actually copy it."

"Now the trick with infiltrating someone's mind is to already know what kind of information you're looking for," Inoichi explained, "Otherwise you're going to be fumbling around and won't be able to find any direction. So pick a subject or memory type and search for it."

As if sensing her uneasiness, Kakashi reached out and squeezed her hands reassuringly, his expression turning to that of a genuine smile. Kana ignored the butterflies fluttering up a storm in her stomach and focused her white chakra to activate her Ishikigan, focusing on memories of herself. That felt safe.

Both jonin gasped at the sensation; Kana felt as if her mind had been plunged into some sort of pool of ice water with a broken leg as she struggled to keep her concentration. As much as she wanted to focus on herself, barely being able to feel a trail amidst the hurricane of memories, Kana could also hear and feel Kakashi's current thoughts and feelings. She could feel the callouses on her fingers through his touch.

She heard herself groan at the disorienting sensation as she forced herself to focus.

There. Kana saw a memory of herself appear and latched onto it, pulling it to the forefront of Kakashi's consciousness. It was when she was on an intelligence mission with Kakashi when she was eleven years old.

 _"Are you sure you don't want anymore?" she asked, offering up a cooked squirrel on a stick. Kana's face was hidden behind the fox mask that was a little too big for her face, but her bright green eyes shone brightly from behind the eye holes._

 _Kana watched in first person as Kakashi waved his hand, "No, you have it. I'm full," he lied, faking a cough to cover up the rumbling in his stomach._

 _'I knew you were lying,'_ she thought wryly, smiling inwardly at the sense of fondness she felt in Kakashi's chest as her teenaged self tore a piece of the squirrel off and tucked it under her mask, _'Even then you were a softy.'_

 _'Only for you, sweetheart.'_

The woman knew she was blushing and decided to pull out of the memory to search for a new one. It was definitely easier the second time around, as Kana quickly was able to find the night that the man first took his mask off in front of her – the night that Guy had captured in a photograph.

 _Kakashi was almost insurmountably nervous next to the child that was trying to stealthily sneak scraps to Tomodachi, who had his head in her lap. Ten year old Kana shoveled a large scoop of kaisendon into her mouth, narrowing her eyes questioningly at Kakashi when she caught him staring for the fifth time that night._

 _"Do I have something on my face?" she asked, causing the jonin's stomach to twist._

 _Struggling to keep his hands from shaking, Kakashi picked up some eel with his chopsticks and deftly slipped it beneath his mask, "Just hoping you don't make my dog fat, is all."_

 _Kana's already large eyes widened at the realization of her being caught, and her pale skin flushed in embarrassment. She sheepishly looked over at Guy, who was giving her a disapproving look._

 _"Kana, what did I tell you about feeding animals?" he chided._

 _"But he's not just an animal!" the child protested, "He's a ninja dog! He can talk_ and _wears sunglasses!"_

 _Kakashi chuckled at how she categorized Tomodachi from other dogs based off of what they wore, watching the two go back and forth over the issue while he stealthily ate his dinner_

 _"I feed Hanako human food and she's fine! And I've seen senpai feed Pakkun whole steaks!" Kana whined, "Why can't I give Tomodachi some of my food?"_

 _Guy leaned back in his chair and folded his arms over his broad chest, "Do you know if dogs can even_ have _edamame?"_

 _She deadpanned, "Y-yes…"_

 _Kakashi fought the urge to laugh at her blatant lie, and failed miserably when the girl shriveled under the knowing look Guy was giving her. He looked down at his unadon when both parties shot him an offended glare, both clearly waiting for him to pick a side. Nope. Not happening. Kakashi was going to stay the hell out of this one._

The man chuckled audibly, causing Kana to grin as well. _'When was the last time you called me_ senpai _?'_ he purred.

 _'Probably when I kicked your ass in a sparring match,'_ she laughed inwardly, _'Because you were too busy worrying about getting the new Icha Icha volume.'_ Her mirth faltered when she saw the scene from her perspective for a brief moment; she needed to concentrate.

 _As the pair settled down and slipped back into a casual discussion, that anxiety welled up in the pit of Kakashi's stomach again. The little girl sitting next to him was the only person never to ask about his mask or his face, but the sense of worry gnawed at a huge part of his consciousness as he worked up the courage to pull his mask down. What if she told? What if she was disappointed?_

 _'Oh for the love of_ god _, Kashi,'_ Kana rolled her eyes inwardly.

 _Before he could talk himself out of it, Kakashi hooked his index and middle finger under the top of his mask and tugged it down so that it was bunched around the base of his neck. His heart raced as the seconds ticked by, each one feeling inexplicably longer than the last while he tried to act casual and eat his food._

 _It took three minutes and fifty-two seconds for Kana to finally look up, mouth opening as if to ask him a question, when she promptly began to choke. The kid had a bad habit of shoveling way too much food into her mouth, and worry for her pushed his petty nervousness to the side as she struggled to dislodge whatever had gotten stuck in her throat._

 _Even when Guy clapped her firmly on the back, those stunned eyes never left Kakashi's face-_

 _Kana could only think about how handsome he looked, and tried to fight against the urge to reach out and touch the newly exposed flesh-_

The woman hummed her disapproval and concentrated on Kakashi's side of the memory.

 _He held his breath as a small hand lifted from the table to tentatively touch his cheek, fingertips bouncing along his skin and only barely brushing his jaw as if Kana was afraid that he would disappear if she applied too much pressure. Kakashi covered the hand with his own and pressed her palm against his cheek, holding her gaze as his anxiety was worked away by each exploring touch Kana made._

 _Even though she was already a jonin, there was a childlike look of wonder on her face as both of her hands cupped his face-_

 _Kana couldn't believe what was happening. He was so… Beautiful – she immediately decided that the dark freckle next to the corner of his mouth was her favorite part of his face. Not only that, but the amount of_ trust _that he was instilling-_

 _'Dammit. Okay, I can't do this,'_ she grumbled to herself, pulling out of the memory. She needed to find a memory they didn't share together, so she decided on a whim to go for a memory from his childhood; childhoods were typically happy.

 _There was a girl sitting next to Kakashi with short brown hair and purple markings on her cheeks, discussing how he came about creating the chidori. She giggled at how he mentioned he had accidentally cut his bed in half when Kakashi first tested it in his bedroom._

 _"You're such a phenomenal ninja," she said, "I'm so proud of you!"_

 _'Rin…'_

Shit, she knew that face had been familiar. Kana tried to pull out of the memory as she felt a wave of sorrow come over Kakashi's consciousness, but she was jerked back into the icy pool just before a new memory flashed in front of her.

 _Chidori screamed as it tore through the air, Kakashi moving faster than the Mist shinobi could register what was happening. Blue and white lightning bolts filled his vision when he thrust his palm out-_

 _But then Rin was there. Rin was in front of Kakashi._

 _He felt something warm on his wrist, and the lightning blade became muffled against the pulse in his ears as his eyes looked down in horror._

 _There was blood._

 _His arm was through Rin's chest._

 _"Kakashi…" she whispered._

 _All Kakashi could think was that his teammate was dead on his arm, having committed suicide-_

 _'No, fuck, I don't-'_ Kana couldn't get a grip on what was happening and began to panic.

 _A beautiful boy's face was twisted into that of agony, blood spurting out of his mouth._

 _He looked up angrily, desperately, and gripped Kakashi's wrist which had been firmly pressed over his heart._

 _"Za…Bu…Za…" he groaned-_

 _Sasuke was tied to a tree with ninja wire, looking up at Kakashi spitefully-_

 _"Don't worry, Sakura," Kakashi said with fake enthusiasm, "They'll be back to their old selves in no time"-_

 _Moonlight shone in through the large window to his right, illuminating the body at Kakashi's feet._

 _He felt his entire world begin to crumble around his ears as he looked down at his father._

 _At the blade sticking out of his abdomen._

 _At the blood._

 _Kakashi felt sick to his stomach, the horror of the situation too much for him to bear-_

Kana deactivated her dojutsu with a whimper, screwing her eyes shut and biting down on her lip fiercely, "I-I-I'm…"

The feeling of Inoichi's eyes on hers as she covered her face with her hands to press the heels of her palms into her eyes only made things worse. She messed up. Bad.

"Kana," Kakashi's voice was tight, "Look at me."

There was no way she could look anywhere other than at the back of her eyelids; Kana shook her head and kept her eyes squeezed closed. Against the force of her teeth biting down, her lip began to quiver. That was too much – going into a person's mind was one thing, but Kana had seen moments that brought an almost insurmountable wave of grief over her best friend. While in his mind, she felt every ounce of sorrow and regret that crashed over him in those moments.

Kakashi said her name again, and then there were hands cupping her jaw. Inoichi said something about leaving them alone before the door closed.

She allowed him to pull her head back up to face him, but Kana refused to open her eyes. Shame burned away at her chest, fighting against that shared despair – she hadn't been able to take control of the situation, and Kakashi was hurt as a result.

"I'm so sorry," she shakily whispered.

"Kana, please _look_ at me."

Keeping her gaze on the wall of Inoichi's office, Kana's eyes fluttered open, "I'm sorry," she repeated.

The hands on her cheeks slid down to her shoulders and over her arms, smoothing down to her hands like an older sibling comforting their little sister; Kakashi then pulled her from the chair she had been sitting in and into the seat next to him. "It's alright," he murmured, "You didn't do anything wrong. I knew something like that could happen when I offered to help you with this."

Glowing eyes looked up at his after a few moments of long silence. Kakashi was looking down at her kindly, his eyes tender but so, _so_ sad; she couldn't help but release a small sob at the sight. He lifted a hand to smooth over her hair, resting his head atop hers – the movement caused Kana to have her ear pressed against his chest, and she could hear his heart race as his shoulders trembled.

She snaked her arms around his ribs and clung to his torso by fisting his flak jacket, resulting in him tightening his arms around her. He held her so tight that she thought she was going to break, but she couldn't bring herself to complain.

Kakashi cried quietly, the only sounds being small hitches in his breath while warm tears soaked into her hair.

* * *

 **Note** : I suck at describing her eyes, but imagine if the Tenseigan was monochrome. That's the best way I can put it. I'll get more into how it works and stuff in the sequel when she actually starts using it.

Also, only two chapters left :c I miss writing about Genma and Raido. I have no idea why I had the story turn the way that it did, but damn.


	27. Raido

"Rai?"

Kana kicked her flats off at the dark entryway of the older man's apartment, swirling eyes narrowing to see through the near-pitch black hall that led to his kitchen. She had stopped by with some groceries in an attempt to have Raido come home to a warm dinner, assuming her timing was right, but Kana could feel his presence in the apartment the minute she had opened the door.

That would have been a pleasant surprise if Raido hadn't kept all of the lights off and bothered to lock the door.

Rustling could be heard from the direction of the living room as she set the few bags of food on the kitchen counter, then the familiar clatter of metal being dropped to wood flooring. "Rai?" she repeated, stepping a little harder than normal as Kana walked through the hall so he could hear her coming.

Sitting in the dark blue easy chair in the corner of the living room, Raido kept his head down and didn't acknowledge her as she entered the living room. On the floor in front of him was Kokuto, which was covered in a vile mixture of blood and poison that had splattered and smeared across the floor when Raido dropped it earlier. His hands hung loosely between his legs and his shoulders sagged in a way that only radiated misery.

Her heart jumped into her throat at the sight - Kana was used to seeing her lover standing tall and proud but, now, he only looked small and defeated. She tiptoed over to where he sat before kneeling in front of his legs, noting the drying blood that only tinted the black cloak he wore; Raido had just come home from an assassination mission.

Pale hands smoothed over his, "Rairai…" she whispered, this time not as a question or call, but to let him know that she was there; Kana brought one of the hands up to her face and turned her cheek into it to kiss the calloused palm with a sigh.

After a few moments of sitting in silence Kana wordlessly rose to a standing position, moving her hands from his to where his cloak was fastened and untying the knot that kept it together; it dropped to the floor with a wet slap that caused the man to screw his eyes shut tighter.

She resumed her earlier position and rest her head against his thigh while rubbing small circles into the fabric of his pants. They sat in a heavy, oppressive silence that seemed to only absorb the sounds of their breathing for a few minutes, Raido's thumb stroking Kana's hair in calculated, measured movements.

The silence was broken with a heavy sigh from the older man, who pushed himself up off of the chair and crossed his living room without a word; Kana felt her heart sink at the sound of him closing his bedroom door with the ' _click'_ of the lock.

She was very aware of how Raido used to cope with certain things – she knew that there were times where he simply needed to be alone and sort things out on his own. It wasn't like situations with Kakashi, who was desperate to be held and talked to, which was what she had grown somewhat accustomed to. There was a small voice in the back of Kana's mind, though, that told her that him shutting the door like this on her was saying she simply wasn't good enough. Raido hadn't acted like this in almost _two years_. When he came home after a particularly upsetting mission, he would reach out to her and talk about what he could to ease the weight on his shoulders. Kana was the type that took care of people – all but coddling the people she cared about – so being unable to do anything that would help ease Raido's pain was like –

 _'Exactly how he was when we were only friends.'_

Cold fear crept up into Kana's stomach at the thought as she looked wistfully at the closed door that separated them. Did he no longer want her? The feeling was like someone had taken his blade and pierced her with it.

Glittering eyes lowered to Kokuto at the thought, which had been uncharacteristically abandoned on the floor by the tokubetsu jonin. He always obsessively cleaned the blade the second he got the chance, starting the maintenance process even before cleaning himself off; seeing it lying on the floor among the blood splatters went to show just how badly Raido was hurting. Everything about the situation only caused the fear to twist in her gut, but the sight reminded her that there was something really bad going on in his head right now.

Back to moving as swiftly and silently as she normally did, Kana took the cleaning kit from his hall closet to bring it back into the living room where she meticulously placed its contents in a row on the coffee table. She didn't know how long the man intended to keep himself locked away, but she knew that the katana must have been soaking in blood and poison for at least half a day so Kana decided she would pass the time by cleaning it for him. The last thing he needed was one of his most prized possessions rusting due to negligence, and the methodical actions of cleaning the blade would help against the sense of panic and dread that were building inside of her.

As the cleaning cloth glided over the blade Kana couldn't help but admire its aesthetics, even when covered in blood, and wondered what kind of metal the sword was made from. It was light, almost completely weightless with the exception of the handle, and she always preferred holding it over her own standard-issue katana. While a small folded sheet of oil paper smoothed along the length of Kokuto to remove any excess oil Kana wondered if it would be possible to have something similar made for her own use, or if it would be an insult to its idiosyncrasy.

' _Probably would be pretty tacky to just rip off someone else's design…_ ' she mused, watching the uchiko ball dab white puffs of powder that contrasted strongly against the black katana, _'Still, it'd be nice to have something as light as this on the field.'_

After a few more minutes spent on wiping away the powder and applying choji oil to Kokuto, Kana placed the now sheathed blade on the coffee table before reassembling the cleaning kit to put it back in its rightful place in the hall closet. She then decided to use the groceries that were still sitting in his kitchen to whip up meal for Raido so that he had something to eat when he was feeling up to it. It wasn't that he was unable to cook, he just tended to be lazy and often would resort to plain meals such as donburi; she knew he liked it better when Kana made even simple things like the corn potage that boiled in front of her.

When that was done, she opted to throwing the bloody cloak into the wash with a few other garments.

Then she washed the blood out of the floor.

After that there was nothing to keep her mind busy. Try as she might, Kana couldn't fight the reemergence of anxiety-induced thoughts as her brain analyzed every detail it came across.

She had unlocked the second half to her kekkei tota nearly two months ago, which Kana would admit she had been spending a lot of time dealing with by pouring over the texts she had taken from the Shimi manor. When she wasn't reading, she was testing out new techniques with Kakashi and Guy, out on missions that almost felt back-to-back, helping Lee with training or spending time with Neji. With Raido being sent out on missions and dealing with his own work as Lady Tsunade's bodyguard, that didn't leave for a whole ton of time for the two of them to spend together.

Still, Raido never once complained…

 _'But he_ did _start acting different after that night at Anko's…'_

The hand that had been twirling the end of her braid came to a screeching halt – was he disgusted with how the night spent with the four others went? Sure, Kana had sort of initiated things by kissing Izumo, but Raido looked like he had been enjoying himself at the time and never made any move to stop things. In fact, _he_ was the one that left the decisions up to _her_ … Unless that was just the alcohol talking, and Sober Raido found the entire situation to be nothing short of repugnant. It was entirely possible considering how the man _was_ known for being strict and by-the-book...

As the thought settled, in Kana realized that they hadn't made love since then, just brief post-mission encounters that usually ended with her jumping out the window and sleeping with her platoon in the barracks. She realized that they had quit going on dates, too, and most of the time spent together was either with the others or watching TV.

She cradled her head in her hands, pressing the heels into her eyes until red and yellow starbursts appeared in the blackness, and ferociously bit her quivering lip. As much as Kana desperately wanted to just walk into Raido's room and settle things, she couldn't – even if she were to pick the simple doorknob lock, she had absolutely no idea how to handle a situation like this. It wasn't as if Kana had ever been in a relationship before or had dealt with a breakup. Hell, the most she knew about relationships came from Icha Icha and watching the shitstorm of a show that Iruka and Kakashi put on.

Swirling eyes looked up at the offending door as Kana struggled to come to some sort of decision. On one hand, if Raido truly was going through some sort of crisis then the last thing he needed was to be barraged with questions and forced through a define-the-relationship talk. Though Kana couldn't just sit there on the sofa and let her mind flounder around in a sea of a fear of abandonment, on the other hand.

It took a few long minutes of chewing on a bleeding lip and staring at the door to Raido's bedroom before she was able to come up with some semblance of a plan, and Kana managed to find the resolve to push herself up off of the couch and cross the room. Though, once she got there, she had to spend even longer to bring herself to actually say something.

Kana's loose fist rose to the door and fell against the wood; it wasn't so much a knock as just a small thump that made her presence known.

"R-Raido...?" she called in a voice that was much too feeble to be her own, "Look… I know this is a royally shit time for this so… I know you have clearance to get into Anbu HQ since you're a part of the Hokage Guard Platoon… Um… Later, if you want, I mean…" Kana's hand squeezed into a tighter fist and she brought it back to clutch at her crop top in an attempt to still her fluttering heart, swallowing what little saliva was left in her mouth to keep her jaw from trembling too much, "I just mean, I'd rather we just… Break up _properly_ … Instead of just... Doing what we've been... So, um, if you could drop by the barracks when you're up to it-"

There was the faint sound of rustling just before the door swung open fast enough for Kana to marvel at how it wasn't completely torn off of its hinges – or, well, she would have if she didn't instead stumble back away from the entryway with a gasp; she wasn't expecting _that_.

Raido stood with his hand still on the doorknob, wearing an expression that could only be described as one that which a wild animal would wear when it was cornered.

"You're leaving me?" his voice was still just as hoarse and his eyes were bloodshot and swollen just like earlier, which made Kana want to just curl in on herself and take everything back. This was a stupid, selfish endeavor – she knew that, and she still insisted on going through with it. Now she was helplessly pinned under the intensely raw gaze coming from the bedroom.

Wrapping her arms around her tiny frame, she stepped back until the backs of her thighs bumped into the arm of the sofa and sat down on it, "I-I'm – I thought – You – I mean…" Kana sputtered out the first words that flew to the front of her mind, all of which failed to properly string together into any sort of a sentence.

"You thought _what_ , Kana?" Raido hissed, anger and hurt ringing in his deep voice, " _You thought_ **_what_**?"

At the sharp tone of his voice Kana screwed her eyes shut and hung her head, "I'm sorry – this was stupid – I'm sorry. I'm really sorry! I'm just – I'm just really stupid – I didn't mean – I mean – You seemed so – fuck - I'm sorry!" The more she spoke, the less time she spent enunciating her words and soon she was reduced to abortive noises that only formed half-words at best. Kana knew that she was babbling in her panic, but couldn't bring herself to stop until she choked on a sob and fell back onto the sofa.

Warm, large hands smoothed over her hip as Raido loomed over where she was curled up, "Calm down, kitten, I'm thinking we've got some wires crossed," one hand slid up to the back of her head and Kana felt his lips seal over hers in a gentle kiss. There was an unmistakable layer of tension in every move he made that reminded her that Raido had just gotten back from a mission, and she couldn't help but feel like a childish brat for only making things worse by making this about herself.

"I'm sorry…" she mumbled, "We can talk later when you're feeling better-"

"I'm not going to be feeling any better with something like this hanging in the air."

Raido's words sent another pang of guilt straight through her chest, and Kana sighed as the heat of shame bloomed in her chest, "I'm sorry-" she was cut off by another tender kiss as the hand in her hair moved to brush black bangs out of her face.

"Stop apologizing," he murmured against her mouth, "Just tell me what's going on in that head of yours."

After fluttering their lips together in ghost-like kisses for a few more moments, Kana pushed herself into a sitting position and motioned for the older man to sit next to her so she could climb into his lap. When she had herself comfortably straddling both of his thighs, the kunoichi sighed and finally opened her eyes slowly, keeping her head down as to not temporarily blind Raido.

Over the next few minutes Kana explained everything that had been swimming through her head in the last few hours, resting against Raido's chest and allowing the gentle rise and fall of his breathing to soothe her into a relaxed state as she spoke. It felt nice to be able to actually come clean about the smaller worries that she didn't even know she had until Kana expressed them, one after the other as if her mind was going through a checklist.

Raido's arms, which had been wrapped around her torso, tightened as an unexpected chuckle rumbled through his broad chest, "We have got to work on our communication, kitten," he said in a low voice, pressing his lips into the side of her head, "Because we're definitely _not_ on the same page."

He pushed on her hips just enough to give Kana the hint to scoot back enough so that they could look at each other – when she kept her head down, Raido brought a hand up to her cheek to pull it upwards; he didn't flinch when the glittering eyes forced his pupils to contract.

"Starting at item number one, if I wasn't getting a raging hard on by watching you make out with Izumo then I would have slung you over my shoulder right then and there and marched out to the living room to watch Yugao remind everyone she's got a terrible poker face." His hands snaked around her waist in a soft embrace as he spoke, "But… Yeah, I'll admit it changed a few things – no, don't look at me like that, it was all me," Raido kissed her forehead, "I know it's corny, but the problem was with me. Not with you."

Kana narrowed her eyes, watching small shadows dance along the twisted and stretched flesh of the scar that crossed over his face as the light changed, "I don't understand…"

The man sighed and lowered his gaze in an expression of embarrassment, "I know I'm not a handsome man, Kana. When I look back and remember how you looked almost… Eager when you were with the chunin, and how much time you always spend with Kakashi…"

"You thought that I was attracted to them," she finished for him with a sense of understanding, watching Raido twitch his cheek in response. Kana brought a hand up to cup the left side of his face in her palm and stroked the wealed flesh lovingly, "Look, we hang out with a group of good-looking people, but," she leaned up to kiss his cheek, "I'm _not_ interested in _any_ of them and, honestly, I think you're a _lot_ more handsome."

A shy blush crept across Raido's cheeks and the corners of his lips twitched upwards in the faintest of smiles that could only barely be seen, which caused Kana grin as well. "Item number two... This goes back to the thing with the chunin earlier, but I came to the realization that it had always been me to initiate things – whether it be making plans for a date, or getting intimate…" he buried his face into her slender shoulder, "I wanted to see if you would come to me, or if you would just let things go back to how they were."

It was Kana's turn to sigh, "Rai… I thought we had already established that I'm not that type."

The arms around her body tightened as he all but curled around her, "I know – I knew that. But I just thought that if you did… If you did something that wasn't just following what I started…"

"I get it," she kissed his neck, "I shouldn't be relying on you to lead the way all of the time. I'm sorry, Rairai… I'll try." Kana smiled when she felt lips press into her shoulder as a silent thank you.

She truly, honestly found the tokubetsu jonin to be much more attractive than the men they spent their time with, even if it wasn't in much of a traditional sense. The others were all dripping with flawless good looks, even with the patches of Rosacea that Kotetsu liked to keep hidden underneath his bandage, but Raido had a rugged and much more masculine handsomeness that genuinely appealed to her - the last thing she wanted was to make him feel as if Kana didn't _want_ him...

She allowed herself to openly look at him, eyes scanning Raido and drinking him in; seeing his scars reminded Kana just how powerful he was as a shinobi, each mark acting as a testament to some battle he had won. The broad expanse of his shoulders matched by his surprisingly tall height, even for Konoha's standards, only furthered that thought. If one could find it within themselves to look past the twisted, marred flesh of the burn scars Raido had received in his teens, they would see the strong, almost chiseled jawline and high cheekbones accentuated by a straight nose and lips that were simultaneously thin and full.

Her hand slid down his neck to skid over his arms, feeling the curve of developed muscles beneath the sleeve of his jersey as she continued journeying down to run her fingertips past where the shirtsleeve was rolled up at his forearm, and slipping her fingers beneath the fabric to feel the rigid muscle. Kana's other hand hovered over the waistband of his pants, tips of her fingers dancing over the top button and coasting over his zipper.

Raido gasped softly at the feeling of his soft member being pulled out of the opening, looking down at where their contrasting skin met then back up to convey his confusion through a raised eyebrow and darkening blush, "I didn't mean-"

"I know," she leaned her head into the palm that had risen to cup her cheek, "Just let me do this for you."

At the sight of the man's bottom lip pushing out just a tad, Kana had to fight the urge to giggle at her lover's pout as his blush somehow managed to deepen to near-crimson and he shook his head, "I honestly don't think I could get it up right now..." he muttered shyly.

A small trickle of white chakra to her fingertips elicited another surprised gasp from Raido, whose eyes widened and immediately jumped down to where they were connected. His lips parted and his breathing became shallow as he watched her pale fingers wrap around his length and slowly stroke it to hardness, the hand cradling her cheek sliding back to grab a fistful of silver hair, pulling some of it out of Kana's braid.

His head then rolled back to rest on the back of the couch with a sigh, "That… That feels good," he admitted with a small grin, "You're going to be the death of me, woman…"

She only chuckled and used her free hand to slide up under his jersey and smooth over his taut abdominals, feeling the muscles twitch and flex with every stroke she made around the now fully engorged member. Raido released a soft moan when she rolled one of his nipples between her still cold fingers and teased it into a firm nub before nudging the uniform shirt higher so he got the hint to take it off.

There was something relaxing about the sight of the tokujo's appearance – his hair, no longer pushed up into a bushy, spiky mess by his forehead protector, fell around his face in loose spikes that framed his forehead and tops of his cheeks perfectly. Knowing that Kana was the only person that ever got to see him like this, though, with flushed cheeks and lips slightly parted in a small _o_ as the muscles in his arms corded as he gripped the seat cushions, flooded her with a satisfied, almost gloating arousal.

That feeling was only amplified further when a tightening of her grip elicited another gasp from Raido, who subtly pushed his hips up into her hand, "Mmf, kiss me," he whispered, pulling his head up to touch their cheeks together with a groan, "Kiss me, kitten."

Kana, suddenly wanting to hear as many of his delicious sounds as possible, leaned in and captured his lip with her own, pressing their mouths together seamlessly until her lips began to fall numb. Her tongue darted out when Raido's lips parted to breathe, and she couldn't help but revel in the way he wantonly moaned into her mouth as he allowed her to lap at his mouth possessively, shuddering at the hoarseness of his throat making his already deep voice almost impossibly husky. Kana caught his bottom lip between even teeth, biting down softly and tugging while feeling his throaty moan rumble beneath the hand on his chest. Whatever he mumbled into her mouth was lost in a messy jumble of incoherent syllables, dominated by moans and grunts that were increasing in volume with each tug of his weeping erection.

Lips trailed along Raido's jaw and down his neck, placing soft, fleeting kisses in between tender bites intermingled with light sucking; Kana couldn't help but grin at the way her lover began to twitch and groan as her pace quickened. When she reached the base of his neck, she brought the hand on his chest down to where his floating rib was and gently pinched the bundle of nerves on the bone extension just as the tip of Kana's tongue pressed against Raido's sternocleidomastoid muscle in his neck, coasting back up his throat.

"Hnng, kitten," he gasped, "Oh – god – kitten… Kana…," Raido's hips began to buck into the hand that had begun to pump his erection as his breathing had been reduced to shallow pants, "N-not gonna... Can't last."

She rolled her fingers over his sweet spot while running a thumb over the head of his swollen member, smearing the precome that had leaked through the slit and begun to drip over her fingers, "Just relax, Rairai," Kana whispered in what she hoped was a seductive voice.

Raido could only groan in response and tighten the hand that was still nestled in her hair; any words he attempted to form were lost in choked, abortive noises. The other rose from where it was nearly tearing the seat cushion apart to grip her thigh hard enough for Kana to know there would be bruises tomorrow - the thought of her lover holding her tight enough to leave marks in her pale flesh was enough for the kunoichi to have to bite back an excited groan.

Wanting to leave marks of her own, Kana lapped at the pulse that thundered beneath her mouth before sealing her lips over his neck. The sounds of Raido moaning salaciously in her ear and begging for more in a mindless slew of words turned her consciousness into a needy haze, and her own desperate mewls and murmurs joined the mix as she bit down, hard, on the purple bruise.

Almost as if a flip had switched, the hand on her head gripped hers almost painfully as his teeth clenched and his moans turned into grunts and wet snarls. There was nothing quite as erotic as watching the man she loved begin to lose control, and the change in demeanor only encouraged her to quicken her pace as she felt Raido begin to teeter on the edge.

Kana pushed herself up further and crushed their lips together in a bruising kiss, wanting to hear more of the low growls that rolled through his chest and the back of his throat as she felt his teeth drag over her bottom lip hungrily.

"K-Kana – god - Kana – _please_ ," he panted between kisses, "I'm… I-I'm – god, kitten –" he cut himself off with a loud groan that ended in a snarl as his erection pulsed in his lover's hand. Kana continued to press into the cluster of nerves over his rib, watching eagerly as he writhed beneath her just as he found his release with a throaty growl. Thick white ribbons spilled over her hand as she milked his orgasm to completion, feeling the older man twitch when the flesh became too sensitive.

After a several long minutes of the pair basking in each others' affection, smiling and nipping at slightly swollen lips that were reddened and slick from the pressure of kissing, the older man released a long sigh and sat back into the sofa, tugging Kana with him so that she was nearly lying on him. Her head fell against his bare chest and she smiled at the sound of his heartbeat still fluttering quickly in his chest.

Despite his racing heart, Kana could tell by the languid movements of the hand stroking her back that she had managed to rid her lover of the majority of his post-mission stress. There was no longer a restrained tension, or perfectly controlled manner in the way he held himself and moved, which was exactly she had wanted to achieve. Kana reached over for the jersey that had been haphazardly thrown over the couch and wiped the come off of her hand before snaking her arms around Raido's back to snuggle closer.

A few moments later, when the tension fled his body and his breathing slowed, Raido sighed contently, "You're the only person… That's ever made me feel attractive," he sealed their lips together, "I love you so much that it hurts sometimes, kitten…"

"I hate that you need me to see it," she whispered against his mouth in response, "You're so beautiful." Kana could almost feel the heat of his blush deepening and she smiled into the kiss. The hand in her hair slid down to her waist, now boneless, and Raido pressed his face into her shoulder with a hum.

"As for… Everything else…" Raido yawned next to her ear, "Can it wait? Too tired."

Her smiled widened and she kissed some part of his chest that she could reach, "I'm surprised you were coherent for this long. We can finish this tomorrow," Kana pulled back to kiss the right side of his cheek, "Go get some sleep. I'll come by and fix breakfast in the morning."

Raido shook his head and somehow managed to push himself up off of the couch while still keeping the younger jonin pressed to his chest, "Stay with me. I've still got about a week's worth of your clothes here, since you're so keen on doing your laundry here and then ' _Accidentally'_ leaving things on the clothesline."

A hot blush crossed Kana's cheeks and she tightened her hold on his body as she was carried to the bedroom, but Raido only chuckled and pressed a lazy kiss on the side of her head, "I don't mind, but," he crawled onto the bed and dropped her onto the fluffy duvet to hover over her, holding Kana's hands over her head and lacing their fingers together, "You already have a key, you know you don't need to use tricks like that if you want to come by."

It was Kana's turn to laugh, "Rairai, when have I _ever_ used my clothes as an excuse to drop in?"

"Then why do you leave them here?" he asked, eyebrows furrowing in confusion, "And the toothbrush under the sink?"

"So I've got uniforms and shit for when I sleep over," she said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, "I don't want to go to work in dirty clothes, and my Anbu uniform usually takes too long to dry for me to hope it dries overnight… What?"

Raido's face had dropped all form of amusement and had, instead, taken on a contemplative expression that made Kana more than a little nervous. He paused for a few long moments, eyes looking up to where their hands were conjoined with some of his blush returning.

"You know… When we first got together, you'd never let me hold you like this," he murmured, sliding his hands back to wrap around pale wrists before smoothing back over Kana's palms, "You didn't look scared, but you looked almost angry when I did it by accident… A couple of times you scratched my hands right open," Raido grinned, "You know you made me get stitches, once?"

Kana narrowed her eyes, "You're not really the type to beat around the bush, Raido…"

He sighed and closed his eyes before releasing his lover's hands to brace himself on his forearms, which were placed on either side of her head. Kana watched as dark eyes opened to follow the changing hue of her hair in the dark bedroom, which only continued to make her more concerned over the hesitance that was bringing back some of the tension that had vacated his body just ten, fifteen minutes ago.

"Have you thought about just moving in with me?"

Kana blinked stupidly, "… Hah..?"

Clearly embarrassed, the muscles in Raido's jaw flexed as his clenched his teeth and his blush deepened, "I mean… We've been together, _really_ together, for nearly a year now, and I know you like being here…" he paused, studying the less-than-encouraging reaction she must have been wearing before looking away, "You don't want to."

It wasn't as if the thought hadn't crossed Kana's mind – the idea of falling asleep and waking up next to Raido was a fond one – and it wasn't as if she were afraid of the commitment that moving in entailed, but…

"I can't just _leave_ my men," she murmured, "We're… Really close – we train and shower and eat together… I… They're my _people_ …"

Raido nodded, but the sad, dejected look didn't leave his face as he rolled off of her and onto his side with a sigh, "I get it, it's okay."

Guilt panged in her chest hotly at the sight of the older man smiling sadly at her as he told her not to worry and kissed her cheek, and she wondered how long he had been thinking about this. Raido was the type of man that was relatively methodical in his actions, not taking action until he had properly sorted his thoughts through, so she knew how much this must have meant to him, and that he had thought long and hard over it.

The next half hour was spent in uncomfortable silence as the two readied for bed, taking showers in turn and brushing their teeth. When they slipped under the covers, with Kana half-draped over him with her head pillowed on his shoulder, she couldn't help but feel warm at the prospect of being able to do this every day. The way that the back of Raido's hand ran over her body, just barely touching her in small glances, sometimes spending a little extra time over the small, exposed area of skin that her shirt didn't quite cover, was relaxing enough to where she knew she could be able to pass out in his arms even if they were on the field.

Still, what she had said was true. Her platoon was extremely important to her, and Kana knew that a captain bunking with her men was uncommon but known to boost morale; she did everything she could to build their trust in her as their leader. They bonded over that, just like they bonded over sharing their experiences on the field.

Looking up at Raido, she wondered if he truly understood the bond that Anbu held with each other. It wasn't just the normal camaraderie shared with general shinobi, but there was a link far beneath what was normally shared that held them together like a bizarre, close-but-distant family. Black Ops agents weren't necessarily encouraged to become close to one another due to the high risk each mission held for them, but it happened anyways, and in more ways than one. Dropping this kind of bomb on her wasn't something she could process as a snap decision.

The tokujo, who had been half asleep, stirred at the swirling light on his face and peered down at her questioningly with a drowsy hum.

"Rai…" her voice was just louder than a whisper, "Can you just wait a little longer?"

It took him a few moments to process what exactly she was asking but, when he caught on, there was an understanding, content smile that spread over Raido's face before he kissed her forehead, "Of course." The arm wrapped around her shoulders pulled her closer into his body and Kana willingly pressed into his warm body with a pleased sigh, dipping her head back down to rest on Raido's chest as to not continue blinding him.

Pale fingers tiptoed across the small part of his exposed belly, creeping under the edge of his t-shirt; the muscles twitched just a hair as the older man huffed half-heartedly at the tickling sensation. Kana smoothed her hand over his abdominals and smiled faintly at the feeling of his pulse from the aorta in his belly. There was a tiny dip next to it that told the tale of Raido being stabbed by a kunai - the idea of the blade coming this close to the abdominal aorta should have darkened her thoughts, but it only made her happy enough to know that she was lucky that he had survived it.

At the reminder of Raido's job, she frowned, "Are you okay?" she murmured, "The way you were earlier..."

The older man sighed, and covered her hand with his own, "Yeah... I think so. I just couldn't bring myself to look at you."

"Was it that bad?" Kana tried not to read too much into his statement and, instead, focused on how comforting it felt to feel the callouses on his thumb rub lazy circles into her hand; everything about him seemed to relax her.

There was another sigh as the arm around her tightened again, "There was a woman and her child... She looked like you," Raido whispered, pressing his face into her hair, "I stood there, staring, for so long that I almost was caught by the guards on my way out..."

So the whole reason he had been that upset wasn't because he wanted to be alone, it was because he didn't want to think about how it felt as if he had killed Kana. The shame she felt over the situation was nearly insurmountable, but she found herself being rolled onto her back when Kana tried to bury her face into Raido's chest. Warm, soft lips placed gentle kisses along her forehead, across her brow and down her nose, as if he were mapping out her face with his mouth as it brushed over her own in a ghost of a kiss. Glowing eyes closed at the tender sensation as a content sigh escaped Kana's lips; she loved this man so much.

The hand that had been placed on his stomach was pushed up his shirt in a subtle request that the kunoichi was nothing short of willing to fulfill. Kana's hand gingerly moved upwards along the perimeter of Raido's scars, stroking and tenderly rubbing at the marred flesh while listening to the soft sighs and sweet nothings he breathed into her ear. The comfortable weight of his body half-settling on top of hers in a reversal of their earlier position, with Raido placing lazy kisses wherever his lips could reach, made Kana's heart feel overfull with adoration for the man.

"I love you, Rairai," she whispered.

He looped an arm around her waist to pull their bodies closer, wrapping one of his legs around hers as he smiled into her jaw, "I love you, too, kitten."

* * *

 **Note** : I didn't intend for this to make it into the story, but it was a scene I had been thinking about for a long time and when I sat down at the PC, it just sort of wrote itself. I decided to cover a few points that people PM me about, if anything to just iron out some stuff. Though I'm considering just rapid-firing the final chapters out so I can wrap up this story and start posting the next with the timeskip. But, at the same time, I just want to keep writing about happy fun times with Gen and the gang :c Maybe I'll update this with one-shot stories later down the road.


	28. Root

_Five months later..._

As much as Kana wanted to hate her clan for being a bunch of twisted ritual-obsessed freaks, she had to admit that her ancestors had come up with some pretty nifty tricks in the last few hundred years. Her eyes scanned each and every page of the heavy tome she held in her lap, hungrily memorizing techniques and jutsu while simultaneously transcribing them into various scrolls and blank books. She honestly wished that she had something akin to the Sharingan just so she could copy all of the information into her head without needing to study the diagrams and explanations.

What she found particularly interesting was how the page she was currently on explained how one could combine both types of chakra and store it in a single point on their body. Kana had heard of this level of chakra control before, with the most famous user being Lady Tsunade herself, but the possibilities surrounding that achievement would be endless. There were so many yin and yang releases that she could release in combat both in offensive and defensive maneuvers that the thought left Kana feeling both dizzy and excited.

There was a loud bang that snapped Kana out of her musings – she jerked her head up and whipped it around to see another Anbu member stumbling between the rows of bunks. Her codename was Haru, and the bang must have been her slamming the door open.

Judging by the way she favored her right leg, Haru must have been injured on whatever mission she was coming back from so Kana shut the tome and stuffed it into her bag with the scrolls, performing a quick fuinjutsu for safety purposes. She pushed herself off of her bunk and rushed over just in time to catch her comrade from face planting straight into the floor.

"Thanks," she gasped.

Kana shook her head, "Don't worry about it. Shower or bed?"

"Bed."

Scooping Haru up bridal style, she rose to a standing position and carried her over to the bunk that neighbored her own, gently setting her down before turning her attention to the blood splatters soaking through the dark pant fabric.

Kana looked up sheepishly, "Can I try out a new technique on you?"

Haru peered down at her suspiciously for a moment before shrugging and draping an arm over her eyes, "Just don't blow ma leg off."

Despite not laughing, she could hear the intended humor in her comrade's voice and Kana couldn't help but smile as she turned back to her backpack and pulled out the notebook she had designated medical ninjutsu to; she quickly flipped to a specific page and set it on the floor next to her for reference.

"Hey…" Haru murmured, "Can you talk to me?"

Kana looked up quizzically at first, and then understood what was going on when she saw the deep-set frown on the woman's tanned face. "Of course," she answered gently while focusing some of her white chakra to her fingertips, and healing chakra to the other in case she messed up.

"Now… I don't think I'll blow your leg off, but I've only been working with this for about seven months I'm not that… Proficient," Kana admitted. She had been focusing so much on the offensive side of her kekkei tota that she had lagged behind in her medical ninjutsu. "But I'm getting the hang of things pretty quickly. Honestly I just kind of wish I had my old eyes back."

Haru peeked out from under her elbow, "I dunno, I kinda like 'em. Make ya look like some sorta fairy, with that hair of yours. How'd loverboy take it?"

"How do you know about…?"

She rolled her eyes and tucked her face back under her arm, "How many people in Konoha look like a _fairy_? And ain't he a part of the Hokage Guard Platoon? Ya stick out like a sore thumb. You two are kinda a power couple."

Kana tilted her down to hide the blush that tinted her cheeks, feeling the last of the torn muscles and chipped bone regenerate beneath her fingers, "Ah… Well… He hasn't really said anything about them, honestly. I guess they glow brighter with stronger emotions, so he sometimes jokes about how I'm going to blind him, but he hasn't said much other than that…"

She ended up prattling on about Raido for the next couple of minutes as Kana worked over her injuries. It was late at night, maybe eleven or twelve, but the Anbu barracks were always having people coming and going so neither women bothered with looking up when the door opened again.

At least, they didn't look up until the whispering began.

"Isn't that a Root guy?" someone asked. His buddy snapped his book shut and followed to where he pointed.

"Yeah… What's a guy like him doing here?"

Someone else whispered something about him being away from home, and another mentioned how he had taken a wrong turn somewhere. Towards the back corner of the barrack there was a catcall that was immediately shushed.

Kana's eyes narrowed and her muscles tensed when she realized that the Root member was looking straight at her as he closed the distance between them. He was maybe four inches taller than Kana and wore an all black outfit composed of some sort of long black coat, black pants and the standard black cropped jacket with red straps for Root. The most striking feature, though, was his black mask covering everything but the tip of his nose and his mouth.

He looked intimidating as fuck, in short.

Still, she cut off the chakra flow to her hands and rose to her feet to face the man squarely after tucking her notes away.

"Captain Tsuki?" his voice was deep but had kind of a weird creepy vibe to it that made Kana's skin crawl. Root Foundation members were typically raised to be emotionless, from what little they knew, and their social skills definitely suffered because of it.

"Can I help you?"

The Root agent reached into one of his pouches and pulled out a small envelop with a familiar looking seal holding it shut, "Lord Danzo requests your immediate audience."

More whispers ensued.

She took the envelope from his gloved hand and channeled enough chakra into it so that the seal broke, pulling out a plain white slip of paper with a short message that was basically exactly what the goggled shinobi has just said. except it was signed and sealed personally by the village elder.

Her brow furrowed as Kana folded the message back into the envelope and tucked it away into her pocket. When she reached for her flak jacket and gear, the agent raised his hand and shook his head, "It was requested that you come unarmed," he said flatly.

 _'Danzo doesn't_ request _shit,'_ the kunoichi thought grimly as she picked up her white captain's cloak and swung it over muscled shoulders before yanking her cloth mask up.

The whispers gained a sense of uneasiness at the bizarre situation – it was never, ever requested that a shinobi ever be without their ninja tools and weapons unless they were being "Escorted" to some place private to be officially arrested.

"Captain?" one of the newer recruits called, concern laced in his voice.

Kana slipped her forehead protector on and let her eyes flit from person to person, "Don't worry about me, nothing's wrong," she said, keeping her voice steady and authoritative. One by one shoulders loosened up, but the room still gave the pair wary looks as they exited the barracks.

* * *

A cool gust of wind blew through the open breezeway of Root, but that wasn't why Kana had to force back a shudder. When she walked through the Leaf, she always felt safe – the village always had a warm and friendly vibe. As she navigated the dark labyrinth of the Anbu branch's base, led by the goggled agent that had remained silent the entire time, Kana couldn't help but feel cold and unwelcomed.

They took a staircase that felt as if it went on forever before approaching a set of large metal double doors that were guarded by two Root members in black cloaks. There were torches on either wall and Kana couldn't help but wonder if there was a reason the old man insisted on not taking advantage of modern electricity.

"Lord Danzo is right through these doors," her escort said plainly.

 _'Eugh, everything about this place sucks,_ ' she thought to herself as she pushed her way through one of the heavy doors, _'What the hell does_ Danzo _, of all people, want from me?'_

This must have been some sort of meeting chamber, because the room was almost completely empty with the exception of one wooden throne-like chair sitting atop a raised platform. Of course, Danzo sat in that throne – but it was her commander kneeling before him that caught Kana by surprise.

She swiftly crossed the room and kneeled just behind and to the right of her superior officer, tilting her head down, "Lord Danzo, you summoned me?"

"Miss Shimi you are aware of the events that lead up to the Uchiha Clan's downfall, correct?"

 _'Holy shit, don't beat around the bush or anything,'_ she thought dryly. Kana knew that her answer could make this conversation go bad, or _really_ bad, so she chose her words carefully as she spoke, "I understand that Itachi Uchiha had been facing mental instability and snap-"

"Do not _lie_ to me, child!" Danzo barked, causing Kana to bite her lip to keep herself from flinching.

Wrong choice of words, she decided with an inward sighed, "Lord Hokage explained the situation to me the night Itachi left the village, yes."

In front of her, the commander shifted uncomfortably.

"And you know of his current predicament?"

The vision of Itachi stifling a cough never ceased to gnaw at her heart, but how the council member was aware of her meeting with Itachi was something that made Kana very, very nervous."Yes, Lord Danzo."

"From what I've heard, you have also recently fully unlocked kekkei tota as well."

Her commander shifted again, and Kana could see a large amount of tension in his shoulders as the conversation continued, "Yes sir. It activated a couple of days after Sasuke Uchiha left the village."

She heard fabric rustle as Danzo stood from his throne, cane ticking against the stone floor when he leaned onto it. "As it stands, Itachi will not live to see more than a year and a half," he said coldly.

Ice gripped Kana by the heart, and she suddenly desperately wished she had brought her full mask with her – she had been lulled into a sense of security by being hidden in the mountains that housed both factions of Anbu, and left it in the barracks.

"He has approached Hiruzen and myself multiple times over the last few years for relatively routine check-ins, and has recently informed me that his illness has progressed to its next stage. His involvement with the Akatsuki is more than vital to the safety of our village, and a loss such as that would surely spell disaster for the Village Hidden in the Leaf." Danzo paused his monologue to step down from the platform, stopping just in front of the Anbu Commander, "Normally I would be forced to convict you of treason for associating with an S-ranked criminal, Miss Shimi, but you're just as invaluable as Itachi is thanks to your bloodline traits."

Her heart thumped painfully in her chest, and Kana kept her head low and eyes screwed shut as to not convey her flustered feelings to the man standing before her. What did he want? Why was she here?

Danzo cleared his throat and Kana could hear his hands squeezing his cane, "So, instead, I have decided to have you transferred to Root under my command, where I will properly train you. I had been planning on doing so regardless of the situation, as I believe your skills and powers would be much better suited to the tasks I give to my agents, but your inability to fully unlock your advanced bloodline trait until now proved to be an inconvenience."

He began to pace, "But now that you have proven that you can successfully wield both forms of the unique chakra bequeathed to you by your ancestors, and with Orochimaru having set his sights on you for reasons unknown, I felt it was the proper time to conscript you into service," Danzo stopped, "However, it's... Unfortunate that I will not be able to keep such a unique creature for very long. In one year's time, you will leave the village to accompany Itachi as his medic."

The thumping stopped.

Everything stopped.

"And... If I refuse?" Kana's voice was feeble, barely loud enough to be heard by the old man that stood before them. Surely this was optional? You couldn't just _force_ someone into Anbu, so you couldn't force them into the subset of Root, right?

Danzo chuckled and tapped his cane, "Did I ask for your _consent_ , child?"

Blood froze in her veins.

Kana finally opened her eyes to lift her head high enough to look at her superior officer, "Commander..?" she whispered hoarsely.

"The paperwork has already been filed," he answered thickly, "The transfer is immediate."

Oxygen dissipated into nothingness from her still lungs.

The kunoichi had to grit her teeth and gnaw on her lip to keep her composure, letting her head drop back down, "I understand."

"Torune will show you to your team's barracks and allow you to select your jacket," Danzo continued on, as if he didn't notice the slight quiver in Kana's shoulders, "You may then go back to Anbu Headquarters and gather your things. Rest assured, you will retain your title as captain, but your codename from here on out will be Yokai. I also discourage you from pursuing that _trivial_ relationship you hold with the tokubetsu jonin, and what friendships you have. Root does not advocate emotional ties."

Kana remained silent, as she didn't trust her voice to not crack if she spoke; she only nodded her head in understanding just as the old man reached down for her chin. The one exposed eye leered down at her blandly, as if this was just another day for him, and Kana saw his other hand drop the cane he held to pull down her mask and slide three fingers between lips that parted in surprise.

He tasted vile, like dirt and oil and ink and dust and it took a fair amount of self discipline to not viciously bite down on the intruding fingers that threatened to gag her. Danzo's other hand removed itself from her chin and began forming seals Kana couldn't recognize.

Her eyes darted over to her commander for something – _anything_. There was a burning sensation in her mouth that was very similar to the one she felt when Orochimaru cursed her, if only somewhat less intense, and Kana held her breath against the pain as to not groan or whimper. There was an angry edge beneath her bewilderment that didn't want to give this sick fuck the satisfaction of her being in pain.

Even as he withdrew his fingers Kana could still taste the repulsive flavor of his skin in her mouth and she wanted to scrape at her tongue with a kunai until it was gone. Her eyes narrowed angrily in the first expression of emotion she allowed herself to portray since arriving to the Root base as Danzo picked his cane up off of the floor.

"What did you just do to me?" she hissed, one eye finally squeezing shut against the harsh pain that seemed to only increase.

The elder slowly made his way back to his throne as he spoke, "Every member of Root receives the Cursed Tongue Eradication Technique – a curse seal that prohibits you from relaying any sensitive information about the organization. If you attempt to speak about anything that could prove to be detrimental to us and our goal, your body will become paralyzed."

Kana rubbed at the underside of her jaw as the pain began to subside. She was well aware of Root's shady background – they were the only Anbu that didn't answer to the Hokage, instead answering to a madman that lusted for power. They did shit that was more than just _illegal_ , things that were supposed to be even worse than what normal Anbu went through. The seal made sense, but the knowledge didn't stop the rage and shame that swelled in her chest like a fiery blossom.

First, Orochimaru. Now, Danzo.

It seemed that Kana was a very easy person to claim.

The thought made her nauseous.

"You will receive your first assignment tomorrow morning. You are both dismissed."

The two Anbu members stood upright from their crouched positions and turned towards the faintly lit doors – Kana's legs moved without her paying attention to what was going on around her, the next hour passing by in a haze. She faintly remembered being led to a dark room with ten bunks, all with a footlocker at the end and a set of traditional lockers on the far wall that also led to a small restroom with two stalls.

At some point she must have been handed a jacket, because when Kana found herself outside she was wearing a short sleeved cropped jacket with two red straps on the shoulders with her Anbu captain's cloak bunched in her fist. As small as she was and as poor as her circulation proved itself to be, she couldn't be bothered to care about the chilly breeze that rolled through the mountain path.

Her commander came to an abrupt stop, but didn't turn to face Kana as he suddenly broke the silence.

"This was out of my control," he said stonily, "I had no say in Lord Danzo's decision."

It took her a few moments to realize that the large man was apologizing to her; she soon released a long sigh and closed her eyes against the storm of conflicting emotions that all fought desperately to be on top. "I don't blame you," she said quietly.

The Anbu Commander looked over his shoulder, "You're a good shinobi. I could have easily seen you becoming my successor one day."

Kana tasted blood as her teeth sank into the soft flesh of her bottom lip. For her, there was no higher praise.

But praise didn't mean a _damn_ thing anymore.

"Goodbye, sir," she whispered.

The kunoichi walked through the puff of smoke that remained from his teleportation jutsu and soon found herself standing at the door of the barracks she had been assigned to after the attack during the Chunin Exams.

All eyes were on her when she entered the large room, her comrades dropping their conversation and allowing a heavy silence to weigh down on the group. Kana forced herself to ignore the curious, shocked expressions that followed her as she made her way to her bunk, opening up the locker and emptying it of its contents in slow, measured movements. She didn't have much to pack, considering the majority of Kana's belongings could fit into the large duffle bag she had stuffed beneath her plain bed. That much she was thankful for, as the act of putting an item into the bag felt like one more crack being added to the exterior of her heart.

A small pad of paper flopped out from a uniform pocket, silently bouncing on the comforter with a pen still attached. Kana reached for it to place it with the stack of books and other notepads resting on the foot of her bed, but then remembered Danzo's words.

 _"I also discourage you from pursuing that trivial relationship you hold with the tokubetsu jonin, and what friendships you have"_

Somehow she found the capacity to smirk dryly at how he had worded the sentence - as if it were a request and not a direct order to break things off with Raido and the others. The smirk quickly melted into a hateful, angry scowl, though, and the sound of her teeth grinding together followed soon after. Everyone knew that the village elder was a slimy bastard that did underhanded shit without the Hokage's consent, hence the entire existence of Root, but this was... This was too much.

Kana knew she wouldn't be able to face her friends and just tell them that she couldn't see them anymore - Kotetsu and Izumo probably wouldn't understand, and both Genma and Raido would fight it. Hell, Kakashi and Guy would probably march down to Root, assuming Kakashi still remembered where it was, and raise all sorts of hell...

Kakashi, Guy, Lee... _Neji_... It hadn't occurred to her that they would have been included in the order until just then, and furious tears pricked at her eyes. She couldn't function without them, that much Kana knew; they were just as much a part of her as she was herself. How could she possibly even begin to think about living a life where they weren't present?

"Captain?"

Shedo's questioning voice snapped her out of her thoughts, bringing her mechanical movements to a stop; Kana looked up from the uniform she had been folding to place her eyes on his. Shedo was a good deal older than she was, about twenty-eight, but she knew he looked up to her – as her eyes scanned the room, it struck her that they all did. No one in this room had been in the Black Ops as long as Kana had; this was _her_ platoon. These were her _people_. Her brothers and sisters in arms.

"What's going on?" Imai asked.

She swallowed against the lump in her throat and set down her uniform so she could fully address her squads, "Lord Danzo... Has made the decision to have me transferred over to Root," Kana announced, trying to keep her voice strong, "I will be serving under him directly from now on."

Anger, shock and despondency of varying levels filled the faces of her comrades that weren't wearing masks.

"Wait, you're just _leaving_ us?"

"You've been in Anbu for almost ten years! You can't go!"

"I don't understand, Captain, why now?"

Their questions and hurt voices caused her will to break as she continued, "I don't know who your next captain will be, but…" Kana knelt down and bowed, "It has truly been an honor to have served with each and every one of you. Please understand… This wasn't my decision. Anbu has been my life – it's been my purpose for bettering myself as a shinobi…" her voice cracked as angry, scared and hurt tears sprang to her eyes, "I would _never_ abandon you if given the choice. I can't begin to express the grief I feel over having to walk away from my brothers and sisters."

Something rustled, then more. Kana sat back on her heels to look at her platoon, and immediately felt her heart twist violently in her chest.

Every single one of her teammates were down on their knees with their heads tilted towards the floor and a closed fist held over their chests.

"I've admired you since long before your promotion," Kaito said firmly from the far side of the room, "Nothing will change that."

Imai nodded, "I agree. You have always been a strong kunoichi. You'll always be our Captain, Tsuki."

"I'm proud to have served by your side for these last five years," Totoro added.

"And I'm proud to have entered Anbu under your command," said Unko from behind his plain mouse mask.

Haru wiped at her leaking eyes, "You taught me so much over tha last few years," she whimpered, "Even before ya were captain ya always knew how to take charge of a situation and get us home in one piece. I can't even begin to count the number of times you saved my ass."

"I learned more during training with you in the last year than I ever did," Saeko added proudly, thumping her fist over her chest, "I'm a better shinobi because of you."

"You went against protocol and came back for me when I was critically wounded and pinned down in the Land of Tea," Shedo declared with a nod, "I'll never be able to repay you for that."

Totoro pulled his bear mask aside to expose his scarred face, large brown eyes glistening with unshed tears, "You've been like our den mother. We've got your back - no matter what."

The platoon looked up almost simultaneously to meet her gaze. On a whim, Kana wet her lips and whistled seven tunes. All forty of them whistled the seven tunes back, plus two more, in a perfect sync.

 _Oly oly oxen free, all clear._ Their sign that they were all okay.

* * *

"Kana?"

Looking over her shoulder, Kana saw Kakashi and Guy walking down an adjoining street looking dirty and exhausted; they must have just returned from a mission.

She had been walking in a daze down the empty street that was illuminated just right by the brightly shining moon, not really paying attention to where her feet took her. The letter she had written for Raido and the others had been tagged to his door with a shuriken, but now there was no real place for Kana to go other than the Root barracks, which she had no intention of staying in.

They stood there for a few moments, just looking at each other, with both men looking confused until Kakashi's eyes focused on her chest in alarm.

No, not her chest. Her _shoulders_.

"Why are you wearing that?" Kakashi asked in a low voice, his eyes widening in a look of horror that told her that he knew exactly why.

Kana couldn't bring herself to respond; only pressing her lips together in a tight line behind her mask and keeping her eyes locked on theirs. Her legs quivered and threatened to give out from beneath her, and her shoulders jerked with a silent sob.

It wasn't long before Guy caught on and his own expression darkened as he closed the distance between them. The large man quickly pulled her mask down and gently stroked her chin, asking permission. Kana opened her mouth and stuck out her tongue for him, hearing both his and Kakashi's breaths hitch when the striped curse mark was revealed.

"Baby… _Why_..?" he breathed, releasing her chin so Kana could pull her mask back up. When she didn't answer, just choking out another sob between tight lips, understanding filled his face and his dark eyes began storming in both anger and pity for the trembling figure standing before him.

To her right she could hear Kakashi's teeth grind audibly as he began to feel the same rage she experienced earlier. "That fucking piece of _shit_ ," he snarled under his breath.

"He… I…" Kana curled her fingers into a tight fist until her nails bite into the flesh of her palm with a satisfying sting, "Dad I'm so sorry – I should have just stayed in the village," she whispered just as her knees decided to no longer support her.

Guy caught her by the shoulders and knelt with her when she sank to the dirt road, "I don't understand, what are you talking about?"

"The day Itachi came back… You told me… A-and now…" Unable to form a coherent sentence, Kana hung her head and coughed against the tightening of her throat.

Kakashi crouched down next to the pair, "Are you saying he's _blackmailing_ you for helping Itachi escape last year?" His voice was tight as he spoke, and Kana didn't need to look up to know that he was just as furious as Guy, who sighed at her silence, "What is he making you do?"

"She's got his mark, Kakashi," he reminded him thickly, "She isn't able to tell us anything that could incriminate that monster."

All this time, Kana kept her mouth shut about what had happened with the Uchihas and the Third. No matter how much it pained her to hear those around her speak of Itachi as if he were the devil, she kept the oath she made to the two. Now she was physically incapable of doing so, as her own countdown began to where she would be forced to leave and branded falsely as a traitor, and Kana had never so desperately hated Hiruzen Sarutobi and the rest of the council.

Everything had happened so fast over the course of an hour that nothing had truly set in until just then, and Kana decided that she didn't want to deal with the two jonin right now. She pushed herself up onto shaky legs, readjusted her backpack and continued walking, ignoring the worried calls that rang through the empty streets behind her.

* * *

It must have been three or four in the morning by the time Kana climbed through Neji's bedroom window, dropping her duffle bag and backpack at the foot of his bed. She shrugged her jacket off of her shoulders, slipped off her headband and kicked her boots off of her legs before lifting the sheets back.

Neji stirred when she crawled into his bed, lifting his head to blink blearily at her while scooting closer towards the wall to give her space. "Kana…?" he mumbled sleepily, "What happened?"

She only shook her head and curled into him.

A soft sigh escaped her lips when the teenager wrapped slender fingers around hers and brought them up to cup his cheek. Kana couldn't remember the last time she had come to Neji in the middle of the night like this, but she urgently needed him by her side.

Because, right now, he was the only thing that was keeping Kana from falling apart.


	29. Goodbyes

_8 months later..._

"Captain."

Kana looked up from the pile of limbs at her feet and turned to head towards the door where Tatsuma and Torune were waiting, "Bring him in."

Tatsuma dragged in a bloodied individual to the center of the room, slinging him into a wooden chair and ignoring his horrified cry at the sight of his murdered children. Her subordinate made quick work of strapping him into the chair while Kana cleaned off her katana on the daughter's bed sheet that had been slung to the floor.

She grabbed his chin and activated her Ishikigan, but the politician squirmed too much for her to lock eyes long enough to get into head so Kana sighed and reached down to his shoulder. "You can sit still, or I will break you until you are _incapable_ of moving. If you close your eyes, I will tear your eyelids _off_. Make your decision, and stop wasting my time."

When he finally stilled, gaping at Kana in horror, she activated her Ishikigan again and felt the cold sensation of ice water as she began to rifle through his mind. The advisor to the Land of Water's daimyo had been secretly employing mercenaries to retrieve sensitive intelligence from their village, so they had been deployed to take care of anyone that had come in contact with that information.

The mercenaries had been a group of rogue ninja from the Mist – none too surprising, given the village's poor economy and bizarre shinobi system producing one of the highest missing-nin numbers out of the entirety of the hidden villages. There were a total of five involved, all having been sent one at a time with the exception for a pair of twins that traveled together.

Four instances of successful infiltration, with three of those being successful intelligence gathering missions. The group must excel in stealth, and Kana wondered briefly if the group was composed of ex-special ops.

The advisor was smart with how he went about collecting the information in an attempt to feed lies to his daimyo in an attempt to start a war between the nations; the best and most convincing lies were the ones that had a sliver of truth to them.

Kana pulled herself out of his consciousness, releasing his head so it could hang down towards his chest. "Well, I at least have to thank you for keeping your business within your country," she mumbled, rubbing at her shoulders, "I was kind of worried we'd have to go all the way to the Land of _Earth_ or something."

"A-are you going to kill me?" he whimpered.

"Um… I dunno, will there be a reason for my boys to come back here?" When he vehemently shook his head, slinging some blood splatters onto Kana's waist, she looked up at Torune, "Then yes."

On cue, bugs crawled out from the edges of her teammate's sleeves in a buzzing cloud that quickly muffled the advisor's screams. Kana turned on her heel and motioned for Tatsuma to follow her, "Let's go clean up the mess I'm sure you two made."

* * *

Kana sighed into the palms she cradled her face with and activated her Kurogan to perform a quick scan of their surroundings, snapping Icha Icha Pooltime shut.

"You're nervous."

She looked over at Torune, who was peering up at her from his sleeping bag while his cousin slept silently, and shrugged, "Just would rather be home." Snuggled up next to Neji, specifically. Or reading with Kakashi. Or training with Guy and Lee – shit, she'd do anything to just see her loved ones. Kana reached into her pack and pulled out the small lavender medallion Neji had gifted her upon her promotion to Captain, running a gloved thumb over the ridges of its engravings.

Instead of rolling over and going back to sleep like she had anticipated, her teammate pushed his sleeping bag open and sat up with a stretch. Kana put the medallion away and scooted to the side to make room for him on the branch she had been sitting on when he grabbed his blanket and jumped up into the tree; he wrapped the blanket around his shoulders like a cloak and mumbled something about not being tired when Kana leered at him curiously from behind her mask.

"I've been curious about something," Torune said after a long pause, not looking at her as he spoke.

Kana raised an eyebrow she knew he couldn't see, "Since when are Root agents _curious_?"

He made a noncommittal noise and shrugged, "I suppose you can't truly suppress a human's most basic instincts when you stimulate them enough," he said flatly.

"Alright," she mumbled, ignoring how weird his choice of words was, "What are you curious about?"

"You joined Root as an adult, long after forging strong emotional ties with those around you. You are also ill tempered and intentionally defy Lord Danzo where you can…" He looked down at a small beetle that crawled over the back of his hand, "I'm curious as to why you joined when you clearly do not support his ideals."

Using her fingers to comb through her ponytail, Kana sighed for the umpteenth time that night and reached over so that the insect crawled onto her fingertip. Over the last eight months she had grown comfortable with, almost fondly so, the bugs that the Aburames harbored in their bodies and, as such, had no qualms about the tiny beetle scuttling over her glove and onto her exposed skin.

"No choice," she muttered solemnly.

Torune finally turned to look at her through his goggled mask, and Kana wondered if her response had actually invoked some sort of emotion within him. "Do you mean to tell me that you were forced into service?" His bland tone quickly extinguished her thought.

She tapped her clothed lips to remind him that she was bound by the same rules as he was, even if Kana was sure to make a fuss out of things.

The Aburame frowned in thought, but let the conversation end there. He instead chose to reach over with an extended finger to retrieve his beetle, which had by that point crawled up to rest upon one of the red straps on Kana's shoulders.

* * *

Kiri-nin reminded Kana a whole lot more of pirates than shinobi, she noted while dropping the dead body to the ground. Another one of his teammates swooped in to avenge his death, this one covered in scars and wearing more wrappings than clothes; the kunoichi sighed and threw up a barrier. It curved over his body as he fell to form a sphere that quickly shrunk, crushing him into a bloody lump of tissue and clothing.

She channeled chakra to her hand and extended it over her katana as she side stepped a Mist shinobi that was blathering something about how she would regret getting involved with him. The blade swung up to cleave him in two, leaving only the leader of the gang left.

"Take care of them for me," Kana ordered as she approached the stoic man that knelt next to Tatsuma, who had his upper arms encased in a swarm of hissing beetles. She crouched down so that she was at eye level with him, resting her chin on the arms she wrapped around her legs. "You're really good at stealth, I'll give you that much. Anbu?"

The man spat at her – a glob of spit smacked wetly against her porcelain mask and Kana rolled her eyes from behind the goggles she wore. "Go fuck yerself," he snarled, "I ain't tellin' you shit."

A disgruntled noise made its way up her throat, and she yanked the Kiri-nin's sunglasses off to chuck them somewhere Kana didn't care about. What was it about the Mist village that made so many of its citizens act so _trashy_?

Just like with the Daimyo's advisor, and any other person she needed to get information from, Kana activated her Ishikigan and began digging around.

It seemed like the group didn't actually care about what happened with the politics of the world, and only acted off of greed – that was good. It meant that they had no reason to go around sharing the information they had acquired, and they didn't make any copies of it to use as blackmail. As far as this guy cared, it was just a job; he also wasn't dumb enough to make an attempt to sell the information to other nations.

Out of sheer curiosity, Kana reached father back until she found memories of his life as a proper shinobi. She grinned darkly at what she saw and released the jutsu, "Hunter-nin? _That_ ' _s_ ironic," she said wryly. When the man didn't crack a grin, only giving her a familiar look of violation that many gave her, she focused chakra to her hand and slapped him firmly across the face. "Trash," Kana snarled as she rose to a standing position.

Nodding at Tatsuma for him to off the guy, Kana focused her attention to her bloodied blade and pulled a cloth out from her pouch to start wiping it clean. When it was as clean as she was going to be able to get it right then and there, she sheathed it and brought the cloth up to her mask to wipe away the spit.

"You're angry," Torune observed from behind.

Kana stuffed the cloth into her pack with a mental note to just throw it away later before turning to her subordinate, "Shinobi that abandon their duty are garbage," she mumbled, "But Anbu? A hunter-nin? Turning your back on your brothers and sisters like that makes you even lower than garbage. It pisses me off."

Tatsuma approached the pair, a lone bug fluttering off of his shirt cuff and onto the captain's abdomen. "She likes you," he noted, "Or you're pregnant."

Silver-white eyes rolled behind black goggles, "As if. That was the last of them, ready to head home?" she asked, looking back and forth between the men. When they nodded, she turned and led them away in a sprint.

* * *

Kana felt someone rush up behind her just half a second before she turned around, opening her arms for the flash of green that slammed into her body with enough force to almost cause her to topple over. If it weren't for Lee's arms pulling her into a crushing hug, she'd most definitely be on her ass instead of wrapping her own arms around his lean shoulders.

"You are back! I am so glad to see you!" he cried, practically bouncing with each syllable.

"Lee," Tenten scolded, "She's only been gone for a couple of weeks. Ease up, will ya?"

Silver-white eyes glowing, the kunoichi squeezed Lee tight to her chest before releasing him so she could reach out to Neji. While not as passionate and noisy as his teammate's, he pulled Kana into a firm embrace that expressed just as much emotion.

She reached back to take the wandering hand on her waist into her own, lacing their fingers together and smiling into his chest. "I'm alright," she whispered, "Got home without a scratch."

Air whooshed out of Neji's lungs in a relieved sigh and he stepped back. "Welcome home, sister," he finally said, hooking his fingers under the edge of her mask; the teenager tugged the cloth down just enough to place a quick kiss on the top of her cheek with a sheepish smile.

Tenten gave an excited smile, "Are you guys ready? Guy-sensei should already be in lady Tsunade's office."

The group walked through the doors of the Academy and quickly made their way up to Hokage Tower. Kana could feel Neji's anxiousness build the closer they got to the sannin's office, so she reached over and discreetly rubbed his hip with the back of her hand reassuringly.

"Ah, good, right on time!" Guy said cheerfully when the group filed through the door in single file, his toothy grin only widening when his eyes fell upon Kana as she took her place between Lee and Neji.

Tsunade closed a file she had been reading and leaned her elbows onto the desk, folding her hands in front of her face, "Neji, as you can probably figure out on your own, I recently received the results of the jonin exam you were given two weeks ago…"

Kana felt herself stiffen in anticipation with the rest of the group, wishing that the Hokage would skip the preamble.

"Because it's so uncommon for someone of your age to be promoted, and dangerous, I went over everything myself as well. I studied your file, reviewed your past mission reports and acquired letters of recommendation from Might Guy, Hiashi Hyuga and Kana Shimi."

There was a smirk on Tsunade's face as she leaned back in her chair and she didn't get to the point in the next five seconds, Kana was going to lose her mind.

"I'm proud to say that not only did you pass your exam with a perfect score, but everything else passed with flying colors. Neji Hyuga, as of today you are now a jonin of the Village Hidden in the Leaves," she said with a pearly smile that did nothing to betray her age.

Lee literally jumped into the air while Tenten sighed happily and clapped her hands together for their teammate. Although he remained as cool and composed as always, Kana could see the overwhelming sense of pride in Neji's face.

Guy walked up to the group and placed a large hand on his student's shoulder, "I'm proud of you, Neji," he said warmly, "Congratulations. You've earned this."

Stepping back to give the team their moment, Kana blinked away the tears that stung at her swirling eyes and sniffed. _'Oh, Neji…,'_ she thought happily, _'If only Hizashi could see you now… He'd be so,_ so _proud.'_

To think she almost didn't get to see this, that Kana almost died of total chakra depletion when he was still a genin…Tears spilled out over her cheeks and into her mask, and she blushed shyly when Kana caught the Hokage giving her a knowing smile as she wiped them away with the back of her gloved hand.

Neji looked over his shoulder, following Tsunade's gaze, and chuckled when he saw the Anbu Root agent sobbing a few feet away. "I swear, you cry almost as much as Guy and Lee," he said as he pulled her into a hug. "You're going to blind us all if you don't calm down," he added as an afterthought when he looked down into her swirling eyes.

She giggled sheepishly and pulled up the goggles up from where they hung around her clavicle, "Sorry."

"It's time to celebrate!" Guy suddenly exclaimed, throwing a hand up into the air and sticking his hip out, "Neji, anything you want to do is on me. Just say the word and we'll throw the party of a _lifetime_!"

The expression on Neji's face was enough to even make Lady Tsunade laugh; it was a cross between a grimace and a look of absolute horror that made his answer to the idea of a party very obvious. "No thank you," he mumbled curtly, quickly regaining his composure but looking disturbed nonetheless.

A familiar chakra signature approached the door and Kana's mood immediately soured when the sound of a wooden cane could be heard through the walls. Quickly stepping back from Neji, she dropped to her knee as Danzo entered the Hokage's office with Sai in tow, "Milord."

"What is it, Danzo?" Tsunade drawled, having opened up a file in an obvious attempt at looking busy, "I'm busy."

"I'm here to collect something of mine," his deep voice rumbled. Kana's hands balled into fists on the floor as he spoke, "Captain Yokai, I have a new assignment for you. Come."

The room stilled for a full second, with even Tsunade's pen halting in its pretend-writing that everyone knew was just her scribbling on some poor bloke's mission report, before Guy took a hesitant step forward. "Lord Danzo, _please_ , it's her first day back from a _two-week_ long mission and this is an important day for-"

"Sensei, it's alright," Kana cut in as she rose from her kneeling position, "Don't interfere." She kept her voice steely and her head high while she walked over to Danzo's side, but her heart had fallen so far that it hurt; she had wanted to see this day happen for so long and now it was being taken away. Figured. Kana would have to make it up to Neji later, she decided when the door closed behind them.

"What the _hell_ ," she hissed, "We had a deal."

Team Guy was the one group of people Danzo allowed her to associate herself with, with the exception of Kakashi. It sucked, a lot, and it took Kana months to get over the heartbreak and readjust to a somewhat isolated lifestyle, not to mention the looks she still received from Genma and his group, but it was a compromise.

The village elder didn't turn to look at her as he walked down the stairs, "I have respected our agreement to its fullest extent, even as you continued to sneak off with that tokujo-" Almost as if on cue, a tiny beetle scuttled along her forearm; Kana crushed it and cursed Tatsuma for the hundredth time. "-But I'm afraid things have changed. I will brief you when we return to my chambers."

' _Changed?_ ' Changed how? Their arrangement had been completely centered around three factors: Her isolating herself from her friends and clan, Itachi's illness and her being trained personally by Danzo so she could keep Itachi alive for as long as possible while simultaneously keeping herself out of Orochimaru's reach.

The pair began moving up the staircase that would take them to the organization's base as Kana's mind continued to work. _'There are only four – no – three and a half months left before the agreed date…_ ' she thought to herself, gnawing on an already bleeding lip, ' _It could be that as the final quarter approaches, he wants me to pull away from the only people left in my life…'_

Would he do that? Her eyes focused on the back of the bandaged head she had grown to despise the sight of so much. Factor one was supposed to remove her of her connections to the village, a decision that she realized only months ago wasn't something that Danzo had made maliciously.

 _'Unlikely - practically everyone in Root heard how loud I was kicking and screaming just to get the shitty deal I was offered.'_ Kana had probably taught the other agents a few vulgar words that night. Even if it would make leaving the village somewhat easier, the elder wasn't the kind of man to go back on his word; that much she had learned. _'Unless…'_

Suddenly there were only two sets of footsteps echoing through the halls they walked down, and Danzo finally turned to face her; his face was an unreadable as ever.

Factors two and three were directly related to each other – if Itachi were to die before her training was complete…

"You're not releasing me from Root," she said slowly, eyes narrowing, "I know that'll never happen – my days in Anbu are over. But tell me, Danzo… Is my mission still to take place at the end of the year?"

There was a long pause, and Danzo only turned to continue walking when it was over.

Kana grit her teeth and took a menacing step forward, " _Answer me_! Am I still being forced-" Her jaw locked just as the rest of her body ceased to function properly; the kunoichi dropped to the metal floor panels painfully as glowing orange marks slithered down her limbs. Shit, so much for carefully choosing her words earlier to avoid triggering the curse mark.

Danzo continued walking, "Sai, help Captain Yokai to my chambers."

"Of course, sire," came the strangely pleased response. Sai pivoted with that bizarre fake smile he always directed towards her and those he encountered that weren't raised in Root, walking back to where she was laying and picking her limp body up off of the floor.

A small, half-hearted grin ticked at the very corner of her mouth, the only part of her body that was capable of moving; thankfully the seal's effects didn't last long. Kana activated her Ishikigan and locked her eyes on his when they opened. _'Still kind of creepy,'_ she thought.

Sai's false smile disappeared and was replaced with a disappointed frown, _'Is that so? I was hoping it would be comforting. I apologize, I truly have been trying.'_

The small flicker of amusement she felt towards his attempt was snuffed out as Sai carried her down the steps leading to the mission chamber. Danzo didn't answer her question, which was more frightening than it was frustrating. The situation she was in made her accept the fact that her fate was in that bastard's hands, if only because he had placed the curse mark on her before she could tattle to the Hokage, but not knowing what was going to happen was eating away at Kana.

Able to at least move her legs enough to provide some sort of stability, she helped keep herself steady as Sai slid her off of his back so that Kana could rest against the wall.

"Leave us," the man ordered, his exposed eye closed. Probably in annoyance.

When the heavy metal door was shut, the pair sat in silence. Kana had to make the mental effort to stop chewing on her lip when her teeth scraped away another layer; it was a shitty habit she had picked up from Genma.

With a heavy sigh, Danzo set his cane to rest against his throne and sat back against the surface, "How long are you going to keep hiding?"

' _What?_ ' The kunoichi reached out with her senses, ' _We're the only ones_ -'

Before she could finish her thought, there was a chakra signature that Kana was all too familiar with.

She felt it just as Itachi stepped out from the shadowed corner.

"You cursed her," he noted, "I thought we had agreed she wasn't to be treated like your other agents."

Unlike their last encounter, there were no strong emotions that washed over her and tore hell through Kana's consciousness - she could only wonder how the hell he had suppressed his chakra and hidden well enough for both Sai and herself to be completely oblivious to his presence. Granted, Sai wasn't much for detection, but Kana was all but officially a sensor type.

"I've given her more privileges than she deserved. She cares for her loved ones too much for me to trust her to keep her mouth shut," Danzo said with a hint of agitation; Kana was reminded of when Torune accused her of defying the man where she could. It would have been true enough about a year ago, when she didn't truly understand the purpose of her assignment. If it weren't for the curse mark, she would have informed at least Raido of why Kana had to dip out of their lives and below the radar. The reminder sent a pang of guilt through her chest; he had fought so hard…

The old man turned to look at the woman still sitting against the wall, "I know you can move, Captain. You will _kneel_ in my presence," he all but snarled.

Itachi's chakra flared in response as she rose to her feet, she didn't need her kekkei genkai activated to feel it, "Being branded and spoken to as a lowly servant is a _priv_ -"

"Itachi," Kana cut in, walking to the center of the room to drop to one knee with her head bowed, "Shut up." It was just easier to give Danzo what he wanted than to bicker over trivial power play bullshit like this.

"I suppose this means you're done throwing fits," he sneered, "Good. Then we can get to why I brought you here – I can assure you it wasn't just to crash your superfluous _party_ plans."

Kana remained silent, and Danzo took that as a sign to continue.

"As I mentioned earlier, there's been a change in our agreement. The illness Itachi has been suffering from has begun progressing faster than either of us were able to anticipate, so I am afraid that your deployment is being moved up."

Every word that Danzo spoke tightened a cold wire that had quickly coiled itself her chest until she was absolutely certain she was going to die. Leaving the village was something that never truly left her mind, Kana knew it was coming eventually, but up until now she had safely compartmentalized it and always told herself that it was something she would just deal with later.

Now, her time was out.

"When do I leave?" she murmured, bracing herself for the worst.

There was an agonizingly long silence as what she assumed Danzo and Itachi exchanged looks, "One week," the raspy voice finally answered.

Not the _worst_ , but Kana still felt her eyes slide shut in disappointment, "Oh," was all she could manage in a whispered response.

There was a strained noise that came from Itachi that sounded exactly the noise he had made in the forest over a year ago, but in rapid succession; he really _was_ getting worse. Kana raised herself to her feet and turned to face him, sliding gloved hands under Itachi's cloak and applying chakra to where they rested over his ribs.

"You've lost weight," she noted quietly, feeling the way his ribs stuck out just a hair too much, "You know food pills aren't enough – you need to eat real food."

The buildup of fluid and phlegm in his lungs took only a few moments for Kana to remove, and she wasted no time in stepping back when her job was completed. Fingers didn't trail down his body like they did last time, desperate for a final touch. "Milord, if there's nothing else… I'd like to go now," she requested, turning back to the sitting man.

For the briefest, shortest of fleeting moments, pity flashed across the elder's face; it was gone so quickly that Kana couldn't help but wonder if it was only a part of her imagination.

"You are dismissed, Captain Yokai."

Stiff legs moved in robotic movements towards the steel double doors. Kana wanted to be out of this place – she wanted to be out of this dark, cold cage of a base and out onto the lively streets of Konoha.

"Wait," Itachi said just as she reached for the handle. She turned, but he wasn't looking at her as he spoke, "Remove the curse mark."

As _if_ – if things were that easy, then the mark would have been lifted a month after she had been inducted into Root.

Danzo's thoughts appeared to be just the same as he scoffed, "I told you, she can't be trusted-"

"It's _not_ a request, Danzo. Release the jutsu."

"It doesn't matter," Kana mumbled, turning the door handle, "I'm starting a fucking _collection_."

The clanging sound of the door shutting drowned out whatever was called after her. When she made her way through the compound, Kana made sure to make a stop in the cafeteria where she knew a certain Aburame was eating donburi and miso soup.

No one at the table had time to react before she swiftly flickered across the room, curling her hand into a fist and throwing it straight into Tatsuma's cheekbone. It cracked under the pressure of her punch, which had no chakra built up behind it but still succeeded in throwing him against the far wall and causing the metal panel to cave around his body.

Just a second later she was grabbing him by the throat – the hold wasn't enough to restrict his breathing, but it kept his head from moving long enough for her Ishikigan to lock onto his eyes.

 _'Spy on me again and I will break you,'_ she thought menacingly, sure to slip the memory of her crushing his beetle forward so he could see it. Hands were pulling at her arms and shoulders and Kana allowed herself to be pulled away – she had no intention of _actually_ bringing harm to Tatsuma, she only wanted to remind him that she hated being watched.

To prove this, she dropped down to a knee and reached out to focus chakra to the cheek that had caved in at an almost dangerous angle. Parts of the bone had shattered completely and wouldn't have been able to heal fully if it weren't for the tinkling white yang chakra that mixed in with the flow, growing a new arch in its place.

"You know I cannot deny Lord Danzo's orders," Tatsuma muttered, rubbing his restored cheek.

Kana didn't bother answering. She already knew that it wasn't his decision, or wish, to plant a beetle on her, but it wasn't as if she could take her anger out on their leader. Guilt only added to the mountain of emotions that had been building since she left his chambers, and the curious look from Sai wasn't helping when he attempted to reach out for her arm as she stormed out of the cafeteria.

* * *

 _One day later..._

The sun had set by the time Kana found herself standing outside Kakashi's apartment, where she stood before the silver-haired jonin staring down at her.

"I…" She whispered, staring up at the lone gunmetal eye, "I-I…"

He reached out to her quivering shoulders, sliding his hands over her shoulders to pull her through the doorway and against his chest, "It's alright," Kakashi murmured. The door shut behind her, but neither of them moved from where they stood.

Cinnamon, and musk. It was the scent that made her feel so warm ever since she was a little girl; it was the scent that always told her that Kana was safe even if enemies were all around them. As she clung to Kakashi, burying her face into the fabric of his shirt and breathing in the scent that was so unique to him, the kunoichi desperately wanted to feel that same warmth.

Shoulders heaved beneath Kakashi's arms as tears sprung to her eyes, "I-I'm scared," she whimpered, "Kashi… Kashi, I'm so scared…"

Her body was lifted from the floor, held tightly by the same familiar arms that cradled her every time she needed him. Kana wrapped herself around his torso and buried her face into the crook of his neck.

"You're safe," Kakashi whispered while carrying her to the living room, "You're safe, sweetheart." He pushed her goggles up, sliding them up and over her head with her forehead protector and setting them on the coffee table. The tears that had been trapped behind her goggles dropped onto her cheeks to join the ones that had begun to flow freely.

Of course she would be safe – Kana and Itachi were nearly unstoppable when they were kids. As adults, with Kisame Hoshigaki by their side, she had no doubt that little to no harm would come their way.

But it wasn't bodily harm that she was afraid of.

 _'Was this how you felt, Tachi?'_ she thought, _'Was this what it was like to know your happiness was being stolen away?'_

Kakashi lowered them to the couch and Kana instinctively curled into him, unsure of when her boots and Root jacket had been removed.

 _'Is this why you want to die?'_

The pain he must have felt must had been so much worse, and she finally understood why he hadn't taken her with him that night. As much as Kana overpowered him in hand to hand combat, as much as she always excelled in chakra control, she simply wasn't as strong as Itachi where it truly mattered.

"I don't want to be _alone_ ," she sobbed, pressing herself into Kakashi.

Itachi was selfless. He was willing to do everything and everything he could to protect their home, even if that meant being branded as a traitor that murdered his family and exiled to a life of espionage. He was a shinobi that was able to live a life of loneliness and despair, rejecting the choice of companionship so his best friend didn't have to suffer alongside him.

But Kana was clinging to Kakashi as if her life depended on it, just like she always did, hating each and every village elder that had organized this. Hating the Uchiha's leaders for being so self absorbed that things came this far. Hating her clan for giving her powers that were more of a curse than a gift.

She was too weak.

"I…" Tears that had been shocked into stopping resumed streaming down pale cheeks. Kana's heart raced painfully against her chest, and it took more willpower than she thought she possessed to tear herself out of the inviting warmth of Kakashi's arms. "I have to go…"

Glowing eyes screwed shut, the kunoichi stumbled away from the sofa and crossed into the kitchen towards the door. She would come back for her things later, right now Kana just desperately needed to be away from everything.

Her legs gave out just as she reached the door, though, and all she could do was slide down to sit on the floor.

The realization of what was happening hit her like a ton of bricks – _she was being exiled from her home_. Kana was being forced to venture out, join an organization she hardly knew anything about, to protect a man that was only going to die in a few years at best. What then? There were no plans for her to return home - she was on her _own_ by that point. Up until then Kana had successfully hidden the thought, safely compartmentalized it and told herself to just deal with things later. But, now, there was no later.

It felt like there had been a blindfold over her eyes and someone had just torn it away so she could look directly into a burning sun; she was suddenly intensely aware of everything that had been going on and, for the first time in years, Kana didn't know what to do. "I…" The lump in her throat made her feel like she was being strangled but she forced herself to choke her words out, "I need to show you something, but the curse… The mark won't let me show you everything," she whispered, fixating entirely white eyes on his.

There was the familiar sensation of being dipped into ice water just before Kana began pushing her memories forward.

 _"Please understand," he said solemnly, "I only did what was best for the village-"_

 _Itachi took a deep breath and hung his head, closing his eyes. "The next part of my mission has to be done on my own. You have to stay here. Protect the village-"_

 _Lord Hokage the Third puffed on his pipe. "Surely you must have seen the signs yourself, as close as you were to the Uchihas-"_

 _Kisame gave her a curious look, "Just how skilled of a medic_ are _you?"-_

The curse mark began to activate a splitting pain in her head as Kana quickly flitted through flashes of memories, desperate to relay as much information to Kakashi as she could.

 _Itachi suppressed a cough, his Adam's apple jumping in his throat-_

 _Torune reached into one of his pouches and pulled out a small envelop with a familiar looking seal holding it shut, "Lord Danzo requests you-"_

 _"I have successfully transplanted multiple Sharingan into my own body - the process is rather simple, really," Danzo turned and placed the jar on his desk before reaching out to yank Kana's goggles off-_

The pain was almost blinding, but Kana wasn't done yet.

 _Danzo paused to step down from the platform, stopping just in front of the Anbu Commander, "Normally I would be forced to convict you of treason for associating with an S-ranked criminal, Miss Shimi, but you're just as invaluable as Itachi-"_

 _"I have decided to have you transferred to Root under my command-"_

A hot fire threatened to rip her skull open and Kana couldn't hang onto her dojutsu any longer; she screwed her eyes shut and turned to the side to dry heave violently, her empty stomach feeling as if it was going to twist itself apart.

In the end, she couldn't even try to cheat her way around the curse mark to explain things. Danzo _always_ won.

The entire time, Kakashi's expression was unreadable as he sat down in front of the sobbing girl; he never reached out to touch her, and the entire time she had relayed information to him he remained silent.

When her body's attempts at vomiting came to an end they only sat there in quietude, the only sounds being the choked noises Kana made as she desperately fought back at the overwhelming feelings of anger and fear that threatened to send her back to the dark place she had been slowly sinking back into over the last year.

When she tilted her head back to look at him, Kakashi's normally stoic demeanor had switched to one of genuine trepidation, glistening eyes wary and even teeth gnawing at his bottom lip.

Confessions and explanations sped through her mind but Kana's mouth refused to form the words to express them. She was dimly aware of her short nails digging painfully into her back, though it didn't even begin to compare to the nausea and headache that had been building – Kana slid back down the wall until her tight shoulders hit the floor with a _thud_ , having lost the will and energy to keep her body upright.

Kakashi's entryway blurred as she quit bothering to focus, only staring blankly at the far wall; she heard him ask her a question but the ringing in her ears muffled any and all noises that weren't in her own head, just as her breathing began to take off on its own.

She hardly felt Kakashi's hand grab hold of her upper arm to lift her up. It didn't feel as if he was grabbing her, but, more of some sort of thin barrier that was just outside of her skin – the pressure was there but the actual sensation of being pulled against his body wasn't present. Her chest was too busy caving in on itself and then attempting to pop all at once, heaving and causing her body to convulse against the breath that came in short, ragged bursts.

Kana was dimly was aware of that heading into shock, and she needed to pull herself out of this pit if she didn't want to go into complete catatonia.

Her mind focused on Kakashi's scent, the smell of cinnamon and musk that was so pleasant to her; the longer she inhaled the subtle aroma, the closer she felt her mind move back to reality. It was only a few minutes later that she began to feel the warmth of his arms wrapped around her waist – she realized that he had pulled her into his lap sideways so that his warm breath puffed against her hair, one of Kakashi's hands fondling the ends of her ponytail.

"Kana… Look at me," Kakashi pleaded, his voice quiet and hurt. The guilt made her feel as if her chest was going to cave in on itself, but she obliged and raised her tearful gaze to meet his cautious eyes. "Please be honest with me… Have you considered leaving the village to be with him?"

Fear rushed in with the shame and self-hatred that swirled in her body, twisting at her insides and making her feel like she's about to fall apart and cave in at the same time – her body convulsed as she choked on her tears and coughed. Kana wrapped her arms around her small frame as if she was going to shatter into pieces if she let go. "N-no," she half-sobbed, "H-he wanted so much to keep us all safe and happy… I-I feel as if I'm… But…" Kana's eyes fell back to the floor and she released a long, steady breath. "Kashi, I…"

"Someone like you…" Kakashi murmured, "Should have never been pushed into becoming a shinobi." His fingers threaded through her hair after pulling it from its tie and Kakashi pressed his warm cheek into the top of her head, "You were always too warm… Too kind."

Too _weak_.

As much as Kana wanted to run to Tsunade, to beg to have her force Danzo to release her, what Itachi doing was incredibly vital to keeping their home and the rest of the shinobi world safe. Not only that, but Orochimaru had already encountered her two times in just as many years – if he were to get his hands on her kekkei genkai and somehow find a way to use it… Especially with the way Danzo had altered her eyes... Then the Akatsuki would be the least of their problems. Being with Kisame even after Itachi died would drastically reduce those chances.

She couldn't continue to be this weak. She was a kunoichi of the Village Hidden in the Leaves – an Anbu Captain at heart and an Anbu Root Foundation Captain in the literal sense. It was time she stepped up and stopped acting like a pathetic child.

Kana picked herself up off of the floor on trembling legs that threatened to give out beneath her. With Kakashi still sitting, she made her way about the apartment to gather her belongings, pulling on her cropped jacket and fastening her headband just below her ponytail.

"In Root, you have no name," she whispered, hand on the doorknob, "You have no feelings. You have no past. You have no future. There is only the mission." Kana's eyes glowed behind her goggles, "I have a name that burdens me with powers I never wanted. I have emotions that I can't control as well as I'd like. I have a past that only ever comes back to haunt me. But those two last parts of the Foundation's creeds… Those are true."

 _'Please understand what I'm trying to tell you,'_ she silently begged.

"Sweetheart, wait-"

Kana forced herself to ignore Kakashi's pleads; she opened the door and pulled her tanto out from its sheath, reaching up to poke at the ceiling, "You can quit hiding, Sai."

A familiar pale face popped down from the breezeway's cover, "Are you going to punch me like you did Tatsuma?"

Their forehead protectors make a small ' _Clink'_ when Kana touched her forehead against Sai's, eliciting a surprised noise from the younger shinobi. "No, because I know you're just here because you're curious."

That, and because there had always been something about Sai that made her genuinely like him.

"Don't walk away!" Kakashi suddenly shouted, his mask pulled up, "Please, just _talk_ to me!"

Kana spoke curtly, "I apologize. I should have never come here."

Sai took her hand just as she extended it and sat up, pulling her onto the roof with him. They both took off running, though Kana made sure not to run too fast for her comrade so he wasn't left behind.

"Your parents… They named you Kana Shimi?" he asked when the pair had slowed to a walk, "It's quite befitting."

She sighed, "If I had a dime…" Sai raised a curious eyebrow at her, and the kunoichi sighed again, "It's a saying. When someone says "If I had a dime for every time I heard something" it means they've heard it enough times to where if they received a dime each time, they'd be rich."

The curious eyebrow furrowed, "Could anyone possibly hear something so many times that they would be rich just from dimes?"

"It's just an expression, Sai. It isn't supposed to be taken literally," she explained in a low voice.

"You're distressed," the teenager observed, "Is it because of that man saying you shouldn't be a shinobi?"

Kana stopped. All things considered, she shouldn't be surprised that he had been able to tell that she was upset - Sai had a habit of stalking her every now and then for observation purposes. Usually she found her time with him and Torune to be somewhat entertaining, the two being the only teammates Kana genuinely got along with, but what had just happened left her too depressed. It made sense that he would be able to pick up on that.

Suddenly, Sai had wrapped his slender arms around her shoulders and pulled her against him.

"Uh – um…" she mumbled, hands hovering over his bare waist, "Sai… What are you…?"

He made a curious hum, "I read that when another person is hurting, embracing them alleviates some of that pain and comforts them. Was I mistaken?" he asked, his head hooked over her shoulder. Sai's tone was flat, but disappointment was laced into his words.

Kana closed her eyes and was glad he couldn't see her face from behind her goggles and mask when she gently pushed him back, "You aren't _totally_ wrong, no... When friends are hurting, it's common for them to hold each other," she murmured, "But… Sai… It doesn't mean anything if you don't care about the person."

Dark eyes blinked in response, Sai's lips parting just enough for the kunoichi to know that he was still confused. Kana twirled the end of her ponytail listlessly as she tried to make him understand, "The entire purpose of a hug is to let that person know that you _care_ , and that you don't want to see them hurting. It's an expression of love – that's what helps make the pain go away."

"Oh…" Sai looked down at their feet thoughtfully, "I think I understand now."

Kana patted him on the shoulder and tugged so that he fell into step with her, "It's late. Let's go back."

* * *

 _Two days later..._

"Alright, Kana! Lee! This one's for all the _marbles_!" Guy boomed, "Are you _READY_?!"

"Yes Guy-sensei!" Lee cried.

Kana smirked and tightened her hand around Lee's, "Ready."

"Three!"

Tenten hovered over Lee, eyes wide and expectant.

"Two!"

Neji made himself look calm, but there was an excited glint in his pretty white eyes as he stared at the hands clasped over the training stump.

"One!"

Lee grinned.

" _Go_!"

Muscles immediately tensed. Kana had to brace herself by tightening her knees around the post, feeling her friend's hand cover hers almost entirely and pushing back at her with just as much strength as she would have expected from him. Tightening her grip, she pushed back and watched Lee's muscles cord beneath green spandex in response.

Sweat beaded on the teenager's upper lip, "It is true, then," he said a little too breathlessly, "You truly have become stronger."

"You haven't beaten me since we were kids, anyways," Kana responded with a grin.

"Today that changes! First Gate…"

"Open," she purred.

There was an explosion of energy between the two of them that caused the training post to crack under their elbows. Tenten's eyes widened in response, "Whoa, guys, isn't this taking it a bit far?"

Wood splintered beneath them, and both of Guy's students dropped to the ground without ever breaking their grips. Lee's smile only widened in response, "Tenten, if I am to prove to Kana that I have become stronger then I must not hold back!"

 _'Oh, Lee… You've already proven that, in so many ways.'_

"Yeah, but, still… Using the Gates like this-"

Lee's eyebrows furrowed in concentration when his arm began being pushed back, and his bicep flexed as his hand tightened almost painfully around hers.

"- Isn't it a little irresponsible? Guy-sensei?" Tenten looked up at him to back her up on the issue, but he was too busy jumping and cheering on both of his students to beat each other. It was almost comical, really.

The black gloved hand began to falter, and Neji almost jumped out of his skin when it moved back an inch. Kana laughed and opened the Gate of Rest just as Lee did, "Don't worry, Tenten," she shouted over the sound of the ground cracking, "We've got this, right Lee?!"

He didn't respond, but Lee's eyes looked back at Guy for half of a second.

Half of a second too long.

Kana quickly opened the Fourth Gate and used the teenager's distraction to shove his hand down into the ground with a loud crack. His face immediately fell, which made the kunoichi feel guilty, but she _had_ promised them a long time ago that she would stop holding back for their sakes.

"YEEEAAA-HAAAA! Victory goes to my little girl KANA!" Guy hollered. When his eyes dropped to Lee's teary ones, his expression immediately changed and he began waving his arms around, "Ah, uh… Don't worry, Lee… You'll get her next time! You, uh, just need to train some more! That's all!"

To her right, Neji sighed in a hiss of satisfaction; Tenten almost looked as disappointed as Lee as she helped him out of the body-shaped crevice he had gotten himself into during the arm wrestle. Rolling onto her back, Kana sealed the tenktetsu with a groan. Using the Gates never seemed to get any easier.

With that in mind, she looked up at Lee to check him for any injuries and picked herself up from the ground when she saw that he only suffered a bruised ego.

"Lee, come with me for a minute," she said, waving the hand that wasn't still twitching from their match – Kana was left-handed, but she had been willing to use her right hand for the arm wrestling contest so Lee could use his dominant one. Now it was all sorts of shaky.

The boy followed after her without question into the treeline so that they were out of earshot from the thee that stared at them with varying looks of confusion. When she deemed them far enough, she turned and placed her hands on Lee's shoulders.

Reality struck her like a ton of bricks when Kana noticed how she had to reach up to touch his collar – he had grown to be significantly taller than her at age 16, and Lee's shoulders were noticeably broader than when he had made genin. He had grown up.

"Do you understand why you lost?" she asked softly, ignoring the sad feeling of nostalgia from her realization.

Wide, dark eyes looked down at his feet in disappointment, "Because I am not yet strong enough to-"

"You're plenty strong, Lee," Kana cut in, hooking a gloved finger under his chin so that he looked at her, "You lost because you continue to look to Guy-sensei for approval, to make sure he's watching. You allowed yourself to become distracted."

Lee began to look down again, but the finger under his chin kept his head in place, "I am sorry."

She furrowed her brow – her intention hadn't been to make him feel bad… This is why she would have made for a terrible jonin sensei. "Don't apologize, just listen to me. Okay?" When he nodded, Kana's hand drifted back down to his shoulder, "I understand how much his approval means to you, believe me, but you already _have_ it, Lee… Guy loves you _so_ much and recognizes you as a _powerful_ shinobi – we all do."

Pulling him down, Kana tilted her face up so that their foreheads touched, "You're not a child anymore and no one sees you that way. You've grown into such a strong, wonderful man in more ways than one. You're a genius, you're brave, you're loyal, you're wise – sometimes even wiser than Guy – and you're a splendid ninja that will eventually surpass his sensei. You not only carry the Will of Fire, Lee, but you actively demonstrate it. So don't worry so much about seeking validation through Guy and the others. You don't need to look for something you already have obtained."

Tears were streaming down the chunin's face by the time her monologue had come to a close, and she couldn't help but smile sadly at the sight; he'll always be a big bundle of emotions. Lee pulled her into his chest for a crushing hug that she would have laughed at if it didn't practically flatten her lungs.

"Oh, Kana," he sobbed into her hair, "Thank you."

Kana pulled back far enough to breath and bit her lip to force her own tears to recede, though hers were those of a deep and dark sadness that had been looming over her heart, "You know… In the years we've known each other, I don't think I've ever told you how I actually feel…"

Glittering eyes peered down at her curiously, "What do you mean by that, exactly..?" he sniffed.

"Like Neji, you're precious to me," she chuckled, "I'm sorry it took me this long to say it, but I love you very much."

Another explosion of tears ensued from the younger man, and Kana would have fallen onto her butt from the way Lee dove into her if she hadn't possessed the frame of mind to brace herself. She laughed and brought a hand up to comb through his silky black bowl cut, smiling up at the group that still was giving the pair quizzical looks.

It was clear that Lee wasn't going to let up unless he was made to do so, so she wiggled out from his death grip and wiped the back of her hand under his eyes, "Come on, let's go," Kana patted his shoulder, "I'm hungry for some spicy curry."

At the mention of his favorite food, Lee whooped and threw his fists into the air before charging across the field to his teammates and teacher.

* * *

 _Four days later..._

It didn't snow very often in the Village Hidden in the Leaves. In fact, it was such a rare occurrence that Kana had only seen it happen three times in the twenty years she had lived there. The sight was probably a beautiful one to anyone else, but it just felt like a bad omen to Kana as she quickly jumped the wall to the Hyuga compound and made a beeline to where Neji lived.

Vaguely Kana was aware that her use of stealth would only arouse suspicion to anyone who could see her – which was a very strong possibility even with her skills as a shinobi, considering she was sneaking through a district full of Byakugan users – but she wanted to be absolutely sure that no one saw her as she slid a paper window open.

Having become so accustomed to her presence, Neji didn't stir from his sleep when she silently dropped to the tatami mat flooring. He always looked so peaceful when he slept, which was why Kana had always abhorred waking him. A few moments passed where she just watched the steady rise and fall of his chest, a sad smile tugging at her lips when Kana noted the small cloud of darkened fabric near where his mouth was pressed into the pillow.

Reaching out, she brushed aside some of the long brown hair that had fallen in front of his face; a crack in her heart formed when the action didn't disturb Neji's sleep. Her chakra signature normally made others wary but, with him, it only seemed to relax the teenager further.

Kana hated this.

White eyes fluttered open blearily when she gently whispered his name, the confusion in them clear as day.

"Kana…?" he mumbled, wiping the back of his hand over his mouth as he propped himself up.

The crack widened at the sound of Neji's tired voice, "Neji do you trust me?" she whispered.

He narrowed his eyes and sat upright in his bed, now fully alert, "How can you even ask such a thing?" Neji hissed, "What's happened?"

"I… I have to leave-"

Neji stiffened, "You _what_ -"

"Please, Neji," she breathed, "I don't have much time. I have to leave the village – it's a long story, and it's one I can't explain for a very long time. But I promise I'll explain everything to you one day, do you understand?"

Horror replaced curiosity with every word she spoke. Neji's wide eyes filled with unshed tears when a gloved hand reached into Kana's pack to pull out her forehead protector, placing it in his lap. "Does this mean…?" he trailed off, taking the headband into a trembling hand.

Kana nodded, "I'm not coming back. I need you to promise me that you will always carry this with you," her voice cracked as she spoke, "Promise me, Neji. Don't _ever_ allow it to leave your sight, no matter what."

At first, he didn't answer; Neji only stared down at the hitai ate that had been placed in his and what it signified, looking back up at the kunoichi as if he were in a daze. She couldn't hold it against him – this was something that Kana had been mentally bracing herself for, but he was having to deal with it for the first time and all at once.

"I understand," he breathed, "I promise. I'll keep it with me always."

Pulling her mask to the side of her head and slipping both the goggles and cloth mask down to her neck, Kana leaned in and kissed Neji's cheek. "Please understand. I'm doing this for the village," tears spilled over her cheeks as she spoke, "I'm doing this for you, and Lee, and the rest of Konoha."

"Then let me come with you," Neji pleaded, wrapping his arms around her shoulders to pull their chests flush.

Déjà vu slammed into her like a speeding train at his words; they were the same ones she had said to Itachi ten years ago. Kana screwed her glowing eyes shut and returned his embrace, "You and I both know that's not possible," she whispered, "This is _my_ mission."

Arms tightened around her shoulders, which only made her feel as if she was going to fall apart even quicker. Her heart felt as if it was shattering into a million pieces when Kana heard Neji's short, pained gasps as he wept into her shoulder. A wave of desperation washed over her. Kana didn't want to do this. She didn't want to leave Neji. The Leaf was her home.

"I love you," he whispered in a voice that radiated misery.

A choked noise pushed its way up Kana's throat when she finally was able to bring herself to peel herself away enough to look into his bloodshot eyes. He had grown into such a handsome man, elegant and strong in every way.

"You're so perfect," she murmured, "I love you, too. I love you so much, Neji. I'm so proud of _everything_ you've become."

He turned his face into one of her palms that had slid up to cup his face, exposed thumbs gently caressing his cheek, "Will… I ever see you again?" Neji's eyes were searching hers, looking for any shred of hope to cling to and twisting her stomach into a painful knot.

For a moment Kana wanted to lie and tell him what he wanted to hear, but he was a shinobi. He wasn't just her little brother anymore. Sliding her swirling eyes shut, she took a deep breath and steadied her breathing before answering. "If you do, there's a good chance you will be ordered to kill me. If that's the case, and you're with others, I'll have to run." They both knew that her speed was something he, and just about every other shinobi, would be unable to match. With that in mind, it was supposed to be reassuring for him to know that he wouldn't have to face her in combat as long as Kana could run away, but Neji's face only continued to emanate his agony.

"Do… The song you would sing to me as a child… Do you still remember it?" the way Neji's voice sounded, so small and pained, left her feeling as if she was going to fall apart at the seams. Kana nodded slowly, and he laid back down over his blankets. "Will you sing it?" he asked in a broken whisper.

Kana had been given a very small window for her to escape the village without the Konoha Barrier Team being able to detect her through the sensing barrier, and that window was getting close to closing; she'd be lucky if she made it out in time. Still, she found herself sliding over the sheets to settle herself next to the teenager, fingers snaking into his long brown hair.

" _Dango, dango, dango, dango, dango daikazoku_ ," she sang softly, smoothing his hair out, " _Yancha na yaki dango yasashii an dango_."

Neji pulled her into a tight hug that pressed both of their bodies together.

" _Sukoshi yumemigachi na tsukimi dango_."

While his tears had stopped, there was a slight quivering in his muscles as the jonin fought against the emotions she knew were storming inside of Neji.

" _Osumashi goma dango yotsugo kushi dango. Minna minna awasete hyaku nin kazoku_."

Kana hugged him tight, trying to memorize everything about him – the way he smelled of green tea and jasmine, the way his long hair draped over her shoulders, the shape of his body as it curled around hers.

" _Akachan dango ha itsumo shiawase no naka de. Toshiyori dango ha me wo hosometeru_."

Her entire being focused on the points where the two were connected and Kana's mind worked frantically to ingrain it into her memory.

" _Nakayoshi dango te wo tsunagi ookina marui wa ni naru wo tsukuri dango boshi no ue minna de waraiau yo._ "

There was a selfish part of her that screamed from the back of Kana's mind, insisting that she not go through with things. Its voice grew louder and louder as Neji threaded his fingers into her black ponytail, paying extra attention to each tiny braid he found between the loose tresses.

" _Usagi mo sora de te wo futtemiteru dekkai koto kanashii koto mo zenbu marumete."_

She touched their foreheads together and watched his shimmering eyes slide shut; Kana brought her hand up to cup his cheek as she repeated the chorus.

" _Nakayoshi dango te o tsunagi ooki na marui wa ni naru yo. Machi o tsukuri dango hoshi no ue minna de waraiau yo. Usagi mo sora de te o futte miteru dekkai o-tsuki-sama. Ureshii koto kanashii koto mo zenbu marumet."_

Neji's hold tightened when the end of the song came around, humming brokenly between subtle dry sobs.

" _Dango, dango, dango, dango, dango daikazoku_." Kana ended the song by placing a kiss over the green curse mark on his forehead.

When he pulled away, his hand reached back to fondle one of the small braids that Kana had in her ponytail, "Please be safe," he pleaded in a shaking voice, "Please stay alive."

"I promise."

Delicate lips kissed her cheek before long and slender fingers tugged her mask up and over her nose, with Kana's black goggles following suit. Neji pulled her fox-shaped Anbu mask over her face before pulling her into a final embrace.

It was Neji who finally released the hug after a few long moments that were still not long enough, anguish written all over his features as he shuffled away over the covers. Kana reluctantly slipped off of the bed, stepping over to where her backpack rest below the window and slung it over her narrow shoulders.

"I love you," she repeated and, with one final longing look, Kana jumped through the window.

She had to act fast if she was going to get to the village gates in time for the sensor barrier to not detect her. Kana raced over to the Hyuga compound's wall, nimbly jumping over the stone that divided the clan form the village and taking off in a full sprint.

 _'I left at 0100 on the dot,'_ she mused as she kicked off of a roof, _'It took ten minutes to get to the Hyuga manor. I spent twenty minutes with Neji…'_ Even at top speed it would still take nearly fifteen, most likely twenty, minutes for Kana to cross the entire length of the massive village. Danzo had made sure that the barrier's algorithm would be disturbed from 0130 to 0200, so that there would be time for Kana to escape the village undetected. By the time her bunk mates would have been able to report her missing to the village elder, who would then report to Lady Hokage, it would be sunrise.

She was cutting it close, she realized, and the threat of having Anbu sent after her much sooner than Kana had hoped became closer.

A roof shingle cracked beneath the force of her foot as the kunoichi channeled more chakra to her legs in a desperate attempt to propel her body faster, opening the First Gate so her muscles could keep up with what her brain demanded.

 _'I'm going to make it… Only a few minutes left…'_

Kana jumped down from the final roof, skidding around a corner and bolted down the road. Itachi and Kisame would be waiting for her five klicks outside of the village gates, assuming they didn't run into any of the guards that patrolled the forests. It was unlikely, given the fact that the pair had been able to infiltrate Konoha undetected in the middle of the afternoon, but Kana activated her Kurogan to make sure that they were still there.

Dirt flew up in a cloud as she forced herself to come to a stop, boots skidding into the road with a dull roar. Kana had to pull out her katana and shove it into the ground, using her momentum to swing around, to avoid toppling over as inertia fought against her body.

Four shinobi jumped down from the trees they had been hiding in upon realizing that they had been discovered. Kana swore under her breath – she had assumed that no one would be suspicious enough to stop her, so she hadn't bothered with paying too much attention to her surroundings.

It was a stupid mistake.

Kakashi, Shikaku, Guy and Yamato were standing in a line to bar her path, every one of them looking grim as they stared back at her.

"Enjoying the snow?" she asked as her mind worked, "It looks pretty magical in the moonlight." Their plan was obvious enough: Kakashi and Guy were going to attack her to lure her into Shikaku's Shadow Possession Jutsu long enough for Yamato to cage her. When the jonin didn't respond, she stood up from her crouching position and sheathed the black blade, "How did you figure it out?"

"Lee was worried," Guy answered, "He said you looked too sad when you confessed how much you cared for him."

"So Guy came to me asking if I had noticed anything strange about your behavior lately," Kakashi added, allowing her to fill in the blanks on her own.

Keeping herself aware of where Shikaku's shadow was, Kana reached into one of the cylindrical pouches on her belt and pulled a red scroll out, "And you just _happened_ to know what day I'd be leaving, huh?" she called while a thumb slipped under the edge of the paper.

All four shinobi tensed and crouched into defensive positions.

"No, we decided to camp out here every night for a week," Yamato answered, "Just in case the hunch was right."

Two kunai appeared in a puff of smoke.

"Don't do this, kid," Shikaku's gravelly voice warned, "That Uchiha kid is a bad egg, you _don't_ wanna get involved with him."

Time was out.

Kana kicked against the ground to run forward, directly into the path of the four jonin, and launched the first kunai directly at Guy's head. Just as she had expected him to, the mountainous man dodged the blade and charged at the kunoichi. Kakashi's Sharingan was exposed, though, and he gasped.

"Shikaku, stop that kunai!" he shouted, throwing his own in what Kana assumed was an attempt to knock it out of the air.

As Guy's hands grabbed her waist, she folded her left hand into half-tiger, half-ram sign for the Seal of Confrontation and focused her chakra to where the knife was travelling. Her body teleported to the blade and Kana grabbed it out of the air while simultaneously rolling away from Shikaku's winding shadow.

Fighting the Jonin Commander, the Copy Ninja, the Green Beast and a descendant of the First Hokage wasn't something Kana was entirely sure she would walk away from unscathed, but Kana knew that if she had enough time then she could most likely take them down. This wasn't like before, where she was worried about being overpowered by her pursuers.

The fact was, she was out of time. And if she left the village after the barrier's algorithm was fixed, then there would be a team of Anbu tracking her faster than Kana would feel comfortable with.

Lightning screamed past her ear as she lunged to the side, throwing up a barrier to slow down the shinobi behind her and sprinting towards the gates. It wouldn't stop them completely, but they would have to move around it in order to deliver any physical attacks.

"Sweetheart, please! _Don't do this_!"

The sound of Kakashi's pleading voice caused a cold grip to wrap around Kana's cracking heart.

Guy's foot missed her ribs by inches; she grabbed his ankle and used the momentum of her dodge to swing his body around to throw him back into Yamato's body – but not before seeing the pain that clouded Guy's dark eyes.

The grip tightened, and more cracks formed.

Kakashi suddenly appeared in front of Kana, "Is this how you want things to end?!" he shouted, throwing his chidori at her, "Following in the shadow of a murderer?!"

"Alert lady Hokage!" Yamato shouted to the gate guards as they reached the village's mouth, "Captain Kana Shimi of the Anbu Black Ops Root Foundation is trying to leave the village!"

She dropped down under Kakashi's thrusting palm and jumped to the side, well aware of the shadow that was quickly snaking towards her. Kana flicked her thumb over her ring's claw and dragged the blood over the tattoo on her arm to summon her bakeneko.

"Hanako, stop them!" she shouted, not wasting time to watch the ninneko take off after the two gate guards.

Disguising it as a dodge when Yamato attempted to take advantage of her temporarily immobile state, Kana dove to the side and caught herself on her hands, using her legs' momentum to twirl around and launch the second kunai towards the gate as she sprung back to her feet.

Kakashi was on top of her in an instant and she had to quickly bring up the first kunai to avoid having her chest ripped open by his. Anger, fear and hurt warred within the man's mismatched gaze, " _Please_ , don't leave," he panted, "You can't just let things end like this! Giving into Itachi – becoming his puppet?! Is that what you want?!"

Her eyes screwed shut at his words. He was only saying these things to use her emotions against her, to make her feel guilty about leaving the village – as if she needed any encouragement to feel anguished over leaving her home and comrades. What made things even worse was how Kakashi had caught onto what she had been trying to tell him, but had misinterpreted the situation despite being acclaimed as a genius.

A sudden influx of chakra told Kana that Guy had opened the Gate of Limit, and that she was going to be overtaken soon if she didn't do something. Fighting without harming either of them was going to be impossible, she realized, so black eyes focused on Kakashi's pained face as she jumped out of his reach.

"Whether you believe it or not, I'm not doing this just because it's asked of me," Kana hissed, "You couldn't stop Sasuke, you couldn't save _Rin,_ or _Obito_. You couldn't help your dad. What makes you think that you can save _me_?"

It was an impossibly low blow; she didn't need the horrified expression that resulted from her words to tell her that. Kana had just thrown his life's regrets – some of his most painful memories – straight into his face. But her dirty tactic had granted her the opening she needed when Kakashi took a shocked step back into Shikaku's Shadow Possession Jutsu.

Kana pulled one glove off by her teeth before swiping her still-bleeding digit over the tattoo on the back of her hand, no longer needing to name the jutsu as she formed barriers around each shinobi so they couldn't move. With them rendered immobile she took the time to activate her Ishikigan, locking them on Kakashi.

 _'I'm sorry I'm such a careless person'_ he thought solemnly, _'I'm sorry I let you down.'_

In the second she allowed herself, Kana relayed the guilt she was feeling before jumping away from the materialized shadows of Shikaku's Shadow Gathering Technique that was trying to sneak up from behind. She threw the kunai she still held in her hand into Kakashi's thigh, "Hold onto that."

All she could do was pray that he understood before forming the Seal of Confrontation and teleporting to the kunai that had landed outside of the village gates, watching the sensing barrier shimmer as it was restored to normal.

With the jonin still trapped in the barriers, Kana turned on her heel and took off across the forest floor to their meeting point. She kept her kunai in hand in case she needed to use the Flying Thunder God Technique again, though Kana doubted she would even as her hold on the jutsu waned. Chances were, the group wouldn't trust their skills to hold up against the three of them and would go to Tsunade for further instruction.

Her theory appeared to ring true when the barriers dissipated and the four jonin regrouped instead of taking off after her. Kana kept an eye on them as she approached the two cloaked figures, who were waiting just a few feet away from their agreed meeting point.

"Just in time," Kisame purred, "It looks like I lost our little wager, Itachi."

The shorter man ignored him, red eyes fixated on the marked kunai she still held, "Was there trouble?"

Kana looked down at her hand and pushed the knife into her large hip pouch, "Some jonin tried to stop me," she murmured, "I wasn't tailed, but we should get going before they send out hunters."

Itachi nodded and turned, motioning for Kisame to follow, "Come, then."

With a wistful, final glance over her shoulder, Kana jumped into the trees after the two men and ran.

* * *

 **Note** : And thus we draw this chapter of Kana's story to a close! I've already published the first chapter to the sequel here: s/11647226/1/Red-Clouds-and-Starry-Eyes If the link doesn't work, it's called Red Clouds and Starry Eyes, and can be found on my profile.

I already miss Rairai :c


	30. A Konoha Christmas: Decorations

**Note** : I'm one of those people that gets mushy and gooey around the holidays, so I thought I'd make a couple of Christmas-themed chapters , One of them does get referenced in the sequel, so keep an eye out for that! This bit takes place about four weeks before the first meeting with Danzo.

* * *

Kana handed Neji a box of ornaments, "You know, I'm pretty sure the last time you actually decorated a Christmas tree was the year after you joined the Academy."

The teenager frowned as he took the box, giving the tree a suspicious look, "I distinctly remember _not_ assisting with the decorations. Are you sure I'm the best pick for this?" he asked, nodding towards the seemingly random assortment of decorations that had been slung all over the branches within arm's reach.

"Neji, do not be absurd! I am positive that we all are confident in your abilities!" Despite being hidden by the other side of the tree, Lee's voice rang loud enough for his teammate to make a face at the outburst. He had been surprisingly quiet back there, which meant he was probably working hard to make sure that his section was up to par with Neji's.

A fond smile graced the kunoichi's lips as she remembered how seven year-old Neji had somehow dropped, stepped on or otherwise shattered every ornament he came in contact with. It seemed that there truly was something that Hinata bested her cousin at, as she had managed to gracefully and systematically decorate what parts of the tree she could reach at six years old.

"Just because you _think_ I can do a good job doesn't mean _anything_ , Lee," he sighed, stringing some tinsel along the upper branches – or, at least, he tried to; most of it just floated to the floor to pool around his feet like a group of gold snakes. Neji really was terrible at this.

"Oh, Neji, decorating isn't just about making it look fancy," Tenten cut in from where she was pinning a Christmas garland over the sliding glass door of Raido's apartment, "It's just about… Doing it _together_ , is all."

His frowned seemed to lessen some, but Neji still looked doubtful as he gingerly strung the tinsel around the tree without further complaints. Kana stepped away from her section of the tree to give him some space and decided that now would be a good time to put up the last of the lights. Raido had been put on a rather long shift in the mission room, thanks to a favor owed by Kotetsu when he apologized for losing his shit in the middle of the market, so they had about two hours left before he got home. Plenty of time.

"I simply don't understand why we're decorating the apartment of a _grown man_ ," Neji grumbled. Looks like the complaining was still in full force, "Surely if he wanted his apartment to resemble Guy-sensei's then he would be perfectly capable of doing it on his own…"

Kana frowned – not because he was complaining, since that was basically an everyday thing with the teenager, but because he compared her decorating to Guy's, who was known for going all-out during the holidays.

"Mister Namiashi is an elite bodyguard of the Hokage, he doesn't have _time_ to do this like we do!" Tenten protested with a disapproving frown of her own; she dropped down from the chair she had been standing on to admire her handiwork.

Well, it really wasn't that Raido was too busy to decorate… He was just lazy and kept things simple – hence, the almost complete lack of furnishing in his small one-bedroom apartment. Kana wondered if maybe the genin had a rather skewed idea of what exactly it meant to be a part of the Hokage Guard Platoon, because it really just meant that you were a shinobi that was sent on more A and S-ranked missions than most jonin, had high security clearances, and you escorted the Hokage everywhere. A lot of the time they were just stuck doing paperwork and going over mission reports in the Hokage's stead.

Ah, well.

Finished with his section of the tree, Lee finally appeared from the small corner he had been tucked away in, "Not only that, but Mister Namiashi was an important part to Kana finally achieving the true happiness of youth!" he added cheerily, "It is the least we could do! Think of it as Team Guy's gift to him, as a thank you for teaching her the ways of passionate-"

"Lee, why don't you check on the cookies?" Kana cut in with a forced smile, hoping he would _not_ finish that sentence while simultaneously cursing herself for leaving him in a room with a copy of Icha Icha. Sure, he had been rather persistent in his curiosity, but why the _hell_ did she think that was a good idea?

Thankfully the kid was easily distracted and immediately snapped his attention to his new task, scurrying out of the living room. She didn't resist the urge to reach out and ruffle his bowl cut as he rushed past; even at fifteen Lee was still so goddamn _cute_. Kana turned back to the kitchen counter/half wall that divided the kitchen from the living room and climbed up with the bundle of lights in hand, her forced smile now fond.

As she worked, she surveyed the small apartment. Even as minimally furnished as it was, the foursome had managed to do a pretty decent job so far on bringing it to life with the Christmas decorations. Some of them had been borrowed from Guy, who had more than enough to spare, but most of them had been bought by Kana, who felt almost giddy at the idea of spending the holiday with Raido and the others.

Most shinobi their age no longer had families to spend Christmas with due to the Kyuubi attack when she was a kid, but they weren't old enough to have a family of their own, so they tended to either spend it alone or join up in groups to celebrate it together. Their group was no exception, and this was the first year that Kana would be joining them since, last year, she had been stuck on a two-week mission and missed it.

The clanging of a baking sheet being set over the stove burners pulled Kana out of her musings. It seemed that no matter how nimble of a person you were, there was no graceful way to handle cooking ware, she thought while wrapping the last of the white lights around the small column that connected the edge of the counter to the ceiling.

While Lee came off as the type of person that would be rather incompetent when it came to cooking, he was actually a pretty damn good baker and the smell of the cookies wafting through the apartment made Kana's stomach rumble. They were just plain sugar cookies that they were going to frost later with the pre-prepared assortment of colored frosting and sprinkles, but she hadn't eaten in nearly seven hours thanks to the mountain of mission reports that had come in from her platoon. All her stomach cared about was that there were delicious, warm, fluffy vanilla cookies being transferred to a cooling rack.

Her stomach rumbled again.

Wait, no it didn't-

By the time it had registered in her mind that the sound was actually a key being slid into a lock, Raido was already stepping through the doorway. A chorus of discontented noises rang through his apartment.

' _Oh, god dammit,_ ' Kana could feel her face droop into a disappointed pout; she dropped the last of the light string off of the side of the counter so that the plug swung next to the outlet with a huff and had half of a mind to hang Kotetsu from the roof with it.

Raido stood stock-still in the genkan, just sort of blinking at the display before him. The four shinobi scattered through the room blinked right back.

For a few agonizingly long moments they just stared in silence at each other; Tenten was the one to finally break the silence, "Uh… Hey, Mister Namiashi…"

Despite the formality being something that normally made him squirm uncomfortably, Raido only raised an eyebrow. "Hey… Um…" he muttered awkwardly, "You're… Decorating?"

Neji sighed next to the tree and set the box of tinsel on the coffee table, "I _told_ you that this was a bad idea-"

"Don't be rude!" Tenten punched him on the shoulder.

Raido's stunned expression softened into a sheepish grin before he slipped off his flak jacket, "No, it's nice," he said, hanging it on the coat rack, "It just threw a wrench into something I was planning, is all." Dropping his forehead protector onto the small table next to the door, Raido kicked his sandals off and finally stepped out of the entryway.

"I'm sorry…" Kana murmured as she slid off of the counter; if she had known that the surprise was going to prove to be an inconvenience…

Leaning down to seal their lips in a chaste kiss, Raido shook his head, "I said it's fine. Let me go call Gen real fast and get changed, and I'll help you finish," he said with a small smile still on his lips. Kana pouted a little, mostly at her surprise being ruined, but nodded and kissed the palm of his hand since she couldn't reach his cheek. Seriously, she sometimes considered just using the Transformation Jutsu so she could kiss him without having to stand on a stool, or him doubling over.

When he had disappeared into his bedroom, Kana moved over to help Lee ready the next batch of cookies while the other two finished up their own tasks. The curious, almost pensive way Tenten followed the tokujo's movements didn't go unnoticed, though, and she wondered what the genin was thinking about as she rolled the dough into balls and placed them in a grid on the sheet of aluminum.

Lee wiped the residue off of his fingers, which he had left uncovered so he didn't soil a roll of bandages. The rough, scarred texture of his skin, which had visible tan lines, was a rare sight to even someone that knew him on a personal level, and Kana couldn't help but sneak a peek every few moments. It wasn't as if he was self conscious about his appearance, as scars were considered proof of hard work with the spandex-wearing trio, but she didn't want to make him uncomfortable by staring.

She looked down at her own hands as the towel was passed to her. Barely visible white scars littered her own skin like tiny stripes, joined by slightly translucent calluses, though they were nothing in comparison. Kana didn't know if she felt bad for not being to rigorous in taijutsu training like he was, or if she was grateful that there was some part of her body that was remained somewhat feminine.

Clad in a plain t-shirt, jeans and a short athletic sleeve that extended to his elbow, Raido emerged from the bedroom just as Neji finished up the tree. As much as the kid wanted to deny it, it was obvious that he was enjoying himself. "What else needs to be done?" he asked, looking genuinely interested.

"Um… I was going to wrap some of this around the balcony, if you wanna do it," Kana held up a box of garland that had lights worked into the system of fake leaves. It really wasn't as if there was any rhyme or reason to how the apartment was being decorated, all things considering. What had begun as a planned theme ended up being twisted into three teenagers, and a shoddy excuse for an adult, throwing decorations wherever they individually saw fit.

Raido took the box from her with an amused expression before exiting through the sliding glass door. As he knelt down to begin carefully coiling the garland around the metal railing, the kunoichi couldn't help but lean against the back of the counter and watch him work.

Even though one would think that someone as tall and muscled as he was would move gracelessly, every movement Raido made was lithe and nimble; he moved like a shinobi. Swirling eyes paid attention to every flex of muscle that showed through his snug t-shirt, not needing much imagination to envision what his back looked like under the dark fabric. Kana loved his back – hell, she loved literally everything about him – even if she didn't look at it very often. There was so much strength and regulated power beneath the tanned flesh that pulled and stretched with every movement; his back always reminded her of just how _alive_ Raido was.

It was probably a peculiar thing to think, which was part of why Kana never voiced it, but it was true. The night he took his shirt off for her for the first time, after they had made love and he had fallen asleep, was when she realized how almost _sensual_ it was to watch him move from behind without anything hindering her view, to see the muscles flex and pull as Raido breathed or shifted in his sleep. It was fascinatingly human. Since then, Kana had a new appreciation for his body.

An almost overwhelming urge to step out into the cold with him and run her hands underneath his shirt, so she quickly grabbed a fistful of garland from another box to wrap it with the lights on the column. While she knew that Raido wouldn't be bothered by the contact, she didn't want to make the kids uncomfortable.

Idle chatter filled the air as the group worked together, knocking out the last of the decorations in under half an hour while Lee fussed over the mountain of cookies he made. There had to have been at least seven dozen of them, all iced and festively decorated, and even if half of them were going to be given to her platoon, it seemed like she let the genin get a little too carried away in the kitchen.

Kana began packing away what ornaments were left to tuck them away in the hall closet while hiding the grin on her face. As reserved as Raido was, he had been really softening up to Tenten and Lee over the past few months – she wouldn't go so far as to say that they were _friends_ , but it was nice to see them getting along, as opposed to when they first started dating and Raido only ever answered questions with awkward one-liners. Thankfully he and Neji were quiet types so it was easy for them to get along easier than when Raido had been barraged by Lee's energy and Tenten's questions.

The three had found a place to sit in the living room and were talking about their holiday plans, with Neji explaining to Raido how the Hyuga compound closed up on major holidays.

"It's a practice common among larger clans," he said simply, leaning back into the easy chair with a glass of water, "The Shimi Clan does it, as well, though it's less of a familial event and more of a ritualistic one. With the Hyugas, it acts as one of the few times a year where the entire clan merges as an undivided family."

The tokujo hummed, narrowing his eyes in thought, "That doesn't sound half bad. So you won't be dropping by, then?"

Neji shook his head and took a sip of his water, "Lord Hiashi is my father's brother, so it would be viewed as nothing short of ostentatious to even consider leaving."

"Which is why you better keep your window unlocked this year," Kana said with a fake pout when the boxes had been properly stowed away, "I'll break the lock if you forget again," she added as an afterthought.

Tenten remained unusually silent as they went back and forth, staring at Raido with the same thoughtful expression from earlier. Her cheeks were a little flushed, too, as if she were embarrassed or shy about something. The last time Kana had seen the genin blush was when she was talking about Sasuke Uchiha during the Chunin Exams…

Oh.

 _Oh_.

A small grin tugged at Kana's lips; she had a crush on Raido. Instead of feeling jealous, like she did when she found out that Shizune had openly hit on her lover in the mission room, the jonin only smiled at the situation and mulled it over. It would make sense, really. Tenten had only the utmost respect for high-ranking shinobi, and he was one of the village's best assassins and was extremely skilled in kenjutsu. Not only that, but he was pretty damn handsome.

Kana probably should have seen something like this coming, though she had always assumed that the genin would have shown interest in someone like Genma, who was skilled in bukijutsu and was a man that half of the village kunoichi would literally kill to sleep with, since she crushed on Sasuke for a few months.

Ah, well, it didn't really matter either way. Tenten wasn't the homewrecker type, and Raido wasn't a cheating cradle-robber, so she couldn't find herself concerned-

"…Na?"

Lee tapped Kana's shoulder, snapping her out of her thoughts, and she noticed that the three teenagers had risen to standing positions. She blinked a couple of times, "Sorry. Thinking about paperwork."

The knitting of Neji's brow told her that he didn't believe the lie, but he didn't push the issue and ran a hand through his hair. "It's time for us to take our leave," he explained for what was probably the second time, "Are you still available to train tomorrow?"

Kana tried not to frown. There really _was_ still a huge pile of mission reports that needed to be sorted and reviewed before she submitted them to the commander, but she had promised Neji that she'd spar with him in the morning…

"Of course," she answered with a smile, "Be at the training field at the butt-crack of dawn or I'll make you run laps with me."

Even if they got along, when the genin left, Raido looked almost relieved and sagged into the sofa. "I thought the _magpies_ made me feel old," he sighed, looking over the back of the couch with an almost helpless expression, "Can you fetch me a beer while you're up?"

With a small smile Kana picked up one of the cookies before snatching one of the dark beers he preferred, handing them both to the tokujo as she plopped down next to him. A thank-you kiss was placed against her temple, and Kana decided to flip on the television for a bit.

"You're not old," she yawned while reaching for the remote to flip through the oh-so-stellar quality that daytime TV provided.

Raido hummed half-heartedly, "I'm thirty-three, kitten. Most shinobi _retire_ around my age."

The kunoichi frowned. Considering most shinobi began their careers around eleven or twelve years old, retiring in their thirties and early forties was really just a matter of math more than anything else, since a career typically lasted about twenty to thirty years…

When she peered up at him and paid attention, sure, Kana could see fine lines around his eyes and in his forehead, and there were a couple of grey hairs near his temples that were hidden by the rest of his hair. Even if they were subtle and barely noticeably, did they really bother him and make him feel old? _'Well, he_ is _kind of an insecure guy…'_

Catching her gaze with his own, Raido arched an eyebrow curiously and took another swig of beer before setting the bottle on the festive runner that had been placed over his coffee table.

" _Have_ you thought about retiring?" she asked rather quietly, not sure if this was a sensitive issue or not.

He shifted so that his body was turned towards Kana. A few moments passed where he didn't say anything, the only sound in the room being the soap playing on the television and the low hum of the refrigerator. It didn't look like Raido was upset by the question, rather, he looked as if he was trying to properly line up his thoughts before saying anything; this must have been something he really _had_ been thinking about.

"Well…" Raido slung an arm over the back of the sofa, "I've been a tokubetsu jonin for nearly fifteen years, and I'm coming up on ten years with the Guard Platoon. I can't say I haven't given it _some_ thought…" He trailed off as his eyebrows furrowed just a tad as if a new thought occurred to him, and Raido brought his eyes up from where he had absentmindedly rubbing Kana's thigh, "Have you?"

Retirement? At her age? It wasn't necessarily a totally off-the-wall question, she supposed, considering that most Anbu left the service after about ten years… Though, that was mostly because shinobi weren't given the option to join until they were about twenty or so. Not only that, but, the average life expectancy for them averaged at the mid-twenties.

She frowned as Kana recalled the words she had said to Neji after the Chunin Exams; the kunoichi slid a hand over her lover's forearm for some sort of support. "I…" Kana began to chew on the inside of her lip as she tried to find a way to express her thoughts without coming off as totally selfish, "Not _really_ , no. I mean… Considering the missions we're given," Her eyes fell to Raido's chest, "I guess I always just assumed I'd be killed first."

Tension hung in the air as the pair found themselves sitting in silence again. After a couple of agonizingly long minutes, Raido brought the hand up that had been hanging over the back of the sofa to brush darkening bangs out of his lover's face, a sigh escaping his lips.

"Would you consider it?" he asked softly, looking anxious, "Would you consider returning to the jonin force? If given a good reason?"

Kana's heart skipped a beat. While it would have been a decision she would have fully supported if it were one of her comrades, the idea of leaving Anbu was a concept completely foreign to her; it had literally never crossed her mind in the ten years since first donning the mask. Going on missions was something that she enjoyed, just like Kana enjoyed sleeping in the barracks with her platoon and helping her men with training. It wasn't just a rank – Anbu was a part of her genetic makeup by this point.

Raido must have picked up on her discomfort, because he gave her a guilty smile and leaned in to kiss her cheek. "I'm sorry. I know what Anbu is to you – "

"No, it's just…" Kana snuck in a kiss, mostly for her own comfort, before scooting closer to rest against his body, "I don't know what it's like to just be a 'normal' shinobi," she admitted with downcast eyes, "I was only a genin for a year, and I was promoted to jonin before I could even grow into my flak jacket. It wasn't even six months later when the Third asked me to join Anbu with Itachi after he made chunin… I literally have no clue what it _means_ to be a ninja outside of Anbu…"

Some of the tension in Kana's shoulders left when Raido slipped an arm over them and pulled her closer into him. She slid her eyes shut with a sigh, "I feel like I'd be letting them down if I quit, you know? Like I'd be abandoning my duty."

"Can I ask you something?" he asked, rhythmically rubbing his thumb over her thigh. When she nodded he took a deep breath as if readying himself for something. "I noticed that when you talk about being a shinobi, you only ever talk about your duty to your comrades and the village… But not the Hokage."

Of course Raido would pick up on that – he was a bodyguard for a reason. The kunoichi wondered if her reasoning would bother him, but decided it was best to not lie to him. "I am not loyal to a single being, Rai. I fight for the Leaf, and for my allies."

The hand on her knee flexed, "That's dangerous thinking," he said in a low voice, "I understand the sentiment, and I don't think any differently of you for it, but to anyone else that could sound like treason." Raido kissed the top of Kana's head as it to reaffirm his feelings for her; she slid a hand over the top of his thigh and squeezed it in response.

Turning her head up to meet his warm gaze, Kana narrowed her eyes as a thought occurred to her, "Do _you_ want me to leave Anbu?" This wasn't the first time he had brought something like this up with her…

A light flush appeared on Raido's tanned cheeks, and he suddenly looked uncomfortable. Yeah, that was definitely it.

"Like I said, I know what Anbu is to you. However…" the tokujo shifted slightly, "I think I'd like to settle down in the next few years."

 _"Look, kid, he's getting to that point in his life where he's gonna want to get married and have kids," Shikaku rasped, pouring another cup of sake, "I know that you're young, but that's something to think about."_

 _Guy shifted uncomfortably next to her, "Just because he's a little_ older _than her-"_

 _"He's right, Guy," Kakashi cut in, "Raido's one of the best shinobi in the Leaf, but he's not like you and me. This is something Kana needs to think about, and this isn't the time for you to show your protective fatherly side."_

 _Asuma tapped his cigarette into the ash tray before nodding in agreement, "We work together pretty often since we're both squad leaders in the Niju Shotai, and his chunin friends are under my command. Raido reminds me a lot of myself and Shikaku – a real family man type," he said rather casually. It seemed like the chain smoker was better at talking about other peoples' relationships than he as about his own, considering he still got sheepish when it came to talking about Kurenai._

 _The idea of quitting Anbu to get married and have babies made Kana toss her head back a little too eagerly to down her cup of peach sake._

 _Sensing her discomfort, Asuma chuckled knowingly and exchanged looks Genma, who had been the assnugget that brought up the subject, "Look, we're not saying that he's going to suddenly demand that you settle down with him," he assured, "You know he isn't like that."_

 _"Just be prepared for that talk when it comes," Shikaku finished after taking a shot of his own._

Kana bit her lip. A part of her knew that this kind of conversation would come sooner or later, especially after the discussion at the bar, but that didn't mean she was any more prepared for it. It wasn't that she didn't love Raido to bits... It was just that the thought of marriage meant abandoning everything she knew about being a ninja - it was more than a life-altering decision for her, it was a decision that would force Kana to change herself as a human being.

Though now seemed like a good idea to break the news she had been hoping to save until after Christmas...

She felt her cheeks heat up, the telltale sign of a blush crossing her unnaturally pale skin, and tried to keep her eyes from flitting away from Raido's, "I want to move in with you," she said matter-of-factly.

The tinge of pink deepened to red as his eyes widened in surprise. Raido's lips stretched into a small, hesitant smile, "Yeah?"

"I mean, I need to file a _bunch_ of paperwork, and there's a 30 day waiting period for approval, but…" Kana suddenly felt shy and knew her voice gave that away, "Yeah. I was actually going to tell you on New Year's… I mean, if the offer's not on the table anymore-"

"No!" Raido screwed his eyes shut as his grin widened, "I mean – _yes_ – yes I still want you to move in," he said a little louder than he normally spoke, clearly pleased. He sealed their lips together into a kiss, smiling against her mouth.

His reaction released the tight knot of worry that Kana hadn't even realized had coiled in her stomach, and she returned the kiss with as much eagerness her lover displayed. When Raido wrapped both of his arms around her waist to pull her into his lap, she couldn't help but giggle and let him trail sloppy, playful kisses long her cheek and jaw.

Cupping his face in her hands, she pulled back enough to plant a chaste kiss on his lips, "Thank you."

Raido hummed low in his throat and rubbed their noses together, "For?" he asked before sneaking in another kiss.

 _'For being patient, and warm, and kind, and for dealing with my shit, and for being so perfect,'_ Kana thought with a fond smile. She stroked his scarred cheek with her thumb, feeling the patterns of the skin's ridges and slightly rough surface that she had memorized by then. Hot tears pricked at the corners of her eyes and Kana released his face to wrap her arms around his broad shoulders, burying her face into Raido's neck.

Even though she didn't answer his question, he seemed to understand what was going through her head; Kana heard as much as felt him release a content sigh as he pulled her into a tight hug. "The decorations really do look nice," he murmured into her shoulder, "That was a lot of fun. Thank you, kitten."


	31. A Konoha Love: Beginnings

"Just get back from a mission?"

Kana stopped in the alley she had been walking through to look over her shoulder with a hand hovering over her hip pouch. The hand dropped down to her side when she saw who it was before she turned to face him, "Yeah. On my way to turn it in," she answered quietly.

Raido's welcoming smile faltered when he took in the tightness in her shoulders, and the hard edge in her voice, "Did it go alright?"

From behind her mask, the kunoichi's frown deepened, "You know I can't talk about it," she folded her arms over her bloodied vest as she spoke, "Why are you out this late?"

"Just got back from turning in my own mission report," he answered as he raised the brown paper bag that he carried, "Stopped by the liquor store on my way back."

Kana was silent while she took in his appearance, really paying attention to the details as opposed to just glancing at him.

Disheveled hair stuck up in every direction, even more so than usual, and dirt stained Raido's flak jacket. The kunoichi could see some dried mud on his jersey sleeve, as well as a little bit of blood on his neck that looked as if he had tried to wipe it away but only accomplished in smearing it around. Concern settled onto her chest like a heavy weight when she noticed how Raido was cradling the bag of alcohol in his left elbow despite being right handed. He was favoring his right side.

With a step forward, Kana pushed her Anbu mask to the side to get a better look at him, "You're hurt. Are you okay?"

Raido's eyes drifted to the ground at the question, "I'm fine. I just took a couple of shuriken to the arm, but…" his eyes rose to meet hers again, "I could use some company, if you're interested."

 _'Company?'_ The kunoichi searched his face. Dark, almost black eyes were tight, and his eyebrows were slightly pushed together in a sign of stress. Suddenly, it all made sense. The blood, the forced smile he wore, the alcohol, the rigidity of his posture… Raido's mission had been a bad one.

Kana hesitated at the invitation, though. Other than Neji, the only people whose places she ever went to were Kakashi or Guy – maybe Lee's if he really needed something. Genma asked once but, unlike his chunin friends, never invited her again when she had rejected it. The idea of being in someone else's apartment felt weird; Kana was still getting used to living outside of the barracks in her _own_ apartment, two months later.

It didn't help that she was still on edge from the mission she had just gotten back from…

Green eyes looked down at the blood that drenched her vest and made the fabric of her pants cling to her legs. Kana was hardly in any shape to just crack open a beer and watch a movie with a friend…

"Here, let's do this since we live in the same building," Raido started, probably able to sense her hesitation, "I'll head back to my place alone and get cleaned up. If you want, come by when you're ready," he readjusted the paper back and began to turn back to the street, "If not, it's no big deal."

Kana hesitated for a few more moments before nodding and jumping onto a rooftop in silence.

* * *

Water-soaked hair clung to her shoulders and back as Kana dried herself off with a towel she had snuck out of the barracks. Barrack towels were nice and light – totally different from the ones that the two home supply stores carried, which were fluffy and heavy. It had been silly, but the idea of using a different type of towel felt weird.

Speaking of weird, what was she going to do about Raido?

The kunoichi finished drying off her body and wrung out her hair with a frown. She liked him, she really did. He was a great shinobi, one that she greatly respected as a fellow assassin, and Raido always had a quiet, calm air around him that was actually kind of relaxing, if Kana was honest with herself. He wasn't like the chunin, who were always teasing and full of energy.

It might actually help to have him around… Gods knew she wasn't going to be sleeping tonight, anyways. Not like this.

 _'I could always just leave if it's weird…'_ Kana thought to herself while stepping into a clean pair of underwear. Raido was right in saying that they lived in the same building – he was just two floors up and a few apartments down the hall. If things were really that uncomfortable then she could just jump over the railing and be back home in a few seconds.

The thought was reassuring, and was what made up Kana's mind as she finished dressing herself. Now the only thing to figure out was what she was supposed to bring over. Guy had explained that it was customary to bring over some sort of gift when you were visiting someone's home as a thank-you for being invited, but… Kana didn't have anything that could be used as a gift – hell, she didn't even really _decorate_ – and all of the shops were closed at this time of night.

She padded through the narrow hall of her apartment to the kitchen and opened the refrigerator. Maybe she could make something? Raido seemed kind of the simple type that went for practicality over luxury, so he might appreciate a nice meal…

But that might take too long. How long was he going to wait for her? It had already been forty-five minutes since they had parted ways in the alley. Would he just go to sleep if she didn't drop by? Was there a time window Kana needed to meet?

Fuck, she should have just said no and gone home like she had intended! This shit was too damn _complicated_!

Before Kana could continue to wrack her brains over it, her eyes settled on the chicken she had pulled down before her mission so they could thaw by the time she would be back. Tonkatsu would only take maybe half an hour, and she could make some spring rolls to go with it... Perfect!

A clone appeared in a small cloud of smoke and began pulling out cooking ware as Kana grabbed the ingredients she would need. Carrots, chicken, cucumber, daikon…

There was still a hard tension in her shoulders and a knot in her stomach but, for the first time in what felt like years, she felt… Excited. As her clone sliced the various vegetables into thin strips while she breaded the chicken, Kana was biting back a grin. When was the last time she had cooked for someone other than Guy or the kids?

When she had made lunch for Itachi less than twelve hours before he left the village.

Oil splashed up from the pan when Kana dropped the panko-covered chicken into it, still boiling even as it dripped down her hand. The clone vanished and she yanked her hand back with a curse to put it under the kitchen faucet. So much for being in a good mood…

There was a thump at her door, followed by some shuffling, that caught her attention just as she returned to the cooking. With a flash of the Kurogan she could see that it was Raido, but what was he doing? He wasn't knocking or saying anything…

Kana created another clone to handle the food before closing the distance between her and the door, opening it and nearly knocking the tokujo out of the way, "What are you doing?"

Raido gave her a sheepish look, as if he had been caught doing something wrong, and motioned towards the door, "I was leaving you a note…" He reached over and picked it off of the door to crumple it into a ball, "Guess it doesn't matter anymore."

A note? She activated her Kurogan and very, very carefully attempted to scan the slip of paper, but it was too wrinkled and smushed together to make any sense so Kana quickly gave up, "What was it?" she asked curiously.

"It occurred to me that I may have made you uncomfortable, so I wanted to apologize and-"

"No – no!" she cut Raido off and wrapped a drying lock of hair around her finger, "I'm sorry, I'm just… I don't – I mean, I should've just said yes, and… But I was kinda nervous and – uh – you didn't do anything wrong, really…" Kana trailed off when the clone padded up to the genkan to say that the food was all done.

The man raised a curious eyebrow when she disappeared in a cloud of smoke, "You made food?"

She tugged on the grey lock of hair and felt herself blush, "Uh… My dad… He said that people bring gifts over, and – I – uh – I don't really have anything and everything's closed so I thought I'd make some food since you probably haven'teatenand tonkatsuisacomfortfoodand we'rebothprettystressedsoIfigureditwouldbefitting –"

Raido chuckled and raised a hand to rub her arm, "I appreciate it, but you didn't have to bring anything," he said with a calm smile, "I meant what I said earlier – I really just wanted to spend some time with you."

The heat in her cheeks intensified and Kana's eyes drifted downwards to the hand resting on her arm. It was large enough to cover nearly half of her upper arm, and warm. She noticed how the tanned skin of his fingers and forearm were smooth, as opposed to the wealed flesh that made up a third of Raido's face, and Kana couldn't help but wonder where the scarring ended. Just below the collar? She looked up to his elbow where a black athletic sleeve stopped; that must be it.

The warm weight of Raido's hand was suddenly gone, snapping her out of her musings, and she looked up in alarm. Had she done something wrong? She didn't voice her thoughts, did she?

"Did you ever notice how, when you start thinking, you start fidgeting and pulling on your hair?" he asked with a knowing grin, nodding at the hand that was practically yanking on the chunk of hair that was rapidly changing color.

Kana released the lock and turned into the genkan, "I'll get the food and then we can go."

The clone had arranged everything into matching bento boxes she normally used for her shared meals with Neji or Lee, with the tonkatsu nestled into large servings of rice, so she just picked them both up and rushed back to the door with her keys in hand. Raido was peering at her curiously but fell into step with Kana and walked wordlessly through the open breezeway.

As they walked Kana was acutely aware of how natural everything felt, even if her stomach twisted a little when they turned a corner and his arm accidentally brushed against hers. Even through the strong scent of whatever body wash Raido had used during his shower, they were close enough for her to notice how he smelled like wood and musk…

It was sort of fitting, she noted, as she stole a glance at his face. Strong, calm and masculine - if she were ever asked to describe him, those would be the three words Kana could choose.

Just as Kana risked drifting in closer to get another whiff of that comforting scent, to feel the warmth emanating off of his body, he suddenly came to an abrupt halt and she bumped into the back of his arm with a small surprised sound.

Raido looked over his shoulder as she backed away with the same amused curious expression as before, one eyebrow raised and the smallest of smiles playing on the corners of his mouth, "You alright?"

It wasn't as if she could admit to trying to literally ninja her way in to sniff his back like a weirdo, so Kana just mumbled something about being tired and followed the tokujo into his apartment. Unsurprisingly enough, the apartment was plainly decorated: There was a coat hanger and simple table next to the door that were currently being used to hold Raido's flak jacket and forehead protector, a small round table in the kitchen, and a single sofa in the living room that sat directly across from a television set and a coffee table.

In short, it wasn't too different from Kana's apartment, which was decorated the same way with the exception of her small bookcase in the living room.

"Do you like detective shows?"

Raido's question snapped her out of her scrutinizing, and she looked up from the sealed windowsill to watch him wave her over to the sofa he had dropped into.

"Uh… I don't really watch television," Kana admitted as she took her place on the edge of the furniture, "I usually just read, or train, when I'm not with Neji…" She decided to leave out how she also frequently stalked Itachi's little brother.

With an interested hum, Raido cracked open a beer – when the hell did he get that? – and flipped the TV on, "It's no trashy romance novel but, if you're interested, there's this show I've been hooked on lately that you'll probably like."

Trashy romance novel? " _Icha Icha_ isn't just _smut_ , you know," she murmured disapprovingly.

Out of the corner of her eye she could see the man smile quietly and shrug as Kana opened up their bento boxes, "You'll have to educate me one day, then."

Toggling the television's mute, Raido took the commercial break to get her up to speed with the current story arc. Apparently there was some sort of serial killer that was filling his victims with earth-style techniques and leaving them in bizarre positions throughout the village that this arc took place in.

"I don't understand something – if this is a show about police work, why are the creators focusing so much on the romance between the two main characters?"

With his chopsticks half-raised, he shrugged and paused in bringing the fried chicken to his mouth, "Some say it's for character depth. Others admit that it's to appeal to the female audience," he answered nonchalantly, "Most detective shows do it."

Kana made a face but didn't want to rain on Raido's parade as the opening scene began to play. Chances were, she was still going to be completely lost despite his efforts, and it would be rude to make a fuss over something as silly as a television show. Instead, she focused on satisfying the hunger that was beginning to make her growling stomach ache.

The salty crunch of the fried chicken was like a godsend to her starving taste buds, which had been exposed to only rations during her two week-long mission, and Kana knew that she had made the right decision in making it.

Next to her, Raido must have felt the same way because he emitted a pleased hum as he took his first bite and asked, "Holy shit, this is _good_. You made this?"

She nodded wordlessly before swallowing the mouthful and reaching for the second beer bottle that rested on the coffee table, "I cook for the kids all the time. I like to think I'm okay at it."

" _Okay_? Kana, if my mom were alive to hear this she'd gut me but this is probably the best tonkatsu I've ever had," he said incredulously. Kana opened her mouth to tease him about laying it on thick, but decided against it when she saw just how pleased he really seemed to be as he took a second, then third bite.

Pride swelled in her chest like a blooming flower at the sight of the tokujo, normally so calm and quiet, eat her cooking with that much enjoyment, and she had to lean over for the beer set in front of her to hide the way her lips twitched upwards. The smile quickly melted at the bitter taste of the dark, spiced beer that spread over her tongue, and Kana grimaced before setting the bottle back down where she had picked it up. Beer _really_ wasn't her drink of choice – she typically went for sake or cocktails when out with the others – but she had tried to make an effort out of politeness and respect for Raido. Maybe if he went to the bathroom during a commercial break she could just chug the entire bottle and get it over w-

"Not a beer person?"

Well, _shit_.

Green eyes rose to give Raido a sheepish expression; it was the type of look that a dog would give a human after stealing their food. She didn't want to blatantly say that she thought beer tasted like piss and ass, but… It was true.

Instead of looking offended Raido just chuckled and set the bento down before pushing himself up off of the sofa, "No big deal, I can drink it – Gen and Kotetsu usually want to get drunk off their asses after tough missions," he explained while pulling a plastic cup from a cupboard, "Since you spend a lot of time with them, I figured you would want to do the same thing. Do you want liquor, or water?"

Kana frowned, "Water, please. And I don't spend _that_ much time with them…" Did she?

"Maybe not, but it's rare to see you on your own these days," he answered, handing her the cup that she took with a quiet thanks, "If you aren't walking around the village with Gen in the mornings, you're smacking the chunin or hanging out with genin."

She mulled over the last few months as she sipped the water graciously. Sure enough, most of her recent memories that weren't mission-related or of her training were of time spent with someone next to her.

When had Kana become so… Sociable?

Either Raido didn't notice her contemplative expression, or he chose to ignore it. He turned down the volume of the television and angled his body so that they were mostly facing each other before asking, "Speaking of which, you said that you cook for your _kids_...?"

Kana was immediately pulled out of her musings, and she snapped her head up in stark horror, " _God_ no – they aren't _my_ kids."

"So you cook for _other_ peoples' children?"

His tone was serious, but there was an amused glint in Raido's eyes that told her that he was preparing to unleash an onslaught of teasing. Instead of getting flustered, the kunoichi just rolled her eyes and reached out to pinch his arm with a grin of her own.

"Two of them don't know how to cook on their own, yet, so if _I_ don't then they usually end up eating boxed meals," she explained between mouthfuls of spring roll, "One of them just likes the attention, though. He's been pretty fussy about spending more time together." While his public demeanor was cool and calm, Neji was kind of a brat in private.

The tokujo still looked confused but was too busy washing down the last of his tonkatsu with a long swig of beer. Was he waiting for her to keep explaining? Was he wanting her to shut up so he could watch his show?

When Kana realized that she had been staring at him for a good long while, and he had been staring back with a raised eyebrow, she quickly averted her eyes and turned her face towards the television screen where the female lead was sneaking through some abandoned building. She muttered a half-coherent apology and finished off the last of her spring roll.

"Did I make you uncomfortable? I'm sorry," she could feel Raido's eyes on her as he spoke, "I don't want you to feel like you have to say anything – I know you've had a rough couple of days."

Suddenly feeling silly for assuming he was sick of her talking, Kana's blush deepened and she sighed into the hands she brought up to rub at her tired eyes, "No, I'm sorry. I… It's just... Hard, still."

Raido's hand smoothed over her shoulder to squeeze it reassuringly, "You want to talk about it?"

Yeah, as if talking was one of her _strong_ suits… She leaned forward to rest her elbows on her knees, head still cradled in her hands, and heard the tokujo lower the volume of the television to where it was nothing but soft murmurs in the background.

The hand on her shoulder slid away for a brief moment as Raido set his empty bottle on the table, only to return when he scooted closer onto the sofa.

"I get it," he said softly, "Let's just sit here for a bit."

And sit, they did. The two spent the next several minutes resting on the sofa, with Kana slowly beginning to relax under the arm slung over her shoulders for the first time since returning to the village. There was something incredibly soothing about the man next to her; whether it be his calm demeanor or the way he seemed to make her feel like they've known each other for years, she didn't know. All Kana knew was that her hands had finally stopped twisting around each other, and the exhausted headache pulsating behind her eyes began to ebb away into nothingness.

What part of her wasn't entirely relaxed was hyperaware of how this was probably the closest she had been to anyone other than the kids. Genma always kept a safe, friendly distance when they hung out, and the chunin were usually hanging all over each other. Hayate, oddly enough, was the only one that seemed to feel comfortable enough to walk close enough for their arms to touch, but that was probably because he was confident that she wouldn't get the wrong idea; it wasn't as if the entire damn village knew that he was head-over-heels in love with Yuugao or anything...

Either way, the realization resulted in the return of a light flush that crossed her cheeks, and Kana payed particularly close attention to their legs, which were almost close enough to touch. The longer she stared, the more overwhelming the urge to find out what he felt like became. It was a violent reversal from what Kana normally did, instinctively twitching away from other people and dodging any physical contact that wasn't absolutely necessary. She wasn't entirely sure why, but she just really, really wanted to slide her hand over his leg just to feel if it was as warm and strong as the rest of his body was.

The thought made her cheeks flush, something that would happen many more times over the course of that evening. When had she begun to notice how he _looked_? When did she ever _care_?

A distant, vague memory curled into the forefront of her consciousness like the smoke of a flame that had just been put out. The previous year, when she had first properly met Genma and Raido at the jonin bar, Kana had a rather... Sordid dream about the two of them. All that remained in her memory was a handful of blurry flashes but, from what she could remember, Dream Raido had strong, comforting arms and a bedroom voice that almost completely distracted her from what was a very noticeable pain.

Was that when she started paying attention to other people? No, that couldn't be right. Even if the dream liked to tickle her with reminders every now and again, it wasn't as if she had ever paid any mind to it. Kana didn't flirt or go on dates and didn't waste time checking people out... Well, not in the _Icha Icha_ fashion, in any case. Jiraiya always wrote attraction to be something that was akin to being lit on fire and put under a genjutsu - taking up all of your time and brain space and tricking you into being fantastic while actually being really detrimental.

Did it still count when you would just sneak glances at someone? Was watching them move and talk the same was checking someone out? If you made a mental note of someone's attractiveness, was that the same as thinking they're hot? Because, the more Kana thought about it, the more she realized that she was guilty of indulging herself in what the main character of _Icha Icha_ had drinks thrown in his face over.

Still, she couldn't tear her eyes away from the way Raido's pants pulled where the knee bent. She _needed_ to know what it was like to touch him, even just barely, as opposed to the friendly pats and arm rubs he graced her with.

Against all better judgement, and using shinobi-trained stealth, Kana's hand drifted over to rest on the sofa so that it only just _barely_ grazed the denim fabric of his jeans. When he didn't respond at the initial contact, she swallowed thickly and waited several seconds before very, _very_ slowly running a knuckle along what part of the outer seam she could reach without getting his attention.

Ever the greedy woman, she decided that a glancing touch wasn't enough to satisfy her curiosity. Even if she could feel how warm and firm his thigh was through the thick fabric that covered it, Kana felt as if she had been starving for months, and had only been allowed a crumb. With a slow, steady breath, she lifted her wrist and began to brush the back of her hand over the curve of his thigh.

Dimly, she was aware of how she was holding her breath. Kana was unsure of why she was so surprised to feel the strong, taught muscles that came from years of regular training beneath the skin that was stretched tight over it, but she couldn't stop herself from feeling a heated thrill run down her spine. The way Raido's hitched when her hand turned over, palm smoothing over the top of his leg and fingertips brushing over the more sensitive inner thigh, told Kana that he had definitely noticed her movements, and she froze completely to wait for the crash that was sure to come.

Suddenly grey hair flopped over her face and shoulder, causing her to flinch in surprise and peer up at the tokujo questioningly. He gave her an apologetic grin and tried to push the hair back only for it to defiantly fall back over her eyes.

"I, uh, wanted to see if it was as soft as it looked," he admitted sheepishly.

The jonin blinked at him for a few long moments; she didn't even notice Raido had been touching her hair in the _first_ place. When the initial shock of her own lack of observation skills had passed, Kana brought a hand up to stifle the fit of laughter that threatened to bubble over.

She had been so focused on their proximity, and being sneaky in bringing her hand over to touch his leg, that Kana hadn't realized that Raido was giving absolutely no fucks about subtlety. Still giggling at her needless caution, Kana pulled at the black band that secured what was left of the braid and shook out the now-dry hair with her fingertips. When it was properly combed through and resting over her shoulders in neat waves, the kunoichi dropped her hands into her lap and flashed a smile that was both shy and inviting.

With an embarrassed chuckle himself, Raido reached out to run his hand through the locks of hair that were rapidly shifting between shades of silver.

"Does it bother you?" he asked moments later in a voice that was only slightly louder than a whisper, "The way it changes colors?"

Kana closed her eyes and allowed herself to give into the subliminal desire to lean into the palm that was cradling the side of her face, savoring the sensation of Raido's fingers combing through her hair. It took her a few moments to even realize that he had asked something, and it took even longer for her to focus on anything other than the way the heat in his hand relaxed the tight knot in her back that had been bothering her for weeks.

"Yeah… I hate not being able to just keep my emotions to myself," she admitted, "But henge won't affect my hair, and… I think the others are thankful for it."

Raido hummed in understanding and ran his fingers through the long tresses, wrapping them around his hand and letting them slip away as he did.

"It doesn't help that people always make a fuss over it," Kana grumbled, more to herself than to the man that brought his hand back up to the top of her head, "Everyone has to make a comment on the way it changes color, trying to use it against me when I want to keep quiet about something, or making some joke about being grayscale."

Freezing halfway down, Raido asked, "Shit, did _I_ -"

Kana had done it entirely on impulse – it was something she was used to doing with Lee, who had a bad habit of rambling on until someone forced him to shut the hell up. She reached up to the tokujo's face with both hands, cupping his cheeks in her palms, and pressed both of her thumbs over his lips to get him to stop talking.

"Quit worrying about upsetting me, Rai."

The heat from the light blush that tinged his cheeks came just before the color did, and they both stared at each other in silence for a good long minute. Kana had somehow become frozen in that position, but felt her own cheeks flush as her heart fluttered as her eyes dropped down to her hands - particularly, her thumbs. They were still pressing into his lips to hold them shut and Kana had to struggle to find the presence of mind to ease up on the pressure as to not accidentally bruise him. Lee typically required enough force to break a tooth to get him to stop talking, and she had accidentally assumed that the rule also applied to Raido. Instead, she recalibrated so that her thumbs were just barely touching his mouth.

And, _gods_ , was it _soft_. Raido's lips were thin, but they were also soft and full and warm… Kana could feel how cold her own fingertips were in comparison and couldn't stop herself from giving into the urge to brush the scarred pad of her thumb over that soft flesh.

There must have been a small amount of moisture still on his mouth from his beer, however, because as soon as she moved her thumb, his bottom lip stuck for just half of a second. The end result of her accidental tug was Raido's lips being parted with a soft wet sound that made Kana's cheeks feel like her head had been turned into a furnace when she saw just how good he looked with his mouth open like that, lips just parted enough for her to see where the skin transitioned from light to dark pink.

Raido's breath ghosted over her thumbs, and she was now acutely aware of how the hand in her hair had completely stopped and was now cupping the back of her neck with only the slightest amount of pressure. They didn't part earlier, so they were still sitting side-by-side, and Kana was so fixated on the proximity of their torsos that it never occurred to her just how close their _faces_ were in this position.

He was close enough for her to smell the beer he had finished… How long ago? How long had they been sitting like this?

Green eyes drifted up to meet his own, which were smoldering and staring back at her with an unfamiliar intensity that caused a warmth to stir between her legs. Still, Kana didn't remove her hands from his face, only moving one thumb to the corner of his mouth so the other had more room to move.

The rise and fall of Raido's broad chest mirrored her own shallow breathing as she brushed over his bottom lip, following the outer perimeter of the delicate pink flesh with only the softest of glancing touches. Kana followed through with the action after reaching the crease by extending her thumb up just a tad so it could reach his top lip; Raido's eyes darkened at the gesture and the hand on the back of her neck shifted to grab a fistful of hair.

He didn't tug or pull, but his grip was firm enough to hold Kana's head in place – she wouldn't be able to turn away from his gaze even if she wanted to. The subtle display of dominance was enough to cause her heart to race and her already shallow breathing to hitch, a small sound which sounded foreign in her own ears passing through her lips.

Even if it sounded alien to her, the soft mewl clearly had a heated impact on Raido, who tightened the fist he had entangled in her hair and groaned quietly into the thumb that nudged his upper lip so that his lips parted again. His other hand dropped down to grip her thigh, eliciting another flash of arousal to rush through her body.

Kana's consciousness honed in on the points where they were connected – the palms still cupping Raido's face, the shared heat from their thighs being pressed together, the large, calloused hand that was running back and forth from her knee to the hem of her shorts… It was like the rest of her body had reorganized her nerve endings to exist only where Raido was touching her, and Kana dropped one hand down to his shoulder to squeeze it in some desperate attempt at relieving some of the sexual tension that was building inside of her.

Without warning, the tokujo sucked in a harsh breath and twisted away from her hand with an uncharacteristic expression of skittering panic written all over his features. Kana suddenly remembered that he had been favoring one of his arms earlier, which had a bloodied sleeve that proved he had been injured, and tried to remember which one had been injured as she jerked her arms back and offered hurried apologies.

"No, no, you didn't hurt me," he whispered, still looking incredibly unsettled and a little embarrassed as he quickly found his composure again, "Just… My scars. They're sensitive."

Oh. Kana nodded in silent understanding – scars were an inevitable part of a shinobi's life, where not having them meant you either were a wet-behind-the-ears genin straight out of the academy, or you were exceedingly skilled at defensive maneuvers. Most ninja had one particular scar that bothered them throughout their lives, either itching or feeling tender, including herself. Psychosomatic or not, it was an integral part of being a warrior.

She repositioned herself so that she was sitting on her knees before rolling down the high-waist of her shorts. Raido's eyes drifted down to the jagged scar that had been revealed, having only seen the discolored skin peeking out from the top of the black waistband. The result of a nasty training accident involved Hayate and Itachi, it ran from a few inches left her navel to wrap around to her back just past the curve of her flank.

"It's probably not the same," she murmured, eyes downcast and cheeks red, "But… I understand. To an extent, I mean…"

When he didn't respond, staying completely silent and keeping to himself, Kana realized she had offended him on a level she didn't think was possible, just short of blatantly making fun his disfigurement by comparing it to what he probably saw as a trivial nick, and quickly rolled up her shorts. As much as her cropped top and shorts made movement easy, Kana suddenly felt extremely exposed and had the desperate urge to flee back to her apartment. That had been the plan – if something went wrong then she would just leave.

"I'm sorry. I'll go –"

Familiar hands gently took hold of her waist while she jumped to her feet, the one on her scar running a thumb over the mauve flesh, and tugged her towards him. The gesture had startled her, though, and Kana tripped on her own ankle and would have tumbled to the floor in a tangle of limbs if Raido hadn't deftly maneuvered to catch her. She mumbled her thanks once her breath had returned as close to normal as it could with the tokujo wrapped around her body, and Raido leaned in to place a gentle kiss on her nose.

"Don't leave," he said in a low voice before brushing his lips against hers, "Don't hide from me."

The constant ball of stress that sat in her stomach uncoiled at his words. Kana practically melted into him, returning his affection as best as she could, as one of Raido's strong arms looped around her waist and pulled her against his impossibly warm body, the other cupping the side of her face to deepen the kiss.

Her body was lifted off of the floor so that only the sides of her knees rested against the wood, and Kana was acutely aware of the fact that she was entirely relying on Raido to support her weight even as she wrapped her own arms around his shoulders. Upon remembering how he reacted to being grabbed, she carefully redirected her hand to rest between his shoulder blades.

Even teeth nipped at her bottom lip with a husky groan as the kiss quickly transitioned into something rough, frantic – Kana gasped and slid her knees along the floor so that she was able to kneel properly, using the floor as leverage to push herself closer to the man, shaking hands unfastening the belt he wore and swiftly pulling it out of the denim loops and to the floor. She broke the embrace to allow Raido's hands to slide her turtleneck up over her head, immediately wrapping his arms around her body again to lift her off of the floor as he stood, one hand snaking around to the back of her thigh and hooking it around his hips.

Almost as soon as she had wrapped her legs around him, Kana was pinned against the wall with Raido's lips latched to her throat hungrily, trailing hard open-mouthed kisses along her skin that made her head swim. The only thing she could hear was the sound of fabric rustling and Raido's heavy, harsh breathing that heated her skin beneath his parted lips. Her hands clutched the black fabric around his shoulders desperately in an attempt to pull him impossibly closer, the building need throwing any coherent thought out of her mind as she tilted her head back to expose more of her neck to Raido.

Kana felt his teeth bite down on the tender flesh just below her ear just as his hands slid down to her rear, grinding his hips against hers with a groan – Kana felt a tremor run through her body and made another small mewling sound, snaking one hand from the expanse of his shoulders to clumsily tug a portion of the fabric out of the pants they were tucked into. He took the hint and, with one final, desperate rub into her hips he let her slide down his body until she was standing, though Raido still kept her small body pinned against the wall with his own.

Kana didn't care, she pulled at the bottom of his shirt to untuck it, her hands finding the smooth skin that was hidden beneath it. His body was warm, like an inferno was raging beneath his skin, and Raido gasped at the sensation of her cold fingers as they slid upwards. A voice in the back of her head told her to slow things down, that he had made it abundantly clear that he was insecure about his scars, but seeing his clothed chest rising and falling in front of her face as he panted noisily, his heavy lidded eyes looking down at her in a desperate expression, Kana realized there was no way she was going to be able to stop now and decided to just make the conscious effort to skirt around the left half of his body.

With her fingers scaling the length of his torso, she stood on the tips of her toes to meet Raido's slightly swollen lips in another hurried, passionate kiss. He groaned into her mouth when her teeth pulled at his bottom lip, the soft pink flesh feeling smooth and warm between her lips as she sucked on it. The man placed his forearm against the wall behind her for support, the other sliding to the back of her head to fist her hair roughly. Kana returned his aggressiveness as she hungrily kissed his neck, biting and sucking, feet solidly planting on the ground as she moved down towards his chest. Raido's grip loosened on her hair, simply holding her head against her body as it cupped the base of her head.

"I… Kana…" he muttered, his low voice rumbling in his broad chest, "I… Hnng," his words were cut off when her tongue swirled around a pebble-hard nipple, using her teeth to pull it gently. He moaned again when he realized that even though she kept one hand on his chest to stabilize herself, and to make sure that too much of the shirt wasn't raised, the other had continued its venture downward and lingered at the top of his pants, her index finger tugging gently at the top button.

She heard his breathing hitch when the top button popped open, and he rolled his hips forward so that his groin rubbed into her body – the movement caused Kana's hand to slide downwards and get pinned between their hips, where she could feel the hard bulge between his legs.

It was very warm, almost hot to the touch, and firmer than she thought it would be. She realized that Raido's harsh breathing had stopped completely as he held it in anticipation, so she experimentally angled her hand to the side, cupping her fingers around the length and giving it a tender squeeze. A soft, startled grunt escaped his lips and Kana squeezed the clothed erection again before rubbing it in a simple up and down rhythm as she desperately tried to emulate what she could remember from _Icha Icha_.

Raido shuddered beneath her hands and released a strained moan into her hair as his breathing finally returned in ragged, shallow pants; she realized that he was holding himself back, gauging her reactions and allowing her to take control of the situation, and noted that his level of self control was very impressive as she looked up into his face. He looked almost to be in pain – eyes screwed shut and mouth open, struggling to regulate his breathing.

When Kana's hand slipped under the band of his pants, her fingers passing through the neatly trimmed hair to wrap around the base of Raido's burning erection, his eyes snapped open the same moment his penis twitched in her palm, and the man swiftly removed his hand from the nape of her neck to firmly grasp her wrist, holding it in place.

The suddenness of his movement startled Kana and alarm flashed through her body – had she done something wrong?

"Do you want this?" he whispered huskily, looking down at her with an unreadable, intense gaze _._

 _'No, I know what that look is.'_

It was the same look he gave her every time he was aware that another bar patron was drunk enough to start making advances towards her, a silent promise to get her out of an unpleasant situation if she made it clear that she needed help. Even though they were alone in the privacy of Raido's apartment, with no drunken shinobi around to harass her, he was giving her that same cautious look.

The realization of what was happening hit her like a ton of bricks – she _wanted_ this. This entire time she only wanted to envelop herself in his body, to feel him hold her as tight as possible; Kana wanted – no, _needed_ – him and the comfort he provided. It had been so long since she had allowed anyone but Neji or Lee to even lay a hand on her that her skin felt parched and in need of physical affection.

But, at the same time, she was frightened. Kana was terrified of what it meant to expose herself to someone like that, both emotionally and physically, and wasn't sure if she wanted to bolt for the door or throw herself into Raido's arms. Just as there was something calming about just his presence, the feeling of his arms wrapped around her made her feel safer than Kana had felt since moving out of the barracks.

She felt her throat tighten, her breathing quickening into painful, ragged gasps as conflicted panic set in. Raido released her, pushing himself away from the wall, and held his hands up in front of her like one would with an injured wild animal. "It's okay," he assured her, "We can stop. It's over. Do you want to leave?"

Cursing him for being so damn understanding, Kana folded her arms over her chest, which was only covered by her athletic bra, and shrunk back into the wall as if she could somehow disappear into it. The wall insisted on being a solid piece of concrete that refused to accept her trembling body as a part of it, so she swallowed dryly against the growing lump in her throat and forced her breathing to even out. It required Kana to take a deep breath that she held until her lungs felt it was about to burst but, as she released it in a steady sigh, she found that both her heart rate and her breathing had fallen down to a normal pace.

Panic attack averted, she looked up at Raido and tried to not physically flinch at the worried, penitent look he was giving her.

"I'm sorry –"

She stopped when the tokujo shook his head hard enough for his loose spikes to shake, "Don't apologize. You have _nothing_ to apologize for," he said firmly.

Even if it was meant to be comforting, it only made Kana feel worse. She struggled to find the words to explain how she felt though, the more she struggled, the more distant a proper explanation seemed to get, like a paper caught in a strong breeze. Why was it so difficult for her to confide in others?

No, the question wasn't _why_. The kunoichi was entirely aware of _why_ she was such a mess – the question was how Kana had managed to allow it to get to the point to where she felt like expressing her thoughts to anyone outside of Neji and Guy was like undergoing the chunin exams with two severed legs and a broken arm with no teammates to support you.

Raido took a hesitant step forward and held out a hand in silent invitation; they both sighed heavily when Kana pushed off of the wall to wrap her arms around his torso. As he tightly embraced her, she realized he smelled like wood and musk under the scent of whatever body wash he had used in his shower earlier. It was a comforting smell – he smelled warm and inviting, like the Hidden Leaf itself, and the intensely tight muscles in Kana's back eased as she allowed herself to be enveloped by the only person in years that made her feel safe and completely at ease.

"Above all else, you're my friend," he murmured, "That's more important to me than what my dick wants, alright?"

The kunoichi buried her face in Raido's chest in both shame for losing her cool and in a need to be closer to him. He responded by tightening the arms around her shoulders and resting his cheek on the top of her head.

"I… I don't know how to…" Kana sighed again while gathering her thoughts, "I'm not good talking to people I haven't known since I was a child. So… If I say something…"

"Quit worrying about upsetting me," she heard him echo in a quiet, friendly voice before stepping back to nod towards the couch, "Though I _would_ like to sit down."

The kunoichi hummed in a wordless agreement, her own body feeling sore from all of the running done on her mission, and followed him to the couch. When Raido dropped down onto the cushions with his legs stretched over the coffee table she had half a mind to sit on the other end like she had earlier but, given the circumstances, Kana decided it wouldn't be too uncomfortable to sit close to him.

Raido's arms folded over his chest and his head dropped back to rest on the back of the sofa while patiently waiting for the jonin to start talking. While the expression he wore was somewhat expectant, it appeared less like he wanted her to rush to the point, and more like he was simply curious to hear what she had to say. When everyone else, especially Kotetsu, insisted that Kana pour her heart out and explain everything in detail, it was nice to have someone that was willing to slow down and wait.

Over the course of a couple of hours the two sat on the sofa and talked about everything that came to mind. Raido shared the story of how he lost both of his parents to the Nine-Tails over a decade ago, how he was forced to stay out of the fight due to the order given by the Hokage prohibiting younger shinobi from entering battle. It prompted Kana to talk about what it was like to basically raise Neji, who had also lost both of his parents before the age of five and having been forsaken by the rest of his family, and how it wasn't until Lee entered the picture that Kana finally let someone new in. They shared a good laugh when she explained that the reason she had grabbed his face was only out of habit born from years of dealing with the energetic genin.

It wasn't until Raido asked about her own family that she admitted to some of the more grotesque and secret rituals that the Shimi Clan participated in, including forcing Kana to murder her parents in what was a fruitless attempt at unlocking the other half to her coveted advanced bloodline trait. While clearly disquieted, it was obvious that Raido was disgusted with the rituals themselves rather than her actions. He admitted to hearing rumors about what went on within the compound but didn't fully believe them due to how completely outlandish they were.

On the note of rumors, Kana talked about Itachi, as difficult as it was, and how the loss of her best friend prompted her to close away from everyone. She explained how it was difficult to open up to anyone now that she had the ingrained fear of them being taken away at any moment, or them turning out to be a traitor, and he only nodded in silent understanding during the story. On a side note, she clarified that the reason she had panicked earlier was because years of self-induced isolation had resulted in her desperate for that kind of affection while simultaneously being afraid of feeling vulnerable.

He empathized with the feeling, elucidating the story of his scars, which came from a mission that went south due to a rogue shinobi on their team during the Third Shinobi World War. He had been tortured with fire jutsus and a unique ice-style kekkei genkai before a rescue squad came for him. If it hadn't been for Genma and Hayate he probably would have done the same thing, but was still cautious about letting people into his life after the war. In a side note of his own he said that he hadn't felt offended earlier by the scar comparison, he was just surprised that Kana was able to comfortably display it like that, as opposed to wanting to hide it like he did his own, and wasn't sure how to respond.

Raido then inquired about the "Kids" mentioned earlier, asking if Sasuke was one of them, and all Kana could do was nod tearfully. When she had regained her composure she explained how Sasuke had refused to find himself in her presence, but she still felt it was her duty to the memory of his mother and Shisui, who was also extremely fond of the child, to make sure he was taken care of.

It was as if an invisible weight had been lifted from her chest when they eventually fell silent, finally out of relevant memories and topics to share. They sat side-by-side, with Raido's arm slung around her shoulder and Kana's knees drawn up to her chest, for what felt like ages, simply appreciating each others' presence.

"Are you tired?" he asked when she stretched out her legs with a satisfied sound.

Kana shook her head and let her head fall back onto her shoulder, "Do you want me to go so you can get to bed?"

There was a brief pause where Raido looked as if he was mulling something over before he looked back down with a shy expression. "I wouldn't mind if you stayed the night, actually…"

Stayed the night? She blinked at him with what she hoped wasn't a look that betrayed just how stunned his response left her feeling. After three months of living in her own apartment Kana was still adjusting to sleeping outside of the barracks; would she be able to sleep in a bed that was owned by someone else entirely?

Her cheeks flushed at the thought. What if he just meant he'd like her to be in the apartment? There was no reason for her to just assume that he'd want to sleep anywhere other than on the couch in his living room.

What if he wanted to share a bed, though? Kana felt heat flare in her cheeks at the thought. She had slept with Raido before on missions, usually around a fire or huddled for warmth with their squad mates, but sleeping in his bed with him next to her? It was so… _Intimate_.

Oh, gods, what if he wanted sex? What if she ruined his night by having a nightmare? What if she woke up in the middle in the night and thought he was an enemy and tried to kill him? What if-

A warm, calloused hand covered hers, which had begun to almost violently twist and twirl locks of hair into a frizzy mess.

"I'm not trying to impose," Raido said quietly, "If you aren't comfortable with staying, I understand. If you want to stay, I won't try anything," his eyes drifted up to stare at the television, which was still muted and was now running some sort of infomercial, "I just-"

"Can we sleep at my place?" she cut in before he had the chance to explain what she already knew. Part of why Kana insisted on staying in the barracks for so long, other than the security of living in what was literally a secret hideout built into a mountain, was the comfort of knowing that you weren't sleeping alone. After spending however many days sleeping in the cold dirt with one eye open, there was something about sharing your space with someone you trusted that made sleep come much, much easier.

Raido's eyes widened infinitesimally in surprise, "Is that what you want?"

Jesus, was he taking politeness lessons from Genma? If she wasn't cool with it, she wouldn't have offered. Instead of responding with something snarky, though, Kana simply stood from the sofa and extended her hand like he had done earlier, saying, "I don't think I could sleep in a strange bed… But, it'd… Be nice… I mean, to have a friend to be with…"

The man offered another one of his quiet, gentle smiles and took her hand.

That night, with Raido's gentle snoring just inches away, Kana slept the best she had in a long time.

* * *

 **Note** : So I actually had most of this written ages ago (Hence the difference in writing, if you noticed it) and wasn't sure when I was gonna post it. I knew that I wanted to post the first night Rai and Kana actually hooked up (Even if they didn't go all the way), but didn't know if I would include it was a flashback, or a V-day special, or whatever. I figured since White Day is coming up I'll post it here as its own little standalone entry.

Soooo... *shrug* Here it is lol. I think Kana's sixteen, or recently turned seventeen, here. I never really cared to think that part through.


	32. A Konoha Family: Smiles

**Note:** This is just a short piece I got an idea for while listening to Konoha Peace and Fooling Mode from the Naruto soundtrack (TBH the entire franchise has amazing music to work to if you just need background noise). It's set sometime after Sasuke left the village. If you don't know what the Jonin v Genin event is, it's something that was made up for a OVA where they had basically the cast duking it out for each others' crystals, like the second stage of the Chunin Exams. It's a pretty cute non-canonical short story.

* * *

"Man, tha hospital's gonna be croooowded," Haru popped another dango into her mouth cheerfully, "You poor med-nin."

With a snort, Kana shook her head and swung her legs over the roof edge they were sitting on, "I'm not a doctor," she paused to sip some water, "Screw that."

It was the annual Jonin v. Genin event, so the village was in a total fuss as thousands of shinobi bounced around and lobbed shuriken at one another. This year included chunin and tokubetsu jonin for the second time, but Lady Tsunade didn't change the event name because it would have just been too much of a mouthful.

"Eh, we're not supposed to use anything too serious so I doubt it'll be that bad anyways," Totoro said after washing down his tempura with whatever drink he brought with him.

Haru shrugged in agreement and finished the last of the dango from the small bento box in her lap, "Man, cap'n, I don't see how Raido ain't fat, as good as yer cookin' is."

To her right, Totoro and Imai chewed their food just as happily. After everything that had happened in the last year, with Orochimaru's invasion and Sasuke's abandonment, having a day like this was a welcomed reprieve by everyone. It began with the intention to measure the skills of the genin ranks, which is why they were pitted against jonin, but it acted like a field day for the entire military force.

Unfortunately it meant that the entire village was shut down, and the Anbu members were left to their own devices for food. Lucky for them, Kana had access to Raido's kitchen and came prepared.

The kunoichi grinned sheepishly, a smile that her comrades could see since they were wearing their usual shinobi attire, and popped the last piece of crunchy tonkatsu into her mouth. Speaking of Raido…

"What the hell?!"

Kana jumped off of the building they were lounging on and nimbly landed atop the stack of books her most favorite tokubetsu jonin was carrying. While his response wasn't as loud as Genma's, he stuttered out a swear and a panicked look flashed across his face as he struggled to maintain his balance and not drop what was probably an already exceedingly heavy pile of books.

"How ya doing, Rairai?" she said cheerily, as if completely unaware of the strained look on her lover's face.

He shifted uncomfortably while finding his center of gravity with the additional hundred or so pounds readjusting herself so that she was crouching, "Uh…"

Kana's shit-eating grin, nearly identical to the one Anko wore when she was up to no good, expanded, "What's wrong?" she tilted her head to the side, "Looking kinda sweaty, honey. You doing okay?"

"I, uh, I'm just running errands for Lady Hokage…"

"Oh, wow, running errands _again_. Bummer. Guess that means you can't participate in the event, huh?"

Next to them, Genma began to snicker under his breath as he began to catch on to what was happening.

Raido released a huff, "Kitten… These books are really heavy…"

"Are they?" Kana leaned in just an inch to subtly throw off his balance, "Shame you have to carry them all over the village instead of playing the event, huh?"

The tokujo blanched and staggered back a step, "I-I guess… _Kitten_ -"

"Sooo you're not going to need your _crystal_ , huh?"

That was when the Anbu, observing the scene unfold from where they lounged on the rooftop, began to join in on Genma's laughter. Even Raido cracked a grin through his discomfort once he realized what she was getting at. "It's in my pocket," he gestured over his shoulder with his head, "Tokubetsu jonin just have red, though."

White hair bounced around her face as Kana carefully rolled off of the stack of books as to not put Raido under any more pressure. She slid her palm along the curve of his rear while reaching into his back pocket, getting in a good, discreet, squeeze before snatching the prize she was looking for and giggling quietly when Raido gasped in surprise. When Kana stood up on the very tips of her toes to kiss his neck, the closest she could get to his face with their height differences, she caught a glimpse of the sheepish blush that crossed his cheeks.

"Thaaaank you, Rairai," she sang before bounding away to join her mates.

As soon as Kana disappeared with the other Anbu in tow, the tokujos both took a moment to exchange looks with one another. Genma wiggled his eyebrows in time with his senbon, smirking as he did so, and Raido could only laugh quietly to himself with a shake of his head.

"If you told me three years ago that she was able to smile like that, I'd call you a damn liar," the younger of the two said once they started walking again.

A fond smile tugged at the corners of Raido's mouth. When they first met, Kana seemed to smile when her family was around – Neji and Lee, primarily – but, even then, there was a reserved look to it that always felt somewhat sad. Now, her smiles were broad and loud and radiated warmth.

"You used to smile like that, too," he answered, catching a sideways glance from his best friend.

Genma's eyes fell downcast for just a brief moment before he turned his head up towards the sky, something Raido noticed he typically did whenever he was reminded of Hayate. It made sense – the two always looked at each other like they were the sun. If you asked Raido, he would have said that no one loved anyone as much as those two did each other, which only made it even more of a tragedy that Hayate died before their either had a chance to truly explore anything.

"Yeah… I'm getting better, though." He looked back down to stare ahead as they rounded a corner, careful to avoid tripping on the kunai that littered the dirt path. "Don't let that happen to you two, Rai. Don't make the same mistakes I did."

Raido hummed in agreement. There was no way in hell.

* * *

The aftermath of Jonin v Genin was always hilarious.

Raido scanned the room while idly sipping his beer, taking in all of the varying expressions of the shinobi that came by the bar. Some looked let down, others were clearly embarrassed, others were proud of their performance, and others were teasing their friends. No matter how they did, it was clear that everyone in the restaurant was in high spirits from the fun event.

To his left, the magpies jumped up in their seats and waved around their empty pint glasses as if they were emergency flares, cheeks flushed and wearing identical toothy smiles. Raido was pretty sure that those to shared half of the same brain, with the way they were so in sync with one another; he just chalked it up to those two being conjoined at the hip for nearly twenty years.

He looked down at the woman currently passing an aluminum cap over to Aoba. It was a drinking game that Kana picked up during a mission that ended with them spending a couple of days in Suna, where you twist the piece of metal that hung off from the soju bottle cap. Once it was twisted so that it was straight, you flicked it and passed it to the next person, who also flicked it and, if you broke the piece off, the people next to you had to drink. Raido was pretty sure that Genma was cheating, because he seemed to be the only one at the table that looked completely sober.

Alternatively, Kana was nothing but smiles as she joined in on the cheering when some guy named Totoro broke the cap. Raido watched her pick up her shotglass to clink it against the others' before tossing her head back. He was pretty sure that only two people were supposed to be drinking, per the game's rules, but it looked like just about everyone at the table was too drunk to remember. When he and Genma taught her how to properly take shots that fateful night in the jonin bar, Raido had to admit that he had no idea that he would be sitting next to her, three years later, and watching her join in on drinking games with a crowd of people.

Then again, Raido didn't think he'd ever find himself sitting at a cluster of tables that had been shoved together to accompany what looked like a group of ten different Anbu. They weren't in their uniforms, but plain street clothes, which made the experience just that much more surreal.

He laughed at the story that the woman with the strange accent was telling about how one of their friends got stuck in a tree trying to sneak up on someone in another division. It felt a little hypocritical of him to think it, but Raido couldn't help but find himself surprised at how carefree the Black Ops members were as they talked amongst one another, laughing and telling stories. Everyone stereotyped them to be cold, ruthless killers that worked as machines for the village and only existed within the headquarters located within the mountain that housed the Hokage Memorial. Seeing them flashing smiles, sharing food and jostling each other with drinks in their hands was so... Human.

It was that moment that made him realize why Kana was so attached to her life as a member of Anbu. It wasn't just a career for them. It wasn't just a way of life that they were accustomed to. Watching his lover carefully aim her finger to flick the cap of a newly-opened bottle of soju, booing over the cheers when the aluminum bit didn't snap off, he understood why she didn't want to move out of the barracks just yet. There was something wholly organic about the happy air that surrounded them.

Raido was watching a _family_.

The lingering feelings of jealousy he held towards the Black Ops lessened significantly as he came to understand that. Raido couldn't blame her for not wanting to separate herself from her family for him. All he could do was feel a warmth in his chest at the promise Kana gave him the night he asked her to move in with him. She didn't say no, she only asked for a little more time.

Kana was willing to leave the barracks, leave this kind of daily interaction, for _him_.

The tokujo couldn't stop the broad smile that crossed his face as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders to pull her into his chest. Public displays of affection weren't really Raido's thing, as he always felt that intimacy was something that should be shared privately, so it was no shock when Kana made a small surprised noise in the back of her throat when he cupped her jaw with his free hand to turn it up towards his face. After a second, though, she relaxed bonelessly in his arms and allowed him to deepen the kiss with a curious hum.

"I love you, too," he heard her murmur, smiling into the kiss.

* * *

Many hours, and many shared bottles of soju later, Izumo found himself smushed between multiple bodies, with another arm draped over his chest.

His cheeks hurt from laughing, his body ached a little from the physical exertion that came from bounding around the village to start fights with people that looked like they wouldn't kick his and Ko's asses. Hour seven was when they ended up getting punched into the ground by a couple of jonin with the build of gorillas, but they had such a fun time laying elaborate traps and trading jabs with each other that they couldn't complain. Izumo was just glad that he didn't have a run-in with that kid from the Sand, who ended up being named Kazekage - he _clearly_ didn't understand the lighthearted nature of the event, because Izumo ended up limping away from that fight with four broken ribs and a fractured collarbone.

Today, though, he just had a few nasty bruises that you'd expect from any normal training session.

Next to him, Kotetsu sighed happily and snuggled closer into his lover's side. He fell asleep wrapped around Raido and Kana in some weird double-layer sandwich, but rolled back over to Izumo after an hour or so out of habit.

They stumbled back to Genma's apartment with the intention of sobering up before bed, but they just ended up collapsing on the tokujo's delightfully huge king-sized bed in a tangle of limbs. At some point they started stripping down to their underwear due to their cumulative body temperature being made worse by the effects of the copious amounts of booze that they had consumed earlier in the night, completely oblivious to the fact that skin-to-skin contact was the more efficient way of keeping warm, not cooling down. Raido made it a point to keep his t-shirt on, though he stripped away the athletic sleeve that covered what marred flesh peeked through his shirt.

With a soft mewling sound, Kana's eyes slowly blinked open as she was roused from sleep, probably from Kotetsu shifting around. She lifted her hand to clumsily push silver-white hair out of her face before propping herself up on her elbows to take in her surroundings. When she met Izumo's gaze, she offered a quiet, sleepy smile and reached over Kotetsu's body to place her hand over the one he had settled over Genma's back, in which he turned over to squeeze back.

Izumo watched Raido's eyes flutter open just long enough to reposition himself to that he was properly wrapped around his lover, sliding his leg between hers and scooting up to press their bodies flush. He placed a chaste kiss on her shoulder before falling back to sleep with a contented sigh, and the smile Kana wore expanded a little at the gesture.

She settled back down, head resting atop Kotetsu's so that her face was buried into his neck, and slid her glowing eyes back shut to resume sleeping.

Being a shinobi had its really shitty moments, Izumo wasn't going to lie. You had to watch your friends die, you had to watch your friends deal with the grief of _their_ friends dying, and there were a lot of times where you had to question if this was the right path for you.

However, it brought people together in ways that he was absolutely sure no other way could. It turned comrades into close friends, and close friends into family. Moments such as this, with the group of friends tightly wrapped around one another, stood testament to that.

He turned his face down to peer at Genma, who was draped over most of his body and had one arm tightly wrapped around Kotestu's waist. They lost a member of their family over a year ago, and Gen had been hurt the worst by it. But it didn't break them. Hayate was the one that brought them all together, in one way or another, but they loved each other enough to stick together even after he was taken out of their lives.

Izumo smiled softly at the ceiling as his eyes began to grow heavy with sleep.

They would always have each other.

Their weird little dysfunctional family.


End file.
